CHAPTER 10
To Accept or Deny a Night’s Invitation
First Friday of July
I don’t know if it’s foehn winds or an El Niño or what, but summer in London is so freaking hot and so freaking humid and so freaking oppressive, and I think I’m going to just die it’s so hot tonight.
“…Isn’t there anything you could do about the way you talk, Tanaka?”
“Come on, man—it’s hot as hell out here.”
The words sounded like a new employee who had agreed, at length, to only take her earrings out, and Touya Kamijou was fed up with it. “You’re the one who suggested we go out for a drink after our work was over, you know.”
“I’ve only been bringing us to pub after pub and they all have cute girls in them, and every single time you stomp your foot and say, Let’s go somewhere else or I’d rather not or Let’s not go there, either!”
“…That’s because you’re not taking into account that I’m a married man. Or are you purposely trying to tear us apart because you can’t stand someone else not being single like you?”
“Ugh. Says the man who shrewdly ran into a blond, wavy-haired schoolgirl on the street corner; the very same man who was holding that blind nun’s hand to show her where to go and later tripped, immediately diving into the chest of that other sister with sausage curls. And just what was with that girl yesterday anyway? It might be July, but you can’t go around wearing barely anything like that…”
“Well, she seemed to be drifting around near the station. I called out to her, thinking she might be lost. I wonder what that was all about? She must have a lot on her mind…”
Touya began muttering to himself, but Tanaka wasn’t listening. In general, a single person would only get pissed off listening to Touya. How had a guy like him convinced such a young, beautiful woman to agree to be his wife?
“The whole point of going for a drink was because it’s hot out,” said Tanaka. “But now we’re sweaty just from looking for a place to go! What’s the point?”
“I don’t care where we go at this point, so let’s pick the next place we see.”
“Hopefully, it’s somewhere we can sit down to drink, at least.”
Once they’d decided on an extremely random course, they wandered into a pub like a couple of sleepwalkers—and inside they found surprisingly good-tasting local black beer. As they were putting away some fried fish and drinking their hearts out, they suddenly found they were now a group of three, with the addition of some drunk person they didn’t even know.
“I’m telling you, you can try shaying Please shtop cutting down trees for the shake of the planet, but if you don’t cut them down you can’t get a paycheck or protect your family. If you were shomeone like that, would you listen to shomeone shuddenly coming up and giving you a do-good-to-the-environment talk? Greed is what movesh people! Greed, I shay! What I mean isss, to protect the environment, you gotta shet up a way for people to protect their families without cutting down trees, you freaking moron!!”
“…Er, who were you again?”
“Hmm?? I’m Misaka—Tabigake Misaka. Mackerel really make the best fish fries, huh? It’s a little off-putting with them catching sooo many widdle baby mackerels, but ish still good stuff!”
Introducing himself, Misaka reached a fork out for the fish fries Touya and Tanaka ordered. On the surface, he seemed like the sort of dandy gentleman who would fit perfectly in a high-class car painted black, but it seemed the alcohol in the local beer had made him very talkative.
“And another thing—all those Japanese people who love their wooden homes sooo much that they’re shouting Cut down more! Cut down more! turn around and tell the workers in the Amazon that you’re doing the wrong thing, you know! Do they even understand what they’re saying?! Those idiots! How can you talk about sounding the alarms of global warming when you don’t even change the settings on your air conditioners, much less turn them off, you fake Samaritans! And if you don’t like it, then make a system where you can protect everyone by raising some trees, goddamn it!!”
“I, uh, Kamijou, what’s going on with this guy? He reeks of alcohol.”
“…By the by, what kind of work do you two do?”
“Well, we work for an office that prevents buyouts related to our parent company…”
“Oh, huh? A company president?! Wait, hold on—I’m a person who shows people what the world lacks. The Amazon is a little hot at the moment—would you mind listening to what I have to shay, hmm? Would you?”
As they went on and on making a ruckus, they eventually heard a sigh from a table deeper in the pub. Touya looked over there, wondering if they’d been too noisy, and saw a blond-haired, blue-eyed lady in a close-fitting suit. He didn’t know whether she intended it, but the sight of her drinking alone in the dimly lit place and her weary expression seemed to make her somehow exude this pinkish aura.
Tanaka, who had been completely preoccupied with Misaka until now, suddenly bolted upright.
Before Touya could think, Oh crap, it’s that habit of his, Tanaka said, “I’m going to talk to her! I’m going to, I swear I will!!”
“Don’t bother,” said Touya with a chuckle. “It’s suicide.”
Abruptly, Misaka countered, “Actually, with her, it might work.”
“?” Touya looked at Misaka dubiously. Misaka explained, his expression unamused:
“I mean, she seems t’be a prostitute.”
Pfffrrrt!! Touya and Tanaka both sputtered loudly at the same time. Touya took a handkerchief out of his pocket, wiped off the weird sweat that had suddenly appeared on his face, and said, “W-wait, is that really all right? I don’t think it is—like, legally speaking, and also it’s absolutely shameful to say that about someone!”
“I mean, this isn’t Japan, so…”
Come to think of it, he was right.
Tanaka then assumed a very gentlemanly look. After making up his mind—about something—he jumped to his feet.
“I’ve won.”
“Won what?!”
“Heh-heh. Kamijou, as a married man, you’re chained down right now! But I, a single man without a girlfriend, am different!! I have a one hundred percent chance of victory here!! Ha-ha-ha! This feels great! I’ll get you back for all those times you showed off your young, beautiful wife!!”
So shouting, new employee Tanaka dashed over to the table in the back of the pub. The young woman glanced at the approaching Asian with suspicion. Without any introductions, much less a preface, he straight up asked, in English:
“How much for tonight?!”
A moment later, the blond-haired, blue-eyed, sexy lady, still sitting in her seat, made a fist and unleashed it on him. With a dull wham, her fist buried itself in Tanaka’s crotch. In his current state, Tanaka likely keeled over and collapsed, but Touya and Misaka could only guess because they had both covered their eyes to avoid the sight of the aftermath. Tanaka eventually came back, crawling on the floor, unable to even walk.
And then he shouted, “She…she was just a regular office worker, you stupid drunk!!”
“Really? That’s weird… I thought for sure she was a lady of the night,” said Misaka lightheartedly, earning him a sharp glare from the woman. Apparently, she could understand their Japanese. Misaka downed his extra beer to cover up his surprise and continued, “And anyway, average corporate warriors like ourselves shouldn’t be contemplating adventures like that.”
“You think so?” said Tanaka.
“Hitting up a prostitute in some dingy pub in the corner of a fancy city like London?” said Touya. “Clearly fraught with danger, wouldn’t you say? Even troublemaking main characters in comic books never try and cross that rope bridge.”
“Oh, right. Either of you two know what an Uncut Gem is? It’s like a different thing from Academy City…”
The inebriated Misaka started talking about something. Touya started ignoring him. “The important thing is not to stick your neck in any funny business like a certain troublemaker. Doing things you’re not used to is bound to cause problems. If you do anyway, well—you end up getting wrapped up in trouble you’d never have been able to imagine normally… Just look at my son. Scares me so much I can’t even laugh at it anymore.”
“But still, if you want romantic encounters, I mean,” stammered Tanaka, “if you’re searching them out then, I mean, you’ve gotta be adventurous, right?”
“What I’m saying is that there’s no need to gamble. You’re still young. Go have an average encounter.”
“What the heck is an average encounter anyway? Running into beautiful women is average for you at this point anyway—I mean, damn, would you please do something about that? It makes me want to punch you in the face!”
As Touya gave a great belly laugh, he suddenly felt someone tugging at his sleeve. “Hmm?” he said, looking that way to see a girl in her late teens who was dressed in oddly revealing clothing. She said nothing. She just stared into Touya’s eyes.
“Who could that be?” asked Tanaka.
“It’s the person we met yesterday, remember? Oh wait, you weren’t there. She was wandering around near the station and I was wondering if she was lost, so I spoke up to…her…but…”
Touya’s words trailed off.
He wasn’t focusing on the girl’s strangely alluring features, nor was he distracted by her curvy body, which was perfectly visible through the thin fabric. His eyes were on only the mysterious girl’s right hand.
Something glittered on her slender wrist.
It was neither a wristwatch nor a bracelet.
Handcuffs.
And an attaché case that looked quite durable. The other handcuff was already hooked to its handle.
“Oh!”
Misaka, who had been left behind for a short time, pointing at it, said this as the kicker:
“How unusual. You’re an Uncut Gem, aren’t you?”
The strange, sudden term had a disquieting air about it.
Just as a bad premonition settled on Touya, the door to the pub crashed in with a bang!!
A group of unknown black-clothed people appeared in the doorway.
But they weren’t even the most menacing thing in the room.
Greeahhh!!
With a crazy noise, it was the girl who mowed down the entire group of black-suits in one hit.
“You who have been caught in dangerous territory,” said the girl in her late teens quietly, without turning around. “You seem to have become entangled in a troublesome issue, but you will be fine now. I give you my word that I will safeguard your life.”
Touya Kamijou wasn’t one to stick around and listen to every last word.
He disappeared out the back door in a flash. He was an international corporate warrior—one who had gone on business trips to war-torn South American countries armed with only a single management strategy. His survival instincts were not to be underestimated. The new employee Tanaka had followed suit and fled with him, quickly and wisely, and they began shouting curses at each other.
“Look, what the hell did I tell you?!” shouted Touya. “Average corporate warriors like us can’t be biting off more than we can chew! We end up jumping into abnormal situations like this one!! That’s why I said it was fraught with danger!!”
“But you’re the one who brought the trouble to us in the end, Kamijou! I knew you were this kind of person right from the start! How much delicious trouble do you end up in wherever you go anyway?! Your wife is probably crying!!”
“I have a theory—that the girl was actually unrelated, and that office lady you talked to was actually the daughter of some shady organization’s boss!”
“Depending on how the story progresses, that sounds like a rom-com waiting to happen, but look—that girl is right on our tail.”
“Damn it! Now I’m definitely the source of all this!!”
He looked behind him and saw the strange handcuff-plus-attaché-case girl.
After getting tossed around by the stormy waves of ludicrous trouble, the corporate warriors, in the end, blew up a Cessna flying in the sky and pretended to be dead, but there is something that needs to be said regarding all that.
“It’ll be fine!! If we put our heads together, we’ll get through this, I’m positive!!”
“It’s no good! I can’t see any possible way to win!!”
“Hah! This has nothing on the things that crop up when I’m with my wife!!”
“It’s no good! He started talking about his wife even at a time like this!!”
With a dash of this and that, the stimulating night in London pressed on.
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