3
Standing in front of the girl weeping in terror from experiencing his Return by Death, Natsuki Subaru looked at the palm of his hand.
Not because being called a monster hurt him. He understood why someone might want to call him crazy, saying no normal person could bear it. He was aware himself that experiencing this much death wasn’t ordinary. He was just gritting his teeth and bearing it for the people most precious to him.
“…Yeah, I really am incredible, Natsuki Subaru.”
Clenching his hand, Subaru complimented himself, from the bottom of his heart.
There had been times when he praised himself in a flippant way that didn’t really match up with reality. And he had done it before as a sort of consolation or to pump himself up.
But the praises he sang this time were different.
The memories of a certain Natsuki Subaru felt terribly distant, but having observed them objectively, Subaru complimented himself on the path he had walked to this day.
“It’s weird. Turns out I’m really something.”
And he could say the same for Natsuki Subaru, who lost his memories and had reverted to the original state he was in when he first arrived in this new world, only to come all this way by reading the books of the dead.
Starting from a complete blank slate in a new world, he had experienced as many deaths as Subaru had in a year, and he’d finally managed to rendezvous with Subaru here…
“Meili and Shaula…leave them to me.”
Meili’s future was dark and at risk of closing off entirely because murder had become a habit for her.
Shaula wanted her happiness to continue, even after being freed from her four hundred years of waiting.
“Ram and Julius are both pushing themselves. And if the two of them are doing that, then…”
Ram always knew the best choice and practiced a level of discretion that made her more reliable than anyone.
Julius had lost his pillar but still held on to his conviction as he continued to swing his sword.
“Beatrice and Echidna, too—to think I would just be causing trouble from start to finish. Sheesh, what am I…?”
Beatrice devotedly supported him and noticed his heart’s limits before anyone else.
Echidna was the most suspicious of the memoryless Subaru but had still forgiven him in the end.
“ ”
And you, the one I will always be drawn to, no matter how many times I have to repeat things, and even if I lose my memory. That’s just how I want it. That’s how it has to be. I can’t imagine it any other way.
That’s just how much…
“E M T”
With an expression of love and serenity on his lips, Subaru raised his head.
He glanced over at Louis, who was still cradling her head and trembling.
“Hey.”
“Eep!”
“…Get a grip already.”
Subaru scratched his cheek, watching her shudder so dramatically at a single sound.
The girl looked young enough to be a little child. Seeing a girl like that tremble in terror, desperately trying to reject the world around her, did make something swell in his heart. The way she naturally stirred people’s protective instincts was as effective as it was sinister.
It might even have been a pure and natural distillation of that emotion that she was forced to develop, since Louis Arneb, knowing so little of the world, was like a newborn child, in a sense.
However…
“This is your loss, Louis Arneb.”
Natsuki Subaru wouldn’t forgive Louis Arneb, even when she wept like a baby.
Louis’s eyes widened quietly at his merciless declaration.
He watched the terror fill her eyes like ink spilled across a white page, but his heart was still, like a calm sea.
This wasn’t a problem that could be excused just because she didn’t know the ways of the world. Louis and her brothers had committed countless inhuman, demonic sins that could never be forgiven.
It wasn’t as if she had no chance to understand, either. She experienced every sort of emotion through others’ memories, so she had plenty of opportunity to develop a sense of right and wrong. But what she’d internalized was just the unsightly drive to sate her darkest urges. Maybe she’d had bad teachers. Her older brothers were bad role models, for sure. But it was her choice to never take the opportunity to walk a better path in life.
“If you’ve experienced a piece of me, then you probably know. But you Archbishops, your titles are the same as the Seven Deadly Sins. It’s definitely the sort of phrase that sets a nerd’s heart aflutter, but there’s also the Seven Heavenly Virtues, too.”
The Seven Deadly Sins were Pride, Wrath, Jealousy, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, and Lust.
The Seven Heavenly Virtues were Prudence, Fortitude, Justice, Hope, Temperance, Faith, and Charity.
If the Seven Sins were a sort of inescapable karma, then the Seven Virtues were a promise that must never be forgotten. It was a reminder that people living in sin could still live for the sake of others.
By respecting one another, people could live side by side.
“But you…all of you violated that.”
That was why the Archbishops were unforgivable. Why Louis Arneb was unforgivable.
“Louis Arneb, you’ve lost. Acknowledge it and let everything go.”
Subaru made his demand as Louis recoiled in terror.
He showed no mercy to the girl who was stuck in soul-numbing despair after experiencing Return by Death so many times.
“You said before you can do anything you set your mind to. So…”
She managed to split her entire self in two, incorporating everything from her pride and self-esteem to her Witch Factor. If she could do that, then there was no way that erasing the effects of her power should be impossible. If she could manage that, if she could at least do that much, then…
The people whose memories and names were stolen could be brought back…Rem could be brought back.
“Release everyone you’ve ever consumed,” he said forcefully. “If you do…”
“…I-if we do…then what?” Louis interrupted.
Slumped down on the white floor, Louis was holding her knees. With her long, long blond hair spread out around her on the floor, she peered out at Subaru from behind her hair. Her eyes were filled entirely with unmistakable dread.
“…Free everyone you’ve eaten. Even if they’re dead, returning their names will give them back some dignity. And anyone still alive can reunite with their families. If you do that, I’ll—”
“Let us go? There’s no way! Of course not!”
“Wha—?”
“There’s no way you would let us go! You annihilate your enemies! Totally and completely! You pitch the perfect game all the way to the end! Because you can! That’s why there’s no way you wouldn’t! There’s no reason not to!”
Louis erupted with overflowing emotion, saying what sounded almost like a joke.
“Give back what we’ve eaten? Never! That’s our lifeline! Without that, you can kill us! You’ve got it flipped! To not die, we can never give it back…we can’t!”
Louis’s outburst was a true paroxysm. Her face was a mess, and it was impossible to tell if she was laughing, raging, or grieving. And it was all tinged with terror.
Everything flowing from her lips was tied directly to her fear.
Whether she tried to introduce joy or anger or sadness was irrelevant. If the result would always be terror, what was there to be happy or angry or sad about?
Subaru well understood Louis’s deep-rooted rejection. She cursed the whole world, battered by a swirl of doubt and suspicion until it felt like it was impossible to move.
That was a hell Natsuki Subaru had also experienced.
What freed him from that hell was having someone to hold his hand, because that warmth didn’t let Subaru escape.
It was the silver-haired girl who had saved his life and his heart when he first came to this different world.
It was the blue-haired girl who’d kindly hurt him as he tried to abandon everything.
—They were the reasons Natsuki Subaru had not remained trapped in that hell.
“ ”
But Louis Arneb, drowning in terror before his eyes, didn’t have any support like that.
It was a hackneyed expression, but no one can live alone. So to save the girl trapped by terror, someone would have to reach out a hand.
Just like someone had reached out a hand to Subaru before.
However…
“I’m not going to save you.”
That someone wouldn’t be Subaru.
The Archbishop had committed an unforgivable sin. That was Natsuki Subaru’s judgment.
“I won’t save you. And I won’t feel bad about it, either.”
“Eep.”
There was nothing but fear for Subaru in her wide eyes.
Subaru was the only one here who could understand her terror, but he was also the source of it. So there was no escape for her.
When her fear reached its limit, she rejected Subaru with every fiber of her being.
“I-it’s…it’s too much!!”
“…This is…”
Slowly, Subaru’s vision started to warp, and a change appeared in the corridors of time. As if the world detected the presence of a foreign object and was twisting in order to eliminate it.
As a result, Subaru’s body began to sway.
“We don’t want to be in the same space as you a second longer! We physically can’t bear it! Our essence can’t bear it! Our fate can’t bear it! So disappear! Dear brother and brother dearest will eat you! Whichever one wants you! We’re out, though!”
Her decision, frustrating as it was, was the best choice available to her.
Removing Subaru’s presence, erasing him from this world. He had no way to stand his ground. Nothing to hold on to and only a vague sense of ground to stand on. His soul was being peeled away from this white realm.
“If you don’t like me…you can just settle it yourself…”
“We won’t take the bait! You can’t get us to try to kill you! You just want to come back through death and take it out on us! We won’t let you! Our brothers will devour you! That’s how we’ll win!!!”
Louis glared at Subaru with her teeth bared while he simply tried to hold on. Understanding that he could no longer hold out, he took a deep breath.
His black eyes pierced her…
“…Eep.”
“If your brothers are your last resort, then fine. I’ll crush that hope and then make you pay. Prepare yourself, Louis Arneb.” He pointed at the trembling, terrified girl. “All the things you don’t like, all the painful stuff, you’re going to carry that yourself. Don’t run away from your memories.”
Shame and regret were crucial ingredients in the memories that shaped people.
They were nourishment for the person that was Natsuki Subaru, and they were building blocks in the Natsuki Subaru who had come here after enduring so many deaths.
If Natsuki Subaru was incredible, then it was because his shame and regret made him that way.
“That said, I don’t want to go through that shame again.”
His vision started going white, and his thoughts grew distant. The corridors of memory unwound…
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