Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 2 - Chapter 2.1

CHAPTER 2 

 Nefarious Knight 

1 

Because this country’s king is, in a word, useless, the king’s oldest daughter, Princess Tillis is the one actually running the government. 

After receiving summons from the de facto ruler of this kingdom, I make my way to the castle. Once there I head toward the courtyard where I see… 

Tillis standing in front of a large machine. She suddenly opens her eyes and calls out… 

“Dick Festival!” 

……… 

“As I suspected, it won’t activate…but I also can’t very well recite that in front of my subjects…,” Tillis mutters with a sigh. She freezes when she turns around and sees me standing there. 

I look to the motionless Tillis and speak up. “Even a princess needs to unwind from time to time. When I’m on a campaign, I sometimes strip naked in my hotel room to enjoy the sense of freedom, for example.” 

“Um, no. I’d rather you not draw odd conclusions in your mind! And to be clear, the responsibility for my utterance rests squarely at your feet.” 

I suppose Tillis is a little embarrassed at being caught; she flings some unfair accusations in my direction. 

“What are you talking about? How the hell is it my fault?” 

“You’re not serious, are you?! You do recall you were the one who changed the artifact’s holy incantation to this statement, yes?” 

…The hell is she talking about? 

“Why would I use such a stupid password? You’re not making any sense.” 

“Surely you jest! It wasn’t that long ago, you know! Have you actually forgotten…?! R-regardless, that’s not why I called you here today. I have something I wish to discuss with you, Sir Six.” 

It seems my recent heroics have unlocked the Princess route. Unfortunately… 

“I’m sorry, Tillis. I’m flattered that you like me, but you’re a little too…devious for my tastes.” 

“Just where did you get that idea?! I only wished to discuss a matter with you! Also, please don’t call me devious! I was hoping to talk to you about this artifact!” Tillis bristles at my remark, her cheeks still faintly flushed. 

“That machine makes it rain, right?” 

Tillis nods once in response. “In the past, we would activate the artifact each year during the dry season. Unfortunately, the artifact’s malfunctions have made that difficult as of late…,” she says with a serious expression. “Now, for the reason you’re here. I’d like to hire you for an escort mission. With the artifact broken, we had been relying on water crystals mined in the neighboring kingdom of Toris… With the artifact back in working condition, we thought to reduce our order of crystals. Unfortunately…” She looks away, her lips turning into a frown. “Father decided at the last minute he didn’t want to go through with the activation ritual. We haven’t been able to find him…” 

According to Tillis, the artifact can only be activated when a member of the royal family says the holy incantation in front of a large crowd of praying subjects. 

Wait—in that case, it doesn’t have to be the king, does it…? 

“So why don’t you do it?” 

“Surely you don’t expect a maiden to say such words in public…! C-currently, I have parties searching for Father, but as a precaution, we’ll be sending a diplomat to Toris. Given that we were the ones who requested a reduction in the shipments, it’s likely to be a challenge to get them to send us additional crystals…” 

Tillis folds her hands together as if in prayer and gazes up at me with the expression of a frail, vulnerable maiden. 

But it doesn’t fool me. 

Damn, this princess is a schemer. I’m sure she’s about to propose something ruthless. 

“…The crown prince of Toris is known for being quite a womanizer. So I intend to send Snow as a diplomat. If one can ignore her personality flaws, she’s quite beautiful…” 

“I really don’t want to hear the rest.” 

So this princess is going to sacrifice one of her vassals to a whoremongering prince. 

It’s the sort of thing that makes even me, an evil minion, wince. 

“Please listen to what I’m actually saying. I said I’d like to hire you as an escort. I’m not planning to sell her. The prince, given his ways, is likely to start planning untoward things once he sees Snow. When he makes a move on her, catch him in the act and use that as leverage. Trying to seduce a diplomat is an enormous diplomatic faux pas. It would provide us with a much-needed advantage during negotiations.” 

“Back home we call that a honeypot.” 

Seriously, what’s wrong with the people I know? Can’t trust a single one of them… 

Despite my revulsion, Tillis appears to be impressed with me. 

“Ah, so you mean to say this is an established diplomatic strategy in your country, Sir Six? Then that makes this easy. Snow is a strong woman, so she should be fine. She survived having you remove her underwear in public, after all.” 

“Tillis, there was a reason for that, remember? Sigh. There are all sorts of weird rumors about me circulating around town. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t add to them.” 

I mean, the only reason I pulled down Snow’s panties was to save this country. It was a heroic act, not sexual harassment. 

Still… 

“Escort, huh…? I’m a Combat Agent, not a bodyguard. This isn’t really in my wheelhouse…” 

As I grumble, Tillis seems to find something amusing and smiles. “Are you sure you want to say that? I’ve heard you and Snow have kissed. Would you really be all right losing her to another man?” She smiles at me teasingly. 

“Hmm? Sure I would.” 

“Um…” Tillis sounds surprised at my answer. 

“Short-tempered, greedy women like her aren’t my type. So doesn’t really bother me if someone else takes her…” 

“Please don’t say that in front of her! Anyway, this is a formal request to Kisaragi from this kingdom. Please accept it!” 

I’m still really lukewarm on the idea… 

“Ordinarily, the chief of staff would handle negotiations with Toris. Unfortunately, he suddenly resigned a month ago… So we’re currently rather shorthanded when it comes to diplomats.” 

The chief of staff, huh? Don’t know who that is, but what an irresponsible jerk. I guess he must’ve been really mistreated by this kingdom. 

“Well, whatever the case, I’m afraid I’m going to have to turn down this assignment. I’m a Combat agent, not a babysitter. I can’t really do anything but fight. I mean, I do love entrapping people, but I’d rather you asked someone else to handle this one.” 

Tillis appears caught off guard by the rejection. Her tone becomes hurried and somewhat desperate. “P-please, would you reconsider? I’ve actually prepared some information requested by Miss Alice as part of your payment…” 

“…Information?” 

What sort of information would she want? Is she looking for rare life-forms or poisons from this planet? 

As if to answer my question, Tillis continues. “Yes, the information concerning the ruins scattered around this continent. In fact, Toris, the kingdom where we’re sending Snow, has an unexplored ruin. Evidently, it remains untouched, as they can’t find a way to break its seal. If you accept our request, we’ll ask Toris to permit you to explore those ruins… Does that sound acceptable?” 

Tillis coyly looks up at me.