Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 1 - Chapter 4.1

CHAPTER 4 

 How to Defeat a Demon General 

1 

“I hear the Chosen One’s party opened a path to the Demon Lord’s fortress using the treasure from the Tower of Duster. That means our enemies have to take the Chosen One seriously. All we need to do is hole up in the castle and defend it until the Chosen One takes out the Demon Lord.” 

“So it’s a question of who succeeds first. The Demon Lord or the Chosen One.” 

Alice and I are chatting leisurely as we clean and maintain our equipment, until our conversation is interrupted by a knock on the door. 

“Hey, Six, are you there?” Snow sounds as ornery as ever. 

“I’m here, but I don’t feel like dealing with you right now.” 

“Wow, I think I would have preferred if you’d just made up an excuse like last time! …Ah, maintaining your weapons?” 

Snow turns her gaze toward the table, her eyes lingering on my knife. I had been in the middle of sharpening it when Snow barged in. 

“…S-say, Six, do you mind if I take a look at that knife? Ever since I caught a glimpse of it, I’ve wanted to get a better look. It seems like quite the piece.” 

“…Sure, but you better not run off with it.” 

I offer Snow the knife handle first. 

“This is quite the blade… Is it engraved? If not, do you mind if I do the honors? I wonder where it was made… H-hey, let go! I’m not done looking! You know, I can finish sharpening her for you if you want… Annh!” 

Snow’s got that dangerous look in her eyes again, and she starts nuzzling my knife. I can’t let that continue. I reach over and take the knife back, ignoring Snow’s dejected whining. 

“Are you gonna tell us why you’re here, or did you just come to try to steal my knife?” 

“R-right. It was just such a beautiful piece that I guess I lost my head for a bit… Um, the general’s calling. He wants to see us in the conference room. It looks like he’s got an assignment for us.” 

With Snow taking the lead, I make my way to the conference room. As I enter the chamber, my heart sinks a little—the only ones in attendance are two grumpy, old geezers: the general and his chief of staff. 

The general gestures for me to take a seat. 

“Sir Six, thank you for coming. You have, to date, put up quite an impressive list of accomplishments. But most notable is the fact that you are still alive despite your recent encounters with the Elite Four.” 

“Yeah, I guess all that would be impressive by your standards.” 

“You insolent—!” 

The chief of staff scolds me, frowning at my complete lack of modesty or manners. 

Why am I here again? 

The general appears to struggle with the proper words to broach the subject. Snow, however, has no such reservations and cuts to the heart of the matter with her usual brusqueness. 

“Perhaps his lordship has a mission for us?” 

The general responds to Snow’s prompt with a solemn nod. 

“Indeed, that’s correct. From here on out, we would like your detachment to…handle major opponents like the Elite Four.” 

“With pleasure!!” 

“Whoa, easy there! Just who died and made you commander?!” 

I try to rein in Snow, who’s now champing at the bit for another chance at glory. 

“Think for once, you brainless worm. An assignment this prestigious doesn’t come around often. We’re considered equal to the task of handling the enemy’s leadership. That, of course, means more opportunities for glory. And that means rewards to match!” 

I find myself admiring how true Snow is to her desires. I carefully consider how to convince her that this assignment isn’t worth the paper it’s scribbled on when the chief of staff launches into grandiloquent praise. 

“Lady Snow is correct. Sir Six is among the kingdom’s greatest heroes. He has faced down Heine of the Flames as well as Gadalkand of the Earth. He has even done battle with Gil the Mighty and Rista the Clever and lived to tell the tale. No other has ever survived as many encounters with such opponents. If he is not worthy to face them, who in our kingdom is?” 

The old man trails off with a heavy sigh, slumping his shoulders. 

Ah, that bit of grandstanding definitely clears up a few things. 

“…Let me guess, old man. You’re the one who pushed this proposal onto the general.” 

“S-Six! D-don’t call him that! His lordship is the second most influential member of…” 

Contrary to my expectations, it’s the general rather than oldie who responds, speaking right over Snow and cutting her lecture off at the knees. 

“That is correct. His lordship, the chief of staff, has a very high opinion of you, Sir Six. He insists you are the only one capable of taking on the leadership of the Demon Lord’s Army.” 

“Oh?” 

I can’t say I mind the compliment, no matter how excessive, but there’s something about the chief of staff’s way-too-polite smile that I don’t trust. 

My time at Kisaragi put me in contact with all sorts of corrupt bastards in power. All of them interested in a single thing, protecting the flow of goodies into their pockets. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but the old man seems just as greasy as those guys. I mentally move the chief of staff a few notches higher on my list of potential threats. 

“Sir Six, our kingdom desperately needs a hero of your ability. If you feel you need more forces at your disposal, we can swap out the demon-blooded abomination and dark god–worshipping cultist in your unit for proper knights. We’ll even promote you from a squadron commander to a company commander. Will you accept?” 

As he makes the pitch, the old man lowers his head in a deep bow, exposing his balding scalp to me. 

A few days later. 

Having formally received our mission, an excessively spritely Snow starts barking orders to the unit. 

“Listen up! We’ve been given the honor of facing the enemy leadership! Failure is not an option! Everyone, stay sharp!” 

“Hey, you’re still not the commander.” 

The knights are assembled in formation on a ridge a few miles away from the castle. Our unit’s been placed in the very center of the formation. I’m told a detachment of the Demon Lord’s Army has invaded this area. There aren’t a lot of them, but they’re led by Heine of the Flames, one of the Elite Four. And of course, the task of taking on Heine falls on…… 

“I, Snow, will take on Heine of the Flames, pillar of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four! Her head is mine!” 

…our unit, of course. 

“Six, can’t you do something about that woman? When she’s excited, she reaches new levels of obnoxious.” 

As an android, Alice isn’t supposed to have any emotions, yet she shoots a look at the giddy Snow that’s equal parts weariness and irritation. 

“Don’t waste your breath; it’s pointless. Everyone, listen up. If we run into the enemy, do what you need to do but don’t take any unnecessary risks. No point in getting hurt on a mission like this.” 

Unfortunately, Snow catches my remarks, directing a dangerous glare my way and stalking toward me with a vein bulging in her forehead. 

“Why can’t you ever take anything seriously?! This is an important mission entrusted to us by the general and chief of staff!” 

“Right, the chief of staff. I don’t like him. He’s shady as hell, I just know it. He’s definitely the sort of self-serving bastard that’ll do whatever it takes to ensure he comes out ahead.” 

Snow’s expression slackens in shock, and her grip on my collar relaxes. 

“A-are you serious? Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself?” 

“Six, ever heard of a mirror? It’s the shiny object that shows you your own face.” 

“Boss, have you ever heard of a weapon called a boomerang?” 

…Okay, so maybe the chief of staff isn’t the only person I hate. Seriously, you guys suck. 

Standing back and watching the rest of the squad trash-talk me, Snow huffs, putting her hands on her hips. 

“Regardless! I won’t force you to fight if you don’t want to! Just don’t get in my way like you did the last time we ran into that woman!” 

Oh, I see. It looks like Snow’s still salty about the fact that Heine of the Flames didn’t even give her the time of day after I showed up last time. 

“Hey, Six, what’s with the look? Heh-heh, have you noticed anything different about me today? I’ve brought along the perfect weapon to deal with Heine of the Flames. Take a look!” 

Snow draws a sword with a sleek, blue blade from its sheath. The air around it chills immediately, and it’s cloaked in a white mist. 

“Iceberg the Frost Blade! It’s a brand-new sword I had tailor-made for fighting Heine of the Flames. I just had to take out a three-year loan to get it. Grimm, this time we’ll make good use of your abilities, too! Hey! Wake up!” 

Snow seems really eager to try out her new sword and attempts to shake Grimm awake. Somehow the archbishop is fast asleep in her wheelchair, napping while hugging her knees to her chest. 

“…Hey, Alice, what’s your take on all this?” 

“By ‘all this,’ do you mean the fact that we’ve been sent on a suicide mission?” 

Standing atop the ridge, I glance off into the distance and catch a glimpse of the Demon Lord’s Army. 

“So you noticed it, too. Yep, that old fart’s trying to get us all killed. I mean, yeah, he almost broke into tears when I tore apart his tactics from that one battle, but I didn’t actually make him cry. Why would he want me dead?” 

“I think that’s reason enough to want you dead. I think he also considers you an eyesore. This entire unit is made up of rejects they’re looking to get rid of. Ignoring our methods for a moment, we’ve produced really impressive results. But to them, we probably just look like a bunch of rejects that are hogging all the glory. I can’t really blame them for wanting us gone.” 

Damn. And I’ve even been on my best behavior this whole time. If I wanted to piss everyone off, I could’ve thought of a million better ways to do it… Thinking back on it, the old fart said some pretty messed-up things about Rose and Grimm, too. 

“Wake the hell up already! Grimm! Gri— Ah.” 

“Ahhh!!” 

Snow and Rose sure are getting worked up over there. I wonder what they’re up to. 

“Anyway, once we see the enemy leadership, we’ll make a show of fighting before beating a quick retreat. I’m still in the process of waxing my shotgun, so I won’t even have a weapon today.” 

“At least bring something. If the shotgun breaks, I can just get you a new one. But whatever. We can just let it play out. Boobzilla over there isn’t completely unreasonable.” 

“Miss Snow, Grimm made a weird noise when she landed. And her neck, the angle…” 

“Wh-what should we do…? J-just put her back in the wheelchair for now! Gah! Oh, crap, her eyes rolled back…” 

I approach the pair exchanging urgent whispers near the wheelchair… 

“Hey, Snow, wake Grimm up, will you? …Why are you two carrying her anyway?” 

“It’s nothing!” 

“At all!” 

Snow and Rose jump in surprise while carrying Grimm. 

“…? All right, well, it looks like the main force is starting to move. It’s time for us to get going, too.” 

The Demon Lord’s Army stands defiantly in front of us. In the middle of this huge collection of demons is the brown, buxom beauty herself, wearing a skimpy outfit and a cocky smile. Standing next to her is her griffin as well as… 

“…Looks like Heine and her griffin brought a friend. The hell is that thing?” 

“…Th-that’s a golem. They’re automatons carved out of tough boulders and animated by magic.” 

Snow seems very intimidated by its presence. I can understand why. The golem stands well over two meters in height, is carved out of massive stone, and probably weighs a few tons. Come to think of it, it pretty much looks like a budget version of Gadalkand. 

“Magic again? Looks like you can do just about anything with magic. I would really like to do more research into how physics work on this planet. Six, if we run into any incapacitated enemy casters, pick one up for me.” 

“I mean, I’m curious about magic, too, but just to be clear, we’re only supposed to fight Heine, right? The other units are going to handle the griffin and the golem?” 

The commanders around me speak up as if catching the tail end of my conversation with Alice. 

“Sir Six! Leave the group of high orcs around Heine of the Flames to us!” 

“My squadron will take care of that mighty band of ogres! They might be tough, but we’ll take them off your hands!” 

“We’ll take advantage of our speed and go after the ranged enemy units!” 

All squads aside from ours hurry into the fray. 

“Great. Whole new planet, new kingdom, and I still draw the short straw! Snow! Get Grimm up! We’ll have her put an especially nasty curse on Heine!” 

“I-I’ll leave waking up Grimm to someone else! I need to get my revenge on that woman with this frost blade!” 

The fool, completely ignoring my orders, rushes toward Heine with her sword drawn. 

“H-hey, Boss? Can I go fight the griffin? I’m curious to see what griffin meat tastes like, and I’d like to try flying. I bet I can do it if I eat enough griffin meat! Need to fulfill Grandpa’s dying wish, after all!” 

Rose, you too? Dammit, fools all around me! 

I watch Rose dash off toward the griffin, then turn my head to look at Alice. 

“Leave the task of waking Grimm to me. You can just go ahead and focus on…” 

As if in response to Alice’s remark, the golem begins advancing toward me, giving a growl that sounds like boulders being ground together.