Bonus Short Story
The Thousand Tricks’s Advice Column Part.2
“Huh? We’re doing the advice thing again?”
“It’s my impression that everyone is struggling with some concern or another,” Eva replied. “And the previous attempt was received warmly, so I thought we might experiment this time.”
I crossed my legs. Treasure hunting was a tricky occupation. The job entailed a broad swath of work, and many hunters had troubles they preferred to keep to themselves. Counseling wasn’t part of a clan master’s regular duties. Still, I was one of the more accomplished Level 8s and had many acts of preterhuman artifice misattributed to me, so I often found myself listening to the worries of my clan members.
Not too long ago, I had offered advice through the clan bulletin. I had given pretty half-baked answers, so I hadn’t been expecting good reception.
“This time, I thought we’d try an in-person approach. Follow me, please.”
“In person?”
Eva led me to a room in the clan house. There was a desk with two sets of chairs, like what you’d see in job interviews. However, there was a partition placed in the middle of the desk, preventing me from seeing who was sitting at the other end of the table. It reminded me of a confessional.
“But they’ll know it’s me on the other side, won’t they?” I asked.
“Please ignore such minor details.”
Why was Eva so enthusiastic about this? Was it because I was always pushing my work onto her? I did as she told me and sat down in the seat hidden from the door. A few moments later, I heard it open.
“Let’s go, I’m up first!” said an energetic voice.
I realized that this system had a fatal flaw. Even with the partition, I could immediately tell who was on the other side by their voice. The crazy cutting man wasted no time taking a seat.
“Let me get to the point, Krai,” he said in a grave voice. “Lately, nobody’s been willing to spar with me. What should I do? At the dojo, anytime I swing at someone, they just throw down their sword. I can’t get in any practice like this.”
He had called me by name, and, contrary to his serious voice, his problem was patently absurd. I took a deep breath and decided I’d just say whatever.
“Make a clone. Make a clone, then fight it. Your ultimate enemy is yourself.”
After receiving my undercooked advice, Luke dashed off. I felt a little bad, but there was no getting through to him sometimes, and he seemed to be satisfied, so I let it go. I took a lazy sip of tea, then the door opened again. I heard two familiar voices.
“Ryuu-ryu-ryuu-ryuu!”
“And your dear friend Sitri, serving as her interpreter!”
This was completely unexpected, but it would take more than this to faze me now that I was set to halfass everything.
These two sure are good friends. That reminds me: did these Troglodytes get citizenship?
I saw them around the capital from time to time, leaving me wondering how they were being treated.
The two sat down, and the Troglodyte immediately started saying incomprehensible things.
“Ryun-ryun-ryuu-ryuu-ryuu.”
“‘My king, we’re making our skills known throughout the imperial capital. We request your guidance in planning our next steps. Also, Sitri here is an excellent woman fit to be your partner,’ she said! Did you hear that?!”
“Ryun?! Ryu-ryu-ryuu-ryuu! Sitryu!”
I heard some harsh noises and Sitri yelping. “Wha— Ow! Ryuulan, don’t hit me!”
Why did you two come here? Well, at least you’re passionate about something.
It seemed Sitri could talk with the Troglodytes now, but I really hoped she wasn’t teaching monsters (or were they Sapiens?) our language.
I cleared my throat and just said whatever. “Ryu-ryu-ryuu-ryuu-ryuryu-ryu.”
“Ryuuuun!”
“Wh-What a terrible thing to say, Krai!”
Just offering a few random “ryus” was best whilst dealing with these people.
Sitri and the Troglodyte Queen left while bickering loudly. I didn’t know if she was satisfied with my answer or not, but she probably hadn’t been looking for a proper one in the first place.
Through the window, I could see the setting sun casting a beautiful evening sky. Just as I was starting to wonder how much longer I had to do this, the door slowly opened, and a silhouette sat across from me.
“Umm, Master, can I ask you something?”
So my last customer would be Tino. Though I didn’t actually think I could be of any help to her. At first, she didn’t say anything, but after a few moments of waiting, she spoke up.
“Don’t you think that lately, I’ve lacked presence? I’ve just sort of blended in. Maybe I should give myself a new coat of paint, so to speak...”
That’s not something we can talk about here.
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