Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 1 - Chapter 1.3

3 

I’ve lost track of how long we’ve been trudging along these plains. 

After staring at a hazy blob on the horizon for what feels like an eternity, I can finally make out some details of the walled city— Wait, what the heck are those…? 

“Liar! I thought you said this place was like Earth! Those things don’t exist on Earth, dumbass!” 

“Stop whining and start shooting. There’s a lot of them.” 

We find ourselves surrounded by a mob of grotesque four-legged monsters. 

I draw the pistol from my hip holster, thumb off the safety, and take aim. Alice, meanwhile, takes shelter behind my back. 

“The hell are you doing? What sort of robot hides behind a human?” 

The pack spreads out to surround us, rearing up on their hind legs in a show of strength. I carefully squeeze the trigger, methodically taking the monsters down one at a time. 

“I told you, I’m a high-spec android. As a high-spec model, they put extra effort into realism. So I have the same combat abilities as a similar-size human girl.” 

“You useless pile of junk! You’re definitely not a high-spec model! You better treat me with respect from here on out!” 

Just as I yell out to Alice, one of the four-legged monstrosities pounces. Thinking (incorrectly, as it turns out) that its mouth was at the front of its head, I brace for a bite. Instead, the creature’s back splits open, revealing two glinting rows of razor-sharp teeth… 

“…It’s gonna eat me!” 

I grab at each jaw with my hands, flexing every bit of cybernetic, power armor–boosted muscle to keep the jaws from snapping shut. 

“Alice! Alllliiiice?! You may not believe this…but this thing’s jaw is as strong as I am! Quick, help me out here!” 

What the hell is up with life on this planet? I’ve got both enhanced muscles and power armor on, and I can barely keep the jaws open. 

“I’m sorry I can’t be of help, Mr. Six. I’m a useless pile of junk incapable of solving this problem.” 

“Look! I take back everything I said earlier! Just help me out here! Please!” 

I struggle to keep the jaws of the first monster pried open as a second and then a third lunge toward me. I manage to fight each creature back with desperate, flailing kicks, but it’ll only be a matter of time before I’m dinner. 

“Well…I suppose I can help you out. Buy me a shotgun with your Evil Points?” 

“Okay, okay! Just hurry up and help!” 

Alice quickly sends over the order as the four-legged monsters appear to have come to the conclusion that attacking one by one is a losing proposition. They’re ready to attack all at once. 

“?,?!” 

What sounds like words with some sort of meaning attached to them comes from the direction of the fortress city. Turning my gaze toward the voice, I see what appears to be a group of horseback cavalry heading in our direction. 

More precisely, it’s a group riding mounts that look like horses with single horns on their heads. 

Yes, it’s a unit of armored warriors on what appears to be a bunch of unicorns heading toward us and yelling something. 

“It’s here, Six. Just remember who it is that’s saving your hide.” 

Alice pops out from behind my back, taking aim with her newly acquired shotgun and squeezing the trigger. 

The shotgun blast sends a creature flying. It lands with a wet squish, tumbling along the ground with a final whimper before going still. 

With my arms freed up, I bend down to pick up my pistol and quickly squeeze off a shot at a convenient target. 

The monsters, caught off guard by the shotgun blast, didn’t take long to finish off— 

“?,? is it?!” 

The woman at the front of the unicorn cavalry calls out to us. 

She’s wearing full armor, so it’s hard to tell her figure, but just based on her face, she’s the sort of strong-willed beauty who’s right up my alley. 

The woman, her light-blue hair flowing behind her, dismounts from her unicorn, drawing her sword and pointing it at me. 

“? me! What ? are ?? Where did you ?!!” 

I don’t quite catch her meaning, but based on her expression and tone of voice, it’s clear she’s demanding, rather than asking for, answers to her questions. 

“What do you think we should do, Alice? She looks about ready to shove a few inches of steel into my gut.” 

“Why don’t we just wait and listen for a while longer? We can figure out what to do after.” 

Listen to what exactly? It’s not like we can understand what she’s saying. 

“Just where is that ? from? I’ve never ? anything ? that!” 

…Wait, what? 

“And it looks like you’re not carrying a ?. Answer me! Who are you?” 

…… 

“Hey, Alice, I think I may have acquired some new abilities on this planet. For some reason, I’m starting to understand what they’re saying. Pretty amazing, isn’t it? I’m already powerful, and now I might be gaining the ability to instantly understand language.” 

“I have no idea what you’re going on about, but the reason you can understand her is because I’m analyzing the words and sending you the translation data through the chip implanted in your head.” 

…… 

“Wait, the chip in my head can do that? That’s news to me! Honestly, that’s pretty creepy.” 

“It’s not particularly relevant right now. Just be quiet and let me take care of this.” 

Alice brushes aside my objection and turns to the woman barking questions. 

“Fair knight, I shall answer all your questions. Please quell your anger.” 

I completely fail at my attempt to hide my surprise as Alice answers fluently in the local tongue. For a moment, I’m convinced she’s an innocent little girl. 

According to the story Alice is giving the knight, I was once a relatively important individual in my home country. I commanded armies and fought to protect people, leading an intense life of traveling from battlefield to battlefield. 

Unfortunately, that life of conflict caught up with me, and I picked up a particularly nasty, traumatic head injury in battle. So accompanied by my guardian Alice, I was on a journey of self-discovery to heal my mental and physical wounds. 

Due to my post-traumatic stress disorder, I’m prone to fits of odd behavior and outbursts. This means I can’t function in polite company. As Alice would have it, it’s not something I’m doing intentionally—so she beseeches the knight to treat me with compassion and ignore small indiscretions along the way. 

As for how we wound up where we are now, Alice explains that a large band of beasts attacked us as we emerged from the woodlands near the city. We managed to fight our way out of that situation, but in the process, we had to abandon the wagon carrying most of our belongings. 

The knight listens to Alice tell what is honestly a ridiculous tale and nods solemnly without interrupting. 

“I thought you might have been bandits or fugitives, not travelers. Forgive me for the harshness, but understand it’s part of my job. Witnesses in the city saw something fall from the sky. We were on our way to investigate when we found you.” 

Ignoring the pitying looks from the knight, I grab Alice by the arm and drag her out of earshot. 

“…What the hell, Alice? Why are you making me out to be some sort of head case? What did I ever do to you? Do you have a death wish?” 

“I based it on the data Lilith provided me. Look, let’s be honest, Six; you’re a meathead. There’s no way you can stick to a story over the long haul. At least with this story, we can get away with your ignorance of local customs and lack of common sense. Any odd behavior on your part can be explained away as mental illness, and people will just treat you with pity.” 

Alice explains her reasoning without so much as a flicker of expression. 

“Also consider the fact that you’re black haired and brown eyed. It’s a stretch to pretend we’re siblings. So we’ll say you saved me from a pedophile. When you were saving me, you suffered another head injury. Your brain was already scrambled, but the injury made things much worse. Blaming myself for your condition, I resolved to accompany you as your innocent and brave young guardian. Got it?” 

“Got what exactly? Just what sort of monster was this pedophile? And why do you keep insulting me in your explanation? So I’m crazy, and you’re the brave young girl?” 

The whole story pisses me off…but I can’t think of a better one. I hate to admit it, but Alice makes a good point. 

No, not about there being something wrong with my head. It is a lot more convenient if everyone thinks I have issues with my memory. 

The knight regards our whispered conversation with a touch of suspicion but turns away. 

“…Very well, I understand your situation. Ordinarily, I’d find it hard to believe you came through the Darkwood, but having seen that… Well, the only thing left is to welcome you to our kingdom… Of course, that’s if you want to stay once you learn the situation.” 

I couldn’t shake a bad feeling at her faint smile as she gestured toward the dead monsters with her chin.