EPILOGUE
So this is…
Once the Run was over, Alisa found herself in the empty classroom for 1-B. She had escaped here after parting ways with her friends and making a flimsy excuse to decline Maria’s invitation to eat with the family. Obviously…she had absolutely no appetite for lunch.
Settling into her seat, she gazed vacantly around the room while listening to the chatter and noise coming from the schoolyard in the background. “I’m sorry,” she told her friends with a bow, but nobody blamed her for what happened. The kindness of her friends, however, only made her feel worse.
“…”
She had no idea what it meant to carry the weight of her friends’ expectations—no idea how painful failing to live up to them would be—because she had always been all alone up until now. Whenever she failed, the only one she disappointed was herself. But now…
“…!”
They were her friends who believed in her and helped her. They were students not even in her grade who wanted to support her. Even her sister was there for her with a smile on her face… And yet…
“…!!!”
The image of her face flashed in Alisa’s mind, and she buried her face in her desk. Grinding her teeth, she weakly slammed her clenched fists onto her desk.
She had gotten carried away. She had become arrogant. She had made so many friends, and they had acknowledged her as their leader. She had gotten so caught up in playing that role—so intoxicated by her sense of omnipotence—that she had thought she could do anything…and it had clouded her judgment.
Alisa would have realized it if she had actually put some thought into it. She was no match for Yuki when it came to strategy and mind games, so she should have simply asked Masachika for help. Perhaps they wouldn’t have fallen right into her trap if she had done that. Instead, Alisa was eager for victory and overconfident in her own abilities. She’d challenged Yuki unprepared and was utterly defeated. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the only reason why she was so eager to win was due to personal reasons.
“I hate myself…”
The self-deprecating words that escaped her lips were accompanied by moisture. Everyone would have rolled their eyes if they knew. They may have even gotten angry. The reason Alisa had tried to win the Run all on her own…was simply because she wanted to proudly invite her friends to her birthday party.
November 7—her birthday—was coming up in two weeks. It was stupid. She could have just invited them without involving the Run. She was so preoccupied with such trivial thoughts that she had suffered this humiliating defeat, and she had nobody to blame but herself. Of course she lost. It was the only logical outcome. But…even then…!
“<I wanted to win…and invite everyone!>”
Alisa wanted to win the Run on her own and show her friends and parents in the audience how far she had come. She wanted to proudly invite her friends to her birthday party. Every year until now, she had celebrated her birthday with her family, and even though her parents never said anything, she was sure that they were worried about her.
That was why she wanted to introduce the friends she made in high school to them this year with her head held high. She wanted to show them that she was no longer alone and tell them about how wonderful her friends were. Surely, that would bring a smile to their faces.
“<I wanted to spend my birthday with everyone…!>”
If only she could have celebrated her birthday surrounded by her smiling parents and friends, how wonderful it would have been. Alisa could hardly even imagine how happy she would have been and how much fun they would have had…but it was too late now…
I… I’m a loser who let everyone down. How dare I even think of asking them to celebrate my birthday now?
“Mn…!”
It was all because of something that she personally wanted to do. Everything was her fault and her fault alone. No one else was to blame. Alisa had brought her personal feelings into the Run, foolishly dreamed of some happy future, and lost because she had gotten carried away.
She wished that her birthday would never come. Even a birthday party among family would feel fake and only make her more miserable. And if that was how it was going to be, then—
“Hey! Good game.”
Alisa jumped at the sound of the voice. Why was he here? She had come here after telling him good-bye, and there was no way he would have known she was here, since she was supposed to be with Maria.
But in spite of Alisa’s bewilderment, the owner of the voice pulled out his chair with a loud scrape and took a seat in his usual spot. Then he faced Alisa, who was still slumped over her desk, and began in his usual voice:
“She got us this time. I definitely wasn’t expecting them to throw their rider like that. They must have practiced a lot.” He reflected on the match as if he didn’t even notice how upset Alisa was. “I guess they’re going to have to change the rules next year, though. I mean, if riders are allowed to dismount, then technically you’d only need one person to give the rider a piggyback ride while the other two just wreak havoc. It only worked this time, since nobody ever thought of making a rule to prevent stuff like that. Anyway, it’s hard not to get distracted when your opponent pulls a crazy stunt like that, huh?”
He was acting infuriatingly normal…and right now, it was seriously getting under her skin.
“…Hey.”
“Hmm?”
“Could you please just leave me alone?”
They were words of rejection, trembling with barely contained anger, and yet…
“What? No.”
…her words were casually dismissed. Although fueled by even more anger, Alisa kept her head lowered, and in a voice forcibly suppressing her emotions, she replied, “As you can see, I’m really depressed right now…so leave me alone.”
“Not like you to be depressed. Remember what Sayaka told you? ‘Anyone can mope around and be depressed.’ We lost, so after lunch, we should start discussing how we’re going to beat Yuki again.”
“…! But…!”
Finally unable to take it any longer, Alisa slammed her fist on the desk, raised her head slightly, and with a downcast gaze, she cried in agony:
“We lost because of me! Everyone worked so hard to fulfill their role! And yet I made a mistake and ruined everything! All their efforts went to waste because of me!”
Glaring at her desk, she struggled to hold back her tears, when a chilling voice suddenly pierced her side:
“Don’t be so full of yourself, Alya.” The out-of-character words naturally got Alisa’s attention, but she was taken aback by his piercing stare. Masachika was staring at her straight in the eye and matter-of-factly stated, “I—we—didn’t help you because we thought you’d win. We helped you because we wanted you to win.”
His words pierced Alisa’s heart like a dagger.
“That loss is your loss, but it’s also our loss, and everyone understands that, which is why nobody blamed you for what happened. So stop trying to take this loss all by yourself, because what you’re doing is arrogant and disrespectful to us.”
Masachika’s words, spoken calmly and slowly, resonated deeply with her, painfully so, and before she knew it, the tears that she had been desperately trying to hold back were rolling down her cheeks.
As her vision blurred, she saw Masachika stand, wrapping his arms around her head until she could see no more.
“I know… It’s frustrating.”
“…!”
“Me…and everyone else—we’re all in this together.”
“…!”
Masachika’s gym clothes were stained with tears, but as she cried in his arms, it felt as if the pain in her heart was finally washing away.
Yeah… He’s right.
Alisa had realized something as she silently wept. Of course, it still hurt that she wasn’t able to live up to her friends’ expectations, but she didn’t have to suffer alone. She could share that pain with them…because that was what friends did. Both the cause and consequences were things that should be shared among friends.
But bringing her personal feelings into the Run was Alisa’s crime, so she alone would bear that punishment. That was how it should be.
“…I’m okay now,” she muttered, so Masachika quietly let her go, revealing his tearstained T-shirt, suddenly overwhelming Alisa with shame.
“…! I…”
With a downcast gaze, Alisa tried to find something to wipe away her tears with once more, when she was suddenly handed a bottle of water wrapped in a handkerchief.
“Here. Consider this payback for what you did for me at the amusement park. Don’t worry. The handkerchief’s clean.”
Alisa understood exactly what he was doing and smiled faintly, accepting the bottle of water, which she pressed against her eyes. As the newly purchased cold drink gradually absorbed the heat from her eyes, she could sense that Masachika was sitting back down in his chair.
“By the way, I know this has nothing to do with what we were talking about, but…”
“…?”
She stiffened at the somewhat dissatisfied tone in his voice, and she raised a questioning eyebrow, although hidden behind the bottle of water.
“When are you going to invite me to your birthday party?” he asked offhandedly.
“…Huh?”
“Don’t act confused. You’re the one who told me that it’s the custom in Russia for the birthday person to plan their own birthday parties. Takeshi and Hikaru usually have nothing to do, so you don’t have to worry about them, but you should probably invite Sayaka, Nonoa, Yuki, and the others as soon as you can.”
He was speaking so nonchalantly about it that Alisa glanced up, meeting Masachika’s gaze before lowering her head once more.
“But I—”
“And if I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure that not inviting someone to your birthday in Russia is the equivalent of saying that you’re done being friends with them, right? Oh, and I’m pretty sure I already mentioned that to Yuki, Takeshi, and the others a while back while dropping some random trivia on them, so I think it’s going to hurt your friendships with them if you don’t invite them.”
That was something that she had told him months ago in desperation and out of sheer agony, and it was something that even she had completely forgotten about until now.
You still remember that…?
Before Alisa realized it, she was smiling, not even knowing whether it was out of joy or because of how ridiculous the whole thing was. But somehow, the sorrow and self-loathing that had filled her heart had vanished. It was hard to believe, but this wizard could effortlessly erase the pain and punishment that Alisa was feeling as if her self-centered determination meant nothing to him.
“…So? Are you going to invite us or not? I could go invite the others for you if you want.”
“…I’ll invite them myself.”
“Okay,” he briefly replied, before making noises as he stood up. Nevertheless, Alisa still didn’t glance in his direction.
“Anyway, don’t forget to eat lunch after you head back, okay? We still have a lot of hard work to do after the lunch break is over. Besides, aren’t you the one who told me that I better eat lunch with my grandparents? So you better go eat with your family, too.”
Masachika’s footsteps seemed to be heading toward the door, so Alisa placed the bottle of water down, rushed after him, and embraced him tightly from behind, burying her face in his shoulder blades.
“Will you…come to my birthday?”
“…Sure.”
“Will you celebrate my birthday with me?”
“Of course I will,” he replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, but it filled Alisa’s heart with pure joy. The corners of her eyes began to burn again, so she shut them tightly.
“…Thank you.”
Barely managing to utter those words, Alisa pulled away. She then lowered her gaze and bit her lip, desperately trying to hold back her tears, but Masachika didn’t look back.
“Yep.”
With a brief wave over his shoulder, Masachika left the classroom… Alisa couldn’t help but let out a bittersweet laugh through her tears at his unwaveringly familiar yet infuriatingly compassionate attitude.
“I can’t believe you… You really are…”
He acted so nonchalant, and yet he was always one step ahead. Although it was infuriating and frustrating…he had a magical way of melting away Alisa’s sadness and pain. Masachika was truly someone…she could count on…?
Hold on…?
Her heart pounded against her chest. A tingling heat began to spread throughout her entire body, not just around her eyes. He really was someone she could count on. That much was undeniable. She could trust him more than anyone. He was someone she could respect…but there was also a part of him that was so aggravating. And that was why—
I…
Alisa’s heart ached. Her body was on fire as conversations with Maria and Asae suddenly echoed in her mind.
“It would make you blush and want to scream, but not because you don’t like it. It fills you with happiness and…”
“You can feel admiration, respect, friendship, and of course, you can feel affectionate, like you mentioned a moment ago. Some people even experience obsession and resentment.”
All these feelings and everything she had been taught was finally coming together to form a single answer…
No.
Alisa instantly rejected what her mind was telling her, but she couldn’t change what she felt in her heart.
She had to deny it. This was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. This wasn’t how she really felt. It was some kind of mistake. Because—
So this is…
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