My flesh trembled, my soul screamed. Gods are nothing like humans. Putting aside whether authentic gods existed, even if it was just a phantom, this being had the presence of a higher being.
Previously, when I wasn’t perfectly comfortable, when I was just some no-name, I had kept a grip on my sanity simply because I was already accustomed to feeling the fear of death. Gods or demigods, dragons or demidragons, it made little difference to someone at the very bottom of the hierarchy. All treasure vaults, not just Peregrine Lodge, terrified me. As luck would have it, that was what allowed me to stand in the face of a god. But now I was different. Now I could stand before a god because I was perfectly comfortable.
She appeared as a fox with glimmering white fur. Her presence outsized her actual figure, which was much more modest by comparison. Yet that still gave her an outline comparable to that of a dragon. She almost didn’t look real.
In all likelihood, this fox’s body is without a single bit of excess. Just like quality crab.
Extending behind her was a number of tails, all of them puffy and shimmering. She was a beast, but a god nonetheless. Even if I had my friends with me, defeating her simply wasn’t an option. This wasn’t anything a human could vanquish.
“Oooh. The insatiate human. Hast thou come to challenge me once more?”
I wondered if Safety Rings worked even against higher beings. I had never had the opportunity to test it, but there was no point in thinking about it. If this phantom wanted me dead, there would be nothing I could do about it.
Not to brag, but I had more experience stepping on land mines than anyone I knew. For fear of losing my sanity, I avoided making eye contact with the phantom. However, that seemed rude, so I began to boldly grovel. The fox god slapped the ground with her tails, causing the air to tremble.
“I didn’t mean to come again,” I said.
“Nonsense.”
Nonsense indeed. Who had ever heard of someone happening to run into a treasure vault in the sky? But that’s what had happened. What type of person would willingly return to a place so inherently dangerous? But I couldn’t win an argument with a transcendent being. Her response would make Gark’s rage look petty and benign by comparison.
Oh, somebody save me, I thought as I lay there prostrate.
“Dost thou remember what I said?”
Her voice weighed down on me. I had totally forgotten what she had said, but the tall fox phantom had mentioned it. I searched my memories and answered as honestly as I could.
“You said we’d never meet again.”
“I said we shall never meet again, so long as we live.”
I wanted to protest and point out that those were the same damn thing. What’s the difference? But I was in no position to be voicing contradictions.
“This...is no coincidence.”
Something about the fox’s voice was incredibly affecting. But how was this not a coincidence? I couldn’t see what else it could be.
What’s this fox talking— Wait. Ah. I’ve got it.
The phantoms of Peregrine Lodge couldn’t lie. But bad fortune had turned this one before me into a liar, so she was trying to twist the situation back to her favor. So if I wanted to get on their good side, I just had to go along with them.
Man, I’m on fire today.
I put on a friendly smile and told them bluntly, “You’ve got that right. This isn’t a coincidence. I came here to see you!”
Perfect, right? No better way to show I had no animosity or intent to harm. Yet I received a very dramatic reaction.
“BAH! DO NOT INSULT ME. I NEED NO PITY FROM A LOWLY HUMAN!”
My body was rocked by a roar that nearly uprooted my soul from my body. My hair stood on end and my heart pounded. It was a miracle that I had survived it at all. I probably wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been perfectly comfortable.
As I stood there, too shocked to move, the fox continued, “Never has a human insulted me as much as thee! Not once do I ever wish to see thy visage again! To compare me to ‘quality crab.’ The temerity!”
So she had been reading my mind. She seemed pretty mad, but I could hardly blame her for that.
But hear me out—good crab is delicious. It would be even better if it was easier to eat. Of course, my friends always remove the shells for me, which I feel a bit bad about.
“Silence! Silence! Silence! Never hath I laid eyes on so hopeless a human as thee! Thou art a testament to the idiocy of man!”
The fox slammed her fluffy tails on the ground as she screamed. It sort of reminded me of a child throwing a tantrum. Adorable.
“Aaaaaaugh! I grow stupider with each passing moment spent in thy presence! Take that and begone!”
“Ah. You’re back. Sir.”
Once my audience with the fox was over, I left through the door. We hadn’t been separated for very long, but I still felt like I was hearing Kris’s voice for the first time in a long while. Humans really were the best. Gods make for bad socialization, even if you’re perfectly comfortable.
Kris supported me when she noticed me wobbling. Then her eyes went wide when she noticed what I had in my hand.
“Wh-What’s that? Sir?”
“Oh. Want it?”
In my hands was a bright white tail. It was the real thing, grown by the boss herself. Just like last time, it had been foisted onto me even though I said I didn’t need it. The last one I had stuck to a rod like a broom and then gave to Lucia, but I didn’t know what to do with this one. I wanted to toss it somewhere.
“N-No, I don’t! Quit that! Get away! Sir!” Kris yelped.
I guess she didn’t see it as just a tail. But really, who was supposed to be glad to receive a tail for a present? The tall fox—I’ll call him Big Brother Fox—pressed his lips for a moment.
“So mother lost?” he said dispiritedly.
“No, not at all,” I replied. “Not that I really know what goes on in the head of a god or anything.”
I just really pissed her off for some reason. It’s, well, sort of hard to interact with someone who can read your mind. And even if she was a god, being despised so thoroughly still left me feeling down.
“That tail is her lifeblood. Regardless of how it played out, you won, Mr. Caution.”
Lifeblood? This tail was her lifeblood?
That boss had twelve tails. Now I had one, leaving her with eleven.
“So if I do this eleven more times, I can defeat her?” I asked.
“Care to give it a try?” Big Brother Fox asked with a grin. Kris hid behind my back when he did that.
That just sort of slipped out. Sorry.
“No, I don’t intend to ever come back here,” I answered. “Now tell me, what’ll happen to the airship?”
Last time we had simply been released from the vault, but this time we had an airship with us.
“The rules say we must release you unharmed,” Big Brother Fox sighed. “Your airship or whatever it is will be undamaged. If I had my way, I’d destroy something that could reach us all the way up here, but I can’t just do what I want.”
Oh? Are we actually going to make it out of here?
These phantoms couldn’t lie. Sure there had been some rough spots, but getting away from Peregrine Lodge so easily had proven that even I could be lucky at the oddest times. But just as I let out a sigh of relief, Big Brother Fox smiled cruelly.
“However,” he said, “the only one I’m releasing is you. I have no intention of letting the others go free.”
What? That’s...not good.
I valued the lives of my friends and I above all else, but that didn’t mean I was okay with everyone else dying. I wondered if they’d let us all go in exchange for the tail.
“These are the rules, and if I don’t receive anything from our guests, mother will scold me. Now, it’s your turn, Kris Argent.”
Kris poked her head out from behind my back, but her hands still trembled.
“If you want to go free, you’ll have to give me whatever it is you value most,” the phantom said in a hushed voice. His tone was gentle, but that made him all the more intimidating.
And what did Kris value most? We were up in the sky, far from her party or any other Noble Spirits. Big Brother Fox was asking for something much more significant than simple groveling, but he was fair in his own way. After all, he didn’t ask for our lives or anything we couldn’t offer at the moment.
If I was in Kris’s position, I’d be ready to offer up just about anything. Even if the phantom wanted a Safety Ring, I’d just have to hand it over. But that made me remember something: we had the emperor with us. What if Kris was asked to hand him over? That’d be bad. If we failed to protect the emperor, we’d be chased from Zebrudia.
Maybe the emperor was exempt because he wasn’t in the immediate vicinity? No, that wouldn’t happen. Big Brother Fox followed his rules; he wouldn’t make that sort of exception. He wouldn’t take your own life, but he could still be harsh. If a couple wandered in here, someone would end up separated from their lover.
Kris didn’t say anything. She just gripped my shirt and glared at the phantom. He stayed quiet for a bit, until a frown formed on his lips.
“That won’t do, Kris Argent. I can’t take Mr. Caution because I’ve already agreed to let him go.”
“Huh?” I said.
What was this fox talking about?
“H-Huuuh?!” Kris stammered before I could say anything more. “What are you talking about?! Sir?!”
So she was thinking the same thing I was. Funny how we were on the exact same page.
“I’m explaining to you that I can’t take what you value most,” the phantom said. “He’s protected by the rules.”
“H-H-He’s what I value most?! Not a goddamn chance! Sir!”
“Oh no, I’m quite certain. There’s no use trying to deceive me as I can read the hearts of people. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re aware of it, you value Mr. Caution and Mr. Caution has no sense of caution.”
Kris quickly stepped away from me. Her face was red to her ears and her hands turned white as they gripped her staff.
Well, this is a little embarrassing. I never would have thought Kris valued me.
“D-Don’t look so happy! Sir! This is just because nobody I know is here! Sir!”
“I see,” I said. “So I’m more important to you than the emperor.”
Kris began to tremble, her face flushed as she hit the ground with her staff.
This was all the more refreshing after being told off by a god. Kris was always calling me a human weakling. I had no clue where I could have possibly scored any points with her. Maybe being in the same clan helped pad the numbers?
Big Brother Fox seemed to think things over for a moment before sighing. “I suppose I have no choice. Mr. Caution, I’ll take what you value most. However, to make up for my serious violation of the rules, I’ll let you and all your companions go.”
So that’s it, huh?
I didn’t know if I should or shouldn’t consider these to be favorable terms, but I had one thing I wanted to confirm. “And what would happen if what I valued most was Kris or the emperor or someone?”
Still red in the face, Kris gasped.
“Then there would be nothing I could do. It would be my loss,” the phantom said with a shrug. “I would let you and your company go. This is a fair exchange after all.”
Now I knew I had won. At first, I hadn’t any idea what was important to me, but Kris had changed that.
It’s her. Kris is what I value most. Sorry, but the emperor comes second. I know, I’m failing my quest.
But maybe this was all part of Big Brother Fox’s plans? I was sure he wanted the tail. That might have been why he began to negotiate with Kris. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to take from her, which would give him an excuse to take from me instead, and thus get the tail back.
But nobody stood to gain if he took Kris. The tail was a chunk of mana that could be used to incredible effect, but I didn’t care about that. At this rate, I was going to walk away with something I didn’t need.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and prayed. This tail is what’s important to me. It’s what I value most, way more than Kris. Way more? Okay, maybe just a bit more. It’s fairly valuable and it’s got a nice luster. I also like the ears that spring up when it attaches to you. If only Lucia didn’t always punch me when I touch them.
I opened my eyes. I saw Big Brother Fox looking just as troubled as he had been just a minute ago. Much to my disappointment, it looked like he wasn’t going to be taking the tail.
“I see,” the phantom declared. “It seems, Mr. Caution, that what you value most is a...carpet. Perhaps it sounds strange coming from me, but are you all right in the head?”
And so, I did as I was asked and obediently handed it over. I had no choice. I was so nervous, I thought my heart was going to burst from my chest. As I hung my head, the phantom rolled the item up and held it at his side.
“And now our exchange is complete,” Big Brother Fox said. “I hope you’ve learned your lesson and never come here ever again.”
“I’m not here because I want to be. You guys ran into me.”
I meant every word of that, but the phantom shrugged as though he didn’t believe me.
“It makes no difference,” he said.
It didn’t matter how much he said his exchanges were fair, their idea of fair wasn’t the same as ours. All he really obeyed were the rules of the treasure vault. However, these rules didn’t apply to us, they only dictated the phantoms’ behavior. For instance, if I had the necessary strength, I could overpower them and escape without giving anything up. That, of course, was a moot point.
We didn’t say goodbye. The world abruptly changed back and the phantom disappeared. Before me was one of the airship’s hallways. It was as though the vault had been nothing more than an illusion. Outside, the sky was blue and cloudless. Once I was certain we had made it out of Peregrine Lodge, I sighed with relief.
With minimal losses, we had survived something very few people come back alive from. However, we had one tragic sacrifice in the form of a certain textile. I didn’t know where that treasure vault would go from here, but if they remained airborne, then we would probably never run into them again. I just had to pray that assumption would prove correct.
As I gazed out the window, I felt a hand grasp my no-doubt mournful back. It was Kris. The color had returned to her face and she was no longer nauseous.
“Wh-What were you thinking back there?! Sir?!”
I had done something bad to her. But I really had thought she was what I valued most. In the end, that turned out to be my Carpet, something not even on my mind. The mind-reading skills of that phantom were extraordinary.
“Hey, calm down. That was definitely a scheme meant to drive us apart!”
“Do you think I’m an idiot? Sir? Can you quit playing with fire?!”
I didn’t think she was an idiot, but I really did feel awful about what had happened. I had a number of things to apologize to her for and I wanted to do what I could to make it up to her.
“But, Kris, now’s not the time to be fighting. We need to make sure the emperor is all right. That phantom wouldn’t lie to us, but any first-rate hunter would still want to make sure.”
“If you don’t take this seriously, I’m going to hit you.”
Following the map in my head, we made our way back to the earlier room. Knights, administrators, servants, Magi, all sorts of people were collapsed in the hallways. These people were most likely not the victims of phantoms but of Telm. Kris ran up to one and felt for a pulse, checked their eyes, and listened for a heartbeat.
“They’re alive,” she mumbled. “They’re still alive. Sir. I don’t understand.”
Telm’s magic was some of the best out there. I failed to understand how someone could be hit by one of his spells and survive this long.
“Oh, was this the mana material? Sir?”
That would explain it. Mana material enhanced bodies. If you wanted to be fortified in a specific manner, you could. Whether it be magic prowess, strength, or the power to protect people, you got what you desired. If it was absorbed by someone on the brink of death, they would gain a stronger grip on life. These changes were usually slow to take effect, but with Peregrine Lodge’s extreme concentration of mana, anything was possible.
And what exactly was going on if I wasn’t being affected, even when civilians were being strengthened? It was possible the phantom had done something. He had said he would send us all back unharmed. If one of us had died while in the treasure vault, they could hardly be considered “unharmed.” But now that we had left the vault, there was nothing I could do to know for certain. I just wrote it off as a stroke of good luck.
When we reached the room, we found it hadn’t changed since we first departed.
“You’re back, Thousand Tricks,” the emperor said when he saw me. Whereas everyone looked like they were on the verge of death, he was still maintaining an air of dignity. The man didn’t sit at the top of the empire for nothing. “Have you resolved the situation outside?”
My eyes swept the room—and let out a sigh of relief. Behind the emperor was my Delinquent Carpet.
Good. We didn’t lose anyone.
Trembling, Kris whispered threateningly in my ear, “Seriously, quit playing with fire. What if you had failed? Sir?”
The phantom only mentioned a carpet. Buying that other carpet as a companion for my Relic had paid off big time.
***
What mysterious creatures humans are. Especially that cautionless young man. The number two of Peregrine Lodge was Big Brother Fox. On behalf of the great Mother Fox, he was in charge of much of what went on in the vault.
He looked scrutinizingly at the blue carpet. Humans valued all sorts of different things. For some it was items, the life of someone else, and some people even chose memories. But when that man had so many allies and a tail from Mother Fox, Big Brother Fox couldn’t understand how a carpet could be what he treasured most.
Humans rarely entered Peregrine Lodge, and nobody had entered since that man’s previous visit, meaning this was Big Brother Fox’s first confiscation. The Noble Spirit next to Mr. Caution had very reasonable values that Big Brother Fox could comprehend, so he felt safe in his belief that there was something wrong with that man.
He was beginning to wonder if the rug was an heirloom or something when his eyes flew open.
“I’ve been had.”
This wasn’t it. He could tell. This was indeed a carpet, but not one significant to Mr. Caution. Big Brother Fox had been tricked. He let out a sigh of disdain. The airship had already been released. He had lost, lost in a battle of wits. He never imagined that man would hand over a fake.
Though the human seemed to have the wrong idea, they had played by fair rules. It was a fair game of cloak-and-dagger, a fair battle of wits. It was his first attempt, so Big Brother Fox was still learning the game, but that didn’t change the fact that being slipped the wrong item made him the clear loser here. He wasn’t permitted to take revenge. In fact, as the loser he had to compensate the winner, just like Mother Fox had offered up one of her tails.
Now Big Brother Fox was certain—that human was a wily one. His lack of caution only made him all the more difficult to handle. Appalled by his failures, Big Brother Fox began to consider what to do next.
He needed a strategy. For someone to enter Peregrine Lodge twice in such a short time was abnormal. Maybe that man’s luck was truly awful, maybe he had some powers that dwarfed those of Peregrine Lodge. While that man showed no hostility to them, Big Brother Fox still didn’t like the idea of continuing on in the sky. At the same time, he also didn’t want to go somewhere beyond the reach of humans. It was an unfamiliarity with humans that had led to the defeat of his younger brother. It was a fine line to walk.
His mother, younger sister, Big Brother Fox, all of them had lost. The one bit of solace in all of this was that the humans’ airship was undoubtedly going to crash. Its propulsion systems had been demolished. The only reason it had remained airborne so long was because it had been caught by Peregrine Lodge. Now that it had been released, it was once again subject to gravity.
That man had taken one of Mother Fox’s tails. Big Brother Fox wasn’t resentful, but he wasn’t indifferent either. Mr. Caution was a fascinating individual, but not someone the phantom was obligated to rescue. The phantoms of Peregrine Lodge were bound to their rules, after all.
With a sniff, Big Brother Fox dissolved into the air. He still had to receive compensation from those two who had been left behind.
***
Then the airship suddenly began to shake and angled downward. Franz tumbled across the tilting floor. The only one at all comfortable was me.
“Shit! We’re going down! Sir!” Kris yelled.
My world shook. The furniture was bolted to the floor—the people weren’t. I hadn’t understood how we had been able to fly in the first place, but that didn’t mean I was satisfied to see us falling. Not all of the passengers had been treated yet. Everyone had been confirmed to still be alive, but only a small few could actually move.
“Kris, can you cast a spell or something to save us?” I asked.
“No! Magic can’t do everything! Sir!”
Causing a commotion wouldn’t do any good, so I sat down on the rattling floor. So we were going to crash. With my Safety Rings and Flying Carpet, I knew my life wasn’t in danger, but everyone else was pretty screwed. Mana material could do incredible things to people, but you’d still have to be as durable as Ansem to survive a fall like this. Not to mention the fact that many of these passengers were civilians.
“Do you think you guys can make it through this?” I asked Franz.
“How the hell could we?!”
Even his banter was blunt.
“It’s no good!” said a crew member as they entered the room. “All the parachutes have been destroyed!”
Telm sure knew what he was doing. If only I could have gone back in time and chosen someone else.
“If you jump for it just before we crash, maybe you’ll make it,” I suggested. I wasn’t being entirely serious, but all the knights became pale as ghosts.
“Thousand Tricks,” Franz said as he crawled across the floor, “you need to save His Imperial Majesty!”
“You’re a better person than you seem,” I told him.
“I’ll kill you!”
“Now, now, calm down. We still have time. Maybe my magic powers will awaken. Maybe we’ll land in water.”
“We’re in the desert!”
“Oh, I’ve got it! We’ve got beds on this ship, right? You can tie your hands and feet to a sheet and float like a flying squirrel!”
“Are you for real?! Sir?!”
My brilliant idea was rejected. I bet everyone in Grieving Souls would’ve given it a go.
I got up and looked out the window. Already, I could easily make out the ground below. Just as Franz had said, we were over the desert. I didn’t know how long it would be until we made impact, but it was probably a matter of minutes.
“That sand sure looks soft,” I said.
“Is there really nothing you can do?!”
“You guys really shouldn’t depend on me so much. Honestly, I said the ship might crash.”
I kept trying to cast a spell to turn the airship into a bird, but that plan just wasn’t panning out. All the while, I felt some very intense gazes on me. It wasn’t easy being a preterhuman artificer.
I decided my first priority should be getting the emperor and the imperial princess aboard the Carpet. But if the emperor could use Safety Rings, maybe I should have handed him one? Kris was a Noble not-weakling, so she could take care of herself. Everyone else...would have to make a last-minute jump. The top portion of the airship was a balloon, and while I felt bad having no evidence to back this up, I had a feeling they might be able to survive, depending on where they landed. Or maybe I was getting my hopes up.
Then my gaze wandered to the window and my eyes flew open. Outside were the sheetwraiths. They weren’t actually wearing bedsheets anymore, but they were riding a comically large kite. It seemed they had managed to avoid getting dragged into the treasure vault.
I smiled and gave a hard-boiled snap of my fingers. “Well, I guess I can lend a hand if it’s come to this.”
Lucia! Lift the ship with your magic! If anyone can do it, you can! This thing is like a big balloon! I’ll never ask for anything again, just save this ship! LUCIAAA!
“Waaah!”
The ship jerked violently. The furniture was secured to the floor, but boxes and tableware were tossed about. Everyone was desperately clinging to chairs and desks. Franz was shielding the emperor. Everywhere, I saw faces of people prepared to die. The only person who looked comfortable was the imperial princess, who was atop the Carpet. How I envied her. The Carpet hadn’t accepted me, but her? Well, in fairness, the imperial princess was still a child.
Then the ship was rocked by an exceptionally strong blow, like it had been hit by a massive wave. I heard glass breaking, the shaking continued, and then it all went silent. I no longer felt like I was floating through the air. For a moment, I stayed on the ground and observed the situation, but it didn’t seem like another shock was coming. I wobbled a bit as I stood up. I took a deep breath.
We’re alive. WE’RE ALIVE!
The interior was a mess. I guess the knights had never experienced crashing before; they had been unable to manage the violent turbulence and had all been tossed into a pile in one corner. But they were alive at least. Pressing his hands to the ground, the emperor got off the floor. I heard a groan from Franz.
Kris and the other Magi had cast a shock-absorbing spell before impact. Atop the Carpet, the imperial princess was safe, if frazzled. The carpet (somehow) gave me a thumbs-up. What a competent Relic I had in my employ. Plenty of people had been injured, but this was a good outcome, considering the height we had fallen from.
“Wh-What happened?” Kris said between heavy breaths. Holding her arm—she must have hit it—she opened her eyes. Her gaze was vague and unfocused, her voice lacking its usual vigor. It was almost like she was an amateur when it came to surviving crashes.
In these situations, you’ll just get vertigo if you open your eyes, so you’re better off keeping them closed. It also helps to crouch down and cover your ears. We call this “evading reality.”
I timidly reached through a broken window and touched the sand. I felt a hint of the sun’s intense rays. With so many people injured, I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. I braced myself, then stepped outside.
While making sure not to lose my balance on the sand, I left the shade provided by the large hull. I gulped when I saw our surroundings. Before me was the desert, but there was more than just sand between here and the horizon.
Through the shimmering air, I could see a large town a couple hundred meters in the distance. Beyond some trees and a low bulwark, I could see white buildings. There were shadows at the gate; with my eyesight they just looked like little beans, but they were most likely people who had seen our crash.
Fluttering near the gate was a flag of five spears on a yellow background. I had been shown this flag before beginning the escort quest—It was the flag of Toweyezant. It looked like we had crashed in a good spot. No need to camp this way. I had been uncertain about this job, but we had made it all right in the end. I nodded to myself, then returned to the ship so I could share the great news.
“Hey, everybody! We’ve arrived in Toweyezant!”
Perhaps still suffering from dizziness, Franz rubbed his temples. “Urgh. I have nothing more to say to you,” he said in a garbled voice.
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