Chapter 5
We’d arrived in Okinawa at nearly 10 a.m. The bargain-price package tour we’d booked had us boarding a 7 a.m. flight, so Runa and I had taken the first train of the day to Narita Airport while rubbing our sleepy eyes.
We’d slept a little on the plane, and after landing at Naha Airport, we’d taken a rental car that we’d booked ahead of time to go sightseeing around Okinawa with me behind the wheel.
“Wow, this is great! The water’s so clean here!”
The first place we visited was the so-called Umikaji Terrace. It was a resort mall located on a small island by the name of Senagajima not far from Naha Airport.
Runa had exclaimed that upon turning around to look at the sea as we ascended the stairs of the resort.
“It’s amazing!” she added. “It’s like we’re not even in Japan!”
Umikaji Terrace was an open-air mall located alongside a curved road that ran along the sea. Stores and cafés were in a set of white buildings that sloped uphill. The guidebook had called it the “Japanese Amalfi,” and indeed, the rows of white buildings facing the blue sea made it look like a resort on the Mediterranean Sea.
“I’ve been so hyped for this—it’s even better than I thought it would be!” Runa was so excited that she couldn’t stop taking selfies. “Wow, and it looks this good unedited?! That’s crazy!”
It was the end of August, and the skies were clear, so the Okinawan waters were the same cobalt blue as in the photos in the guidebook.
It was hot under the blazing sun, but the constant breeze felt good as it dried the sweat on our skin.
“Let’s take one together, Ryuto. ♡”
Runa beckoned me over, and we took a selfie together with the sea in the background.
The beach’s white sand gradually faded into the shoals, and the deep blue of the water came together with the blue of the sky.
Runa’s fragrance tickled my nostrils along with the breeze. It was the scent of her hair and perfume.
It had been a while since the last time she’d made my heart beat as fast as it had back in high school. After all, tonight, we would...
“Oh look, a cat!” a nearby tourist exclaimed, making us turn to the source of the voice. Sure enough, a brown tabby cat was sprawled out on the terrace in front of a café.
Umikaji Terrace was like a field of shops and cafés built on a hillside. The area got a lot of sunshine. Bathing in the refreshing sunlight of morning here in the south, the cat appeared to be enjoying itself, stretching out with closed eyes.
“Wow, it’s so cute!” Runa said. She loved cats. She then approached it and crouched down next to it.
The cat seemed to be used to humans. It opened one eye, glanced at Runa, and then closed it again as if it were too much of a bother.
“What a nice cat...” Runa added, gently petting its back in the direction of its fur.
Her fair, delicate hand gently caressed the small animal. The sight kind of turned me on—I wanted her to do that to me too.
Would she do it if I asked...?
“Hey, Ryuto, come pet it too! This cat’s real nice!”
Her voice brought me back to reality.
“Huh?!” I’d said it loudly in my surprise, and the cat got up.
“Oh...” Runa sounded disappointed as she watched the cat run off the terrace. “I just came over and it’s already gone...”
“What?!”
She just came?! Here?!
At that point, I realized I was way too horny. It was embarrassing—I wasn’t in middle school anymore.
“Ryuto...?”
Suddenly, I noticed that Runa had gotten up. She was staring at me with a puzzled look on her face.
Her sudden approach rattled me. “Whoa!”
“What’s the matter?”
“I-It’s nothing!” I replied, flustered. I started walking as if everything were normal. “Man, I’m hungry! Do you want to eat something?”
“Sure! I wonder what I should get?” Runa’s eyes immediately began to shine, and she took the lead and walked ahead of me.
I watched her from behind as we walked through a white passage with southern ornamental plants and a deep blue sky in the background. Her long white legs stretched out from her denim shorts—the sight made my pulse race, and I placed a hand over my heart to calm myself.
Runa and I toured the various cafés of Umikaji Terrace.
“Wow, this cheese pull is awesome!” Runa exclaimed.
“Guess that’s why it’s called ‘sata andagi with stretchy cheese.’”
“It’s just sooooo long! Quick, take a pic!”
“They have strawberry smoothies? Looks delish!”
“We really have to try those.”
“Yep! ♡ I’m gonna go with the one with ice cream on top!”
“This gelato is great! How’s the purple yam milk?”
“It’s great too.”
“My mango milk is great too! ♡ Want some?”
“Your mango milk...”
“Wait, are you thinking something dirty?”
“N-No, I’m not!”
“Heh heh, I’m not sure I believe you.”
Sometimes, Runa would pick up on the naughty things that ran through my head.
After having our fill of the blue sea and the resort mall with the sea breeze blowing around us, we made our way back to the car.
Next, we headed to Kokusai-dori Street. It was the place to see when visiting Okinawa, so of course we had to go.
“Wow! There’s so many people!” exclaimed Runa.
“Well yeah, it’s summer break.”
“So, what’s there to do here?”
“Huh? You eat, pick up gifts to give people back home...”
“We’re already full, though,” she said.
“Yeah, and it’s too early to buy gifts since we just got here...”
Walking down the big street lined with palm trees on both sides and looking at the rows of all kinds of shops and cafés was fun. It felt like we were in a tropical country. But since there were a lot of people there and we didn’t really find a place we wanted to visit, we returned to the parking lot after just a casual stroll.
After that, we made our way to a place called Mihama Town Resort American Village. It took less than an hour to get there from Kokusai-dori, even after a small traffic jam. Our hotel reservation was at a hotel in the center of Okinawa, and this was a sightseeing stop along the way there as we headed north from the airport, which was in the southern part of the island.
Mihama Town Resort American Village was a shopping area that was apparently modeled after cities on the American West Coast. It was located in Chatan, a town on the west coast of Okinawa. We arrived after 4 p.m., and you could see the sun starting to set over the sea.
We were walking on a coastal road lined with palm trees.
“Wow, this is great!” Runa exclaimed as she looked around.
The evening sun shone from between the clouds rising from the horizon. The water was even clearer here than at Umikaji Terrace. The clouds reflected the sunlight and glowed a faint pink. The pastel colors made it all feel fancy.
Turning around to look at the town, we could see colorful, American-style buildings peeking out from behind the palm trees. The buildings were bright primary colors like red, yellow, and green.
For a while, we walked around, holding hands and observing this exotic scenery. Eventually, we went into a seaside café. After waiting in line for a while, we were led to a table on the wooden terrace with a view of the sea.
“Wow, this place is amazing! ♡” exclaimed Runa after sitting down. She brought her hands together as she looked at the sea.
The setting sun made the water close to the horizon shine like scales.
Sitting at a white plastic table on a white wooden floor reminded me a bit of Mao-san’s beach hut, Luna Marine. Mao-san often went abroad, so perhaps he’d created a space of his own that was similar to this.
“Imagine drinking cocktails or something in this kind of place...” Runa said while looking at the menu.
“You can, though.”
“Oh, right. But I guess you can’t. I’ll go with something nonalcoholic too.”
“No, seriously, go ahead, if you want,” I insisted.
“Really? Guess I’ll get this cute one, then.”
Thus, we got our drinks—a cocktail for Runa and fruit tea for me, both served in mason jars. Runa’s drink was lavishly topped with cream and a garnish of strawberries and blueberries.
“It’s super cute!” Runa was focused on taking pictures of her drink. She did different things, like positioning it so that the sea was behind it or putting her face next to the glass. “Whoa!” she suddenly said while messing with her phone. “Nicole says I’m posting too much on Instagram today! Says I’m killing her since she wants to go to Okinawa too.”
“Why doesn’t she?” I asked. “She could go with Nisshi.”
“Aha ha, yeah, that’s true,” Runa said, laughing in a carefree way. “Maybe it’s hard for her to get days off? She’s in her first year on the job, unlike me.”
Runa’s employment situation would change in September, so she was currently using up her paid vacation days. She could actually be away for longer, but since that would’ve put a strain on other employees, she’d limited her vacation to three nights.
“Maybe she’ll be able to go on a proper vacation once a new nail technician starts in autumn,” said Runa.
“I hope so...”
Runa was acting completely normal, which made me want to ask something.
“Does Yamana-san say that things are going well between her and Nisshi?”
“Huh? Yeah. Why wouldn’t they be?” Runa looked puzzled. “Nicole never mentions any problems in their relationship... Things are great between them as always, aren’t they?”
“R-Right... I guess so.”
It seemed that Nisshi really was the only one unsatisfied with their current situation.
Runa and I had dinner under the evening sun while chatting. We’d only had snacks and light meals since the morning, so this was our first time today sitting down properly to eat. Per Runa’s wishes, we had salads and American sirloin steaks. By the time we were done, the sun had almost set.
“Wow, it’s so beautiful...” Runa said.
The red-hot sphere in the sky resembled the core of a sparkler. It was gradually swallowed up by the silver horizon until it was no more. The sky, which had been dyed crimson by its light, lost its color in an instant.
“It’s gone...” said Runa, looking at me with a somewhat sad smile.
“It was beautiful at the end.”
Runa sighed deeply... “Yeah. I’m glad I got to watch it with you.”
Suddenly, I remembered our school trip from our second year of high school.
“No matter what we end up like as adults... I hope we can always be together while looking at something so wonderful.”
It was moving to think that Runa still felt the same way as back then.
“I want us to be together forever...” Runa said pensively. She smiled as she gazed at the sea in the distance, which the sun had sunk behind. “Just thinking that one day, in the distant future, I might have to watch the sunset by myself? It makes me wanna cry.” Her eyes shook like the surface of the water. “I don’t wanna lose you... Not ever...”
I recalled what she’d said when we’d gone strawberry picking.
“If you die before me, I’ll be lonely for the rest of my life.”
“Let’s both live to a hundred, okay?”
“Let’s be together in the next life too, okay?”
“Runa...”
She looked at me and forced a smile. “Aha, sorry. I’m being too clingy again...” Her smile became a cheerful one. “Still, that’s another ‘first’ we got to do together. Coming to Okinawa, I mean.”
“Yeah...”
“It’s my first time going on an overnight trip with my boyfriend,” she said. “Wait, I guess it’s the second time if we count Enoshima?”
“Well, that was an accident, anyway.”
Runa was still hung up on our “firsts.” And that was probably because...
“I wanted to believe in the love of guys I barely knew yet, and so I’d give them my everything... I regret that. I’ll regret it forever. That regret... It’ll probably stay with me my whole life.”
That was what she’d said to Kurose-san a while ago.
It made me happy that Runa cared so much about me. However...it was about time I set her free from that kind of thinking.
“It doesn’t matter if something isn’t our first time,” I said.
Runa looked taken aback.
“Just coming here with you... Just being with you like this—it’s enough to make me happy,” I told her.
The color of the sea grew deeper by the minute. There was no trace left of the cobalt blue color it’d been this morning.
Nothing in this world could last forever.
Even if I’d been Runa’s first guy, it surely wouldn’t be something that still made me happy ten or twenty years into the future.
“I don’t want you to worry about anything anymore. Not the past, and not the distant future either.”
I knew Runa was looking at me, but my gaze stayed fixed on my plate. It’d originally had a steak on it, but now, just a few French fries, which had come as a garnish, remained.
“If I were to die here today...then I’d die happy. Because I got to be with you.”
Though...dying before having my first sexual experience would probably cause me to linger in this world out of regret. I’d wander the waters of Okinawa as a literal “virgin fiend.”
It was a bit funny to think about. I looked at Runa with a small smile on my face.
She was gazing at me, and her face told me that she was on the verge of tears.
What sort of coincidence was this...?
“What do you plan to do after you graduate?”
“Well... I’m a bit of an empty shell right now. I’ve already reached my high school goal.”
“What goal is that?”
“To fall in love with somebody who loves me back, and who I can see myself being together forever with.”
Four years ago, Runa and I had talked about the future. We’d been at Luna Marine, by the sea, at sunset. I never would’ve thought we’d be having a similar conversation in a similar place four years down the line.
“From now on, let’s treasure the present, where we can be together,” I told her.
Falling in love brought its own troubles with it. It was wonderful to think that someone was the one for you and to have your hearts connect. But treasuring your loved one too much led to worries—what would happen if they were to disappear? What if they were gone from this world all of a sudden? Those were the kinds of things you now had to worry about.
Perhaps there’d be no end to that anxiousness for as long as you lived. But it would be a waste to let it overwhelm you and cast a shadow on the life you did have.
“Ryuto...” Runa smiled softly, trying to hold her tears back. “You’re right,” she said quietly, sounding like her words came straight from the heart. “I’m a sports car, after all.”
We were the only ones who knew the meaning of those words.
“I’ll live in the moment. I’ll live for the sake of living. Just like I’ve done until now.”
A seventeen-year-old Runa’s voice echoed in my head.
“Yeah, exactly,” I replied.
We’d spent a long time building up our relationship, after all.
Everything we’d been through up to this point had brought our relationship to where it was now.
Treasuring our present also meant treasuring our future together.
So even if we couldn’t live to a hundred, or if there was no such thing as a next life, and a day eventually came when we could no longer be together...
Eternity must’ve been there inside us at that very moment.
***
Dinner came to an end. Now that it was completely dark outside, the American Village was shining with neon lights. We got back on the road and left it behind.
“Man, I wanna sleep so bad...” Runa said from the passenger seat.
I’d been driving for less than five minutes by this point, following the GPS’s directions to the hotel where we’d be staying.
“Me too...”
Apparently, we’d get to the hotel in thirty minutes if we didn’t hit traffic. However, the calming vibrations of the hybrid car had me sensing danger.
“I don’t know, I might fall asleep too if you do...” I added.
“What?! Please don’t!” Runa exclaimed with a shocked expression. “What you said earlier’s gonna be a flag! All that stuff about dying today!”
“It would really suck if that was a flag!”
“Give me a moment, I’ll try my best to fight off the sleep.”
“Well, that’s not working out, is it?!”
“Waaah! I guess that didn’t fly!”
Runa was speaking a lot, but her eyes were almost shut.
I felt like I’d nod off immediately if I closed my eyes. Even so, our weirdly lively conversation was helping us combat our sleepiness.
“I wanna sleep so bad! I woke up at 3 a.m., you know?!” Runa exclaimed.
“So did I... And I’ve been going to bed at two all the time recently. It was hard to fall asleep, so I barely got any rest.”
“Isn’t it crazy how long we’ve been up for?”
“We did get a bit of sleep in the plane, but still...”
“So what do we do?” she asked. “Wanna nap in some convenience store’s parking lot?”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea...”
It wouldn’t be a problem if I woke up in thirty minutes, but judging by how exhausted I was, it probably wouldn’t end there. I also wanted to spend the night at the hotel with Runa. I desperately roused myself and kept my grip on the steering wheel.
“We’d be late for check-in, so let’s keep going,” I said.
“Man, I’m sleepy... I shouldn’t have gotten that cocktail...”
“Let’s pick up some energy drinks or coffee at a convenience store, I guess...”
“Chewing gum too!”
Somehow or other, I managed to avoid falling asleep at the wheel, and we got to the hotel where we’d made a reservation.
“We’re finally here...”
I was barely conscious, so I hardly understood a word of what the staff said when we checked in.
After we opened the door to our room, we put down our things and fell on the bed together.
And what do you know—we slept until morning just like that.
***
“Ryuto!”
I woke up to the sensation of a damp hand caressing my cheek. The sight of Runa’s voluptuous chest right in front of me woke me right up in an instant.
“Whoa!”
I was in a bright room filled with the morning sunlight, lying on one half of the “twin bed”—it was really two single beds placed next to each other without a gap between them.
Runa was wearing a swimsuit. There was a bath towel around her waist—maybe she’d been in the water.
“I thought you were a mermaid...”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Is it a compliment?”
Runa smiled bashfully and removed her bath towel. She held her hand to her cheek—her nails had the same tropical flower pattern that her bikini bottom had. It seemed like Yamana-san had gone all out.
“The weather’s clear, and the pool feels great!” Runa said, leaving the room through the sliding glass door.
Outside our room was a courtyard with a swimming pool. The guest rooms were in two-story buildings surrounding said pool. This was probably only possible because the hotel wasn’t all that big.
“You should hurry and come too!”
Runa waved at me with the cobalt blue pool behind her. The leaves of the subtropical plants growing in the vicinity stirred with the wind as if to match her movements.
“W-Wait...!” I said, flustered.
I’d only just woken up and hadn’t taken a shower the day before. I wasn’t ready at all.
I felt like I’d had a concerning dream—maybe because of the conversation we’d had yesterday. In it, Runa had disappeared...
In reality, however, there she was in front of me, smiling.
The Runa of the past and the Runa of the future were both here, inside of her.
And...
“Damn it...” I said.
Next time, I will do it with her.
***
We played in the pool for almost an hour, starting at 6 a.m. Then, we had breakfast at a buffet at the hotel restaurant. After that, we went back to our room, got dressed, and went out for the day.
Our plan was to go to Churaumi Aquarium, which was about an hour away from the hotel by car.
The roads in the center of Okinawa were better than those in its southwestern part, and our ride was a pleasant one. However, when we got close to the aquarium, the number of cars increased all of a sudden, and we were forced to slow down significantly.
“So this is the traffic jam this place is famous for...” I said.
The aquarium had opened at 8:30 a.m., and it was nine now. This might’ve been rush hour traffic for this area.
“I guess we should’ve come earlier... I woke up at five, but I didn’t think we had to hurry so much.” With regret written on her face, Runa picked up her latte from the cup holder and drank from it. “So... Yesterday...” Runa awkwardly began as the air grew somewhat stagnant. “Did you...fall asleep right away too?”
“Huh? Yeah...”
I had no memory of anything after when I’d flopped onto the bed. I’d flown and then driven a car while short on sleep, so I’d been exhausted—then again, considering how I couldn’t get a wink of sleep that night back in Enoshima, perhaps it had to do with my age.
“Oh, okay... I guess that’s...good...?” Runa blushed a little. “Let’s get back to the hotel early today... Yeah?” she said with upturned eyes.
Since we were stuck in traffic, I’d been looking over at her. Her words shook me up and made my eyes wander.
“Y-Yeah...” I replied in a weird voice like something was stuck in my throat. “Let’s do that...”
I didn’t want to come off as being too horny, so I faked calmness. But in my chest, my heart was pounding.
All the windows in the car were closed to keep things cool inside. With us being so close together, I was worried that Runa might pick up on my agitation right away.
“Oh, they moved.”
The car in front of us suddenly pulled forward a lot, so I hurriedly removed my foot from the brake.
As I cast a casual sideways glance at the passenger seat, I saw that Runa’s cheeks were slightly flushed pink. I wondered what was going through her mind.
The Churaumi Aquarium was located on a raised area next to the sea. The entrance was on the third floor. You would go down while looking at the various aquarium exhibits, and when you left through the exit on the first floor, you’d have a good view of the sea before you.
We went in and proceeded along the route. The first aquarium we saw was very Okinawan, with tropical fish and coral reefs.
One of the tanks was round and low to the ground. Little children were crowding around it.
“Oh hey, garden eels!” Runa exclaimed, her eyes lighting up like she was a child too. She went up to the tank and peered at it from behind the kids.
“It’s unusual for garden eels to get their own aquarium,” I said.
“I know, right? They’re so cute...”
Along with typical garden eels with orange and white stripes, there were others that were whitish with black spots. Some were upright and swayed sideways. Others moved their heads swiftly, being cautious of their surroundings. Some eels kept going in and out of the white sand. Different specimens acted differently, and I felt like I could watch them forever. No wonder they were popular with kids.
“Wow...” Runa let out, watching the eels with rapt attention. “Going in and out like that probably feels good.”
“What...?” I said, finding what she said strange.
“Oh...!” Runa immediately turned beet red as she seemed to have had a realization about what she’d said. “I-It’s not like that! It’s just, they must live comfortably in the sea and all...”
“Y-Yeah, I know that’s what you meant...”
I didn’t want to press Runa on the matter since there were lots of children around. And anyway, I was being too horny.
“Jeez, you’re such an idiot!” Runa said.
“I didn’t force you to say that...”
“Well, it’s what came to my mind...!” Turning red as a tomato, Runa grabbed my hand and started walking.
Her hand was hot.
The day before the trip, I’d gone to Yamana-san’s salon for another nail care treatment, so I was perfectly prepared. My head was filled with thoughts about tonight, but I tried to act as naturally as I could as we explored the aquarium.
We came upon an area with sharks. There was a panel on the wall outlining how sharks could be incubated in an artificial womb. You could look through a window to see shark embryos currently being incubated.
Curious, I read the panel. While I was doing that, a boy who must’ve been in primary or middle school neared us and looked up at the panel too.
“Hey, Dad! What’s a ‘womb’?”
Startled, Runa and I exchanged glances.
“Huh? Well, how to put it...” said his father, coming up from behind us. He read the panel, looking composed, and began to explain things to his son. “It’s a place in a mother’s stomach where babies grow. An artificial womb is one that’s been created to be like the real thing.”
“Oh, huh...” the boy said—he didn’t sound interested. “Oh look, fish!” he then exclaimed and ran to a different aquarium.
Left standing in front of the panel, Runa and I fidgeted in silence.
Things stayed that way for us throughout our whole visit to the aquarium. When we were done with the indoor exhibits and were looking at sea turtles outside...
“Oh look, this turtle is sticking its head out so much. I didn’t know it could stretch that far,” I said.
“What?!” Runa’s reaction seemed exaggerated. “The turtle’s head?! Stretch?!”
“Th-That’s not what I meant, okay?! I didn’t mean it in a weird way!” I replied, totally flustered. But it was true that the Japanese word for “glans penis” was composed of the kanji for “turtle” and “head.”
At the end of our visit, when we were looking for presents for people back home...
“Oh hey, this thing’s cute! Is it a whale?” Runa asked, picking up a blue mammal plush and showing it to me.
“Isn’t that a whale shark? A whale would have a blowhole to squirt water out of.”
This made Runa blush. “Squirt...?!”
“That’s not how I meant it!”
Today, it felt like both of us were middle schoolers. Then again, middle schoolers seemed to be more mature these days...so maybe we were like primary school students, if anything.
***
After finishing our tour of the aquarium, we had a light lunch at a restaurant and went back to the car. It was 2 p.m.
“We’re going to Kouri Island next...right?” Runa asked.
“Yeah...”
Our plan was to go to Kouri Island after visiting the aquarium. It was forty minutes away by car. The island was past the Kouri Ohashi Bridge, which was roughly two kilometers long. The guidebook mentioned that the bridge was a major landmark, providing a scenic road to cross the water.
“Oh, it’s coming up now.”
We hadn’t run into any traffic, so in the time predicted by the GPS, we got to where we could see the Kouri Ohashi Bridge.
“So beautiful...” said Runa.
The exhilarating feeling of driving while being surrounded on either side by an ocean view reminded me of the Aqua Line, where Nisshi had previously driven us. However, what made the sea here in Okinawa special was its cobalt blue color.
“It’s amazing!” Runa said. Despite the excitement in her voice, she looked distracted as she stared outside the window.
After a few minutes, we reached the end of the scenic road, and we arrived on Kouri Island.
“So, what do you want to do?” I asked.
“Huh?”
“Do you want to go somewhere here?”
Apparently, this island had the kinds of cafés that Runa would likely be into. There was also a beach from which you could see heart-shaped rocks that made it famous as a “love island.”
“Well...” Runa thought it over for a moment before shaking her head. “Nah.”
“Oh, okay...” I readjusted my grip on the steering wheel several times—my sweat had made it slippery. “So...we’ll circle around it and go back to the hotel?”
Runa blushed slightly and weakly nodded. “Yeah...”
***
The time had finally come.
We’d had an early dinner at the hotel, but I hadn’t managed to eat half as much as I normally would. Part of it was because it hadn’t been so long since lunch, but there was also the fact that I was both nervous and excited. I couldn’t really remember what the food had tasted like or what we’d talked about.
After returning to our room, we watched TV for thirty minutes or so. None of what was on the screen really entered our heads.
Runa spoke first, giving me a jolt. “So, is it time to take baths?” she asked.
“Y-Yeah. Do you want to go first...?”
“O-Okay...” Runa nodded awkwardly and disappeared into the bathroom.
Thirty minutes passed—I had no idea what to do with myself. It was just 7 p.m., and the sky was still faintly illuminated.
“Sorry for the wait,” Runa said, hesitantly stepping out of the bathroom.
I then went in to take a shower.
And then, at long last...
The curtains had been open when I’d gone into the bathroom, but now they were closed. The TV was now off.
Runa was sitting on the bed, looking at her phone while fiddling with her hair—it was straight instead of curled.
“Ah, Ryuto. Welcome back...”
Runa immediately averted her eyes once she spotted me. I thought she might’ve been embarrassed because she wasn’t wearing makeup, but I suspected there was a bigger reason for it.
“Yeah...” I replied, not knowing what to say. Making small talk didn’t feel like the right call here either.
Our room had come with pajamas, so we were both wearing them. They were long, unisex polo sleep shirts with a button at the chest.
I sat down next to Runa. There was an odd distance between us, large enough for another person to sit there.
Our hotel room was neither spacious nor cramped. It had a bed, a small table, and two chairs. All the furniture was brown, and just like the rest of the hotel, the design of the pieces made you think of a resort in Southeast Asia.
It was so quiet that we could hear the faint sound of the rotating fan on the ceiling.
Oh boy. What should I say to start things here...?
I timidly looked beside me, at which point I noticed...
“...Hic...”
Runa was holding a hand to her face—she was crying.
“Eh...?” I let out in surprise.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...” Runa looked at me and wiped her tears. “It’s just a bit scary...”
“Huh...?”
What is? Sex? It’s not like it’s her first time, though...
As I sat there, confused, Runa went on. “I really don’t want to lose you,” she said. She was speaking quietly, and her face creased up in pain. “It’s my first time in a relationship with someone like this... Over these four years, I’ve loved you so much...”
Fresh tears welled up in Runa’s eyes as she got the words out. I hurriedly got a tissue from the table and gave it to her.
“Thanks... I feel like you couldn’t possibly love me more than you do, but still... What if it’s because we haven’t had sex?”
“What...? That’s what’s bothering you...?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Runa nodded. “I know in my head that it’s not true and you’re not like that, but still...”
“Runa...”
Did she think this way because of her previous relationships?
“I’ve always had this worry somewhere deep inside... That’s why even when your exams were over and we were both busy, I couldn’t so easily say, ‘Let’s do it’...”
“Runa...”
So that’s what’s been on her mind.
I felt like this cleared up the inexplicable strain in our relationship that’d been hanging around since I’d gotten into university.
“But...this time, I’ve made up my mind.” Suddenly, Runa lowered the tissue from her face and looked at me. Her eyes were dry and full of resolve. “I’ll become one with you. I have faith that you’re not the type to grow cold to me just because we’ve had sex.”
I nodded deeply even before she was done speaking. “Of course. I love you regardless of whether we have sex or not.”
“Right...”
When I saw Runa nod back with a small smile on her face, it made me recall something. I’d seen this expression on her face not long ago—that time she’d been trying to persuade Kurose-san.
“I think that to have faith in someone is to be okay with being betrayed by that person. If Ryuto betrayed me...I’d be okay with it. It’d be something I could live with.”
Was this what had made her say that? Perhaps, as she’d been making up her mind to have sex with me in Okinawa, she’d been fighting her uneasiness all by herself all this time...and maybe that was the conclusion she’d come to.
Runa suddenly gave me a different kind of smile. “So...I’m all yours tonight.”
She was showing me that affectionate smile that I loved so much.
“Runa...”
I was filled with love for my girlfriend, and I pulled her toward me.
The first time I’d embraced her had been in Enoshima, in that inn. I was feeling the same warmth now as I had back then, and arousal was spreading through me the same way. But now that four years had passed, I felt something else too.
Runa had always accepted me, no matter what I’d been like at the time. She’d shown me so many different faces as well.
I’d witnessed her love her new family. I’d been watching her chase her dream once she finally found it. I’d seen her innocent faces, her sad faces. She’d shown all the sides of her true self to me.
I had faith in her too. I respected her from the bottom of my heart.
I wanted to treasure Runa—both the one of the past and the one of the future. The times we’d spent together and the times we’d had to be apart. And the long time when we’d probably get to be together—or perhaps I’d end up making her lonely.
My heart had been with her at all these times. I’d known the right words to describe this feeling for so long, and I’d held on to that phrase all along. Now, it finally felt like it was the time to bring it out.
“Runa.”
After briefly calling out her name, I pushed her down.
“You...mean the world to me.”
It had come out a little awkward, but I’d managed to say it while looking her in the eye.
“Ryuto...” Runa opened her eyes wide and glittering tears came pouring out of them. “Me too...” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me toward her. “You mean the world to me too...”
The words she said quietly into my ear were numbing.
“Thanks...” Runa went on. “I’m not anxious about anything anymore.”
She pulled away a little, and as we stared at each other, she smiled happily.
“Runa...”
Both my body and mind were on fire. But just as I was about to go in for a kiss, as my instincts were telling me, I noticed something strange about her behavior. I stopped.
Runa had an odd look on her face. If I had to describe it somehow, it was like something was stuck in her teeth, and she couldn’t get it out.
“Hmm?” Runa tilted her head.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She looked at me with a start. “Sorry, can I go to the bathroom?”
“Huh? Sure...”
Now? Well, I guess you can’t ignore the call of nature...
Thus, I was left restlessly waiting for her on the bed. Runa stepped out of the bathroom at one point to get something from her belongings in the corner of the room before going back in again. I couldn’t understand why.
And after a few minutes of waiting...
Runa left the bathroom again, looking dejected.
“It’s come...” she said.
“Huh?”
“My period...”
Her words left me speechless for a moment.
“What?!” I exclaimed.
No way! Why did it have to be now?!
“So... What does that mean?” I asked.
“Hm?”
“I mean, is it impossible to do it when you’re on your period?” I was too ignorant about the female body, so I couldn’t keep myself from asking.
“Well...” A troubled look appeared on her face. “I don’t think it’s impossible...but stuff would get dirty, and my stomach hurts, so... I guess I don’t feel like doing it, given the circumstances...” Quietly, she added, “It sucks that this happened right before our first time, which we’d remember forever...”
It took me quite a while to manage a reply. “Oh, okay...” I said eventually.
Disappointed didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. All my strength had left me. I felt like a slug who’d been covered in salt, like I could dissolve onto the bed.
Seeing me like that, Runa hurriedly asked, “D-Do you wanna do it anyway?”
“Huh?”
“We’re gonna turn into a weird couple at this rate... We’ve been dating for four years already... But then again, it would be pretty weird to have your first time with blood everywhere... And we’d cause trouble for the staff...”
Runa raised her hands to her head in anguish. Then, just as quickly, she brought them on her lap and hung her head dispiritedly.
“At this point, I can’t talk about our relationship to any of my friends besides Nicole... It feels like nobody would understand us.”
She was probably right. I hadn’t told Icchi and Nisshi about our situation either.
“You two are pretty special, and in more ways than one.”
There’d been what Sekiya-san had said too.
“We can do it today, if you’re okay with it...” I began. I was ready to go whenever, after all. “But if you’re even slightly uncomfortable with it, we can do it another time...”
“Really...? Are you okay with that?” Runa asked with a worried look.
I nodded hesitantly. “Yeah... Sure, our relationship might be different from some people’s idea of how couples should be or what they should do...”
Maybe not having sex on this trip would make us an even weirder couple. However...
“But what I want...” I began, “is for our relationship to be built on real love—something that’s irreplaceable.”
“Ryuto...”
I realized there was something I’d never mentioned to Runa before. “There’s this thing Kujibayashi-kun said to me once...” I began. “The kanji for ‘moon’ and ‘dragon’ in our names both refer to something indistinct. Apparently, that’s why combining those two kanji gets you the word ‘indistinct.’”
“What...? Really?” Runa opened her eyes wide in curiosity and reached out for her phone, which she’d been charging beside the bed. “Wow, you’re right! That really is a thing! That’s crazy!” She then looked up from her phone and at me. “It doesn’t seem to be a very good meaning, though, you know? Doesn’t this mean that, like, we’re both kinda not all there?”
“That’s what I thought too, at first.” It made me smile how Runa had the same reaction as me. “But he said we’re in the middle of attracting the indistinct together,” I explained.
“What do you mean by that?” Runa asked, tilting her head.
I’d expected her to ask that too. “He said it’s what people call love.”
“Love...” The word slipped from Runa’s lips. Then, tears welled up in her eyes again. “I see...” A tear flicked off her lower eyelashes. Her expression was somewhere between crying and smiling as she hugged me. “Yeah. What else could our relationship be if not love?”
I felt Runa’s warmth against my chest. It fueled my lust, but it also stirred the most gentle feeling in the world inside me.
“I guess at some point, we came to love each other for real!” Runa said.
I thought back to the day I’d confessed to her.
“So, like, if I feel like having sex with you...I should just tell you, right?”
“Y’know, maybe when it gets to that point, the flimsy feeling our relationship is built on might end up being love.”
It had been four years since that day.
Here in Okinawa—a place far away from Tokyo—we realized that, at some point, we’d found what we’d once sought. Something that indistinct and shapeless, but so gentle and warm.
***
After that, we got changed and went to the hotel’s bar.
We sat at a table on the terrace illuminated by orange lights. A lukewarm, nighttime breeze carried the scent of trees to us as we drank colorful cocktails. It really felt like we were at a resort in Southeast Asia. There weren’t any other customers around—maybe many people had come to stay here with their families.
“I knew I should’ve gone to a hospital and gotten on the pill...” Runa said with a sigh. She drooped her shoulders. “I couldn’t make up my mind about it, and my periods aren’t regular. It can come at the earliest on the twenty-fifth, and when it’s late, it can even come after the thirtieth. It’s hard to predict it.”
“Huh... Sounds like a pain.”
“They’ve been late recently, so I thought it would be okay on this trip... Why did it have to come on the twenty-fifth now of all times?” she whined.
I didn’t know what to say in response, so I could only listen silently. The Awamori cocktail I was drinking was very strong, so my head was a bit fuzzy.
“In high school, me and four other girls would go swimming sometimes, but it was really hard to find a time that would work for all of us. I get that someone else can be on her period when you wanna go, but it’s just not as exciting to plan around it and go on another day, you know?”
No, I wouldn’t know... I smiled awkwardly and averted my eyes.
“Girls have it rough. We just have to act normal because we happened to be born with these bodies,” she said.
The male body came with its own set of troubles, but they were probably on a different level. It didn’t feel appropriate to try and make that argument here, so I just listened quietly.
“But...” Runa began, looking down with a smile on her lips. She caressed her stomach as though she were pregnant. “It’s a place that can raise life created by you and your special someone... When I consider how those frustrations are necessary for that to happen, it makes me want to treasure my body, including the hardships it brings with it.”
“Runa...”
“I’m able to think this way because we love each other and because you give serious thought to our future together.” Runa smiled, gazing at me. Her glistening eyes made me think of lights at night.
The hotel was on an elevated area, and from where we were on the second floor, we had a good view of the beautiful city lights. If Shinjuku at night was like a chandelier, the gentle evening lights here were like starlight.
“My mind and body are my own, and I can say no to things I don’t wanna do... It should’ve been obvious, but I never learned that until I started dating you...” Runa said. Her eyes were on the night scenery, but the look on her face was cloudy and worried. “I guess maybe you could say that I never considered that girls had any say in the matter when it came to that sort of thing.” She nodded slightly as if satisfied with her train of thought. Then, she turned to me and gave me a bashful smile—she looked sincerely happy. “Thanks, Ryuto. For teaching me how to treasure myself. I feel like I’ve come to like myself more since I started dating you.” Runa then brought a hand to her chest. “I’m so proud of myself for making someone as amazing as you fall in love with me. I feel that way from the bottom of my heart.”
“Huh...” Hearing all this was enough for me today. “Well, how about we go back to our room and head to bed?” I suggested.
At some point, it had become almost 9 p.m. It felt a bit too early to go to sleep, but it would let us get up earlier tomorrow and see more of Okinawa. I was trying to stay positive.
“No. Let’s go back to our room, but we won’t go to sleep yet.”
Looking at Runa, I saw her pout.
“Otherwise, it’s gonna end up the same as Enoshima,” she added.
“Huh?”
My hands had been resting on the table. Runa placed hers on top of mine.
“You know, Ryuto...” she said, lowering her voice. “Even I’m improving.”
“Huh...?”
I knew she was parodying what I’d said to her at that restaurant overlooking the city at night, but I didn’t know what she meant by that.
Runa stared at the light blue cocktail in her hand. “I never told you...but I’ve been practicing all this time.”
“Practicing...what?”
“With that bottle of Oronamin C...”
I still had no idea what she was talking about, but I did recall that she’d collected empty bottles of Oronamin C back in the day.
“At first, my teeth kept bumping into it, making a clattering sound... But I’ve been doing it every night, so now, I completely know how to go about it.” Runa’s smile came across as bold. “I’m pretty confident in my skills.”
At this point, I fully understood what this was about. My body heated up.
Runa parted her lips in a seductive way. “I’m sure I can satisfy you with this place alone.”
She pointed at her mouth—her glistening, red tongue peeked from it.
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