4
The next day.
“I’m not entirely sure it’s safe to go with just myself and the useless Lady Lilith, so I brought along some help.”
“I’m the hired help, Patrasche.”
“Are you mocking me?!”
I introduce Patrasche to Lilith at the hideout’s front gate and promptly get yelled at.
“Why are you so angry, Lady Lilith? This one’s the most competent out of my various troops.”
“My signature move is an arm lock from a mounted position after a tackle.”
After her introduction, Patrasche strikes a fighting pose.
“No, that’s not what I’m talking about! Who is this mutant fursuit girl?”
Patrasche, aka Rose, really seems to like her fursuit, so she’s been living as Patrasche even after the Undead Festival.
“There’s a deep reason for this. See, she usually spends her days as an old man’s pet.”
“A-an old man’s pet?! What the hell does that mean?! Based on the voice, that’s a young girl in there, isn’t there?”
Kisaragi has a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to sex crimes against children.
Seems Lilith has jumped to the wrong conclusion and looks extremely angry.
“No, you’ve got the wrong idea, Lady Lilith. She’s a growing girl and eats a lot, so we’re fooling the old man and having him feed her.”
“I even get dessert.”
“I can’t understand what the heck you’re trying to say! Despite having one of the greatest minds in human history, I can’t make heads or tails of what you’re talking about! This planet really is just full of nonsense!”
Evidently, this is all too much for Lilith to process, and she’s cradling her head, letting out a cry of despair.
I mean, sure, we’re scamming the old man, but it’s a harmless white lie that leaves everyone happy. No harm, no foul.
“She may look kind of ridiculous, but when it comes to combat, she can give me a run for my money.”
“I’m ready to go, ma’am! I’m also ready to gnaw on the boss as needed!”
Ignoring Rose, Lilith turns her back on us.
“I’m not going to try to make sense of this anymore! Let’s head to the ruins!”
Rose and I follow Lilith as she starts toward the woods.
“Oh, as an aside—in an emergency, she’s got a breath attack.”
“Fire breath, to be specific.”
“Wait, I can’t just ignore that! What’s that all about? Just who are you, Patrasche?!”
I’m giving Rose the rundown on Lady Lilith as we make our way to the ruins.
“So Lady Lilith is the one responsible for sending me to this planet. That’s why I planned to get a little revenge by fooling her into coming here as well, but she’s been totally useless ever since she arrived.”
Once this mission’s over, both Lilith and I are heading back to Earth.
Given Lilith’s usual shyness and her introvert’s tendency to misjudge how close she is to people, it looks like she’s decided not to make friends with Rose, seeing as she’ll probably have to leave too soon afterward.
“There are spots here and there that I don’t quite understand, but essentially, without Lady Lilith’s orders, Boss wouldn’t have come to this kingdom, right?”
Despite being inside a cumbersome animal suit, Rose cuts us a path through the obnoxiously deep woods.
…I don’t know if it’s because she’s a highly adaptable Chimera, but I’m impressed. How is she able to waltz through these woods like that?
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. You know, I really thought I was done for, given that she teleported me way up into the air. I was so angry that I swore if I ever got back to Earth, I’d grope Lady Lilith until she cried.”
At my last sentence, Lilith, who’s been keeping her distance, shudders.
The Supreme Leader responsible for tricking me into coming to this place hurriedly begins making excuses.
“S-Six, wait just a moment. There was a good reason for that. The first teleportation always has a margin of error. If you wound up inside the planet or deep under the sea, you’d have no chance of survival. And when it comes to teleporting you onto the surface, it’s impossible to do so near the ground. But if we sent you up into the sky, it’d be at a height from which you could survive a fall. Neither you nor Alice would fall fast enough to burn up in the stratosphere.”
……Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!
“Wait, what’d you just say? You teleported us into the stratosphere on purpose?! If you’d sent me a little higher, I would’ve been in space, dammit!”
Lilith trembles as I approach but continues speaking.
“Y-you still would’ve survived that! You Combat Agents have enough modifications to survive around three minutes even in deep space! Even if you’d ended up there, I figured the planet’s gravity would catch you in time. B-besides, it worked out in the end, so I was right!”
This damn brat is really trying to turn this on me now!
Despite her excuses, this boss from hell seems to realize she’s at a disadvantage, as she backs away, eyeing me warily.
“You really think I’m just gonna let you make me out to be the unreasonable one here?! Listen, short stack, I’m definitely groping you till you cry!”
“Did you just call your boss a short stack?! I’m going to tell Astaroth about this at the Supreme Leader meeting and have her yell at you… W-wait, Six! Okay, why don’t we talk?! What do you want? Do you want me to set something up for you?”
The boss from hell, well aware she’s getting nowhere, begins trying to negotiate as I stomp closer.
“As a Supreme Leader, I have a fair bit of influence, you know… Stop! Don’t come any closer! Y-you sure about this?! You wanna fight?! You know I’ll kick your ass, right?!”
Lilith, with a pleading expression, opens her lab coat so she can quickly deploy her tentacles in a show of intimidation, but at that moment…
…a soft chuckling emerges from the fursuit, which looks completely out of place in the middle of the woods.
While I can’t see her expression because of the getup, Rose is quaking with laughter.
“Ah-ha-ha-ha… You know, Lady Lilith and Boss, you two are less like supervisor and subordinate and more like friends!”
“Hold on there, Mutant Fursuit Girl, this useless Combat Agent is more like a failure of a younger brother than a friend. Do you have any idea how much trouble this man causes me…?”
“Say what?! Why am I, your literal senior, the younger brother, you useless boss?! I constantly get stuck with missions that are basically putting out your brush fires! I’m the one being screwed by you!”
As the two of us exchange close-range insults, Rose keeps laughing.
“I feel like I’m watching a fight between you and Snow, Boss. I mean, I have to thank you, Lady Lilith! If you’d sent someone else instead of the boss here…it’s possible we’d have been monster food by now!”
……
Rose drops a pretty heavy endorsement despite her cheery demeanor, and the two of us feel our hostility melt away as we exchange glances.
“Hey, Six, this fursuit girl… In contrast to her dumb appearance, she’s saying some pretty deep stuff.”
“Well, she’s got a bit of a history herself. The reason she’s dressed like this is because she’s pretending to be the dead pet of an old man who doesn’t have much time left.”
Hearing this, Lilith turns to Rose, whom she’d been avoiding until now.
“…Six, does that mean Patrasche might be the most normal of your subordinates?”
“Well, for one thing, when she’s hungry, she has no problem eating orc meat. Hell, she even tried to devour me once… Still, she’s our squad’s conscience.”
……
“Wait, I just heard something I can’t ignore. When you say she tried to ‘devour you,’ did you mean that in a pervy way?”
“Nope, I meant it in the food way. She literally tried to eat me.”
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login