Ryuto: My girlfriend’s twin sister is asking me to set her up with a guy who’s single. Would you like to meet her?
Ryuto: She’s super drunk and won’t leave me alone
Ryuto: So you’d really help me out! Please!
I got a reply from him right away.
Haruku: Sure
Haruku: When?
While I was already used to it and it didn’t feel wrong to me, Kujibayashi-kun talked in a normal way when writing. What a weirdo.
And, actually, if he couldn’t stand “normies” so much and always acted like he had no interest in love, why did he accept an offer to meet a girl? To my surprise, he even seemed enthusiastic about it.
“He agreed,” I said.
At that, Kurose-san’s drunken eyes lit up. “Reallyyy?! Yaaay! ♡” Still holding the empty mug, she called out to a waitress. “This calls for a celebration! Miss! Another, please!”
“I’m sorry, she doesn’t need it! Please bring water instead!” I said.
I firmly resolved to never let Kurose-san drink too much alcohol again.
***
After that, I arranged for Kurose-san and Kujibayashi-kun to meet up the following day.
However...
The day after that, when I saw Kurose-san in Cromag’s editing department, she came up to me with a scary look on her face.
“Kashima-kun... What was that all about? Was that your way of getting back at me for that time in our second year of high school when I tried to make Runa look bad?”
“Wh-What are you talking about?”
“He talked about Mori Ogai for two hours and then left. Without looking me in the eye even once,” she said.
“Huh...?”
What the hell...?
I’d messaged Kujibayashi-kun asking him how it had gone and he hadn’t replied, so I had assumed it probably hadn’t gone well, but still...
“Oh, yeah, well... He’s a Japanese literature major, you see...”
My desperate attempt to defend him only worsened the look on Kurose-san’s face.
“You realize I am too, right?” she said.
“Y-Yeah, but he’s never dated anyone before...”
“I haven’t either, you know?” The frown on her face kept deepening. “But even I realize it’s not a good idea to go into a specialized lecture when meeting a member of the opposite sex. And I don’t even go to a top-level university.”
Having exhausted my ways of defending Kujibayashi-kun, I went silent.
Kurose-san cast her eyes down, looking hurt. “If I wasn’t his type, he should’ve just said so.”
“Ah, no. You see...” I began. “There isn’t a guy in this world who likes girls but isn’t into girls like you. I guarantee it.”
My words made Kurose-san go quiet for a moment. She blushed after a short while.
“Th-Thanks...” she said in a very thin voice.
“I don’t think he meant anything by it. He didn’t seem like a bad person, did he?”
“Well, I guess not...”
Nonetheless, Kurose-san didn’t seem quite satisfied just yet.
“I was serious,” she said peevishly. “I actually want to experience love. And I had hopes, since he’s your friend... I’m not good at dealing with guys, but I do want to try dating one properly.” She sighed a bit and had a somewhat melancholic look on her face. “It was such a letdown.”
Even I hadn’t thought Kujibayashi-kun would be a good fit for Kurose-san, but since I’d set her up with him, I felt really sorry.
“So, who’s next?” she asked in a clear voice.
“Huh?” I raised my face.
“You’ll give me someone else, right? You’ve been going to your school for two years, so there’s no way you only have one friend, right?”
Even now, as she was being downright brazen as she spoke to me, she looked exceptionally beautiful.
“So send someone good my way next time, Brother.”
Since she’d said it with such cute upturned eyes, there was no way I could refuse her on the spot.
***
There wasn’t going to be a next time, though. The only one I had in my arsenal was Kujibayashi-kun.
Next week, when we met up for lunch in the usual cafeteria, I made my way straight to where he sat before getting my own food.
“Hey, Kujibayashi-kun!” I called out. “Is it true that you talked to Kurose-san about nothing but Mori Ogai for two hours and then left?!”
“Indeed,” he replied calmly. There was a plate of pork cutlet curry in front of him.
“You realize it was your first date with a girl you’d never seen before, right?”
“I am perfectly aware.” He nodded deeply. “The moment I met her, I knew with certainty that a female so lovely could not possibly become my girlfriend.”
“Th-That’s not a light novel title by any chance, is it...?”
Kujibayashi-kun was well-versed in both classic and modern Japanese literature, so was naturally also highly familiar with the otaku culture of today.
“I really don’t think what you said is true,” I went on. “You’re a good-looking guy and all... Also, can you not call her a ‘female’? She’s a human being, like you and me...”
“Perish the thought. Whenst confronted with a wretched virgin fiend such as the one before thee, and a beauty as dazzling as a jewel, canst thou truly say they art both human beings?”
“Man... You’re not a fiend or anything...” His self-derision was amusing, but I had to be serious with him for once. “And besides, it’s not just you...”
I thought I saw a sharp glint in Kujibayashi-kun’s eyes, so I stopped myself there.
“Hm? Did thou sayeth something? A veritable normie such as thyself who does the deed with his beloved girlfriend day and night?”
“‘D-Deed’?! ‘Day and night’...?!”
I didn’t know which part of Kujibayashi-kun’s statement I had a bigger problem with. Either way, it seemed like that was his image of me.
“I-I told you I haven’t been able to see her recently, right? It’s not like we live together...”
“Uh-huh. So then thine bedsheets art dry of late, thou sayeth? A most delightful revelation.”
“‘Of late’ isn’t exactly how I’d put it...”
More like, they were never made wet in the first place...
As I hung my head in shame, Kujibayashi-kun stared intently at my face.
“Do not tell me...” he began.
I held my breath, wondering if this was when I’d finally have to come clean to him. I’d considered doing so at several points in the past, but I hadn’t quite managed it due to how much faith he’d had in me being a “veritable normie.”
However...
“Though I suppose it is out of the question when a young couple full of vigor has been in a relationship for three years.”
Having come to a different conclusion all on his own, Kujibayashi-kun then dropped the subject.
I’d once again missed the chance to tell him the truth. Then again, it didn’t matter. There was something more important I had to say now.
“You didn’t like Kurose-san?” I asked.
“Oh, I did. Alas, the path I took was the only one open to me. It was surely a more worthwhile time for her than if I had kept silent from start till end. Especially considering she did not seem to lack interest in modern literature.”
“Well, of course. She majors in Japanese literature at Risshuin University.”
“Oh?” Kujibayashi-kun seemed a little impressed.
Wait, they didn’t even get to telling each other what they were majoring in? This is so over.
“What about her name? You at least told each other your names, right?”
“Kurose Something, was it not? Thou told me thyself.”
There’s seriously no hope here.
“Look, Kujibayashi-kun.” I sat down on an empty seat next to him. “Remember what you said to me when we first talked? ‘My name may come from the Hulk, but alas, my height leaves much to be desired. Had I been outright small, it could at least have been something I could joke about.’ That’s how you should’ve introduced yourself.”
Kujibayashi-kun went silent.
“So next time, just forget for a second that she’s a girl and that she’s beautiful and talk to her normally, okay?”
I did my best to make things easy for him to understand. It was like I was talking to a child.
Kujibayashi-kun firmly pulled in his chin. “You know full well there shall be no next time.”
“Huh?”
“Even I could comprehend that much. I have exhausted her patience.”
“I wouldn’t necessarily—”
At that point, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and checked it.
Maria: So, Brother, have you found me someone else?
It was a lost cause—Kurose-san had completely given up on Kujibayashi-kun.
Having reached that conclusion, I no longer had it in me to say anything to Kujibayashi-kun. He was being stubborn anyway.
Whenever I saw Kurose-san after that, she kept pestering me to “give” her someone.
I did feel responsible for that incident with the molester that had led to her androphobia, so I wanted to do something for her. But...I just didn’t have any friends I could introduce her to.
One night, I was lying on my bed, looking at my phone. After some hesitation and drafting a message in the notes, I copied it into a LINE group chat I hadn’t opened in a long time.
Ryuto: Hey, it’s been a while.
How are you guys doing recently?
I’m working part-time at Iidabashi Publishing’s editing department. Kurose-san referred me.
I’d thought I wouldn’t get a reply until tomorrow morning, but two “read” marks appeared immediately.
Yusuke: Long time no see!
Yusuke: Man, that’s impressive!
Nishina Ren: Wait, you still have connections to Kurose-san?
Nishina Ren: Oh, right. She’s Shirakawa-san’s sister
Their replies came in so close together it was almost as if they’d coordinated them. They were so natural, as though we’d talked both yesterday and the day before that.
Looking at the chat history, I saw that the last time we’d used this chat room had been over a year ago.
Ryuto: Also, sorry this is out of the blue, but do you guys know anyone I could set up with Kurose-san?
Ryuto: She wants an earnest, faithful guy who isn’t an extrovert. But you know how few friends I have...
Nishina Ren: That’s a tough one, man. We don’t have friends either
Yusuke: And even if we did, they’d all be creepy geeks. Good luck getting Kurose-san to take an interest in a guy like that
Yeah, of course that’s how this was gonna go!
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