She spoke haltingly, and once she was done, a small smile appeared on her face. It seemed to be the self-deprecating kind.
“Maybe you’re not allowed to dream about becoming a wife in this day and age. Still...it was the best thing for me.”
I could tell she was feeling somewhat melancholic.
“It might take me some time to find a new dream,” Runa went on. “But I’m giving it as much thought as I can, trying to get started on the whole thing. You’re working so hard, and I wanna be a girl who’s suitable for you.”
She blushed as she kept her eyes pointed downward. She looked so cute that a smile appeared on my face all on its own.
“You already are...” I began, but I stopped myself out of awkwardness.
“Hm?”
“I mean... Even the way you are now...you’re already too good...for me.”
As I managed to lay out my true feelings, Runa blushed even further, still looking down.
“I dunno about that...” she said.
“Sekiya-san told me something,” I began. “He said I should do something first, and if that doesn’t work for me, to look for a different path. It was really relieving to hear that I didn’t need to look for my dream job from the start.”
Runa’s eyes lit up at my words and she lifted her head. “Sounds like good advice. Smart people say some good stuff, huh.”
I could tell that she was genuinely impressed, which made me a bit jealous. For a moment, I even regretted mentioning that advice had come from Sekiya-san and thought that I should’ve taken the credit for it myself, as dishonest as that would’ve been.
It felt like I was getting a bit more jealous on the whole recently. While the subject of Runa’s ex-boyfriends hadn’t sat well with me even in the past, I felt like I hadn’t gotten jealous about things like this back then.
The only reason I could think of as to why was, of course, our lack of physical intimacy recently. Even today, we hadn’t held hands once. And sure, it had been impossible to do so in front of Icchi and Tanikita-san, but now that we were alone together... But even though I had such thoughts, I still couldn’t find an excuse to make it happen.
As I walked Runa home from Station A, I could only think about how I wanted to hold hands with her.
It was like that time we’d gone on a date to Ueno Park. Back then, I’d managed to take advantage of Runa getting off the boat to take her hand. But I was different now. Runa and I had held hands dozens of times, and I should’ve been able to do it more naturally... More smoothly.
The quiet neighborhood filled with many wooden houses was already completely dark. Taking advantage of the weather getting colder, I suddenly drew close to Runa and touched her hand, trying to take it in mine.
At which point...
“Ahh!” she yelped, jerking away from me. “That surprised me...”
Even in the dark, I could tell how flushed her face was.
Admittedly, I was losing confidence here. Sure, I knew she didn’t hate me, but it still hurt a fair bit to get rejected.
Runa and I stopped walking and faced each other, standing on the side of the road between streetlights. There were barely any people around and there were just some homes nearby.
“Did I do something?” I asked. “Something that’s making you avoid me...?”
“Huh? I’m not avoiding... Ah!” It seemed like what Runa had just done had suddenly occurred to her. “That was, uhh... It was kinda embarrassing...” Her cheeks grew even redder. “I love you too much... I can’t even look you in the eye these days... My heart pounds so much I feel like I could die.”
Her words pierced through my heart. But happy as I was to hear them...
“Um, does this...have anything to do with me telling you that I think about you in a dirty way?” I asked.
Runa nodded without a word, her face still red. “It’s like, ever since then, when I’m with you, I end up thinking about it... It’s so embarrassing.”
So that really was it.
“I used to think you didn’t really get horny... At first, I even thought you had ED. I never could’ve thought you’ve done that f-five hundred times to me...”
“Forget about that number! It’s completely off!”
“It’s less?” she asked.
“It might be...”
“Or it might be more?!”
Given the way Runa had reacted, even I was getting flustered. “I mean, I don’t know! I really didn’t count it!”
“So... You’ve done it countless times?!”
“Well, uh...”
Sort of...
“What can I say...? I’m sorry for being so horny...”
Runa fidgeted. “Y-You don’t need to apologize... I’m happy about it, anyway... It’s just... It’s embarrassing...”
“And that’s why you won’t hold hands with me?”
“Yeah... I mean...” Runa was still moving about restlessly. “You do it with that hand, don’t you...?”
“What?! Whaaat?!” I involuntarily hid both my hands behind my back. “Then... Do you want to hold my left hand instead?”
“Huh...? Does that mean y-you do it with your right?” she asked.
“What?! Y-Yeah... I’m right-handed, so...”
WHAT IS THIS CONVERSATION?! This keeps getting more and more awkward—so awkward I could die!
“Gosh, it’s embarrassing... I dunno which part of you I should look at, Ryuto...”
My words seemed to have had the opposite effect—Runa was blushing even more. Holding hands with her seemed out of the question now.
After standing there frozen with embarrassment and regret for a while, I took a deep breath and tried to regain my composure.
This wasn’t a main road, so while people occasionally came from the direction of the station and passed through here, it was quiet around us. The scent of miso soup wafting from beyond the cinder block wall made me feel somewhat nostalgic.
I managed to calm myself down just a bit.
“So, um... Do you think you’ll feel less awkward with time?” I asked.
Runa nodded timidly. “P-Probably... I feel like it won’t be a problem eventually if I spend more time with you.”
“In that case... Let’s see each other more often,” I said, still flustered myself.
Things were progressing frustratingly slowly, and I wanted to do something about it.
“Um... How about tomorrow?” I suggested. “Do you have any plans...?”
We were on our postexam break and didn’t have school again until Friday, so unless she’d already made plans with friends or something, she should’ve been free.
“Ahh...” Runa looked awkward, however. “I don’t think tomorrow will work, sorry...”
“Oh, okay. Plans with Yamana-san?”
“Huh? No...”
“A beauty salon?”
“Nope.”
I had mentioned the types of things she was likely to be up to, but she had shaken her head both times.
“Okay. Then what about Tuesday?” I suggested.
“Umm... I have stuff to do on Tuesday too...”
“Oh, huh. Then...Wednesday...?”
“That won’t work either...”
“I-I see... Are you up to the same things every day...?”
“Y-Yeah...”
Runa didn’t say anything more, so I couldn’t tell what her plans actually were. Asking her any further would just make me sound like some kind of possessive guy trying to take control of everything my girlfriend did, so while I was a bit curious, my only choice was to give up.
“Well, what about Thursday?”
“Sorry...”
“I guess Friday wouldn’t be an option, since we have school... And I have cram school on Saturday... What about Sunday?”
I figured I’d ask just in case, and at that point, Runa looked like something had just occurred to her.
“Oh, Sunday would work,” she said. “After 3 p.m.”
“What, really? Then let’s hang out then.” I got happy all of a sudden, which showed in my voice. “Wait, that’s White Day. Is there anywhere you wanna go?”
The thought that Runa might’ve left half the day open precisely because it was White Day made me love her even more.
She seemed to think it over for a bit. “Hmm... The movies, maybe?”
“The movie theater?” I asked, surprised by her reply.
After all... When we’d just started dating and she’d asked me where I wanted to go on our first date...
“Since it’s our first d-date...maybe we could watch a movie...?”
“Hmm? You sure that’s what you want? Is there a movie you wanna see or something? Are you into movies?”
That’d been the exchange we’d had.
Runa didn’t seem to have much interest in movies. She’d previously told me that when she wanted to watch something, she would just use her father’s streaming subscriptions.
And now, she was suggesting we go to a movie theater.
“Is there a movie you want to watch?”
It was a natural question, but Runa looked taken aback, however.
“Well... What’s even playing these days? I’ll look it up later...” she said.
Well so much for that!—came the comically exaggerated retort in my head.
Still, I was genuinely happy about going on a date with Runa. I wasn’t against going to see a movie either. After talking through some basic things like where we’d meet, we decided to call it a day.
“Bye, Ryuto.”
At first, Runa waved at me from her porch, but then looked like she’d come up with something. In the next moment, she ran back and stopped right in front of me as I stood outside her gate.
“Runa...?”
I wondered what this was about, and she held out her arms...and gently embraced me.
It was a timid hug, as if she was trying not to cling to me too much. It was like she was humbly putting her arms around a sacred tree.
“Sorry about earlier...” she said.
I could tell by her flushed face just how much courage this required of her.
Runa’s voice was nearly trembling. “I love you, trust me... I just need some time.”
Right after she said those words, something glistening spilled from her eyes.
“Wh-What’s wrong?!” I asked, not understanding the meaning behind her tears. I backed away from her in surprise.
Runa looked taken aback too as she kept her eyes on me.
“I dunno...” Wiping her tears with her fingers, she tilted her head. “When I said ‘I love you,’ tears came out on their own... Ah, it’s happening again...” Continuing to wipe her eyes, Runa smiled a bit. “It’s like in those love songs. I guess they weren’t lying... Never thought I’d cry just from saying ‘I love you’...”
Sniffling, Runa smiled again. The edges of her eyes were slightly red, making them look sexy. Even in the orange-tinged glow from the lights outside her house, she was stunningly beautiful.
With a feeling of satisfaction, I waved at her. I either had to do that or give in to my desire to reach out and embrace her.
“I’m looking forward to Sunday,” I said with a smile.
Runa gazed fondly at me, her eyes glistening. “Me too...”
Ah, I love her so much. Even before this moment, I’ve loved her as much as it is possible for me to love someone—but it looks like there’s actually still room for my feelings to grow.
Looking up, the cloudy sky above was covered with a white haze. The moon wasn’t out tonight.
Despite that...
“The moon sure is beautiful, isn’t it?” I said.
“Huh? Where?” Runa looked up in confusion. “I don’t get it.”
“Right here,” I replied, pointing at her.
“Oh.” Her lips turned up into a smile. “You mean...me? I didn’t take you for the type to say things like that...” Runa blushed and smiled bashfully at me.
“Well, I’ll be going, then,” I said.
“Okay. Good night. Be careful on your way home.”
We lightly waved at each other and I began to walk into the night. My path might have been illuminated by streetlights instead of the moonlight, but my heart felt as full as the full moon.
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