Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 2 - Chapter 3.2

2 

“I’m not going! You can’t make me! The Sand King is one of those giant monsters that even the Demon Lord runs away from! Wandering into its territory is suicide!” 

Rose is throwing a tantrum, clinging to the city gate and refusing to budge. 

“It’s all right, Rose, we’re not actually going to fight the Sand King! Besides, I’m told the Sand King’s only active during the day. We’re going to sneak in and out at night, all right? I’ll buy you lots of delicious meat when we return!” 

“Stop fighting! If I’m getting dragged into it, so are you! Snow’ll buy you delicious meats, and I’ll prepare some rare sweets! You ever had candy? Besides, we’re all responsible for screwing up that last mission! You can’t just sit this one out!” 

Snow and I try our hand at persuasion, but Rose digs her nails into the city gate and refuses to budge. 

“You can’t get me to listen to you just by offering me tasty food! As for the last mission being everyone’s fault, I didn’t even do anything! Though I am interested in that ‘candy’ you mentioned! What’s it like?” 

Despite the tears welling up in her eyes, Rose appears to be less panicked than she lets on, and Alice takes out something, offering it to Rose. 

“Well, if the two of them are offering you treats, I’ll offer a power-up item. Do you know what this is?” 

It appears this draws Rose’s curiosity, and she stops crying. 

“…What is it?” 

“This is a battery. It’s concentrated electric energy. Try eating it. You’ll be able to breathe lightning breath…” 

“I’m not eating that! That’s clearly not food!” 

Rose turns her face away, but Snow and I exchange glances. 

“Now, now. It’s not good to be a picky eater. Here, let me feed it to you. If you eat this and get stronger, you won’t have to worry about the Sand King. Please, Rose, just say ‘ah’…” 

“Wh-whoa, I’m actually kind of impressed. She’s resisting my power armor…! But give it up! Starting today, you’re going to be the Electric Chimera…!” 

“I’ll go! I’ll go already! I’ll go; just don’t make me eat that!” 

Piling into the buggy, we speed along the dark roads with the night vision–equipped Alice at the wheel. 

“ Sniff, sniff … When we get home you owe me delicious meat and candy… I won’t forget…” 

“I won’t forgive them… I absolutely won’t forgive them… That Harmel, who whispered sweet words to me despite being engaged… Gilbert, who showed me kindness despite having a wife and children… Isaac, who offered me a hand, telling me I would ruin my dress, then turned out to be gay… All the men of that kingdom, all of them, toying with my feelings…!” Grimm mutters darkly. She had gotten into the buggy early, keeping to herself while we struggled to convince Rose. Seems she’s still smarting from her failures in Toris. 

It’s not like any of the men did her wrong. It was Grimm who was getting the wrong idea, but it doesn’t seem that logic is going to work on this walking time bomb. 

Oh, speaking of which. 

“Hey, Grimm, I wanted to ask you something.” Something had been bothering me since that evening. 

“What is it, Commander? I’m in a bad mood. I’m fouler than the Demon Lord’s Army and pointier than Blood the Hedgehog! Watch yourself. I’ll curse you if you ask a stupid question!” 

“I just wanted to ask about your curses, Miss Dumpsalot… Okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that! Don’t glare at me while clutching a doll! It’s creepy as hell!” 

Yeah, what I wanted to ask about was her curses. When we were in Toris the other day, the prince was acting pretty oddly. Or, more precisely, he was the complete opposite of his reputation. And something about that bothered me. 

“What is it? Do you want to curse someone? What a coincidence! I’m in a mood to curse someone tonight. How about it, Commander? Once we’re done with this mission, shall we go on a curse-spreading date?” 

“Hell no. And what the hell is a curse-spreading date anyway? Do you go around cursing random people every time you’re dumped?” 

Grimm hugs her knees to her chest, looking at me with her head tilted to one side. 

“So you tossed a curse at me when we were in the castle in Toris, right? The impotence one. What happens if the target dodges the curse? I noticed the ring you offered as a sacrifice vanished.” 

“Ordinarily, you can’t actually dodge a curse. But, well, let’s take Heine for example. When I was trying to curse her, the bitch hid behind a golem. Basically, unless you hide behind a wall that’s been animated using magic, the curse keeps going until it hits a living creature and triggers…” Grimm trails off mid-explanation, the color swiftly draining from her face. 

“So where did that curse go?” 

“I bet it went out to play.” 

I grab Grimm’s head as she tries to look away. “Are you familiar with the prince of Toris’s reputation and all the rumors surrounding him?” 

“Nope, not at all. Rose is my only friend, after all. I have no one to trade gossip with!” 

I ignore Grimm’s casually depressing statement. 

“The prince had quite a reputation as a handsy old fart. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself when he saw a beautiful young woman. Snow was all excited hearing about that reputation, but he basically ignored her efforts…” 

Grimm curls her lips into a slight smile, then presses her index finger to my lips to quiet me. “Say, Commander? Isn’t the idea of sharing a secret kind of romantic?” 

I swat her hand out of the way. “Nope! Not at all! Hey, listen up, everyone! Looks like Grimm really stepped in it this time!” 

“Wait, Commander! We can’t be sure that it’s my curse’s fault! There might be other reasons! Like he might just have been sick that day! Or maybe Snow just wasn’t very attractive!” 

“What did you just say, Grimm? Something about me being unattractive?” 

Ah-ha! So that old man got hit by Grimm’s curse and became impotent! 

“Damn! That’s a whole new type of scary! I mean, there are times when I’m repelled by Snow’s greed and occasional shortcomings, but you’re on a completely different level of awful!” 

“H-how about if we think of it this way? I protected Snow’s virtue! I—I mean Snow was about to sell herself for way below market value! A girl should be pickier about who she lets touch her!” Grimm starts laying out an unconvincing string of excuses. 

“Uh, didn’t you show me your underwear when we first met?” 

“W-well that…! At the time I thought you were a good catch! Young and already a squadron commander! I didn’t know you were a spendthrift, perennial lackey who was a complete failure as a man…” 

…… 

“As for ‘girls’ being pickier about who they get close to, are you even at an age where you can call yourself a girl?” 

“O Great Lord Zenarith, I beseech thee! Deliver disaster unto this man! Become unable to masturbate…!” 

“Stop! If you trigger that curse I’m gonna make you pay for it with your body!” 

I hurriedly hold down Grimm to stop her curse, when I hear soft laughter coming from next to me. 

This is hardly the time to be laughing; not when we’re about to go strolling through the Sand King’s domain. I look over to see which fool is laughing and see Rose happily giggling away. 

“Boss. I’m still afraid of the Sand King, but I don’t mind going out on trips with everyone like this. It’s like a picnic!” 

The innocent laughter drains the malice from Grimm and me. We just exchange glances and let out a tired laugh.