4
“That’s not really funny… That one isn’t funny, Flop.”
Subaru grimaced at Flop’s casual remark. Flop didn’t realize it himself, but the words hit hard—because Subaru had already seen Flop’s head get split open. Twice.
“…”
Subaru narrowed his eyes as he looked down at the gathering place from a small hill. Inside, Abel and Flop were deep in negotiation. Abel wanted information—routes into Guaral, weak points in its defenses. Flop, however, remained resolute in his refusal.
The reason Subaru wasn’t inside? Abel had benched him. It irritated him, but he had no solid reason to argue his way back in.
“…Looks like negotiations are taking a while.”
“…”
A voice spoke from behind him. A voice he could never mistake. A voice he would love to hear—anytime, all the time.
But only when his heart was at peace.
“Rem…”
Turning, he saw her standing on the slope, leaning on her staff. Her steady gaze locked on to him, pinning him down. He couldn’t look away. For days, he had focused all his frustration on Abel. But now that anger faded—leaving behind something much heavier.
Rem’s puzzling decision in Guaral.
He had ignored it, pushed it aside—but the inconvenient truth always caught up. Just like now. No matter how much he wanted to avoid it, he had to face Rem’s earnest gaze.
“…No matter what Abel says, Flop does not yield. He is a surprisingly stubborn man.”
“…Yeah. He’s a great guy. The guts it took to say he wouldn’t let his knowledge be used to hurt others, even when surrounded by the Shudrak… He’s incredible.”
Having watched some of the negotiations, Subaru admired Flop’s stance. Even when Abel offered to limit casualties, Flop had still refused to give in. That stubbornness reassured Subaru. Someone else was standing against Abel—someone besides him.
However—
“I do not think this is a situation where you can simply call him a great person,” Rem said softly.
“…What?”
Subaru blinked.
But Rem’s expression remained calm as she looked up at him.
“Not wanting to let your knowledge be used for harm—I understand that feeling. But what of the harm caused by refusing to share knowledge? Can you not say that is harm inflicted by his knowledge?”
“That’s…just cheap sophistry. Blaming everything on him is unfair.”
“Perhaps. But I do not believe running away forever is a viable solution.”
When Abel had declared this a country of wolves, Flop had insisted that sheep could survive by running away.
But Rem pessimistically—no, realistically—questioned whether that was true.
She had been in Guaral.
She had seen how relentless the imperial soldiers were.
She doubted they could escape pursuit indefinitely.
“But wait. Wait, Rem. You’re not making any sense,” Subaru stammered. “You also opposed fighting, didn’t you? So why are you…?”
“…”
“It’s almost like…you’ve accepted it.”
Subaru’s voice trembled. The words didn’t come out clearly. But some things didn’t need words.
Subaru and Rem’s fragile conversation was not just in their voices, but also in their eyes.
To Subaru, the grim heroism in Rem’s eyes looked the same as when she had defended Flop against Abel.
“…It hurts…not being able to understand you.”
Seeing her like that, Subaru simply voiced what he felt.
From the bottom of his heart, he had been overjoyed when she woke up. He had grieved her lost memories, but he had believed—truly believed—that he could find a way to fix it.
But here, in the empire, where he couldn’t rely on anyone from the depths of his soul, Rem’s unwillingness to cooperate in returning to the people waiting for them was like a knife in his leg.
That constant source of anguish made him want to curl up into a ball.
“…You didn’t unpack at the inn in Guaral. Thanks to that, we managed to save time running away. But it’s been eating at me ever since.”
“That was…”
“Most people either relax when they get to a room or start unpacking. Maybe you’re just not one of those people. But…”
He didn’t want to say it.
He wanted to keep ignoring it.
But because he had to acknowledge Rem’s inexplicable behavior, he couldn’t keep looking away.
“You were trying to run away from me again.”
“…”
Rem’s silence was like a dagger to Subaru’s heart.
And once a wound was reopened, there was no use pretending it wasn’t there. There was no choice but to finish peeling it back, let the blood flow, and endure the pain.
“…It’s fine if you don’t believe me. It hurts, but I can understand. You don’t remember anything, and to you, I smell like someone unforgivable. There’s no reason for you to believe me, no matter what I say. I get why you’d want to get away from me.”
“…”
“But there really are…really are so many people who care about you…who are waiting for you to come back.”
His voice trembled.
“If you hate me, you don’t have to talk to me. I’ll deal with it if you push my hand away. But please…please stop trying to disappear from my life.”
“…”
“I’m begging you…” His eyes clouded with tears. “Please don’t shut me out of your life.”
—I just keep looking pathetic and helpless in front of Rem.
It was a side of himself he would never show to Emilia, Beatrice, or any of his other friends.
At the very least, he tried not to let them see it. Whether he succeeded or not, he had made that choice—because he had decided that the only person who could witness his weakness was Rem. But not because he wanted to burden her. Not when she was already lost and helpless, with no memories or anything to rely on in this foreign land.
“…”
Rem said nothing.
But even as the tears blurred his vision, Subaru didn’t look away.
And neither did she.
After a long, painful silence—
“I…”
“…”
“I…was not trying…to abandon you.”
Carefully, slowly, she chose her words. That was something she had not done since waking up. There was a concern in her tone—a careful effort not to wound him. It wasn’t just a desperate answer blurted out on impulse. Or maybe…maybe that was just Subaru’s wishful thinking.
“You…”
A fragile thread of hope. A single, slender, unreliable thread to cling to. Subaru wanted to choose his words carefully. What did she think? What did she want? What did she mean by that? He didn’t know. He didn’t even know if he should know. But he didn’t want this conversation to end.
He wanted to keep talking.
However—
“Aaaauuu!!!”
“Guh?!”
Before he could continue, something slammed into his hip, sending his body tumbling down the hill.
The serious atmosphere shattered.
Dazed after coming to a stop, Subaru lifted his head to see what had happened.
“Lou! It’s not good to ride on Suu! I stopped her, but Lou just did it anyway!”
“U-Utakata…? Then this is…”
Standing at the top of the hill was Utakata, looking down innocently.
And perched right on Subaru’s chest—
“We’re having an important conversation here. Get off me already.”
“Aaa?”
Louis, sitting on top of him, lightly slapped his cheeks.
Knocking her hands away in annoyance, Subaru glared at her from up close.
“Don’t give me that ‘aaa.’ Utakata, gimme a hand.”
“Since you ask, I’ll do it. I’m a good wife and a wise mother.”
It was unclear whether she really understood what she was saying, but Utakata pulled Louis up by the arm, lifting her off Subaru.
Louis, however, was not happy about it.
Subaru let out a heavy sigh as he sat up.
“I still have no idea what to make of you…”
An Archbishop. A monstrous being. Gluttony. Louis Arneb.
So many curses could be thrown at her.
And yet—the girl in front of him felt nothing like that. That monstrous Louis—the one responsible for Rem’s fate—would never have tried to help him. Would never have worried about him. Would never have smiled at him so innocently.
But…
“Louis.”
“Uuu!”
Louis beamed and ran straight to Rem.
She had learned how to jump on Rem carefully while she used her staff. She slowed herself just enough that Rem could catch her without struggling.
Gently, Rem stroked her head.
It was…complicated.
The very being responsible for Rem’s suffering was now the one clinging to her most.
Subaru stared, unable to make sense of it.
And then—
“Your eyes…”
“Huh?”
“Your eyes, when you look at her, are bewildering to me,” Rem said. “Even though she is so affectionate to you…”
Rem’s voice was quiet.
Rem murmured softly as she held Louis against her waist.
Was this the continuation of what she had been about to say? Was she finally revealing her real thoughts? But no matter how long he waited, she didn’t continue.
Subaru closed his eyes.
“…What do you want me to do?”
Those words were a disgrace. It was a cowardly retreat—forcing Rem to answer. But every word, every action he chose seemed to drive her further away. He had nothing else left.
All he could do was ask—what did she want? What did she want him to do?
And deep inside, he was terrified.
What if she asked for something he couldn’t give?
Would that be the final break between them?
Her voice caught for a moment. Then—
“…I do not want it to become a battle.”
Subaru could accept that much.
She had already given him hell when she thought he was behind the burning of the imperial camp.
Rem hated fighting. She did not want war. That was an absolute.
That much—he could accept.
“But,” she continued, “I don’t think it’s possible to just keep running away. I don’t think Flop’s words are realistic. And…”
“You can’t accept Abel’s opinion, either?”
“…That’s right.”
She nodded slightly, a small movement, but enough to show she understood she was asking for two contradictory things.
Of course she understood.
She wanted to reject war, but she also knew escape wasn’t realistic. It was the answer of someone who couldn’t commit to either side. If only Subaru could be like that, too. If only he could just wait and see which way the wind blew.
But the two truths in front of them were about to collide.
He did not want to fight. But there was a battle about to happen right in front of him, and there was no way to avoid it.
“If it were you…”
“Mhm?”
Subaru grimaced while agreeing with the contradictory thoughts she was holding.
Rem was looking at him—light-blue eyes steady, still holding Louis at her side. And then, making up her mind one last time—
“If it were you…could you do something?”
It sounded desperate.
The moment she asked, it was like lightning struck Subaru’s soul.
It was too much. Too selfish.
Even for Subaru, who had always cursed his own cowardice, this was an unreasonable request.
She was asking for a third option. A choice between not wanting to fight and accepting that they had to fight. That was what Rem was asking of Subaru.
But why?
Why was she asking him? She had forgotten everything.
She had lost all trust in him, all kindness toward Subaru Natsuki.
She was suspicious of him, wary of him—so why?
Why was she looking to him for an answer?
“…”
He might have been forgiven for getting angry, for raising his voice, for giving her hell for her selfishness. That was how self-centered her choice was. But what sprouted in him in that moment, what welled up from the depths of his soul, was a sense of purpose.
“I…”
We must fight. And we must not fight.
Both of these things were true. Subaru had to find a way through. Flop O’Connell refusing battle, withholding his knowledge. Vincent Abelks preparing for war, doing everything to survive.
Each of them had chosen the natural path for himself.
But Subaru Natsuki—Subaru Natsuki had to find another answer.
Because…
“…I’m the hero you always believed in.”
Because he was a man who fought against the absurdity of this world with nothing but stubbornness. Because his principles were not so weak that they would be shaken simply because he had crossed a border or two. Because he had met Emilia. Because he had been saved by her. Because he had promised her. Because he had taken Beatrice’s hand. Because he had led her out of the Archive of Forbidden Books. Because he had sworn to always stay by her side. Because he had saved Rem. Because she had saved him. Because she had loved him. Because she had believed in him.
—I’ll turn this situation around!
His blood boiled.
There has to be something. Anything.
Everything he had experienced—the people he had met, the enemies he had faced, the allies who had stood by him, the ones waiting for him far away—
—it was all fuel for the fire.
Think. Consider. Imagine. Grasp some possibility.
That was the only way Subaru Natsuki could fight in this world, where he was weaker than everyone else.
His only weapons were his tenacity and craftiness.
In which case…in which case…in which case…
“…Ah.”
Subaru, who had felt powerless and defeated after being thrown out of the negotiation—
—that very same Subaru felt something crackle through his mind like electricity.
An idea so ridiculous—but maybe, just maybe—
He reeled it in.
He thought hard about whether he could actually turn this madness into a plan.
“…”
Rem’s eyes watched as Subaru fell silent.
Louis, about to make a sound, had her mouth covered gently by Rem’s hand.
Utakata, tilting her head in confusion, was quiet.
As if they believed Subaru Natsuki could find an answer that no one else could.
“…Rem.”
Hearing his voice, Rem straightened.
She said nothing. She knew he wasn’t asking her for an answer.
Instead, without even noticing her reaction, Subaru took a deep breath.
“I found the answer to what I’d do if it was me.”
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