The World of Otome Games is Tough For Mobs - Volume 13 - Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Soul Food

THE LICORNE WAS DOCKED at a harbor in the capital.

“Is Angie aboard with the other girls?” I asked.

“Yes. She doesn’t want to be the only one left behind in the capital,” Cleare explained cheerfully. She was the one who’d brought the Licorne here. “You really are loved, Master.”

I sighed. “To be honest, I’d prefer they all stay here, not just Angie.” I didn’t want the three going to the battlefield, but the circumstances wouldn’t let them sit out.

“You might not like it, but we need Liv’s powers,” Cleare said, eager to list the reasons the girls’ participation would be a boon. “Same goes for Nelly. We have the Sacred Tree on board, and we need her to control it.”

“Seriously? You’ve got the Sacred Tree aboard the Licorne?” I asked.

“Yes. It will be a huge help in resolving our energy problems.” Cleare blithely went on to report that our chances of victory had increased thanks to the tree and the girls. It felt to me like she was indirectly driving home the point that our odds would plummet without Livia and Noelle; we needed them.

“Can we at least have Angie disembark?” I said hopefully.

“She may not be integral to the battle, but she doesn’t wish to disembark. If you are that intent on her not coming along, you will have to convince her,” said Cleare.

I gave up and started up the ramp into the ship.

***

I arrived at the Licorne’s bridge to find it transformed. It had been renovated to make space for the Sacred Tree Sapling, which sat at the rear of the bridge in a large, round flower bed. I wasn’t entirely sure how the Sacred Tree Sapling was connected to the Licorne, but it was apparently feeding the ship energy.

“Our Sacred Tree Sapling is now the Licorne’s energy supply, huh?” I said.

“Yes,” answered Cleare. “And what a splendid battery it is.”

It was a little sad to see what was an object of worship in the Alzer Republic, which our former enemy Ideal had claimed was humanity’s hope, reduced to a “battery.”

As soon as Angie realized we’d arrived, she spun around. Her eyes were dewy, as if she might burst out crying, but she blinked the tears away and smiled. “Finally back, eh? A lot of people were kicking up a fuss because we’re about to set out, and you were nowhere to be seen. It was a mess.”

She and the other girls wore new outfits: pilot suits made with ease of movement in mind. The fabric clung to their bodies, showing each curve and outline. The design was so suggestive that something enticed me anywhere I looked. Angie’s suit was black and red with gold trim; around her shoulders was a red cloak, the top lined with white fur.

Angie didn’t seem the least bit embarrassed to be seen in her new attire, but Livia had the opposite reaction.

“Eek! Mr. Leon, you can’t be in here!” She grabbed the edges of her blue cloak, sinking to the floor as she wrapped it around herself. From what I glimpsed beneath it, her suit was blue and white.

Noelle cackled at Livia, whose blush had traveled all the way to her ears. Noelle’s suit was green and white with a deep-emerald cloak. She glanced up at me and spun in place to show off her outfit. The cloak billowed, making it easy to see everything.

“Cleare went out of her way to make us these, so we’re all wearing them,” she said.

My eyes moved to Cleare.

“What do you think, Master?” she asked proudly. “Fine work, wouldn’t you say? I designed them to be more highly functional than any ordinary piece of clothing, so not wearing them would be silly.”

Perhaps she was right about that, but although the suits covered the girls’ bodies entirely, they were so tight that they hugged every curve. No wonder Livia was embarrassed. It would be a treat for anyone to glimpse the girls, but given the situation, I wished the garments weren’t so provocative.

“Who are you planning to show them off to?” I demanded.

“You, of course,” said Cleare. “I designed them for your benefit. You won’t be able to appreciate them during the battle, so make sure you enjoy this moment for all it’s worth!”

I sighed at her “present,” but if her words were to be believed, I couldn’t really complain.

Luxion proceeded to scan the girls. “While I must say the outfit designs have their issues, I can confirm that Cleare is correct about their quality and functionality,” he reported. “Proper equipment will improve the wearer’s chances of survival, so I strongly suggest they remain in these suits.”

I pressed a hand to my forehead, peeking between my fingers to get a better look at the girls. If you ignored the suits’ suggestiveness, Luxion was right: There was no point making the girls take them off. We didn’t have extra time for Cleare to revise the designs either. I’d have to accept them as they were.

“I just don’t want anyone else to see them like this,” I said.

Noelle responded first, perking up. “Are you being possessive of us?”

“I guess I am,” I admitted with a shrug. “But, to be honest, what I want most is for all three of you to disembark and stay here in the capital.”

Forgetting her embarrassment, Livia shot to her feet. Her expression hardened, and she stared up at me. “I have no intention of leaving this ship. I’m going with you, to fight for you, Mr. Leon.”

“Livia,” I said as softly as I could, “there’s no need to go to such lengths. This is the one battle where I’ll have my hands full, so I won’t be able to protect you. That’s why I—”

“That’s why you want me to stay?” Livia’s voice dropped to a growl. “How long will you keep mocking me like this until you’ve had your fill?”

I flinched. Wow, she’s really angry. The two of us had known each other long enough for me to pick that up in an instant.

Then she flashed a smile. “I want to help you. You don’t need to protect me.”

“But I—”

“After coming this far, we have no choice but to go at the enemy with everything we’ve got. You know that,” Noelle interjected, hands on her hips. “I’m not getting off the ship either, Leon. Besides, you need my power, since I’m the Sacred Tree’s Priestess.” She thrust out her hand, showing where the crest darkened the skin on the back, and winked at me. She was probably trying to reassure me that there was nothing to worry about.

My gaze moved to Angie. She was the only one without a legitimate excuse for being aboard the Licorne. She understood that too, but seemed to have no intention of leaving.

Angie peered out the window. “I’m sending all those warships out to face certain death. I won’t wait behind where it’s safest,” she said. “I may not be able to do anything to help, but I can at least be there to watch how the battle plays out.”

“There’s no need for you to,” I insisted. “No one would complain if you disembarked and stayed behind. You’ve already done so much to set all this up. If not for you, we wouldn’t have this many troops. You’ve done enough.”

My words didn’t sway her at all. “If we lose this battle, we lose everything,” she reminded me. “I want to be there with everyone.”

“Angie…” I tried again, pleading.

“I know I’m being selfish, but regardless, I…I want to be there with you, Leon.”

All three stared at me with determination in their eyes. I resigned myself. Arguing any more with them than I already had would be a wasted effort.

“Make sure you listen to whatever Cleare says,” I said. “If you have to retreat, leave me behind and go. You need to promise me that. If you don’t, I won’t let you come along, no matter what you say.”

The three girls exchanged glances and nodded.

“All right,” agreed Angie, “we’ll follow your orders.”

“But can you promise us something in exchange, Mr. Leon?” asked Livia.

“What?” I said.

“Promise us, right here and now, that you’ll do whatever it takes to survive and come back to us.” There was deep sadness in her eyes as she looked at me.

Trying my hardest to sound as natural and composed as possible, I answered, “I can’t say for sure that I can keep such a promise, but I swear to at least do my best.”

It was mostly lip service. My odds of surviving this weren’t high.

Livia must’ve sensed what I was thinking, because her eyes narrowed. All emotion drained from her face. “That was a lie just now, Mr. Leon.”

“Huh?!” My jaw dropped. Panic set in, and cold beads of sweat dripped down my back. How had she seen right through me?

“You have a tell when you lie,” she explained, staring hard at me.

I’d never known that, and I couldn’t believe she’d discovered the tell; that was even more terrifying. “You’re kidding,” I said, still in disbelief.

Her expression softened. “Yes, I am,” she said. “You don’t have a tell. But you were surprised I saw through your lie, weren’t you?”

I stiffened. She was right. I was so surprised, in fact, that I couldn’t even find the words to respond.

“You’ve sure gotten tougher, Livia,” said Angie.

Noelle furrowed her brow. “I’m not sure ‘tougher’ is the right word. Maybe ‘scarier’ would be more accurate.”

Even Luxion and Cleare whispered to themselves.

“It does not surprise me in the least that she saw straight through his falsehood,” said Luxion.

“He has a habit of lying a lot, right?” agreed Cleare. “That makes it easy.”

Livia ignored everyone’s reactions and stepped closer, reaching her hands out to cup my cheeks. She pressed hard, making my lips pucker.

“W-Wibia?!” I sputtered.

“So many people would be devastated if you died,” she told me. “But I’d be most brokenhearted because I love you most. More than Angie and Miss Noelle. I can promise you that.” She released my cheeks but pressed her forehead to my chest. “So please do whatever it takes to come home to us. I don’t want to live in a world without you. It would be too painful.”

I knew she was probably in tears already, so I wrapped my arms around her. At the same moment, the bridge door swung open, accompanied by a familiar voice.

“Whoa. Can’t believe you guys really moved the Sacred Tree onto the ship,” Carla blurted out.

Kyle stopped short behind her, carrying their luggage. “Um, hello,” he said awkwardly, realizing their poor timing when he spotted Livia in my arms. He averted his eyes, unsure where he should look.

Marie came up behind them, clad in the Saint’s relics. “Don’t just stand in the middle of the doorway,” she barked at her two followers. “Go on in. I can’t enter until you—” 

Her eyes finally landed on Livia and me. 

“Oh, uh, ah ha ha… Looks like we interrupted something.” She reached forward and grabbed the backs of Carla’s and Kyle’s shirts, then dragged them back into the hallway, slamming the door behind them.

By that point, the mood was already ruined.

Angie sighed. “It’s hardly the time for a serious conversation after that.”

Noelle pouted, lips puckered. “I’d like to contest that part about Olivia loving Leon most.” She wasn’t about to let Livia’s remarks on that subject fly.

Angie grinned. “I have to agree with you there. I care a lot for Livia, but I’m not letting that go unchallenged.”

Livia lifted her face off my chest, her eyes red and slightly swollen. She stared at the other girls, arms wrapped tightly around me. “I was the first one who met Mr. Leon, so naturally I love him the most deeply!”

It was hard to believe she was arguing the point with them; she’d been so withdrawn and timid when we first met.

Angie and Noelle rushed toward us, throwing their arms around me.

“Should we have Leon decide who’d be saddest?” Angie suggested with a mischievous, childlike grin on her face.

I grimaced. “No, I’d rather not,” I said. “I don’t think it’s possible to measure the love you three have for me.”

Noelle smirked. “Yes, I can see this is the kind of question that makes you really uncomfortable. That’s why I’d like a precise answer from you.”

I couldn’t answer a dangerous question like this when I knew that whatever answer I came up with would hurt two of the three. I had to rack my brain for some solution that wouldn’t upset any of them.

I took a deep breath, then said, “I think you all love me equally.”

It was a non-answer, admittedly. As punishment, all three girls began crushing me in their embrace.

“Hold on a sec!” I cried. “Give me time to think of another response!”

“I knew you’d give that answer.” Angie snickered. “Such a predictable man.”

They finally let go.

***

“Lady Marie, Lady Marie!” squealed Carla. “The four of them are embracing. Their relationship was like some romance drama for a moment there, but it looks like they’ve managed to make up.” She peeked through the door, spying on Leon and his fiancées and reporting all the minute details to Marie.

Kyle gave her a look of exasperation. “You sure do like those plays with dramatic romances between people,” he commented. “I kind of understand why, but it’s in poor taste to peek.”

Despite his reproach, she couldn’t swallow her curiosity. “I can’t help it; it’s so entertaining. Oh! Goodness, what a passionate kiss…”

“What?!” Kyle was interested instantly. He rushed to the door to peek along with her.

Marie leaned against the wall a short distance away. Her fingers tightened around the Saint’s Staff in her hands. Gross. The last thing I want to see is my brother’s love life playing out. She wasn’t the least bit interested in seeing his fiancées kissing him either. Still, her mind was preoccupied with Leon for a very different reason.

He’s got three fiancées. He needs to survive this…unlike me.

***

After disembarking the Licorne, my next destination was the Einhorn, which was docked at the palace’s royal harbor. Once I was on board, I headed straight for the hangar. The idiot brigade’s Armors had already been stored inside. Besides the improvements Luxion had made to their suits, the designs had been changed to something more appropriate for what was to be our final battle. 

When I entered, Greg stepped out of his Armor’s cockpit; he’d apparently been making some final adjustments.

“Finally back, are ya?” he said.

“What do you think of your new Armor?” I asked.

When an Armor’s specs were altered suddenly at the last minute before an important battle, the biggest burden was placed on its pilot. Despite that, Greg just flexed his arms at me, which I took to mean everything was fine.

“It’s amazin’,” he enthused. “I like how you even threw in a secret weapon for me.”

“Secret weapon?” I cocked my head to the side.

“Due to their sudden implementation, those additional weapons are imperfect. However, I added one to every Armor with each individual’s strengths in mind,” Luxion helpfully explained.

Brad strode over. “Our Armors’ basic functionality has improved so we can actually protect you.” He was carrying Rose and Mary—his pet dove and rabbit—in his arms and smiling gleefully.

I furrowed my brow. “You guys are going to protect me? Don’t tell me you’re actually planning to tag along with me?” My face twisted in disbelief.

“We can’t let you carry all the burden on your own.” Chris made his way over, his hand carrying a small bundle of cloth. “With that out of the way, do you mind if I use this fabric to make myself a loincloth?”

The fabric in question was a Lost Item I’d picked up when treasure hunting.

“You don’t seriously plan to wear only a loincloth while you pilot your Armor?” I said.

“No. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t make sense,” Chris replied forlornly. “I assure you, I will wear my pilot suit. But I think I should at least be able to wear whatever undergarment I prefer beneath it.”

And, according to him, the undergarment in question needed to be a loincloth. I was flabbergasted.

“Yeah, I wanted to go in just underwear, but I gave up and put on the suit,” Greg informed me.

I shook my head in disgust. “Shut up, you idiots.”

“Please!” Chris pleaded, clasping my arm and clinging. “This precious fabric is thin but durable, so it’ll fit seamlessly under my suit. I simply must wear a loincloth for our decisive final battle!”

“Fine. Just get off me!” I snapped.

Jilk was the next to step out of his cockpit and join us, having finished whatever final adjustments he needed to make. “You all seem awfully relaxed in the lead-up to a battle,” he said. “Leaving all your ruckus aside, why are there five Armors instead of four?”

The rest of the idiot brigade shared his confusion. There were actually six Armors, including Arroganz. The one that caught their attention was a white suit which had received improvements similar to theirs. Judging by their bewildered looks, they didn’t think anyone was present to pilot it, so it made no sense to them that it was even here.

“Oh, that one?” I nodded toward it, ready to spill the beans. “The pilot will be Ju—”

The echo of approaching footsteps interrupted me. Our heads swiveled to look at the interloper. Brad put Rose and Mary down, shooing them to safety. Chris and Greg whipped out their weapons. Jilk already had his pistol in his hand. 

The atmosphere was fraught with tension due to the appearance of a masked knight. He was clad in a pilot suit, a cloak billowing behind him. His face was partly hidden under a half mask that covered his eyes. He looked more like he was about to attend a masquerade ball than take part in a war.

The masked knight stopped in front of me and proclaimed, “I will be the one piloting this Armor.” He seemed quite proud of his timely appearance. Everything about him was exaggerated, from his body language to his speech.

I wonder if that’s because he’s Roland’s son.

“It’s been a while, gentlemen,” continued the masked knight. “I will join this fight alongside you.” He flung his arms out dramatically, punctuating his statement.

Greg pointed his spear at the man. “What’ve you come here for, you pervert knight?!”

“Masked knight!” he corrected. “I have told you this dozens of times! Why can’t you get it right?!”

I heaved a long, drawn-out sigh. How many times had we been through this? “How long are you guys going to keep up this stupid charade?”

“I empathize, Master,” Luxion said, similarly exasperated.

Jilk aimed the barrel of his gun at the masked knight. “You keep popping up again and again. Who are you, exactly? If you don’t intend to reveal yourself, I would ask that you leave.”

“I am your ally,” said the knight. “The five of us have fought together countless times, haven’t we?”

Brad had his hands ready to call upon his magic if the need arose. He looked warily at the knight. “I’ll admit you’ve assisted us repeatedly, but we ought to keep uncertain elements to a minimum in a battle of this magnitude. We can’t rule out the possibility that you’re actually an imperial. In fact, we can’t trust you at all with your face hidden like that.”

The four idiots were deeply suspicious of the masked intruder. Brad had voiced their worst fear: that the man could be an enemy spy who would betray us in the heat of battle.

What a ridiculous notion.

Chris had his sword raised. He was willing to cut down the knight if he made any wrong moves. “Why not take off that ridiculous mask and show us who you really are?”

Sick of the theatrics, I plopped down on a nearby wooden box. “Luxion, I’m starving,” I said. “Can’t you get me something to eat?”

“I would prefer you not eat anything too heavy before the battle,” he replied.

I rolled my eyes. “This could be my last meal. Come on, don’t you have anything?”

“It does not sound like you are joking,” he snapped. “We have rice in the storeroom, so I will prepare rice balls for you.”

That brought a grin to my face. I hadn’t expected I’d get to have rice balls. “Awesome. This’ll be the best last meal of my life.”

“Master, I advise you to cease making humorless jokes like that in the future. Now, I must go prepare the meal.” He promptly drifted away.

With Luxion gone, I turned my attention back to the idiot brigade and their little comedy show. They still had their weapons turned toward the knight, who’d given up trying to convince them at this point. I didn’t know what benefit there was in continuing to disguise himself to begin with.

The knight reached toward his mask. “Your fears are completely understandable, so allow me to demonstrate my sincerity.” He lifted the mask and shook his head, letting his hair dance around his face. Hidden beneath the disguise was none other than Julius.

There were audible gasps from the rest of the idiot brigade.

Jilk spoke first, his voice thick with disbelief. “It was you all along…Your Highness?” His jaw dropped.

Julius smiled at him. “Yes. I was the masked knight all this time.”

Chris grimaced, feeling awkward now. He lowered his sword. “I’d never have guessed, Your Highness.”

Had they really not caught on? What was wrong with their heads? Or was this all part of an act? If so, I wished someone would let me in on it. I was starting to think I was going crazy.

While I inwardly questioned their sanity—and mine—Brad relaxed his posture and reflected on their past encounters with the knight. “Now that I think about it, the prince was never around when the masked knight arrived. No wonder he knew so much about us and always showed up at the most opportune time to help us.”

Yeah. You’re right about that, at least. At the same time, I wished they’d realized sooner; it was ridiculously unbelievable that they hadn’t noticed. Part of me wanted to believe they’d just pretended out of consideration for Julius. But no, that was wishful thinking. These morons always managed to betray my expectations in the most mind-bending ways.

“Wait, Julius was the masked knight this whole time?” Greg was so shocked he dropped his spear. “No one coulda seen that coming.”

Oh, come on. The possibility should’ve entered your mind at least once.

Julius beamed, bolstered by his friends’ surprise at the revelation. He ran his fingers through his bangs and struck a pose. “I decided this time I’d remove my mask to fight beside you all.”

“Hmph,” grunted Greg, brushing the back of his finger over his nose. “Do whatever you want. At least, with things the way they are now, it won’t cause problems if you join us.”

I had no idea why they were spinning this into some heavy moment. To me, this was extremely absurd comedy. There was something odd about what Greg had said, though. Roland had disinherited Julius, so he was no longer crown prince, which effectively negated any political role he could’ve played. Still, he was a prince. Although Greg said it wouldn’t “cause problems” for him to join us, I’d have argued that it still presented plenty of issues. Diminished or not, he was royalty.

It didn’t help that Julius’s younger brother, Jake, had stopped seeking the throne. He’d abandoned it to prioritize his love for Erin, formerly a boy named Aaron. Gone was his intense ambition for power. He was head over heels for Erin now. With Jake’s candidacy eliminated, Julius was in the running to be named crown prince once more. Thus, his participation in this battle could potentially cause many people issues.

In other words, it was odd Greg claimed otherwise.

Then again, given Roland’s tendency to sleep around, he’s probably got a couple other illegitimate kids who could sit on the throne if necessary. Once all this was over, the kingdom would need to carefully consider whom to appoint crown prince. I hoped they’d choose someone more prudently this time around; both Julius and Jake had been terrible candidates.

By the time their little act was over, Luxion had returned with my rice balls. He’d even prepared green tea to go along with them. That’s my partner for you!

“Apologies for the wait, Master,” he said.

“No, thanks for doing this. Mmm. Yeah, this is the stuff.”

The rice balls had no filling, but he’d added the perfect amount of salt and wrapped them in seaweed. I could never forget the taste and familiarity of classic rice balls; nostalgia made me reach for them eagerly.

Julius and the rest of the idiot brigade were completely finished with their little farce, apparently. They watched curiously as I chowed down, my cheeks filling with rice.

“What?” I said, brows knitted. It was hard to eat with them all gaping at me.

“Nothing. I was just mulling over what an odd-looking food that is,” said Julius. “What exactly is it?”

They all studied the rice balls, intrigued.

I continued chewing. “Rice balls,” I answered between bites.

“Rice balls? Mind if we try?”

They circled me, each taking one to eat. Luxion had made plenty, so I didn’t really mind sharing. They’re sure being awfully brazen, though.

Jilk chewed a few bites, swallowed, and narrowed his eyes. “This is strange,” he concluded.

Rude.

But he wasn’t the only one. Everyone reached the same general consensus.

“It’s all sticky,” Brad complained, wrinkling his nose.

I scowled at them. “If you don’t like it, don’t eat it.”

Greg practically inhaled his, but he cocked his head once he was finished. “Never had anything like it. Might as well eat bread instead of this stuff.”

I reached for my third rice ball. “This is my soul food,” I shot back. “If you guys want to make fun of it, I’ll kick you off the ship.”

Steam still rose from the rice balls, making Chris’s glasses fog over as he ate his. “So you’re saying rice balls are Marie’s soul food as well? That’s good to know.”

Of course. Nothing matters to them unless it involves Marie. I went quiet and focused on eating.

“Leon,” Julius said suddenly, examining his rice ball. “Have you had that important conversation with Angelica and the other ladies yet?”

By “important conversation,” he meant telling them the truth about reincarnating here with past-life memories. Marie had already told Julius and the others about that, but I had no intention of ever letting my fiancées know. Okay, no—it was more like I didn’t think this was the right time to tell them.

“They’re a lot more sensitive than you guys,” I said. “So I’m not telling them. Not right now. No sense giving them more to worry about when we’ve got enough on our plate already.”

My response initially turned Julius’s expression sour, and by the time I finished, he looked crestfallen instead. “If it were me, I’d want to know my beloved’s circumstances. I was very happy when Marie shared everything with us.”

Sure, but realistically, how many people would believe someone who said they’d reincarnated and had memories from their previous life? I, at least, wouldn’t buy it for a second.

“You guys believing Marie instantly was the exception,” I insisted. “If you told a normal person that, they’d think you were crazy. I’m surprised how easily you accepted Marie after all that.”

It was great that it had gone well, but I personally thought it was entirely unnecessary for Marie to tell them the whole truth. My mind hadn’t changed just because they took it in stride either. That was why I also didn’t see the point of following her example.

Jilk sipped the green tea Luxion had provided. “We love Miss Marie for who she is as a person. It was a shock to hear that she’d reincarnated here, but what difference does it really make? That’s my stance.”

Greg nodded, wolfing down his third rice ball. “You said it. I fell for Marie’s personality!”

If you love her personality, you’re a bunch of fools, I thought. I wasn’t above telling them. “Hate to break it to you, but she has the personality of a nasty middle-aged woman. Are you guys crazy or something?”

They were obviously blind if they thought Marie was an amazing person. Actually, I was starting to worry that she’d really pulled the wool over their eyes.

“It has nothing to do with her appearance or mental age.” Brad shook his head at me. “To put it simply, she’s a good woman.”

A good woman? Are they insane? I was both baffled and disgusted.

With flushed cheeks, Chris gushed, “She was captivating at first because she had this mysterious air, like she had a bunch of secrets. But it’s so incredible that she actually remembers her past life. Marie really is something else.”

Was it really “mysterious” that she’d been hiding her past life from them? Nah. These guys are idiots, plain and simple. It was actually kind of a relief that they were so stupid.

“Yeah? Well, I’ll trust you guys to look after her, then,” I said. “And don’t make too much trouble for her.”

“We won’t let you down in that regard. We’ll protect her,” Julius assured me, his cheeks reddening as he added, “I promise you that, Brother-In-Law.”

“Did…did you just say ‘Brother-In-Law’?!” I squeaked, eyes widening.

Julius blinked at me in confusion. “Yes. Isn’t that what you are to us? If you’re her brother, that makes you our brother-in-law. Glad to be part of the family, Brother-In-Law.”

“Stop!” I screeched, my face contorted in utter disgust. “Hearing one of you guys call me that gives me goosebumps!”

At that, all five of them grinned.

“In that case,” Brad said, winking, “we absolutely have to call you Brother-In-Law.”

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that? Malicious and a narcissist,” I said venomously.

“I’m quite proud of how much I love myself,” Brad said. “And at any rate, dearest Brother-In-Law, you of all people have no right to call others ‘malicious.’”

I sneered.

Chris clapped me on the shoulder. “I promise to take good care of your little sister, Brother-In-Law.”

“Stop calling me that! And don’t give me a cheesy line like that until you’re at least independent enough to make it on your own,” I said. How could he make such an empty promise when I covered their living expenses? He had some nerve. On top of that, Marie was the one looking after them, not the other way around!

Tearing off his shirt, Greg bellowed, “I’ll protect Marie with these glorious muscles, Leon—or should I say Brother-In-Laaaaw!” He posed, showing them off.

“Don’t scream in my ear, you dunce! Enough with this brother-in-law crap!” I snatched his shirt off the ground and hurled it at him. They had me so enraged that my shoulders rose and fell with each breath.

“What we call you is honestly trivial in the end,” Jilk said, trying to placate me. “I’ll protect Marie. You needn’t worry about that.”

“Of course you will; that’s only common sense. And don’t you dare call the ‘brother-in-law’ thing trivial! It’s major to me!” I said.

It was all too obvious that they were messing with me.

Julius pressed his hand over his mouth, trying desperately to hold back laughter. “Pfft,” he burst out. “It’s not exactly fashionable to have a sister complex, Brother-In-Law. So why not find it in your heart to celebrate your sister leaving the nest?”

“Graaaaaah!” I cried, my voice echoing. I clenched a fist and swung it right at Julius’s face, sending him flying back.

When he eventually climbed to his feet, he shouted, “You shouldn’t resort to violence simply because we called you our brother-in-law! Just to be clear, our relationship with your sister is far purer than the one you insist on maintaining with my mother!” 

He flung himself at me, and the two of us tussled as we kept bickering.

“Miss Mylene is a completely different story!”

“No, she isn’t!”

The other four, exasperated by our squabble, gave us a wide berth.

“Nothing you ever say or do will get me to let you call me ‘Brother-In-Law’!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.

Luxion floated in the air at a distance. “Considering that Marie was your sister in your past life, and reincarnated here, I see no issue with them referring to you as their brother-in-law,” he said, his voice seeming to echo. “You are needlessly stubborn, Master. There is no reason not to be flexible and make this small concession.”

“‘Small,’ my ass! I don’t want them calling me ‘Brother-In-Law,’ period!”

“Does that mean you deem them incapable of looking after Marie?” he asked.

“No,” I admitted. “I think they can. I mean, as long as she and they are okay with their whole dynamic, then… Yeah, sure.”

It was a reverse harem, after all. One woman with five men. I didn’t quite understand it, but it was none of my business if they were all happy with it.

Julius flushed. “My. You’re being awfully understanding, Brother-In-Law.”

The other four grinned at me too.

See, this is why I hate their guts.