3
Since they were still at breakfast, Rem’s day off could not commence then and there. Subaru suggested she have the entirety of the next day off, but Rem refused, saying that was far too much.
“And so we’re going to divvy up the chores for today. For one thing, Rem won’t have a very restful day off if we mess up her work, and for another, by experiencing firsthand the tasks Rem does on the daily, we should gain newfound appreciation and gratitude for her from here on. This is a very meaningful little project.”
After forcing Rem to retire to her personal quarters, Subaru took the reins and marched to the front of the room to go over his plan. After he was finished, Emilia was the first to raise her hand.
“Subaru, may I ask a question?”
“Of course, Emilia-tan. And I love the modest way you raised your hand. What is it?”
“So I am really on board with giving Rem a day off and everything else you suggested just now…but you might need to do a little more explaining to convince everyone besides me.”
Emilia touched a finger to her lip and glanced sideways. Assembled here was the entire staff of Roswaal Manor except Rem. In other words, aside from servants Subaru and Ram, there were also the masters of the house.
One of them in particular had a very sour look on her face.
“Look, you’ll have to stop scowling eventually. You didn’t want to participate in the conversation, so you’re not allowed to be a wet blanket now.”
“I wonder…why did you assume that I would cooperate in the first place? I find that to be the much bigger mystery here,” said a tiny figure sitting in a chair and staring at Subaru. Her cream-colored rolls of hair and her fancy dress were dead giveaways that she was Beatrice.
While she’d been present at the breakfast table, she made a habit of never getting involved with household matters. Subaru knew she wouldn’t be cooperative on this matter, which was exactly why he had decided to bring it up at breakfast, when she couldn’t ignore it.
And just as anticipated, Beatrice was trying to deny any responsibility.
“Come on, you know Rem does a lot for you on the daily. Just who do you think changed your sheets and panties when you wet the bed?”
“And exactly what gives you the right to say that, I wonder?! When did I ever make such an unladylike mistake?! You should keep your delusional ramblings in check!”
“Funny how you deny it so hard. So you really did—”
“Take that look off your face! Of course I didn’t wet the bed!”
He had only meant to tease her a little, but when his jab immediately resulted in a tantrum, he couldn’t contain his curiosity. Subaru set Beatrice aside for the moment and looked at his other primary concern in the room.
“Barusu, if you have a justification for this wild proposal, then you had better share it now.”
Only Ram could have such fiery eyes while the rest of her face stayed cold as ice. In a way, she was the person whose cooperation Subaru needed the most to carry out his plan. And the reason for her sour mood could only be one thing.
“No justification. It’s exactly as I explained before. Giving Rem a day off will put a hole in our work schedule. Everyone needs to work together to help fill that hole.”
“Then I wish you would at least not rope Master Roswaal into it. Master Roswaal already works harder than Rem on daily basis.”
“Is what your secretary said true?”
Subaru looked past the smooth-talking maid to Roswaal, who was rocking in his chair next to her. The marquis closed one eye and used the yellow one to gaze at Subaru before saying, “Yes, I suppoooose I do. For a man of many responsibilities, busying myself over small household tasks wouldn’t exactly be worthy of praise. Ram is correct. I may not look it, but I am a very busy person.”
“Hmm, I see.”
“However, experiencing the harsh working conditions of one’s staff is not at all a bad thing. To determine whether the workload justifies the pay, you see.”
“Master Roswaal, do you mean…?”
Unlike stubborn Ram, the liberal-minded Roswaal seemed rather gung ho about this arrangement. Though in his case, it was most likely because he thought it sounded entertaining.
“There, you gotta respect your master’s wishes, Ram. ‘A servant is far too lowly to complain to his master,’ remember?”
“Stupid Barusu. Don’t get cocky just because things went your way one time.”
As Ram bitterly withdrew her objection, there was an abnormal gleam in her eyes. Subaru smiled sheepishly at her dagger eyes and nodded to acknowledge her opinion.
“Okay, let’s get back to the topic at hand. First, we need to divvy up the big tasks: meals, laundry, and cleaning…”
“Did you not hear a word I said?! I suppose you didn’t hear me say I would not cooperate?!”
“Agh, god, you guys are so annoying,” Subaru grumbled at the whining Beatrice. “Emilia-tan, a little help?”
“Um, what was the line again? Can’t your eyes see this seal…?”
After reciting part of the famous line from the historical drama Mito Komon, Emilia extended her hand. The gray ball of fur sitting atop it sensed that it was his turn to speak and twitched his pink nose. This was none other than Emilia’s contracted spirit and anti-Beatrice weapon, the cat spirit Puck.
“Betty.”
“Er… Hi, Puckie. You look so cute today…”
“Thanks. So it’s like this, Betty. I get where you’re coming from, but I also get where Subaru’s coming from. Besides, I kinda think one of our duties as spirits is to sometimes be generous to people.”
Puck’s serene phrasing made Beatrice’s blue eyes waver a little. While she obeyed Puck on principle, after the fuss she’d put up, it would damage her ego to yield so quickly.
“Y-your words are wise, I suppose. B-but I—”
“Betty…please?”
“Well, if you insist, Puckie, then I suppose I can’t say no!”
“Man, you are too easy,” Subaru said in disbelief.
Now that the Beatrice problem had been resolved, all opposition had been eliminated. All that remained was to divvy up Rem’s tasks.
“Okay, how should we tackle her workload?”
“Like we were saying, with Puck included, there’s six of us. If we split into three groups of two, we should be able to handle most of her work no problem. Let’s see, our pairs will be…”
It was then that two of the objectors shot some terribly intense looks at Subaru. He nodded, knowing what it was they both wanted to say.
“Ram with Rozchi. Beako with Puck. Me with Emilia-tan. How does that sound?”
“Well, I’m fine with it, but…are you sure Puck and Beatrice will be okay together?”
“Aww, you’re such a worrywart, Lia. Don’t worry about me. I’ll use every advantage my tiny stature has to offer and rescue all the fallen coins from under the furniture.”
“That’s such a specific role.”
Subaru didn’t know why Puck was so gung ho about looking for loose change, but he wasn’t about to start nitpicking. Better that Puck stuck to the furniture and stayed out of the kitchen. He didn’t want fur in his food.
“Beako, would you rather tackle dusting or laundry?”
“If those are my two options, then my magic will be better suited to laundry, I suppose.”
“Good call. Better wash all those soiled panties you hid around your room while you’re at it.”
“For the last time, I didn’t wet the bed!”
After offering a few consoling words, it was decided that Puck and Beatrice would be on laundry duty.
All that remained were meals and dusting.
“Master Roswaal and I will handle the cooking,” Ram announced.
“That’s fine with me, but why?”
“If we work in the kitchen, then I needn’t worry about bothering or troubling Master Roswaal with my ineptitude. Worst-case scenario, if you were served vegetable scraps for dinner, you’d eat it, wouldn’t you, Barusu?”
“I was born in the Year of the Rabbit, but I’m not a vegetarian,” Subaru argued. Ram laughed it off with a snort.
Still, with Rem out of the lineup, the next most reliable person in the mansion for housework was undeniably Ram—especially when it came to cooking, where success or failure lay heavily in the food’s flavor. Putting Ram in charge of food was not a terribly unwise decision. If nothing else, Ram had her secret weapon: steamed sweet potatoes. And while Roswaal’s culinary abilities were concerning, Subaru was certain that there would be something edible on the table.
“Okay, so by process of elimination, that means Emilia-tan and I are handling the dusting. It will be a long, hard battle, but will you all have faith and follow me?”
“Understood. I’ll try really hard to make sure I don’t step on your toes, Subaru.” Emilia pumped her fist to show him she was ready.
“God, stop being so sweet and adorable.” Subaru nodded, satisfied with his partner’s reassuring demeanor. “Okay, now that we know what we’re doing, let’s split up and get to it. Puck and Beako, follow me, and I’ll take you to where we keep all the dirty laundry. And…”
Before he dismissed everyone, Subaru turned to look toward the entrance to the dining hall. From a thin crack in the door, he saw a girl with blue hair cautiously peering in at them.
“…Rem, this might be hard for you, but your assignment is a hardcore day of lying around and doing nothing.”
“Yes, I understand that, but I’m just…well, worried.”
“That’s the workaholic in you talking, Rem. Today is your day—Rem Day. Take it from a professional slob like me: If you wanna do nothing all day, I highly recommend spending the day in bed.”
“But why? Isn’t that a waste of time?” Emilia interjected.
“Exactly! You’re supposed to waste time on your day off!” Subaru answered, feeling like somebody just stabbed a knife in his chest. Meanwhile, Rem was still hovering by the dining-hall door and didn’t seem like she was ready to leave anytime soon. “Okay, first off, don’t wear a maid’s uniform on your day off. If you’re gonna laze about, you’ve gotta dress the part. I command you to put on some sweats and dive right into bed!”
“Um, but maid uniforms are the only clothes I have…”
“Ack! That’s right, you mentioned that before! I can’t believe you were being totally serious! You’re a teenage girl! That’s just beyond tragic.”
Subaru realized that he had indeed never seen Ram nor Rem wear anything but maid uniforms. They apparently slept in nightgowns, but those were things you only wore behind closed doors.
“Well, that’s no good. You’ll have to get yourself some proper clothes eventually. For today, try to pick your most comfortable maid uniform.”
“Understood. I’ll change into my day-off maid’s uniform.”
“You have a uniform for days off?!”
They seemed to have a maid uniform for every occasion—fighting, working, outings—but there was no logical reason why they had to be restricted to maid uniforms.
Anyhow, the moment Rem walked out of the room with painful reluctance, Rem Day commenced.
“Okay! Teams, report to your stations and carry out your tasks with all the spirit you can muster! If we make Rem think the house will fall apart the moment she stops working, everything will have been for nothing!”
“Aye, captain!” Emilia cried energetically, raising a fist.
The others answered in their own way after an awkward delay, making for a rocky start to the day.
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