Our Dating Story: The Experienced You and The Inexperienced Me - Volume 6 - Chapter 5.3

“...can’t go...”

Her tears flowed endlessly, marking the floor as if it had rained.

“I see,” Sekiya-san said quietly. He looked helpless, like a young boy who had gotten lost.

Sekiya-san removed his hands from Yamana-san and stepped into the shinkansen. Its doors closed immediately as if having waited for him to do so, and the couple was separated by a sheet of cold steel. His face through the window grew distant and eventually disappeared from our view. My only salvation was that the last expression I saw on his face was a faint smile.

“Senpai...!” Yamana-san held her knees on the platform and broke down crying.

“Nicole!” Runa ran up to her, crouched down, and put her arms around her friend’s shoulders.

“He’s so terrible. How could he say something like that at the end...?!” Yamana-san said between sobs. “I’m not a little girl anymore. I’ve got a job here, and I have a way of life I need to protect.”

Looking worried, Runa patted her friend’s back without a word.

“My mom... I can’t leave her...” Yamana-san continued. “She’s my only family...”

“Yeah... I know what you mean.” Runa had tears in her eyes too as she embraced Yamana-san.

“Was I supposed to throw everything away, put my blind faith in senpai, and follow him to an unknown land far away...? I’m long past the age when I could love somebody like that...”

“Yeah...”

“We’ve grown up...”

“Yeah... Exactly...” Nodding deeply, Runa held her friend tight as if shielding her.

As I stood there and watched, I wondered what Sekiya-san might be thinking right now, alone in a crowd of unfamiliar faces on the shinkansen.

***

After that, we went to an izakaya located in a shopping district next to Omiya Station.

“I don’t know how I can get through a day like this without drinking,” Yamana-san said.

She was doing better than I’d expected. Her eyes were swollen from crying, but otherwise, she was back to her usual self.

The cheerful and lively mood in this izakaya kind of made me recall Bacchus—the one she’d worked at before. Maybe this was part of the reason it felt like Yamana-san was back to normal.

“Yep yep, let’s drink! I’ll join you today!” Runa was acting cheerful, perhaps in order to lift her friend’s spirits. And just as she said, there was a mug with a Jim Beam logo in her hand. “So you’re finally turning twenty tomorrow, Ryuto.”

“Really? Then he can join us if we drink until midnight,” said Yamana-san.

“What?!” I exclaimed.

It was still just past seven—midnight was a long time from now.

“Give me a break,” I added.

“Yeah... I’ve got work tomorrow anyway,” said Runa with a smile, taking my side.

That was how she was in the beginning, anyway...

“What do we do about this...?” asked Yamana-san.

Two hours later, Runa was sleeping peacefully next to me. Her arms were crossed on the table, and she was resting her cheek on top of them.

“Well, uh... Worst-case scenario, we’ll have to call a taxi, I guess...” I replied.

A taxi ride from here to Runa’s house might’ve cost around ten thousand yen, but what other option was there?

“She forced herself to join me... She doesn’t drink normally, so she did it for my sake...” said Yamana-san. Resting her chin in her hand, she watched Runa’s sleeping face out of the corner of her eye. She held a glass of umeshu in her other hand—since the ice in it had melted, it was nearly colorless now. “This might be it for me,” she said all of a sudden. “Maybe I should break up with him.”

“Huh...?”

This was completely unexpected. I gazed at her face, trying to pick up on what she’d really meant.

Yamana-san continued with her eyes still on Runa. “Whenever he hugs me, my worries disappear. But when we take just one step away from each other, I get worried again. It’s so stupid, right?” She shifted her arm that was holding up her face, lowering it until it was flat on the table. Her chin went down right along with it. “I’m such an idiot... If that’s the case, then why didn’t I go with him? If he’s so important to me, and if I’m going to regret things so much...” She stared at the table with moist eyes.

Yamana-san was across from Runa, and it didn’t look like she was all that drunk. I felt like she’d been more drunk that time when we’d gone on a drive, so this was probably her speaking her mind due to heartbreak.

“Remember how you said the other day that you used to be like that too?” she asked.

After thinking for a moment, I realized she was talking about our conversation at MagicalSea.

“I’m just worried. Because, unlike me, he’s been with other girls. I can’t help thinking that one of his old classmates from high school might be an ex.”

“I was like that too. When I only just started dating Runa...I sometimes felt such worries toward her too.”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“I realize now that we’re different, you and I. Runa wouldn’t cheat...but I can’t be sure about senpai.” After saying that with a stiff expression on her face, Yamana-san straightened herself and sighed a bit. “I’ve realized that the senpai I’ve always known isn’t the one who I can’t have faith in... It’s the one in the future.” Resting her chin in her hand again, Yamana-san looked at me. “He’s gonna be a doctor, you know? Japan’s full of girls who would gun for someone like that. And to make things worse, his real girlfriend’s gonna be in Tokyo. Even if he doesn’t plan on cheating, girls will do their best to take him from me.”

“I don’t know about—”

“No,” Yamana-san said, flatly interrupting me. “There’s just no way I can believe in him. I mean, we’re not even walking on the same piece of land anymore.” Then, suddenly, she looked anxious and ready to cry. “I’m sure I’ll doubt him every time he’s even a little bit late to call or message me. And I’ll confront him about it. I don’t want him to see such an ugly side of me anymore.” She knitted her eyebrows tightly. “And so, I feel like...it’s better if I end this, leaving this love as a pleasant memory for both of us.” After saying that with calm resolve in her voice, Yamana-san smiled in self-deprecation. “I can’t think of any other way... I’m an idiot, after all.”

She was no idiot. Not a fool either. She simply must’ve held herself back too much.

Looking back on it, she and Sekiya-san had experienced only a few nice moments together since they’d reunited at the cultural festival during our second year of high school. After Sekiya-san had spent four entire years of abstinence as a ronin, there’d been barely any time to celebrate him getting into college before he’d had to leave for the north.

“What was the right thing to do? Should I have abandoned everything—my work, my family, my friends—and gone with him?” Yamana-san asked in a teary voice. She pressed her hands to the sides of her face near her eyes. “I couldn’t believe in him enough to make such a decision on the spot. There hasn’t been enough time, enough words, for me to do that.”

I knew how she felt. All too well. However...

“We started dating three years ago, and for all that time when I couldn’t see him, it wasn’t him who kept me going.” Yamana-san’s expression looked tired, but she was smiling. “To tell the truth... The person I couldn’t stand parting with the most...was Ren.”

I held my breath—I hadn’t expected her to say my friend’s name.

“Maybe...I’d be happier going out with him.” She had a gentle smile on her face. “With senpai, I was always worried if I was the only one who wanted to see him. Like it didn’t matter to him if I was there or not.”

No. You’re wrong about that, Yamana-san.

“It’s great for girls. When they want to see you, they can just say so.”

“I wanna see Yamana.”

That’s the kind of person Sekiya-san is. Don’t you know that? Didn’t you love him knowing what he’s like?

I couldn’t say that, though. If I did, Yamana-san might’ve abandoned the idea of choosing Nisshi and instead continued to love Sekiya-san, who was far away.

Could I, an outsider, be so irresponsible as to say something here and now that could ruin things for my friend, someone whose love of many years might finally come true?

“It’s fine if Nicole loves another guy. As long as I get to be by her side.”

What was I supposed to do?

If only there were two of Sekiya-san...

Look at me, wishing for such unrealistic things this late in the game...

What would Sekiya-san want her to do?

“There’s no way I could. That would be way too cringe. It’s not my style.”

Sekiya-san himself had chosen not to tell Yamana-san his feelings. And so, I wanted her to respect his decision.

“When it was hard, I often imagined how things could be. We’d get married, have children, I’d be a doctor... I’d come home and she’d be there, taking care of our kids, making dinner, and waiting for me... The mental image made my fatigue disappear...”

“Imagining a future like that is how I’ve managed to do my best for the past three and a half years. I wanted to make it happen.”

“Ngh...” Before I knew it, I was clenching my teeth and holding back tears.

Yamana-san looked slightly taken aback by my behavior. “Why’re you crying? You’re not even drunk.” Then, as if having suddenly come to her senses, she smiled awkwardly, lifted her chin from her hand, and a distant look appeared in her eyes. “It’s so weird. Why am I telling you all this? You, and not Runa.”

I wondered the same thing. Why was I the one in front of her right now—and not Runa, or Nisshi, or even Sekiya-san? I was completely useless here. I couldn’t embrace and comfort her as she cried.

“Well, I guess you’ll have to do. I feel like I’ll crumble down if I don’t tell someone all this,” said Yamana-san a little peevishly before looking off into the distance.

In this izakaya, the peak hours had passed us by. The tables on both sides of ours had been left messy for a while now, and the plates and glasses sitting on them had leftover food and drinks after people’s dinner parties.

Looking over that mess, Yamana-san said with tears in her eyes, “Is it okay if I stop loving him now?”

She blinked, and her tears fell to the table as though her long eyelashes and mascara had flicked them off. “It’s so tiring... I can’t... Can’t do this anymore...” She combed her long dark-brown hair with manicured nails as her lips trembled. “I love him so much... But I guess some relationships just aren’t meant to go well...”

The way her strained, painful voice mixed in with those of drunk customers in the distance made things even sadder for me.

“Hey... I did my best, right?”

I could tell—there was no turning back now. She’d already chosen her path: she’d be with Nisshi, not Sekiya-san.

The thought of it made my tears stop.

Yamana-san must’ve really had it rough. Even now, she must’ve been feeling heartrending pain.

I wanted to be nice to her, in part to fill in for Sekiya-san.

If I ever have a child in the future... If it’s a girl, and if I see her being sad... Maybe this is how I’ll feel. Suddenly, for whatever reason, I couldn’t help feeling that way.

Yamana-san looked a little startled when I reached out across the table and patted her head, but she didn’t say anything. She went on crying quietly.

At that moment, that hand of mine was Sekiya-san’s.

“You’ve done so well for so long,” I said, recalling Sekiya-san’s calm, deep voice and thinking about what he might say to her. “It’s okay now. You did great,” I added quietly.

A moment later, tears began to stream down from Yamana-san’s eyes.

Had it not been for her, things would’ve been extra painful and depressing for Sekiya-san during the long time he’d spent as a ronin. I knew well how much emotional support he’d found in her.

Only I knew that, and for the rest of my life, I would keep it to myself.

“Sekiya-san loved you...from the bottom of his heart.”

So let me say it. As his friend...and as yours.

“Thanks for everything.”

For loving Sekiya-san, and for giving him more happiness than one could count.

Thinking about it made me cry once more.

“Again, why are you crying too...?” Yamana-san asked.

And as if I’d influenced her, her face scrunched up, and her crying intensified.

“It’s just...” I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, feeling embarrassed. “We’re friends...aren’t we?” I said, sniveling.

Yamana-san smiled a little at that. “Right...” Another teardrop streamed down from the corner of her eye, but no new tears came. “Guess so.” She laughed a little. “You’re a ridiculously good person, you know that?”

Some of her makeup had come off from her tears. The area around her eyes was a mess, but she smiled. When our eyes met for a moment and I smiled in return, she raised her glass.

“Well, cheers!”

We brought our glasses together—one umeshu with no ice left in it and a long-empty glass of melon soda.

I had to wonder—where did dreams go if they wouldn’t come true? The happy family with Yamana-san that Sekiya-san had dreamed of... The life of the child they might’ve had... They must’ve been somewhere out there, in a different timeline. I wanted to believe it.

After all, to Sekiya-san, it had been a reality that almost truly existed, something he’d had in his head all along. A reality that had supported his soul.

And because I could think about it that way...

***

Nishina Ren: Nicole and I started dating

When I got that message soon after, I could sincerely say, with a smile on my face, “Congratulations, Nisshi.”