Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 2 - Chapter 3.4

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[Desert Crossing: Day One] 

As the desert sun beats down on me, I force my heavy legs onward. 

“Why’s it so hot ?!” Snow complains for the umpteenth time today, her mildly inspirational remark from last night long forgotten. 

“Shut up! We’re all roasting here. Your complaining’s just making it feel hotter!” 

The mystical night gave way to a blazing sun. After basking in a feeling of comradery last night, right now we’d be at each other’s throats if we weren’t busy being burned alive. 

“Speaking of things that feel hotter, your armor! Take that damned black armor off! Just looking at you makes me feel hotter!” 

“This thing’s equipped with a body-heat adjuster! It makes trudging through the desert at least a little bit more bearable!” 

My power armor is a useful piece of equipment that makes it easier to sleep outdoors even during broad daylight in the desert or the extreme cold of the Arctic. 

Of course, it’s been years since I had it properly maintained, so the internal cooler isn’t working as well as it ought to, but I’m probably still better off than the others. 

“Wh-what…?! You son of a…! Let me have a piece of that armor! Even if it’s just the breastplate!” 

“There’d be no point. This armor’s made for my body and my body only. If you’re so damn hot, why don’t you just strip naked?” 

We begin a futile argument in the middle of the Tezan Desert. 

“Will you two stop? Arguments will just make you hungrier and thirstier! Come on! It’s not that far! Let’s just get through this!” Rose maintains a positive attitude while carrying the motionless Grimm on her back. It’s only the first day of our march, but Grimm’s already dead weight. 

“Yeah! Listen to Rose. She’s the youngest here, but she’s been the most mature. You’ve been bitching the loudest here.” 

“Grimm was a lot louder until just a few minutes ago!” 

As a follower of a dark god and basically half-undead, Grimm and the sun aren’t exactly friends. The intense sunlight quickly dried her out and knocked her out of the march. We covered her with a hood to avoid mummifying her, but I’d like to revive her as soon as possible. 

“I suppose the one bright side to this desert march is that we don’t have to worry about water. I don’t need it, but the rest of you will die without it. Even if we only have one, this fruit is a saving grace,” Alice says cheerfully from the front of our convoy as she turns the fruit over in her palm. 

Snow looks at her curiously. “You know, I’d heard about Alice, but I had trouble believing she was a golem. She doesn’t look much different from a human at first glance…” 

“Technically, I’m not a golem, but whatever. Close enough.” 

Currently we’re having Alice guide us using her internal map. She’s also rationing our water. If we didn’t have her along, we’d have gotten lost in the middle of the desert and ended up as vulture food. 

Unlike a rapidly mummifying archbishop, my partner’s plenty useful here and there. 

“The water is great, but I’d like something to eat, too…” 

“…True. If worse comes to worst, we can eat monsters we encounter. Survival is a core skill for a Combat Agent. We can’t be too picky about what we eat when survival’s at stake. Let’s eat the next monster we run into! Got it?” 

My tone leaves no room for argument, and the others nod meekly in response. 

[Desert Crossing: Day Two] 

“Nope, nope, nope, nope. Can’t do it! This thing’s still got the head on! I mean, I can’t eat a humanoid!” 

“Boss, you were the one who said we’re eating the next monster we run into! Please don’t be a picky eater. You’ll die if you don’t eat.” 

“Where’s your usual bravado? How pathetic. Rose, pry his jaws open. I’ll force the food down his throat.” 

In the middle of the moonlit desert, we’re currently stewing orcs in a pot. 

“Anything but orcs! I mean, we can talk to these things!” 

As I try to resist Rose’s superhuman strength, Snow smiles reassuringly toward me. “Oh, there’s nothing to worry about. While orcs in the Demon Lord’s Army can speak the common tongue, wild orcs can only speak barbarian languages. You can’t actually converse with them, so you can eat them without guilt.” 

What? No, that’s not the issue here! 

“Alice, help! They’re trying to make me eat orc!” 

“Relax. I’ve checked the composition. It’s quality protein. It’s not poisonous, either. You’ll be fine.” 

I’m saying I can’t eat intelligent life! 

“You usually eat worse at the bar! Why are you suddenly so squeamish about eating orc now ?” 

“That’s right, Boss. You usually devour things even I struggle with! Orcs are nothing in comparison!” 

Wait, what? “W-wait, what do I usually eat? What the heck is so bad even Rose struggles with it?” I ask reflexively, opening my mouth. 

Snow takes the moment to press the orc to my lips. “Here, I’ll feed it to you. Say ahh…” 

“Stop! I can’t do orc! Gaaaah! At least feed me the shoulder instead of the head!” 

[Desert Crossing: Day Three] 

We’ve switched over to taking shelter from the sun during the day with our tent and marching during the cold nights. 

So currently we’re hiding from the blazing sun. 

“Hey, Six. The situation’s getting pretty bad. I need you to do something for me,” Alice says with a serious expression inside the sweltering tent. 

“Go on.” 

“Go pull down Snow’s panties,” Alice requests out of the blue. 

“What the hell?” I shout at her. “Alice! Get it together! You’re the only reliable one in this group!” 

“All right, partner. I’ve got this.” 

“What? No, you don’t ‘got this’! Get away from me! Alice, did the heat break you?!” 

“Boss, what are you doing in the middle of an emergency? Miss Alice, don’t egg him on at a time like this!” 

Alice maintains her level expression despite complaints from Snow and Rose. “Listen carefully. Each time Six does an evil act, he gets points in response. And with those points in hand…” 

“““Ohhh!””” 

Of course. Why didn’t I think of this before? It’s not like I have to limit my villainy to the city. There’s a perfect target right here. 

I turn to face Snow and say with a serious expression. “You must be hot. I’ll help you out of your clothes.” 

“Go to hell!” 

As I try to forcefully strip her, Snow draws her swords and drops into a stance. 

“Could you not do that in this crowded tent? Please, Boss, Miss Snow, calm down! Let’s save it until we’re out of options!” 

We manage to calm the situation temporarily thanks to Rose’s desperate attempts to restrain us, but… 

“I feel like we’re out of options as it is… Besides, it’s not like Snow and I haven’t engaged in friendly groping or underwear grabbing in the past.” 

“Shut up! Stop talking! Besides, if things get that desperate, I shouldn’t be the only sacrifice! We’ll draw lots! Rose, you’re taking part, of course.” 

“What?!” 

Watching our argument from the side, Alice gestures me over. 

“…?” I approach, puzzled, and Alice jerks her thumb toward the sleeping Grimm’s skirt. 

…… 

<Evil Points Acquired> 

“S-Six! You’re not going to—?! That’s low… That’s too much for me…!” 

“B-Boss… That’s awful…” 

“N-no you have the wrong— I’m only doing this because Alice told me to…!” 

Snow and Rose stare coldly at me as I hike up Grimm’s skirt. 

[Desert Crossing: Day Four] 

There aren’t many monsters around the desert at night. 

We’re starting to have trouble finding food, but I still can’t stomach orc. 

I tried to replenish my Evil Points by hiking up Grimm’s skirt again, but apparently sexually harassing a woman who’s no longer breathing isn’t considered villainy, it’s just really messed up. 

For a moment, I suspect that Astaroth’s watching us from far away, back on Earth. 

Sigh. I guess I’ll hike up the skirts of the conscious ones. 

[Desert Crossing: Day Five] 

We didn’t run into any monsters today, either. 

Snow glances over at me, as if she has something she wants to say. 

Rose looks at me with a different expression. 

Actually, in Rose’s case, she’s not just looking at me, but occasionally casts a glance at the unmoving Grimm. 

Oh, come on, if you have something to say, just say it already. 

Damn, I’m hungry. I could probably even eat orc now. 

I remember that I was able to get equipment despite ending up with a negative point balance. I try it again, but don’t get anything this time. 

What’s the deal? I was able to get an advance last time. 

I still can’t shake the feeling Astaroth’s behind this. 

I’m gonna use her to farm Evil Points when I get back to Earth. 

[Desert Crossing: Day Six] 

Snow asks why I wasn’t hiking up Grimm’s skirt. 

She says because it’s an emergency, she’ll let it pass, then turns to look outside the tent. 

Wow, she just sold out Grimm. 

When I explain I no longer get points for hiking up an unconscious woman’s skirt, she states she’ll take one for the team. 

I try hiking up Snow’s skirt, but I don’t get any points. 

I remember that points don’t get added if the target doesn’t mind. I ask if she’s enjoying having her skirt hiked up, and we almost get into a deathmatch. 

Hunger definitely makes your heart shrivel. 

Lately, Rose won’t even try to stop our fighting. If anything, she starts looking at me as if she hopes something will happen. I feel like I’ve seen that look before. 

Oh. That’s right. I remember. That’s how the mutant Spider Woman looked at me. She was known for being a man-eater. 

I’ve heard that when people are stuck in a dangerous situation, the survival instincts get stronger, and that leads to an increased libido. 

Ah. So that’s why Rose looks so dangerous. She’s feeling frisky. Relax; I’m feeling that way, too. 

Dammit. Tent life is hard. There’s no privacy at all. 

I try hiking up Grimm’s skirt. No points, as expected. 

What’s the deal with this system? 

Actually, I feel like I’ve heard that point gains are influenced by emotional states. 

Is the problem the fact we’re currently in an emergency? I think I remember hearing that crimes stop being crimes in life-or-death situations. 

Yes, like when you’re stranded on a snowy mountain. 

Ah, I see. So hiking up Grimm’s skirt is no longer considered a crime. Lately, no one even comments when I hike up their skirt. 

Snow even occasionally says “Well?” to see if I got any points. 

I guess I’m not one to talk, but are you guys really okay with this? 

[Desert Crossing: Day Seven] 

Our surroundings slowly grow darker, and it’s approaching time to start our march. 

And we’re steadily approaching the very limit of our endurance. 

According to Alice, the only chipper one in our group, we’re just a few days away from town. 

But even with that in mind, I don’t have much left in me. 

I’m hungry; I want something to eat. I want a cold beer. I’d like some privacy. Even if it’s just for five minutes, I want time to myself. 

The thoughts cross my mind as we trudge along. 

Rose begins chewing on her own tail. It’s a bit like how a hungry child sucks on their thumb, and according to Rose it distracts a little bit from the hunger pains. 

Remembering how poor she was in the past, I feel a twinge of sadness, but when I ask her if the tail will regrow like a lizard’s, she appears to start seriously contemplating the option. 

So far, I guess I’m still okay with my armor’s temperature adjuster. Rose, too, is evidently tolerant against the heat and cold. And, of course, Alice is just fine. 

There’s already one that’s past saving, but I’d like to think she’ll be okay, given that Alice sprayed her with preservative. 

Which leaves us with Snow. 

I look at Snow, who seems desperate, and steel myself as I open my mouth to speak.