Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (LN) - Volume 24 - Chapter 1.04

4

“So, what was the point of that charade just now? Since you brought me out like this, I take it you intend to explain yourself?”

Ram broke the silence in the hall on the way to get the water. She’d waited long enough for an answer.

Every time they’d had this interaction before, she’d refused to accept Subaru’s claim about losing his memory. It wasn’t a simple matter of proof or her being stubborn. Her reason was much more powerful.

—Rem. It had everything to do with Ram’s beloved sister, who wouldn’t rise from her slumber.

Subaru still didn’t know all the details, but there had been some sort of connection between him and Rem. And for Rem’s older sister, the existence of that connection was a massive pillar of support.

It made perfect sense that she couldn’t simply accept that Subaru had lost his memory.

And so—

“You shouldn’t put too large a burden on Lady Emilia’s and Lady Beatrice’s shoulders. Lady Beatrice aside, it’s too much for Lady Emilia. You were right to rely on me. Now explain the—”

“Ram, the truth is that I don’t remember. It’s not a lie. I’m not bluffing. And it’s not a scheme, either.”

Ram had been clinging to that slender thread of hope, but Subaru had to burst her bubble.

“ ”

When she heard that, Ram’s expression darkened. Subaru could see unease and surprise in her pink eyes…and the sparks of rage.

Those embers grew until they felt like an inferno that scorched Subaru’s very soul. And it was none other than Subaru Natsuki who was to blame. His countless acts of insincerity would destroy him.

“I don’t remember. All I have are the names of the people here in this tower and our general relation to each other.”

“Stop it.”

“Emilia and Beatrice were just the first ones to hear. I told them the same thing I told you. There isn’t anything more to say. Right now, I don’t have anything up my sleeve.”

“Stop it, Barusu. If you—”

“I know that we came to this tower to get back a lot of things that were stolen away from us. I also know we’re in the middle of some test, but that’s it. What my motive is…”

“Don’t you dare, Barusu.”

“Rem…I—”

“Barusu!!!”

“…I don’t remember any of it,” Subaru said sorrowfully.

Ram made it clear that she didn’t want to hear what he was saying, but when she heard his apology, she became an avatar of pure wrath as she grabbed him.

“Ghh!”

She hauled him up by his shirt and slammed him against the wall. Using unbelievable force that didn’t seem like it could come from such slender arms, she pinned Subaru in place and glared at him from up close.

Deep in her eyes, the embers he saw earlier had become a roiling flame that threatened to consume them both.

And when that blaze overwhelmed him—or rather, when it overwhelmed Ram—tragedy would repeat itself.

“What’s your game? This…this pointless lie!”

“It’s not a lie…not to you. I wouldn’t—”

“—Wouldn’t lie to me? Then what would you have me do? Just believe you? That you…forgot Rem…? That’s…that’s absurd!”

Her eyes flashed, and she was glaring at him from so close that their lips were almost touching. Subaru finally realized that the roaring fire in her eyes was more grief than anger.

After four times, Subaru could finally grasp a small part of the turmoil in her heart.

How perceptive would he have to be to notice it with no second chances? The way Emilia or Beatrice were able to do. They were all dazzlingly brilliant, but he couldn’t just let himself be stunned by that brilliance.

“I will get Rem back.”

Staring into her pink eyes, Subaru gathered his resolve and said it clear as day. Ram’s eyes widened again in surprise before hiding it immediately in anger.

“Bite your tongue… Get what back? You’ve forgotten Rem!”

“Even so, I will get her back. Rem, my memories, what we came to this tower for—everything. I’ll make sure we get everything we came for, and then we’ll all go home together. We deserve that much.”

“…Barusu?”

“After everything that’s happened here…that’s the only way this should end.”

The atmosphere was heavy. But that wasn’t the reason Subaru wore a bitter expression. Ram furrowed her brow at his reaction and loosened the grip she had on his chest just a little bit.

This time, Subaru grabbed her hands and pulled them away and then traded places with her.

“—Disgusting. Let me go at once.”

When he pushed her against the wall and brought their faces close together again, Ram demanded that he stop. But her tone was weaker than before. Subaru ignored it and pressed on.

“Ram, I’m going to get them back. My memories and Rem, too. So please, help me.”

“ ”

“I need everyone’s strength. The Subaru Natsuki that you all know, the Subaru Natsuki who existed until today—he might not have needed to say something that pathetic. But I do.”

The one who Julius trusted, who Beatrice believed in, who Echidna forgave, and who Emilia wanted by her side…if it was the Subaru Natsuki everyone expected great things from, then maybe he could have figured a way out of this checkmate on his own.

But this Subaru couldn’t. And he was too loved by the people in this tower to just give up and throw a tantrum about being powerless.

“I get that you can’t believe me or forgive me for forgetting Rem. But please save that anger for later. For now, I’ll make you a promise.”

“A promise…?”

“I swear I’ll do it all. I’ll throw myself into the fight as many times as it takes. And if I ever break this promise, if you ever see me give up, then you can boil me or fry me or whatever you want.”

Ram’s eyes opened wide again as Subaru stared into them from so close, she must’ve felt his every breath. It was like they needed to almost touch to make sure his feelings reached her—

“If I ever give up, you can do whatever you want to me. That’s my punishment for losing all my memories and making you cry.”

“Who’s crying? Don’t be stupid.”

A tremendous slap landed on the side of his face, sending him to the ground.

“Owww?!”

Putting his hand on his red cheek, Subaru looked up at Ram in disbelief.

“Y-you… It took a lot of courage to say all that…”

“What courage is there in riling yourself up? And a promise? From you? Don’t make me laugh. There is nothing less reliable in the entire world.”

“Emilia said that, too, but seriously, how many promises did I break before today?!”

“Have you ever kept one?”

“It’s that bad?!”

Subaru adjusted his opinion of the other Subaru Natsuki yet again. The man’s stock price made massive swings in both directions, but news about him never keeping his word led to a big slump.

“Subaru Natsuki really is a terrible guy…”

“Yes, exactly. It seems there’s some misunderstanding, but you have never been the sort of talented man who could take care of things alone. If anything, you are the sort of fool whose true talent lies in always trying to do things alone and making things worse. You have caused me quite a lot of trouble as well.”

“Really? Why did you bring someone like that to this tower…?”

“You always butt in on your own. Admittedly, you have a skill for running your mouth. You’re also handy enough in your own way and suited to miscellaneous chores. And I guess you could at least comfort Lady Emilia and Lady Beatrice. And…”

Subaru sat on the floor cross-legged as Ram laid out all of his shortcomings. She was talking about things he had no knowledge about, but it still felt like he was the one getting all the blame, and it didn’t feel great.

When Emilia and the others said good things about the original Subaru Natsuki, that had been awkward in its own way, but having Ram berate the man at length was also rather strange.

Subaru got a little defiant, deciding to hear it all.

“And what? My legs are short? I have a bad memory? My diet is terrible? I don’t know when to give up?”

“Your legs are short, your memory is horrible, your diet is incredibly unbalanced, and you never know when to give up.”

“Sounds about right.”

“…And you cared about Rem.”

“ ”

Suddenly, there was a change in her voice. It took on a slightly warmer tone.

If her voice had a color, it would be a soft, comforting pink. He could see her gentle love had not faded. Her tender thoughts of her sister and the memory of Subaru Natsuki, who had been at her sister’s side, were alive and well.

It made Subaru imagine a gentle pink color.

“Barusu. Did you really forget Rem?”

“…Yeah…”

Her eyes never wavered. It was inspiring.

If he had heard something he absolutely didn’t want to hear in a situation like this, he would have averted his eyes. But she never tried to look away even once.

“Barusu. Will you remember Rem?”

“Yeah. I will. And not just Rem. Everything else, too.”

“You don’t have to worry about the rest, if it comes down to it. Just remember Rem.”

“Give me a break. Just let me get everything back…”

“I shall say it again. You will remember Rem, even if you die.”

“Yeah, I swear it. Even if I die, I’ll remember everything.”

And I mean that literally.

He would get back everything that Subaru Natsuki had seen, heard, felt, and done in this world.

“…Very well. I’ll overlook it for now.”

The menacing pressure Ram had been giving off suddenly disappeared.

“Is that enough?” Subaru asked from his seat on the ground. “Is just asking for help enough?”

“You’re a man, aren’t you? Just accept it. I heard your resolve. And you even said I could boil you or fry you or carve you up or tear into you or skewer you or pummel you or whatever I wanted if you give up. If I didn’t listen after that, it would cast doubt on my kindly, motherly nature.”

“I don’t remember saying those parts after the frying bit…”

“Did you say something?”

“Not a word, ma’am.”

Shaking his head slowly, Subaru responded politely.

Kindly and motherly were a bit of stretch, but even a Buddha’s patience would run out after three strikes, and Subaru was already on his fifth attempt.

If he couldn’t cling to God or Buddha, then he would have to trust in Ram’s motherly affection.

“Stand up, Barusu. I won’t allow you to give up or to fall to your knees.”

“I’m just sitting down. Don’t lump all those things together, please… Upsy-daisy.”

Hopping to his feet, Subaru brushed off his backside and faced Ram.

Leaning against the wall, she fixed her rumpled outfit and crossed her arms, looking back at him like usual—or at least what seemed to him to be her usual demeanor.

“…Did you say the same thing to Lady Emilia and Lady Beatrice?”

“The two of them…didn’t seem to think there was any chance I might give up.”

“That’s true. They’ve been infected by you.”

“That’s why I can’t ask them. Or Julius or Echidna, emotionally speaking.”

It probably also had something to do with the fact that he already knew how those four would answer, from interacting with them in the previous loop. He was confirming the remaining answers now.

“Also… Based on what you said, it sounds like I wasn’t that special a guy even before today.”

“Your value to me changes quite significantly, depending on whether you remember Rem or not. So be careful with your tone.”

With that sharp jab, Ram turned and walked away from Subaru.

They had stopped for a long time while getting the water, but if they returned empty-handed, that would just make Emilia and Beatrice worried.

With the bucket in one hand, he hurried after Ram and joined her.

“I…Subaru Natsuki, really was here, right?” Subaru asked softly as he looked over at Ram. It was more like an uneasy whimper than a question seeking actual confirmation. He probably shouldn’t have asked this right after swearing he wouldn’t give up no matter what. It wouldn’t have been strange for Ram to reprimand him for saying that before the ink had even dried on his promise.

“Idiot.”

But she did not. Without stopping, mercifully, she just insulted him.

“You only lost sight of yourself for a brief moment. It just feels like you disappeared because you are hidden beneath a slew of things that have all piled up together. Like a flower buried in the cold snow that shows itself once the spring comes. That’s all it is.”

Ram didn’t let her emotions show, and Subaru couldn’t, either. Not now, just moments after acting so cool. He couldn’t let her see him looking so pathetic now.

In that moment, Ram making a point of not looking at him and not saying anything else really did feel like a mother’s kindness.