Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatte Iru - Volume 11 - Chapter 7

7

Haruno Yukinoshita’s eyes are hopelessly clear.

Some time had passed since that pre–Valentine’s Day cooking event.

After the clear skies of the other day, the clouds had come in, and it seemed the uncertain weather would continue for the next few days. The chill wasn’t supposed to be that severe in the evening, but that was just your typical minor fluctuation. Chiba winters are always cold.

When the sun set after school, that feeling was especially acute.

Fleeing the chilly hallway of the special-use building, I went into the clubroom, and while the heater was getting me comfortable, I spread open my paperback.

As sunset drew near, nothing was out of the ordinary in the clubroom.

On the long table were a teacup, a mug, and a Japanese-style cup that clashed with the other two. Out the corner of my eye, I could see Yukinoshita pouring tea into each. She placed the steaming mug and Japanese cup in front of Yuigahama and me.

The moment I looked up from my book to accept the tea, my eyes met with Yukinoshita’s; she was sitting directly across from me.

She quickly dropped her head, then raised it again to glance at me. Then she lowered her eyes again. Her restless attitude clued me in to something out of the ordinary. And it seemed Yuigahama noticed, too.

“Yukinon?”

When Yuigahama addressed her, Yukinoshita gave the other girl a hesitant look, then briefly glanced my way for my reaction, too. Then, with some difficulty, she said, “I’m sorry for the other day… Um, my mother…”

She quietly lowered her head. She didn’t say much, but from that gesture and those few words, I could immediately tell what she was talking about. There was no need to bother going back over that incident. I hadn’t been able to forget it, and it had been spinning around in my head this whole time—not just that encounter with Yukinoshita’s mother. What Haruno had said to me, what Yuigahama had said as she went home, and the cry that had come from inside me—none of it had gone away. It was all still there. It was just that there was no point in talking about it. I couldn’t blame anyone else for this, either.

So I replied with just a casual shake of my head and a reassurance that it was nothing.

Yuigahama, sitting diagonally across from Yukinoshita, flailed her hands wide to say, Don’t worry about it. “It’s totally okay! My mom tells me off a lot for coming home late, too.”

“Well, that’s what moms do. They tend to nag you about stuff. And they clean your room without permission and ask you randomly if you’re having fun at school.”

Why is it the mothers of the world have such an interest in their sons’ living space or their friendships, and even their taste in books…? What is this? Are you a fan of mine? Thanks, Mom, but please don’t touch my desk drawer.

Once we gave our responses, Yukinoshita’s expression softened. She gave a tiny smile, then swished the hair off her shoulder in her usual manner. “…Yes, your mother would have an especially difficult time.”

“Hikki’s mom, huh…? What’s she like?”

“Huh? I dunno… She’s normal. It’s like having another Komachi. Entrance exams are coming up, so Komachi and Mom are going at it a lot.”

The two of them generally get along, but they do have the occasional conflict. The biggest cause of fights tends to be about how my dad gets treated, though… Dad’s so worried about Komachi, he pesters them about something or another, and Mom snaps at him, and Komachi snaps, too, and then the tension is brutal… Wait, that’s not a mother-daughter conflict, huh? That’s just them hating my dad. Anyway, it’s common enough for entrance exams and postgraduation plans to throw the whole family out of sorts.

When I said as much, Yuigahama nodded along. “Oh, Komachi’s entrance exams are already tomorrow, huh? And we’ve got the day off ’cause of entrance exams, too.”

“This is Komachi, though, so I think she’ll be all right…” Yukinoshita sounded a bit uneasy.

I nodded back. “Yeah…” That note of unease was in my voice, too.

The following day was finally the day of the high school entrance exam, the big one. It was also Valentine’s Day, so basically, no Komachoco. Too bad, so sad, try next year, lad! I wanted to pin my hopes on next year, but who knew what would be happening then. Thinking about what was coming down the line, I couldn’t help but feel glum.

Yuigahama must have seen that on my face, as she gave me an anxious smile. “You must be worried about her. After all, you’re her big brother…,” she said kindly.

“Yeah…” I nodded heavily.

I sighed deeply, and then everything spilled out—the things I’d been trying to avoid thinking about all this time and my cynicism about the future. “Komachi’s so cute, she’ll have tons of guys interested in her, right? And then I’ll have to watch out for them, and worst of all, she’ll have to pretend she doesn’t know her good-for-nothing older brother. For her reputation.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?! And wait, you’re assuming she passes?!”

“I don’t know whether that’s optimistic or pessimistic…”

Yuigahama was shocked, while Yukinoshita was more stunned. The both of them sighed, then looked at each other and giggled.

There weren’t really any visitors that day, so just like always, the atmosphere around us was fairly relaxed. I was a little relieved as I turned the page of my book. Yuigahama was sitting flopped over on the desk with her phone, while Yukinoshita was taking the cozy off the teapot to neatly pour some fresh tea.

And then there was a tump. Yukinoshita lifted her bag up to her desk and pulled out from inside it a small, plain paper bag. There was a rustle as she opened it up, and then a mild, sweet scent wafted out. It seemed like she’d brought some cookies as snacks to go with the tea.

Yukinoshita slowly and carefully transferred the cookies to a wooden plate. Looking over, I saw an array of multicolored cookies: chocolate chip, jam flavored, and checkerboard ones, too. Judging from their variety, as well as the paper bag she’d brought, it didn’t seem she’d bought them at a store.

“Ohhh, you made those, Yukinon?” Yuigahama’s eyes sparkled with expectation as she looked at the cookies.

Yukinoshita’s cooking skills were certified. There had been many occasions, including the cooking event the other day, when she had exhibited her ability. And each time, Yuigahama had eaten her cooking with relish.

So this wasn’t exactly unusual.

But despite that, for some reason, Yukinoshita couldn’t reply to Yuigahama’s casual remark. “…Y-yes. I just happened to make some last night,” she said as she quietly lowered her face. Her fingertips stroked the edge of the wooden plate as if she needed something to do with them, and then she drew a little breath. She gave me a brief, examining glance.

The expression was diffident; her head was downturned, her shoulders hardly moving at all, just peeking through the gaps in her bangs as if she wasn’t sure enough to look directly. It was a gesture that would rattle you, if you saw it.

Yukinoshita’s lips parted just slightly as if she didn’t know whether to speak or not before drawing a tight line again. They were so innocent, demanding my attention, and I looked away automatically.

The room went suddenly quiet.

“Oh… I tried a bit after the event, too, but it was kinda, y’know…” Yuigahama didn’t seem to like the momentary silence, smiling to fill it. She combed at her bun as she tilted her head side to side. “I think the microwave/oven combo at my house is broken. Like, it’ll make the batter bubble a bit, but it won’t really cook it.”

“Then it’s probably just a regular microwave…,” I said, a little sigh slipping from me. Maybe I was relieved by how some things didn’t change.

Yukinoshita hid her mouth with one hand and gave a modest giggle. Then she drew close the bag she’d set down next to her, put it on her knees, and pulled another small paper bag out from within.

She must have planned to give that one to Yuigahama. It was decorated with a cute pink ribbon and cat paw prints. “Here, if you like.”

“Can I?! Ohhh, thanks!!”

“It’s basically the same things inside,” Yukinoshita added apologetically, but Yuigahama was overjoyed to accept it.

“Oh, no, I’m really glad to have it! I mean, your baking is so good.” Yuigahama squeezed the paper bag to her chest. And then she held it up in front of her in both hands again to examine it tenderly. She blinked two, three times, and then she was looking timidly at Yukinoshita. “…Um, just for me?”

I got what her question meant and automatically turned my face away. I tried my best to keep reading the book in my hands and not move my eyes, but the lines of words wouldn’t enter my brain at all.

Why am I looking away…?

I could hear the clanging of that bowl ringing in my ears. Even if I could avert my eyes, I couldn’t plug my ears to the sound inside me. All I could do was crush it with the thoughts in my head.

This was all me—I was reading into things, I was thinking too hard, I was getting my hopes up. Whether she’d made some for me or not, either way, it was weird to expect it to mean anything. There were only three people in this club. If she had nothing, then duh, and if she had something, she was just being nice. Who do you think you are, considering the possibility it might mean something more? If thinking about this stuff is gross and pathetic, it’s just as gross and pathetic to have to desperately remind yourself it’s gross and pathetic and swallow it down. And something so gross and pathetic is obviously wrong.

But my single-minded attempts to drown out the anxiety with words were unsuccessful, and I couldn’t calm myself. I pretended to comb back my hair, and I couldn’t keep my gaze under control. It was wandering around aimlessly, without ever landing on anything.

That was why I caught sight of Yuigahama, in the corner of my eye, with her mouth in a firm line. Her thin white throat moved as she swallowed. “…What about Hikki’s?”

You don’t have to go out of your way to ask that. I mean, it’s not like I really want any. I mean, seriously.

That remark did not leave my mouth.

Yuigahama’s tone and gaze were the same as usual, and it seemed like she was being careful and timid about it, but her hands—her left hand lying on her lap was squeezing her skirt. When I saw that, my words caught and wouldn’t come out right.

“Uh, I mean, I don’t really…” That clumsy stutter was all I could manage, and at the same time, I heard Yukinoshita sigh.

She gripped the bag on her lap, then shifted it under her arm. She quietly pushed back her chair to stand from her seat. Leaning against the long desk, she reached out and shifted the plate with the cookies over to me. “…If you like.”

“O-okay…,” I attempted to reply.

But Yukinoshita wouldn’t meet my gaze. The setting sun shone faintly over her profile. Maybe it was the clouds, but the sunset was even redder than usual, and the color seeped into the clubroom.

Her ears and neck were reddish, and she was biting her lip slightly in discomfort. Her long eyelashes blinked restlessly. I almost couldn’t look at her directly. I snapped my book shut a bit too hard and reached out to the cookies.

“…They’re good,” I muttered.

“Yeah!” Yuigahama replied enthusiastically. She grabbed another while she was at it, taking a nom out of it as she brought a hand to her cheek in bliss.

Seeing our reactions, Yukinoshita said, “…O-oh? I just made them like I always do, though.” The tension relaxed from her shoulders, and she finally sat back down in her chair again.

Our chairs were correctly positioned, and the cookies were placed in the middle. Warm steam rose up from the mug and traditional-style cup.

We exchanged thoughts on the tea and the snacks that day, occasionally falling silent, or reading or looking at phones, and from time to time, conversation would start up again with little smiles.

This clubroom was so peaceful when no one else came.

We passed the time leisurely until the sun just about touched the ocean.

There was no heat to the winter sunset. It might give you a clear view of the sky with its light, but it wouldn’t warm you up. If you let it be, it would just keep getting colder and colder.

That’s why you force yourself to move so you can warm up.

Even if you can feel that something’s wrong.

Nobody came to the clubroom after that, and once it was time to go home, our activity for the day was concluded.

We locked the door and waited for Yukinoshita to go return the key, then walked out of the school. As we picked up the conversation from earlier in the clubroom, we reached the bicycle parking. I wasn’t intending to repay them for anything, but I walked with my bicycle to see the girls to the school gates.

We circled around, not to the back entrance I normally took, but to the front gates, which faced the main road that led to the station. The sky above had gone entirely dark. The clouds hung low, foretelling coming rain.

Taking a step out from the school gates, Yuigahama did a full-body shiver. “Urk, cold!”

“You should wrap your scarf properly.” Beside her, Yukinoshita attentively rewrapped her scarf for her.

That was a heartwarming sight to see, but it did nothing to actually warm me. It was intensely chilly after sunset, and when I just stood there, it felt like the coldness was surging up from the ground at me.

“I think it’s gonna be really cold today…” Thinking about the way home was depressing. I’m gonna be riding my bike through those violent, frigid winds… I can’t take it; I just can’t… I rewrapped my scarf, too, stuffed my hands deeper into my gloves, then raised one casually. “Bye.”

“Yeah, see you.” Yuigahama did a little wave in front of her chest. I nodded back, and I was about to throw a leg over my bike.

That was when I heard a faint noise like a half sigh.

“…Ah.”

I turned around to see Yukinoshita a half step ahead from where she’d been a moment ago, as if she meant to stop me.

I asked with a look, You need something? But she didn’t react. Her lips seemed like they wanted to say something, but they didn’t move. She just squeezed the mouth of the bag hanging from her left shoulder in both hands and stood there.

I met her anxiously wavering gaze, patiently waiting for her to find the words. It would be foolish to ask what it was. As this silent tug-of-war continued, I heard the crunch of a foot on gravel.

“Uh, um… I’m gonna go, okay?” Yuigahama said with a smile, at loose ends, as she took just one step back. She patted her bun with a gloved hand and glanced at Yukinoshita, checking for her reaction.

Yukinoshita answered that look with just the barest shake of her head, then gave her a long, imploring stare.

Yuigahama lowered her gaze for a heartbeat before immediately raising her chin to gently ask, “Um…what should we do?” The tinge of confusion was gone from her voice, and this just sounded like soothing confirmation.

“…Um.” Whatever Yukinoshita started to say was lost in the wind. It seemed she couldn’t quite find the words, and she blushed and looked at the ground with a pained expression. Her shoulders twitched, maybe from the tension, and she squeezed her bag tighter than before.

We all avoided stepping any closer to each other as we waited for what she would say next. But no voices came, and instead, a hard noise rang out.

A click.

Like a heel hitting asphalt.

The sound of those footsteps approaching, one after another, could be mistaken for a heartbeat. Or maybe it was some kind of auditory hallucination, and only I could hear it. Maybe the constant sense of dissonance in my head had finally manifested in the physical world.

But apparently, I wasn’t the only one to hear it. Yuigahama peered in the direction of the approaching sound as well. And then she cried out in surprise, “Ah…”

Eventually, the footsteps stopped. Tracing Yuigahama’s gaze, both Yukinoshita’s and my eyes widened.

“Yukino-chan. I’ve come to pick you up.”

“Haruno…,” Yukinoshita said when she saw who it was.

There was one more click of Haruno Yukinoshita’s boot heels as she came to stand before us. She thrust her hands into her coat pockets and tilted her head, smiling boldly as she examined Yukinoshita’s face.

“I don’t believe there’s any reason for you to come pick me up…,” Yukinoshita said.

“Mom told me to live with you for a while. Oh, you have a spare room, right? They’ll be moving my stuff tomorrow; is that okay? I’ll be there in the morning, but I’ll be going out in the afternoon, so can I ask you to handle it then?”

Haruno was talking so fast, maybe trying to keep Yuigahama and me out of the conversation. With her taking control so overwhelmingly, there was nothing outsiders like us could say.

Most of all, though Haruno was acting as if this was a hassle, her manner was just too natural. She communicated with both words and behavior that she was simply delivering the news of something that had already been decided, and any chance for argument had long since gone.

“H-hold on. Why this, so suddenly…?” Yukinoshita asked, reproach and confusion in her voice.

Haruno laughed a full and dramatic laugh, shoulders bouncing. Then she leaned an inch forward and teased, batting her lashes, “I think you have some idea, don’t you?”

Yukinoshita’s shoulders twitched. She glared sharply at Haruno before giving a hostile and flat refusal. “…That’s something I’ll handle myself. It has nothing to do with you.”

Whatever she was referring to—it was probably what she’d talked about with her mother the other day. I seemed to remember she’d promised then that she would eventually answer the question her mother had posed to her. And yet here was Haruno Yukinoshita.

Did their mother not want to wait for Yukinoshita to talk, or was she just so worried about her daughter returning late at night that she had sent over the older sister? I don’t know. Haruno was probably the only one who knew Mrs. Yukinoshita’s intentions.

Haruno was listening to Yukinoshita in silence.

The amused smile from before was now gone, and her sharp gaze captured Yukinoshita, refusing to let go. Her eyes took in Yukinoshita’s expression, her gestures, everything, stony and so piercing it was like she could even see into her mind.

Eventually, Haruno smiled a mirthless smile. “…What ‘self’ do you even have, Yukino-chan?”

“Wha—?” The unexpected remark confused Yukinoshita. But before she could finish asking, What are you talking about? Haruno cut her off to continue.

“You’ve always tried to do what I would do, so can you even talk about your own thoughts?” Despite the grin on her lips, her tone was far colder than normal, and her gaze was ice.

Yukinoshita said nothing to argue or deny it; she only stared at Haruno, stunned.

Watching her reaction, Haruno gave a little shrug, then sighed in exasperation. “I mean, you’ve always been allowed to do what you want. But it’s not like you’ve ever decided yourself.”

Her tone was kind, even something close to pitying.

The compassionate gaze slid from Yukinoshita to Yuigahama, who was next to her, and then to me, on the opposite side. When her eyes met mine, she giggled. “…You don’t know how to act now, either, do you?”

Who was that question really aimed at?

It wasn’t just Yukinoshita—my legs were frozen, too. I wanted to keep Haruno from talking, but my voice was caught and wouldn’t come out. I didn’t know the right way to act or the answer to her questions, either.

“Just what do you want to do, Yukino-chan?” asked Haruno.

“…If you’re going to have a family quarrel, could you do it somewhere else?” I somehow managed to say, cutting off Haruno’s question.

I was sure Haruno Yukinoshita would say something final. She would shove the truth in our faces. So I couldn’t let her say any more. Not for Yukinoshita’s sake, but for mine.

Haruno eyed me with disappointment, as if her fun had been spoiled. She gave a me a scornful look that seemed to say, Is that all you’ve got? Really? “A quarrel? This doesn’t even count as a quarrel. We’ve never quarreled, not since we were kids.”

“Whatever it is, it’s not something to be talking about out here, is it?” I said, and our cold gazes collided. I fervently struggled not to avert my eyes.

“U-um… We’ll… We will think about it… Yukinon, and me, too.” Yuigahama stepped in to defend her. She stood tall by Yukinoshita’s side and tried to speak forcefully. But under Haruno’s glare, she gradually withered, until she’d lowered her head. Haruno gave her a gentle look that seemed sad.

“…I see. Then I’ll ask about it once we’re at home. There’s only one place for Yukino-chan to go back to anyway…,” Haruno added before turning around to walk away. As the sound of heels clicking faded into the distance, I could feel the tension draining from my shoulders.

Watching Haruno leave under the sunset that oozed out over the thick clouds in eerily vivid colors, when I finally heaved a deep sigh, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time.

We couldn’t even look at each other once she was gone. Yukinoshita stood there with her face still turned down, biting the edge of her lip, while Yuigahama gazed at her sadly. After a talk like that, all I was thinking about as I looked up at the sky was what I should say to get out of here.

“U-um… I know. Wanna…come to my place?”

So when Yuigahama proposed that with a smile, trying to patch things up, I couldn’t come up with an excuse to refuse.

We walked for a while along the main road that connected the school to the station and arrived at a corner with some large apartment buildings standing in rows.

Yuigahama lived in one of these apartments.

It was right around the time of day a lot of people were coming back from school or work, so the streets were busy as we made our way there. Walking in silence, we were grateful for the noise.

Yukinoshita and I only ever opened our mouths to say “Thanks,” as Yuigahama was letting us into her home. But when we got to Yuigahama’s room, after a while, we could finally find real words instead of sighing.

“Sorry, it’s kind of messy in here…,” Yuigahama said as she sat down in front of the low table and pushed a cushion toward Yukinoshita and me.

“…Thanks,” Yukinoshita said and, with that cushion in her arms, quietly sat down next to Yuigahama. I did the same, crossing my legs on the floor. I sat opposite them with the low table between us. The short-fibered pink rug made the floor warm.

Holding a mushy beanbag cushion, I couldn’t help looking around the room.

The shelves were packed with all sorts of cute-looking knickknacks and distinctly Asian-flavor odds and ends; fashion magazines were piled around in disorder, and the study desk that showed no signs of use was functioning as a closet.

As Yuigahama had said herself, it wasn’t very tidy, but it was still clean enough. Cleaner than my room, for sure.

It was just that I really couldn’t settle down. Her room smelled nice, and that alone made me fidgety. The smell came from the bed, so my eyes were pulled in that direction to a little bottle by the bedside. The bottle had a bunch of thin rods stuck in it, and it seemed that was the source of the scent.

What the heck is that…? I was wondering, peering at it, when I heard an ahem. Looking back again, Yuigahama was twisting around awkwardly.

“C-could you not stare at my stuff so much…?”

“Huh? Oh, um, like, there was this fried pasta–looking thing, so?!” I said, my voice going a little shrill.

Yuigahama gave me an exasperated smile. “That’s an essential oil diffuser…”

Oh, so it’s like a perfume for the room, huh…? I guess those pasta sticks suck up some perfumy stuff and disperse it? Not like I’d know. Huh, there’s lots of stuff in girls’ rooms, I was thinking, impressed, when I saw out of the corner of my eye that someone’s shoulders were trembling.

“Fried pasta…?”

When I looked at Yukinoshita, she was burying her face in the cushion and shaking. Uh, it’s not that funny… Why is her sense of humor so weird…?

And with that thought, a smile had slipped out of me. Yuigahama sighed with relief.

Once the mood had settled enough for us to have a conversation, Yukinoshita lifted her face from the cushion and shifted in her seat. She quietly raised her head. “I’m sorry… I’ve been a bother…”

“Not at all! Don’t worry about it,” Yuigahama said with extra cheer as she waved her hands wide in front of her chest, and while she was speaking, another voice broke in with even more cheer.

“That’s right! There’s no need to worry at all.”

There was no knock, just a click as the door suddenly opened and a woman appeared carrying a tray of tea. Though her attire was subdued—a thick sweater and long skirt—she had a bit of a baby face that gave her a youthful impression. With each bubbly laugh, the bun behind her head bobbed cheerily.

“Mom! Don’t just barge in!” Yuigahama huffed.

“Awww,” her mom replied, turning aside her daughter’s response with a smile. You didn’t need anyone telling you to know instantly that this was Yuigahama’s mother. The friendly smile and good style were just like her daughter’s.

…Well, I’d also believe you if you said she was the older sister. But she’s saying “Mom,” so she’s the mom, right? Mama Yuigahama, Yuigaha-ma for short. That doesn’t really abbreviate anything, and it’s hard to say.

Yuigahama’s mom knelt by the low table and started pouring tea. “Here,” she said as she offered me a cup.

“Ah, thanks. Sorry…”

At times like these, is it good manners to say You shouldn’t have or You needn’t be concerned or Your grace much obliges me, my lady? But I don’t have much experience in going over to people’s houses, so I just didn’t know. And since this was Yuigahama’s mom, I was extra-nervous, and my reply came out flustered.

I was a little embarrassed about looking straight at her for some reason, so my head was still bowed down as I heard a rather glad-sounding “Ohhh.” Raising my head curiously, I found Yuigahama’s mom staring at me.

I was observed for a moment as she kept making those thoughtful little noises.

Not knowing how to respond, I didn’t say anything, and Yuigahama’s mother giggled. “You’re Hikki…aren’t you? I’ve heard all about you from Yui.”

“Uh… Uh-huh…” Oh, wow, I wanna die. This is kinda embarrassing. I actually wanna die.

“Mom, stop babbling at him!” Yuigahama leaped at her mother in a panicked manner. Then she stole away the tray of snacks and urged her mother to get up.

“Whaaat? But Mom wants to have a chat with Hikki, too!” Mrs. Yuigahama griped and grumbled.

But Yui shoved at her back, chasing her out of the room. “Forget about it!”

Yukinoshita watched the exchange between mother and daughter with a smile, and then her eyes met with Mrs. Yuigahama’s as she was being thrown out.

“Oh, yes. Yukino-chan.”

“…Y-yes?” Yukinoshita replied, despite her confusion.

Yuigahama’s mom smiled broadly at her. “You’re staying over tonight, right? I’ll put out the futon…”

“I’ll do that, too!” Yuigahama gave her mother one last hard shove, then closed the door with a clack. Some talking could still be heard on the other side of the door, but Yuigahama ignored it with a phew.

“Ah-ha-ha… Um, sorry. It looks like Mom’s glad you’re here, Yukinon. She just got a little excited. Ergh, that was embarrassing…,” Yuigahama said shyly.

Yukinoshita gave a little shake of her head as if to say, Don’t worry about it. Then she smiled weakly. “You’re close… I’m a little envious.” You could see a touch of loneliness and regret in her expression. She had a mother and that sister, too, but it’d be hard for anyone to get along with them. Yuigahama and I didn’t know what to say.

When Yukinoshita noticed our silence, she made a hurried attempt to fill it. “I’m sorry—that was a strange thing to say… I’ll get going soon,” she said and moved to stand, but Yuigahama stopped her and waved her to sit again.

“About that—like, why don’t you stay over?” she said brightly. “You let me stay at your place all the time, I mean… Sometimes it can be hard to go home, right?”

“Huh? But…” Yukinoshita seemed confused to hear that out of the blue and hesitated a moment. Her gaze moved about restlessly like she couldn’t decide, then shifted over to me.

Uh, don’t look at me…

But considering her recent conversation with Haruno, if Yukinoshita were to go back to her place in this situation, the same thing would clearly happen all over again. Besides, Yuigahama sounded confident enough to have some ideas of her own. With that thought, I glanced at Yuigahama, and she gave me the slightest nod so that only I could see it.

Well, when it’s hard to face someone, just avoiding them is also an effective tactic for smooth communication. Of course, if you’re going to do that, you have to establish a time limit to get closure, or you’ll wind up running forever. But still, you couldn’t say it would be a mistake to take some time here.

“…Well, I’m sure both you and your sister are worked up right now, so it should be fine for you to think about it for the night. And call, just in case.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” Yuigahama agreed.

Yukinoshita hugged her knees, considering for a while, but she eventually gave a little nod. “…Yes, you’re right.”

Pulling her cell phone from her bag, she started to make a phone call. Probably to Haruno. After a few rings, it seemed she answered. Yukinoshita raised her head as she started talking.

“…Hello. I’m sure both of us are worked up right now, so I’m going to consider things for the night and go over to talk later. I’m just calling to let you know…”

Yukinoshita mostly talked at her sister, with no apparent response from the other end. There was silence. Yukinoshita inhaled with some confusion, while at the same time, I heard a little mutter of “Just now…”

Glancing toward that voice, I saw Yuigahama looking between Yukinoshita and me with a startled expression. I was about to ask what it was when I heard the person on the other end of the line burst into derisive laughter.

“Hmm, fine. Hikigaya is there, isn’t he? Give him the phone.”

In the quiet room, I could hear the challenge in her tone, even on the other end of the call. Haruno’s request made Yukinoshita hesitate a moment. But then I heard a colder “Now” from the other end. Yukinoshita let out a faint sigh and held out her cell phone to me.

“…My sister says she wants to talk.”

I accepted the phone without a word, brought it to my ear, and slowly asked, “…What is it?”

“…You’re so nice, Hikigaya.” Her mocking giggle was beautiful and enticing. Since I couldn’t see her, it felt like a strange spirit was casting me under its spell.

I’m sure the smile I couldn’t see would have been lovely in an awful and twisted way. I could imagine her expression vividly. You’d think her features would be a lot like Yukinoshita’s, but she didn’t resemble her at all.

I heard the sound of a gulp in my own throat, and without realizing it, I was looking over at Yukinoshita.

She was holding her arms idly, standing beside the window. Her back was arched, leaning against the wall, and her gaze was far away.

It would probably rain that night. The streetlamps dotted around and the red lights of the clusters of high-rises in the distance were not enough to illuminate the dark, turning the glass black.

The eyes reflected there were entirely clear but seemed so empty.

After that one remark, Haruno hung up on me, ending the conversation.

I gave the screen of Yukinoshita’s cell phone a light wipe with my handkerchief before returning it, and then the exhaustion hit me like a wave. I suddenly realized it was getting pretty late.

“Then I’m gonna get going,” I said.

“Yeah…”

I snatched up my bag and stood, and Yuigahama rose with me. A beat later, Yukinoshita stood, too. It seemed she meant to see me off at the door.

“Uh, we can just say good-bye here.”

“It’d be weird to do that here,” Yuigahama said, opening the door and taking the lead.

Instantly, a furball came barreling toward us from the other side of the hallway.

It was Yuigahama’s dog, Sablé, charging right in to body slam me.

“Whoa…”

“Hey, Sablé,” Yuigahama scolded the dog before scooping him up from where he lay at my feet showing his tummy.

Seeing the dog, Yukinoshita twitched and froze. Uh-oh. She’s scared of dogs, isn’t she?

On our way to the door, Yukinoshita kept three steps behind Yuigahama, doing her best to avoid contact with the furball. Meanwhile, even in Yuigahama’s arms, Sablé was sniffing and woofing and flailing around energetically. Hmm… Will this be okay…? Maybe I should tell Yuigahama to be careful, just in case.

After putting on my shoes, right when I was about to step out the door, I said, “Hey, Yuigahama. If Yukinoshita’s staying over tonight, then Sablé—”

“Hikigaya.” Yukinoshita cut me off harshly. Her lip jutted out slightly, arms folded as she flicked me a glare.

Are you that determined not to admit you’re scared of dogs…? Well, maybe she just couldn’t bear to say she didn’t like something her friend loved so much. She’d probably feel bad about making Yuigahama do extra for her when she was already letting her stay over. If that was it, then I should respect her wishes.

But as always, once something has started coming out of your mouth, you can’t put the words back.

Yuigahama was tilting her head with a blank expression. “Ummm, Sablé? What about him?” she asked me again, and I didn’t know how to answer.

“Mmm, uhhh… I’m sure Sablé gets lonely, but part of training is teaching him restraint. It’s extra-important,” I said, making it up as I went along.

“Yeah, we’ve taught him that!” Yuigahama nodded emphatically.

Oh-ho, I didn’t think you’d be so confident about his training… Strangely confident, though, given he doesn’t listen at all to what you say…, I was thinking, when Yuigahama’s shoulders slumped.

“…’Cause when we’re inside, Sablé always sticks with Mom.”

“Ah, I see…”

Doggies have a strong sense of hierarchy, so he had to have zero respect for Yuigahama. But then he wouldn’t be approaching Yukinoshita very much, either. And this could be an opportunity for her to get acclimated to dogs.

“Then I’m going home,” I said, giving the dog in Yuigahama’s arms a little pet on the head.

“Yeah, then see you later.”

“See you.”

With the two of them seeing me off, I went outside. Even after stepping onto the outside walkway, I heard Sablé whining for a while like he was lonely. I left Yuigahama’s home, but I was quite reluctant to.

After coming home and finishing dinner, I slid into the kotatsu and focused entirely on lying around and reading.

My parents had come home early for once, and they’d already gone to bed. Now it was just Kamakura and me in the living room. The cat was curled in a ball on top of the table the whole time, though, and I was the only one awake.

Then there was a click as the living room door opened, and Komachi came in, wearing her pajamas and a sleep cap for her hair.

“You’re still awake?” I said to her.

“Yeah. Komachi’s gonna sleep, but just one thing first,” she replied, circling around to the kitchen.

“Whatever, but go to bed soon,” I said, while on the inside I was in quite an anxious tizzy. But tomorrow is your exam—should you really be awake this late?

But her reply was particularly laid-back. “Hmm.” And then before long, I heard the tik-tik-tik sound of the gas stove being turned on.

What, is she cooking or something? I wondered, and next I heard the sound of her fishing around on the shelves. Is it that she can’t sleep because she’s hungry? I thought, and then Komachi came over to the kotatsu.

“Here, take this.”

“Hn. Oh, thanks.”

What Komachi had come to offer me was a MAX Coffee. When I took it from her, it was warm and toasty. It seemed she’d bought it before and warmed it in hot water. She’s good.

“Your feet are in the way, Bro,” she said, kicking my legs as she wiggled her way into the kotatsu. Then we both started sipping at our warm drinks.

Komachi let out a satisfied sigh. “Pfew… It’s finally tomorrow, huh?”

“Yeah. Once this is done, go to bed early. Tomorrow’s exam day.”

Well, a warm Max can before bed will give you a good sleep. I’m terrified of when they inevitably certify these things as a prescription drug. If you say Heh-heh, this is the good stuff… as you drink it, the unnatural sweetness will make it feel like something naughty. I very much recommend it.

But it seemed that wasn’t what Komachi was trying to say. “…Not that. Valentine’s Day. A boy should be all excited about it, you know?” she said with an agh. She seemed exasperated.

Bringing that up, before entrance exams… The princess of this household really has some nerves of steel. Apparently, I wouldn’t even need to bother asking, Have you prepared yourself?

“I’m not gonna get all excited about it. Actually, I’ve got my head full thinking of you.”

“’Cause you’re too sweet on Komachi. It’s creepy. You should try pampering yourself for a change.”

“I do pamper myself.”

“That’s not what I mean; I mean you do, but…,” she said while shaking the Max can, then snorted.

…Hey, did you casually say something really mean just now?

If you say your bro is creepy, then Big Bro really will do something creepy. For starters, I decided to try banging on the kotatsu and acting like a spoiled brat. Yeah, maybe I am creepy.

“Oh yeah, if you’re gonna talk about sweet, then, you know, give me chocolate. Come on.”

“I gave you something close, didn’t I?” Komachi jabbed her chin at my drink.

No, no, it’s not at all close. I mean, this is barely even coffee. I’m not feeling the love here!

“…Komachi, do you love your big brother?”

“Not really, no.”

She just had to answer instantly with a nonchalant smile, huh?

“Wahhh…” So mean… Well, I guess we’re close enough that she can say it to my face.

Even if it was jokingly or half-teasing, we could say we loved or hated each other and, regardless of the answer, could honestly reveal the real feelings beneath those words.

The fifteen years of time we’ve shared are not for nothing.

So then what about those sisters, that mother and daughter?

If you could be together over fifteen years, spending your time in the same spaces, sharing memories and recollections, and having similar values in life—and still fail to understand each other, still be at odds, then how could you get along with a stranger?

Our sibling relationship works entirely because of Komachi. I truly can be thankful to her for so much.

…But that’s one thing, and this is another. Chocolate is chocolate.

“Give me chocolate, come on…” I broke down into teary wails as I twiddled my fingers.

With a beleaguered sigh, Komachi got out of the kotatsu and pattered off somewhere.

I… I despaired, flopping face-first onto the kotatsu, when Komachi rushed back to me with another pitter-patter.

“Hnn.” And then she poked at my slumped back and handed me something.

Turning around to look, I saw some prettily wrapped chocolates.

“…What, you’re giving this to me?”

“Well, it’s just basic stuff. Since you told me to give you some…,” Komachi grumbled, looking displeased for some reason.

Hugging the chocolates with tears welling in my eyes, I thanked her over and over, “Thanks so much…so much…” She went to the trouble to get this for me, huh? What an upstanding sister…

As I was sobbing, Komachi made a face at me. “Komachi wishes you could learn to ask for things from other people, too, though.”

“How could I say something so embarrassing to anyone but you? …Plus, anything you get from asking for it is worthless,” I said.

Komachi gave me a dull look. “If you’re gonna be like that, then Komachi’s chocolates are worthless, too…”

“…Mm, ahhh, well… That’s not true? Your chocolates are different. Special. Komachi’s the super-ultra-cutest.”

“That doesn’t sound very sincere, Garbro.” She breathed a deep sigh, and her face was clearly annoyed. “…But if you could get some from someone who doesn’t deceive themselves, Komachi might be a little happy about that,” she said, smiling with an expression far more mature than usual. Leaning her face on her hand, elbow on the kotatsu, she cocked her head, looking up at me with a direct and warm gaze.

The kindness in her eyes was embarrassing, and I let out a rough snort and looked away.

That seemed to embarrass Komachi a little, too, as she snickered in a particularly deliberate way. “Or whatever. Did that score a lot of Komachi points?”

“I keep telling you, that stuff doesn’t score points…” My ultra-sweet coffee had gone lukewarm, and I finished it with a bitter expression. It was so sweet, my lips relaxed into a smile.

Komachi tossed back the rest in one go and stood up with a hup. “Okay then, I better go to bed.”

“Yeah, do.” Shaking the now-empty can, Komachi went to throw it out in the kitchen garbage. When she came to the door, Kamakura twitched and got up, then padded after her.

“Oh, hey, kitty. Wanna sleep together?” Komachi asked.

Kamakura didn’t reply with a meow, rubbing his head against Komachi’s leg instead. With a satisfied chuckle, Komachi lifted up the cat and put her hand on the doorknob.

I called after her. “Komachi.”

“What?” Hand still on the knob, she turned back halfway.

“I’m rooting for you. Night.”

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll do my best. Night.” Her words were few, but her smile was calm. Adjusting the cat in her arms with a hup, she went back to her room.

I watched her go, then folded my hands behind my head and flopped back down.

“Not deceiving yourself, huh…?”

Komachi might say I didn’t, but right now, I couldn’t say with confidence that was true.

I wasn’t going out of my way to approach myself, but I also wasn’t the one to back away, either.

I was aware of it and drawing a clear line, flatly putting a lid on it, making myself duller than usual, deciding not to think about it, as I have quite consciously continued to take the position of the coward in an attempt to be the canny observer.

I’d been trying to maintain a distance, to avoid recognizing that feeling that something was wrong for what it was.

This act was performed solely to avoid mistakes, and I understood well that it was not the only correct answer. But I was trying to swallow that down.

That had to be why she’d seen through me.

Once again, that voice torturing me came from inside.

Is that Hachiman Hikigaya? Is that what you wished for?

Shut up, stupid. Stop talking bullshit when you don’t even know me. Shut up.

After that, I didn’t say another word.