The Apothecary Diaries - Volume 15 - Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Confession-The Surface

Maomao got déjà vu when she saw where Chue was taking her, and it was very unpleasant.

This is-

-a place Maomao would find it hard to forget.

A place of nightmares!

It was a private area for the use of the Imperial family, where Maomao had found herself with the Emperor, Jinshi, and Empress Gyokuyou-the very place where Jinshi had burned a brand into his own side.

The unpleasant premonitions got stronger.

Empress Gyokuyou wasn't there this time; instead, Ah-Duo was present. Maomao sure hoped this encounter wouldn't end with another secret that she would have to take to her grave.

"Okay, gotta check you over!" Chue said, patting Maomao down before she was allowed to enter the hall. She had to make sure Maomao wasn't trying to smuggle any weapons into the Imperial family's presence.

"Goodness, Miss Maomao, you do keep the most eclectic stuff tucked away wherever you can fit it! You're like a squirrel," Chue said as she observed the growing pile of herbs, sewing implements, bandages, and more.

"I could say the very same thing about you, Miss Chue," Maomao replied. She never knew what Chue was going to come up with next. Even Maomao didn't produce doves from her robes.

"There's a lot of stuff here that I think you could have assumed you could leave behind. What do you do with it all?"

"It's just, I don't feel right if I don't have a certain heft. Don't you ever feel that way?"

"Wellll, I suppose I know what you're talking about."

Maomao had gone from the medical office back to the dormitory so she could take a bath and change her clothes. She would soon be meeting the Emperor, He of the Inimitable Facial Hair, for the first time in quite a while, and she was trying not to be rude. But still ...

Ugh! I don't wanna gooooo!

It was all she could think.

She wished she could be allowed to do some griping at least to Chue.

"And what's this?" Chue drawled, producing a cloth-wrapped package from among the goods she was inspecting.

"Stomach medication," Maomao replied.

"Hoh, hoh, stomach medication," Chue repeated. She tried the medicine on her tongue, made a sour face, and handed it back to Maomao. "This, you can keep."

"Thank you. It was the one thing I didn't want to have to go without, so I appreciate it."

Maomao's steps were heavy, which Chue tried to remedy by giving her a push from behind.

"Are you going to join us, Miss Chue?" Maomao asked.

"Sadly not! Miss Chue is on guard duty!"

Chue's very presence was enough to make any situation slightly less oppressive, but that thin ray of hope was now lost.

"What about Master Gaoshun?"

"My father-in-law? Not sure. Probably on guard too. But don't you worry! I'm a good wife who brings her father-in-law's favorite snacks so that we won't get bored no matter how long your chat goes on!"

Chue showed Maomao a bamboo steamer she produced from who knew where. Even if she could have kept it hidden, it seemed like the steam would have made things awfully warm.

There were no windows in this long hallway, but it wasn't dark, either. Flames flickered at their feet, providing illumination. Gaoshun stood at the far end of the hallway along with another guard.

Have I seen him somewhere before?

At the sound of Chue's distinctive footsteps, the guard stepped forward.

"Older-brother-in-law! Would you like some snacks?" Chue asked.

When she heard "older-brother-in-law," Maomao clapped her hands. It was Maamei's husband, Ba-something-or-other.

"No, thank you," he said.

"Have a drink of wine?" Chue drawled.

"I'm not much of a drinker."

"Maybe juice, then?"

"Where on earth would you get it?"

Ba-something-or-other had the very same question as Maomao. It looked like it was safe to presume he shared the Ma clan's sense of what was, well, common sense.

"Chue, we're on duty," Gaoshun said.

"Duty we may be on, but it's important to keep your energy up! Don't you worry-Chue will take a bite first so you can see there's nothing wrong with it!"

Clearly exasperated, Gaoshun turned to Maomao. "Xiaomao. Don't mind her."

"Yes, sir."

At Gaoshun's invitation, Maomao entered the room.

The furnishings look even more elaborate than usual.

Last time, there had been a bunch of herbs there, but not this time. Maomao was conflicted: Was that disappointing, or reassuring?

As she entered the room, she found herself walking on a carpet that looked like it had probably taken a year to weave three centimeters of. The Emperor and Ah-Duo sat on a couch on the far side of the room.

Here we go ...

She had, unfortunately, arrived after His Majesty. It was what it was, but it made her uncomfortable.

It was not the Emperor but Ah-Duo who spoke to her. "I'm sorry for summoning you here."

"Not at all, ma'am. I must apologize for my tardiness."

"No Yue yet? Isn't he with you?"

"No, ma'am."

Jinshi's absence was perhaps her one saving grace here.

Ah-Duo motioned Maomao to sit, so she picked a small stool and sat down. There was another chair, one with a backrest, which she assumed was for Jinshi. It was quite helpful, actually: the difference in the chairs made it obvious where Maomao should sit.

There was one couch and two individual chairs. The Emperor and Ah-Duo occupied opposite ends of the couch. It was not flirtatious, nor was it a sign of alienation from each other. It showed they kept the perfect distance.

Right in the middle of the chairs was a round table with two bottles on it. From what Maomao could see of what was in the glass cups that accompanied them, one bottle contained grape juice, the other plain water. There were four cups in total, and two of them were empty. That fact, and the similar number of places to sit, made it clear that only four people were going to take part in what was to follow.

Maomao let her gaze drift to the Emperor. His facial hair was as imposing as ever, and his pallor seemed decent enough.

No, wait ...

It was only being made to look decent. She could see traces of brushstrokes on his skin; they'd used whitening powder that matched his skin tone.

You probably wouldn't spot it from a distance.

Evidently, they were making every effort to ensure that his advisors wouldn't notice that there was something wrong. She suspected it was Gaoshun doing most of the work.

She was still observing His Majesty when they heard footsteps.

"I apologize for being late," Jinshi said, entering with his hands clasped and his head bowed. Ever since he had given up his eunuch persona, there was only one person to whom he bowed the head.

"Have a seat," said the Emperor. In essence, Jinshi was the Emperor's guest, and Maomao was Ah-Duo's. That would explain why Ah-Duo had been the one to greet her.

"We have no alcohol or anything to eat with it. There's juice and there's plain water. Which would you like?" Ah-Duo picked up the two bottles. Maomao made to pour for her, but she shooed her away; tonight, Maomao was to be a guest.

"Juice," said Jinshi.

"Water, if you'd be so kind," answered Maomao. She dearly would have liked to get a bit drunk right at that moment, but if there was no alcohol then that option was off the table. She would go with the plain water.

Once their glasses were filled, the Emperor cut to the chase. "Let me explain why you've been summoned here."

"Yes, sir," Jinshi answered. He was the only one to speak; Ah-Duo and Maomao remained silent.

Ah-Duo already knew, Maomao suspected. For her part, Maomao wouldn't-couldn't-speak until she was given permission.

"I suppose by now the physicians have told you that I'm cool toward the idea of tomorrow's surgery."

"Yes, sir."

"Just to be clear, I'm not being stubborn. I simply told them that I wanted to attempt the surgery only after I had done what I have to do."

This meeting, she took it, was what he had to do.

"They say the surgery has an excellent chance of success. Is that not so, O Lakan's daughter?"

"Yes," Maomao said slowly-she wasn't thrilled with being referred to that way, but she answered. "We think it may be better than ninety percent."

"And what if we were to simply allow the current situation to continue without surgery?"

Not happening.

Maomao straightened up. "If your pain were better than it has been, there might not be a problem. But the physicians appear to have judged that that's not the case."

She couldn't ask the Emperor for his subjective opinion-if His Majesty said it didn't hurt, she would be obliged to believe him.

"What will happen if the condition gets worse?" the Emperor asked.

Maomao tried to answer as precisely as she could. "If it's appendicitis, meaning an organ near the cecum is inflamed, then a body part called the appendix can get infected and burst. The filth can be scattered all through your abdomen, causing other diseases, which generally leads to death-at least that's what our cases so far have shown."

"Very well."

The Emperor proceeded to pepper her with questions: What if it wasn't appendicitis? How would they treat it? Was surgery absolutely necessary?

Maomao answered all the questions just as she had for Empress Gyokuyou. She was helping the Emperor and Jinshi to reaffirm what they knew, and Ah-Duo, perhaps, to hear for the first time.

Ah-Duo is clearly being treated as not part of the inner circle on this.

She seemed to know the general situation, but not to have been told the details. The fact that she was sitting here anyway left Maomao unable to shake her anxiety.

"Mm. It would appear they've taught you your job very well," the Emperor said.

Maomao had presumably told him exactly the same thing as the doctors. She was relieved: If she hadn't been able to explain the situation, he might have decided that the palace ladies were nothing more than pretty accessories in the medical office.

No, wait. I can't go feeling relieved here.

The really important question now was: What was the Emperor thinking?

"As you can see, the very serious, very honest, very stubborn doctors refused to tell me unequivocally that this will help. I don't doubt that they'll do their best, of course, but I think we should be considering every possibility."

"Please don't speak of such ill-starred things, sir," Jinshi said.

"Ill-starred? Mm, perhaps. But Zui, how many times in these past years do you think my advisors have come to me complaining that you were simply using your little prophecy of an insect plague to raise taxes?"

"That plague did in fact occur, did it not, sir?" Jinshi asked, looking put out. Zui must be his given name-the true name of an Imperial family member, which those below were not ordinarily privileged to hear.

"So it did. Which is why it shouldn't surprise you that I, too, wish to think of what could happen."

He's got him there.

The Emperor looked thoroughly pleased with himself, but he was clutching his abdomen. Maomao realized he was trying to get through the pain.

"I want to leave a written record of what should be done if the worst should happen to me," he said.

What, doesn't he have a will?

Maomao came dangerously close to letting the words out of her mouth; she clamped her jaw shut in the nick of time. 

"For that reason, Zui, I wish to get your opinion."

"My opinion on what, sir?"

"Do you wish to succeed me, Zui?"

If Maomao had had something to eat or drink at that moment, she would have spit it out. Sadly, there was no food there, and she hadn't touched her water.

Jinshi's expression didn't shift. "You have the Crown Prince, sir."

"A child not even five years old. It will be years before he can be involved in politics."

"You have Sir Gyokuen."

"Gyokuen is an old man."

"And your other family members?"

Jinshi deftly parried each objection. Maomao had been starting to think she could forget about the stomach medicine she'd brought, but from the twitch in Jinshi's cheek, she realized she would need it after all.

"Do you not think the Crown Prince would become a puppet for my maternal relatives?" the Emperor asked.

"That's not mine to know. I suspect, however, that it might bring some favor to the west."

It was plausible: Gyokuen had roots in I-sei Province. If the Gyoku clan were to gain power, trade with the west might come to be seen as a higher priority.

"The Crown Prince is still young. He might yet succumb to illness," the Emperor said. He certainly didn't hesitate to say things others might take to be unlucky.

Please don't talk about this, Maomao thought. Now her stomach was starting to hurt.

"There's Consort Lihua's child," Jinshi suggested. "In terms of pure accomplishments, there's no one more suited to be the mother of the nation than Consort Lihua."

Maomao shared Jinshi's estimation of Lihua. She might be more likely to pay heed to the whole country rather than just the west, as Empress Gyokuyou might.

"Yoh, please. Don't exercise Yue so."

It was Ah-Duo who called the Emperor "Yoh." Granted, it was just the four of them there, but still-Yoh? Was that something to call the sovereign of the entire nation? Maomao felt goosebumps rise on her skin. If there had been anybody else listening, the name would certainly have been interpreted as a mark of profound disrespect. Even "Yue" alone should have been a source of hesitation.

"You should come out and say it. You wish that little prince were alive. Say what you really think-that it's my fault he's dead," Ah-Duo said.

Forget goosebumps; Maomao thought she was about to grow feathers.

All she could do was let a thousand-yard stare take over her eyes. I just want to go home and eat dinner. Too much trouble to make it myself, though. I want to eat one of En'en's meals.

"No one is saying that," the Emperor replied, but his beard was quivering.

"And yet, if I'd done everything right, there wouldn't have been a problem, would there?" Ah-Duo sounded uncharacteristically self- critical. It didn't sound right coming from her; she was usually brimming with confidence and bravado.

To Maomao, it sounded as if she were saying: If only I hadn't switched those children.

I guess his Majesty must know about that.

Maomao knew too. The only one who didn't was the man himself- Jinshi.

"The child would have grown, become a man, and no doubt a fine one at that. Not one who would have banished a brilliant doctor just to lash out. Think how many children have died who might have lived full lives if that doctor had been there to help."

That was true enough, Maomao thought. If they hadn't exchanged Jinshi and the true younger brother of the Emperor, a brilliant doctor- that is to say, Luomen-might never have been banished from the palace.

But by the same token Jinshi, who sat before her now, might well be long dead.

"If there's a problem, it's my personal status," Ah-Duo went on. "I did it-I did it all!"

" ... ence," said the Emperor.

"What's that? I can't hear you!"

"I said, silence!" the Emperor bellowed, so loud that Maomao thought her eardrums might burst, as he rose from his seat. The great man hardly ever looked less than sanguine, but now his face was drawn and he was sweating profusely.

I'm going to need more than stomach medicine!

There was a knock at the door-it was Gaoshun and Chue outside. His Majesty had really shouted.

The Emperor sat back down, still sweating. He composed himself and then looked at Maomao. "Tell them it's nothing," he commanded.

"Yes, sir."

She went over and opened the door.

"We heard His Majesty's voice. Is anything the matter?" Gaoshun asked, worried. He was there along with Ba-something-or-other, Chue, and even Basen, who must have accompanied Jinshi as his bodyguard.

"I was told to tell you that it's nothing," Maomao replied.

"I don't believe that for a second!" Basen exclaimed, but Gaoshun silenced him with a jerk of his chin.

"Understood," Gaoshun said, not pursuing the matter. "If there should be any trouble, don't hesitate to call for help."

"Yes, sir."

Maomao closed the door and returned to her stool. The atmosphere had not grown any less tense in the meantime.

Things are even more charged after that outburst.

She hoped fervently that the Emperor wouldn't cause his appendix to explode right then and there.

"Ah-Duo. You be quiet for a moment," the Emperor said. Ah-Duo looked displeased, but she didn't say anything more. Instead His Majesty continued, "Zui, why do you refuse the Imperial title? You could stand at the apex of our very nation!" This time he sounded cajoling.

Jinshi didn't quite seem to know where to look. "Is the apex of the nation such a fine place?" he asked.

"It is all that I know."

That much was true, Maomao thought.

"There is none other here, except I. And if there had been anyone, they would have been wiped out. For my grandmother was the empress regnant."

He called his own grandmother the empress regnant. His Majesty had spent all this time as the only child of the former emperor. His father's preference for young girls meant further progeny had been unlikely to be forthcoming. He must have been raised with the utmost care.

He'd had one path in life, and one only: to become the Emperor.

"Zui. You've known and enjoyed a far wider world than I ever have -for I cherished you. Nonetheless, I have not gone easy on you. Surely you would be able to fill my place if you succeeded me, don't you think?"

"What would become of Empress Gyokuyou and the Crown Prince?" Jinshi asked.

"The Crown Prince is still young."

"Surely a regent could be set up? If I should vie for the throne at this moment, it would only cause chaos."

Maomao agreed wholeheartedly. They were going around in circles. Neither side would give because there were things preventing them from doing so.

It doesn't make sense.

The Emperor was asking Jinshi to succeed him on the throne when he had long ago established a different child as crown prince. Of course, he might be doing it simply to tidy up the power structure within the court, publicly prioritizing his own son.

Anyway, if they were really here to formalize the Emperor's will, then Ah-Duo's presence was puzzling. It would make more sense for Empress Gyokuyou to be there, but for this will, she absolutely could not be involved.

"Most of all, I'm not clever enough to balance several women at the same time. One is enough for me," Jinshi said.

Maomao's mind all but went blank.

"This when you were my testing stone in the rear palace?"

"I wish you would stop calling me that!" Jinshi said, his voice growing sharp. The frantic note seemed to be not anger, but embarrassment.

Balancing several women, eh?

He'd shot arrows through the hearts of so many ladies and consorts in the rear palace, but dig down just a layer and one discovered that this man was as socially maladroit as they came. So much so, in fact, that it caused him to make sure he was ready for anything. Maomao didn't know what to do with him.

What could the Emperor be thinking, though? Surely he hadn't forgotten what Jinshi had done in this very room? Maomao hadn't looked for a while, but she was fairly confident the peony brand must still be there on his flank.

And indeed, it turned out that that, too, was accounted for.

"If you say you can love only one woman, then you need simply hem that person in. Choose one of the many lovely flowers in the rear palace and lavish your affection on her."

"Do you not care if I don't produce children?"

"If you can't, so be it. That way, even if you do take the throne, the Crown Prince can remain the Crown Prince."

Please don't do that.

The Emperor was saying that Jinshi didn't have to visit any other consorts. But Jinshi said firmly, "No, I'm afraid that won't do."

"Why not? You want your own son to be emperor after all?"

"No, sir." Jinshi's eyelashes lowered. "To love one consort only would be to make enemies of all the rest."

"You need only give her your protection."

"Enough resentment can penetrate even the greatest protection." Jinshi clenched his fist. He had been in the rear palace long enough to know very well that however beautiful and intelligent the Emperor's women were, they could be hideous indeed. "Even if it doesn't lead to physical violence, it could still wound her heart."

"What will you do, then? With this one woman of yours?"

"A fair question. I'm sure I could never make her my consort." He looked slowly at Maomao. "Her form is unique, and I would be putting her in a place where she would be pounded from every side. It might change her shape."

"It might not," the Emperor rejoined.

"She might make me think it had not. I don't think I could do it." Jinshi smiled. It was a hollow look, but his fists were clenched in resolution. "If I must cage this unique thing, then much better to let it be free."

He was clenching his fists so hard Maomao could see blue veins popping up.

"Can you do that?"

The Emperor was asking what he would do about the brand on his flank.

Jinshi smiled, more brightly, and brushed his side. "If I did, I suppose I would have to cut this off, or burn it away entirely."

Maomao jumped up in spite of herself and glared at him.

I said never to do that again!

He gave her an apologetic look, a vulnerable expression that said: Do forgive me. Maomao, her breath hot in her nostrils, swore that she wouldn't treat him even if he scorched himself again, but she sat back down.

"I see you're quite a romantic. Isn't that so, Ah-Duo?"

The Emperor looked at Ah-Duo, who had stayed silent just as she had been bidden. Now she sat with her mouth hanging open, looking stunned. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Ah-Duo?"

"Er-mm. Yes. Yes, you're right." She shook her head as if to fling away the tear.

"Ah-Duo?" The Emperor looked outright perplexed.

"What? May I speak again?" Her spunk was back. Maomao might have thought she'd imagined the look and the tear, if it weren't for the small dark spot where it had landed on the couch. Ah-Duo placed her hand over the spot as if to hide it. Then she asked, "So then, what do you want to do, Yue?"

"I want to be His Majesty's subject. And when a change of rulership comes, I wish to be the Crown Prince's subject as well."

"Even if the Crown Prince leaves you to handle the weight of the throne or the bustling garden we call the rear palace?"

It was a loaded question, Maomao thought.

"A ruler's subjects are there to help lighten that weight. Beyond that, I can only hope that the Crown Prince will prove to be skilled in the handling of flowers." Jinshi sounded almost shy. He'd noticed Ah-Duo's tear.

"You heard him."

The Emperor didn't say anything; he looked steadily at Ah-Duo, not at Jinshi. His gaze moved from her eyes, to her nose, her lips, and finally her hand, as if tracing the path of the tear she had shed.