4
The day after Heine shows her commitment.
“Too hot!”
Inside the newly boosted power plant, Heine, slick with sweat, makes note of the obvious.
The flames she was able to produce by combining her full focus with the dragon’s sorcerer stone were impressive.
How impressive, you ask? So impressive that she was able to raise the temperature of Hideout City by several degrees.
And even more impressive is…
“…What do you mean, ‘too hot’? Aren’t you the pillar of the Elite Four who’s dedicated to fire?”
…Heine. Her glistening, sun-kissed curves are too alluring for words.
In video games, her sort of character usually gets a lot more energetic in extreme heat.
“What are you talking about? Russell would drown if you sank him in a pond. I mean, sure, I have a bit more fire resistance than your average demon, but…there’s a reason I dress like this, you know.”
Heine then motions to herself rather suggestively.
“You dress provocatively so that your enemies lower their guards, right? Our female mutants do the same thing, more or less.”
“No, you idiot! I wear less because fire is hot! If I wore layers, and they caught on fire, that’d be a huge problem!”
Oh. And here I thought she was supposed to be “the sexy one” among the Elite Four. I guess her outfit had a more pragmatic purpose.
…For some reason, Snow then turns her gaze away, as though faintly uncomfortable.
“What’s the reasoning behind your outfit, Snow?”
“…Because the orcs and goblins that make up the bulk of the Demon Lord’s Army prefer to take women as prisoners rather than kill them. If you increase the amount of skin that’s showing, they do their best to avoid damaging their prey, and it raises the chances of survival. The reason our kingdom’s female soldiers don’t wear helmets is to let the enemy know they’re women.”
All right, now that sounds a lot more like what Kisaragi’s female mutants do.
“H-hey! Stop talking like orcs and goblins are sexual deviants! They’re actually pretty nice guys on the whole. Even then, I can’t believe you’re using the fact that you’re a woman as a weapon. How shady…”
“There’s nothing shady in war! What’s wrong with using everything at our disposal when our lives are on the line?! Besides, you yourself use your gender as a weapon as well!”
Not wanting to enter the sweltering power plant, Snow points at Heine from the safety of the doorway.
“I-I’m using my womanhood as a weapon?! As if! Where’s your proof?!”
“The fact that you’re still alive is all the proof I need! If you were a man, Six wouldn’t have let you escape all those times we fought! He would’ve finished you off a long time ago!”
At those words, Heine glares at me.
“Hey, Six, answer me. If I were—”
“If you were a guy, I obviously would’ve never hesitated to kill you. Kisaragi already has too many dudes as it is. I’ve even openly said I’d be totally fine if we culled some of our other agents.”
I answer before she finishes her question, and Heine looks thoroughly taken aback.
“…I see. I guess I should be more appreciative that I’m a woman… Sigh. Still, it really is hot in here. My goodness…”
Heine slumps her shoulders and returns to work.
“So why are you here anyway? There’s no need to keep an eye on me. The promise of slightly better treatment is motivation enough. Plus, once I finish charging this thing, we’ll be able to take down the Sand King, right? If we can really kill that bastard, I’m going to pour all my efforts into getting us the opportunity.”
Heine then holds out her hands to produce more fire.
“I don’t have anything else to do, so I figured I’d come appreciate your glistening ass.”
“Get outta here! You’re a bother, so leave! And stop looking at my ass!”
Heine peppers me with insults, but she’s currently a slave. There’s no need for me to do as she asks.
As I plop down on the ground and continue ogling her, Heine lets out an exasperated sigh.
“…This imbecile aside, why are you here?”
Snow smirks at Heine’s words.
“I heard you were being worked to the bone, so I thought I’d come see. As a knight of the kingdom of Grace, I have a duty to defend the country. Since I can’t trust demons, I’m not going to relax my vigilance in watching you.”
“You speak of duty, but weren’t you blackout drunk yesterday when the Sand King attacked?”
Sweat beads on Snow’s brow at my remark, and she fans herself in an exaggerated manner to try to distract from it.
“Wow, it sure is hot in here… A frozen dessert would hit the spot, I bet. I got one from the cafeteria short while ago, but I heard they taste better in a hot room like this.”
…Ohhh, now I get why she’s here.
“A frozen dessert…? H-hey, don’t eat that in here. Or at least, do it where I can’t see you!”
“I can eat what I want, when I want, where I want! Oh, do you want some?”
Snow scoops a spoonful of ice cream, then pops it in her mouth in front of Heine’s eyes.
Then, she takes out a second spoon that she went to the trouble of obtaining, scoops up some more ice cream, and slowly moves the spoon toward Heine’s mouth.
“Here, open wide.”
Snow smiles and offers the ice cream with a gentle tone.
“Huh?! O-oh, b-but, um… Okay then, aaahhh…”
The treat melts before it even touches Heine’s lips.
“Whoa! That’s impressive, Heine of the Flames! Your flames are so powerful that the ice cream melted!”
“…I’ll eat it myself, so hand that over.”
“I was only going to give you one bite. And that bite already melted. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That expression! That’s the real treat! Entertain me more!”
As Heine trembles with rage, Snow clutches her sides and howls with laughter.
I mean, sure, they have a history that includes melting one of Snow’s swords, but still, what a sadist.
…Not that I’m one to talk, but man, Snow’s totally rotten to the core. She might be beyond saving.
“What the hell, you two?! Right now, I’m working hard so that you can defeat the Sand King! I’m telling Alice that you’re getting in my way!”
Dammit, she’s only been here a few days, and she already knows the power dynamics of this place.
Snow and I exchange glances and nod…
“We’ll let you go today. Make sure you show your ass off more tomorrow!”
“I need you to work as hard as my poor, melted blade. Prepare for more teasing tomorrow!”
Making remarks that sound vaguely like thuggish threats, we exit the power plant.
month/?? day
Heine snitched, and Alice cut off my allowance.
I’m back at the power plant to give Heine a piece of my mind, but…
“Well, well, you really did it this time, Heine. Thanks to you, Alice cut me off.”
“Tch, yeah. Alice told me to either pay everything I owe her immediately or to kneel and prostrate myself before her, so I wound up bowing and worshipping her when I didn’t want to.”
“Y-you receive an allowance from a child…? Also, there’s something weird about owing a kid so much money that you have no choice but to worship them…”
Heine’s totally repulsed, but this is all her fault to begin with.
“You make it sound as if you had nothing to do with it, but we’re here to take our revenge.”
“Yeah, I hope you’re ready. Heh-heh. Demons are the enemy! All right, Six, bring it out!”
At Snow’s command, I produce the space heater I grabbed from the hideout.
Heine tilts her head quizzically as she continues producing flames.
“Do you know what this is, Heine? This is state-of-the-art heating equipment from my planet!”
“It’s hot in here right now, but we’re about to make it even hotter! Heh-heh-heh. But hey, you’re an elite fire demon, right? It’s not like you’re gonna beg us to stop, riiiiight?”
As we squat in front of the space heater and flash smug grins at Heine, she wears a faintly perplexed expression.
“Have you learned nothing from yesterday? If you interrupt me, Alice is going to get mad at you again. Or have you come up with some sort of good excuse this time?”
“Heh-heh, the mistake is assuming we’re here to interrupt your work. All we’re doing is enjoying the warmth of this facility. Where we warm ourselves up has nothing to do with you, no?”
“Exactly. This isn’t hazing; we’re just trying to stay warm. Ha-ha-ha! Don’t underestimate human intellect! Just sit there and suffer, Heine of the Flames!”
Heine stands there frozen in shock, likely blown away by the brilliance of our plan.
Ten minutes later.
“…Hey, are you two okay? Your faces are all red, and you’re sweating like crazy. I think you’re getting dehydrated.”
Heine’s sweating a little bit, but Snow and I are about to pass out.
“…Why do you seem so unfazed?”
“I’m hot, too. But I already told you I have some natural fire resistance… Um, are you sure she’s okay?”
Hearing that, I look over at Snow and notice she’s got a thousand-yard stare going on, and her face is red as a chili pepper.
I have power armor that helps regulate my body temperature for environments with extreme weather, but I’m pretty sure Snow’s nearing the danger zone.
Snow snaps out of her stupor when she hears us talking about her, but she must’ve realized the dangerous game she was playing because she stands up in a hurry.
“Y-you’re off the hook for today! …Let’s go, Six! If we stay in here any longer, we’ll die!”
“Dammit! I’ll get you next time!”
I fire a verbal parting shot straight from the Kisaragi manual, scoop up Snow, who’s swaying from side to side, grab the heater, and leave.
The moment we step through the door, I hear Heine mutter to herself.
“…I lost to these guys…?”
month/?? day
“I brought something nice for you. Heine, how are you faring? Is the work tolerable?”
Viper comes in to cheer up Heine, bearing ice cream.
“Lady Viper, I’m all right for now! I’ve started to get used to the heat, and I’ve even gotten permission to burn a couple of insects the next time they interrupt my work.”
Heine points in my direction when she mentions the “insects.” Seeming satisfied with herself, she puts on a cheery smile and takes a bite of the ice cream.
“These people may be immeasurably cruel and heartless, but their food sure is tasty, isn’t it, Lady Viper?”
“Yes, their food is good. But I think they’re nice people, Heine.”
As Viper exhibits her total lack of perception, I debate whether or not I should voice my agreement.
Heine may have undying loyalty to Viper, but this is one thing she can’t bend on.
“So what are you doing here, Mr. Six?”
“I’m watching Heine… That’s an excuse, though. I just figured if I was here, the other agents wouldn’t harass her. They’re starving for women, so there’s no telling what they’d do.”
“You’re the most dangerous one from where I’m standing… Wait, where are you looking…?”
Even against Heine’s rude remark, I don’t avert my gaze.
“Your ass, of course. I mean, you can’t put the goods on display and then complain when I check out the merchandise. You’re practically wearing a swimsuit. Now that you’re a Kisaragi slave, that ass is ours for the ogling.”
“Hey, no, stop staring. My butt is my own… Lady Viper, will you still claim they’re all good people after hearing that? This man’s worthless. I’d stay far away from him if I were you.”
Viper simply chuckles at our back-and-forth.
“You two seem to be getting along rather famously to me.”
“Lady Viper, you can’t be serious. This man is my enemy.”
“All right, come at me. Even though you’re our lowest-ranking member, it looks like you still don’t know your place,” I say to Heine.
Heine’s right, though. Viper’s really bad at reading people.
When I was with Rose, Viper mentioned something about us acting like siblings. Maybe she’s just been too sheltered to know any better.
“…Really? You think that you, a mere human, can beat me now that I have a dragon’s sorcerer stone?”
“Oops, you said ‘mere human.’ That’s one of the lines forbidden by the Kisaragi manual. You just doomed yourself to lose.”
……
“I don’t quite know you’re talking about, but I know you’re making fun of me. Well if you’re going that far, step right up. I’ll vaporize you using my dragon’s sorcerer stone!”
“Oh yeah?! I’ve got the former Demon Lord Vi on my side! I won’t lose to a former Elite Four member like you!”
“Whaaat?!”
Viper lets out a cry of surprise as she’s suddenly added into the fight like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“Wh-why would Lady Viper get involved?! This is a one-on-one duel between you and me!”
I affectionately wrap my arm around Viper’s shoulder.
“Vi, Vi, your former subordinate keeps picking a fight with me. Can you give her a stern talking-to? Right now, I can only sleep at night. I’m too afraid of her randomly attacking me to sleep any other time.”
“Ummm… Heine, please don’t pick on Mr. Six…”
“Lady Viper, please don’t be fooled by his random words! He’s the one who comes to pick on me! And damn you, Six, don’t casually touch Lady Viper like that! If you keep interrupting my work, I’ll tell Alice!” Heine protests, cheeks flushed. Having her telling Alice would be a problem.
“All right, fine. You’re off the hook for now. Vi, I’m bored. Will you play with me? The usual, of course. Just the two of us.”
“Yes, gladly!”
As I try to leave with the now-beaming Viper, Heine calls after us.
“L-Lady Viper? Um, what does he mean when he says ‘play’ and ‘the usual’ with ‘just the two of us’?”
With my arm around Viper’s shoulder, I turn to Heine, who looks nervous all of a sudden.
“It’s not a big deal. We do all sorts of things together, and Viper shows me the ropes. It’ll be nice to get this craving outta my system, so let’s get a move on.”
“Yes, let’s. I wasn’t very confident in my ability at first, but I’ve really been enjoying myself lately.”
“…?!”
month/?? day
One of the dime-a-dozen agents lets out a yelp.
“Oh my god! Ms. Heine is so damn sexy!”
The power plant—my little slice of heaven—is now filled with Combat Agents slacking off.
“Damn… A busty, dark-skinned demon beauty getting all sweaty…”
“I’m so glad I came to this planet… I don’t think I want to go back to Earth anymore.”
Hearing the untoward observations, Heine pumps out flames as though taking her frustration out on the boiler.
Near her, cackling with great satisfaction is—
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Look at all this money, Six! You have to admit this is a genius business plan!”
Snow cradles the box of money she made selling tickets to the Heine show.
I have to admit, it was a pretty good scheme.
Heine, begrudgingly staying on task, lets out a whisper.
“…Just so we’re clear, if you’re going to use my ass to make money, you better give me a cut.”
It looks like she’s given up on trying to prevent people from looking, and now she’s angling for a piece of the pie for herself.
As expected from a former pillar of the Elite Four. She’s tougher than I’ve been giving her credit for.
During the exchange between Snow and Heine, the expendables politely sit in a row and to watch attentively.
“I think I’m gonna vote for Ms. Heine on the next Kisaragi Supreme Leader popularity poll. She’s technically a supreme leader. Sure, there’s a former before her official title, and she was technically on the enemy side when she held it, but still.”
“Me too, me too.”
“Actually, I’m told she’s a Kisaragi slave. Does that mean we can do pervy things to her?”
“No, we’re not allowed to do pervy things to slaves on this planet.”
“A slave we can’t do pervy things to isn’t a slave at all! Why didn’t we just take Ms. Heine as a prisoner of war?! We could’ve done whatever we wanted under the guise of interrogation!”
“Six, you idiot! You stupid, useless moron! You could’ve handled things way better!”
The peons rattle off complaints without a second thought.
“It’s not my fault. It’s all Lady Lilith’s doing. The reason everything’s so chaotic is because the old Demon Lord died thanks to her carelessness.”
“I’m definitely putting in a negative score for Lady Lilith in the next poll.”
“Me too, me too.”
“You’re all starting to get on my nerves. If you’re just going to get in the way, then leave! I’m trying to take my work seriously!”
Heine finally loses her cool, but here comes Viper with snacks.
“Wh-what’s wrong, Heine? What’s going on here…?”
Seeing the row of Combat Agents sitting down, Viper tilts her head curiously.
“Lady Viper, they’ve come to slack off and ogle me! That white-haired woman is even charging admission…!”
Heine begins complaining to Viper, but Snow simply snorts.
“Hmph, what’s wrong with making a show of demons who lost the war? The money that your behind brings in will go toward donations for the war victims. You’re not actually complaining about that, are you?”
It’s a pretty ridiculous way of phrasing it, but I guess Heine feels a bit guilty about the lack of reparations, and she bites back her retorts. Snow’s words may sound noble, but I know what she’s really thinking. She’s probably going to call herself a victim of war by citing the loss of her magic swords, and she’ll pocket all the money.
But just as I think this, something unexpected happens.
“…I see, I see. In that case, I’ll take my clothes off and put on a show in Heine’s stead. Then you can distribute the money you make to the victims—”
“What the—?! Vi! Hey, Vi!”
Without missing a beat, Viper begins undoing the buttons of her top.
“Lady Viper, please don’t believe this white-haired woman’s words! …Hey!”
“Ms. Snow’s run off with the money!” yells one of the agents.
“I guess she freaked out because the situation started getting dicey! Someone call Alice! We’ll tell her everything!” says another.
month/?? day
Since any further interruptions will slow down the hunt for the Sand King, Rose, now healed, has been assigned to guard Heine.
By that, I mean Rose is also breathing fire on the boiler to speed things up.
Now that Heine’s come up with the idea of fencing herself off, there’s nothing to see.
As for me, I still don’t have access to my allowance, so I’m effectively grounded.
I guess I could go gather some mipyokopyoko eggs like Snow was doing the other day.
Grimm, the only other person who could treat me to a night out, is still dead.
Mr. Destroyer’s batteries are currently around 80 percent full.
It can move around fine as is, but due to the designer’s intent, Mr. Destroyer’s power level changes depending on its charge. Our preference is to have it fight at about 120 percent.
Heine continues producing flames day in, day out, while Viper and I start making progress on that terrible game. And just as we advance into the final levels…
…Mr. Destroyer finishes charging.
[Status Report]
The expansion of Hideout City is progressing smoothly.
Recently, we’ve completed a water-treatment facility and a power plant, and our quality of life continues to improve.
It’s nice that both facilities are very eco-friendly and low-cost.
Mr. Destroyer’s done charging, so we’ll be attempting to defeat the Sand King tomorrow.
A Heine Fund has been established and will be distributed to the war victims.
At Alice’s urging, we’ve also started a Snow Fund, but it hasn’t done brought in much money. I guess the gap in model quality is too great.
Also, using Fermat’s Last Theorem as a solution to a game puzzle is cruel.
Vi spent hours puzzling over it, only to have Alice solve it right before her eyes. It took a long time for her to stop apologizing and calling herself useless.
All right, I’ll send another report after we’ve defeated the Sand King.
Reporting Agent:
Combat Agent Six
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