Our Dating Story: The Experienced You and The Inexperienced Me - Volume 4 - Chapter 1.3

“I wonder if I went too far trying to make a move on him and he got angry? Maybe he likes prim and proper girls, so that was a turnoff for him...” said Yamana-san.

“No way...!” replied Runa.

“Maybe him wanting to focus on exams is just an excuse and he simply lost interest in me...”

That must’ve been the conclusion she’d reached after asking herself why this had happened dozens of times the night before, unable to sleep.

“I can’t imagine any other reason...” she added weakly, her eyes vacant.

***

“I’ve heard what happened, Sekiya-san. Why did you do such a thing to Yamana-san...?”

That same day after classes, I met up with Sekiya-san in the lounge of our cram school and immediately asked him that question.

At first glance, Sekiya-san looked the same as usual. Upon closer inspection, however, there were signs of exhaustion on his face. Perhaps he hadn’t slept either.

“What do you mean ‘why’...? You saw it too, didn’t you? How she was acting yesterday. The only thing on her mind was doing it with me.”

What the hell?! Are you bragging?!

I kept that show of jealousy to myself and spoke calmly instead. “Wasn’t that perfect for you? She’s your girlfriend and all.”

“Normally that’s how it would be, I guess. But you know what my situation’s like right now, don’t you?”

“Well...”

He must’ve been referring to the fact he was a ronin and his college entrance exams were coming up.

“Besides, I can just see how things would go,” he said. “If we did it once, we’d end up heading over to each other’s houses or to love hotels whenever we had time and going at it like rabbits for about three months. And when I finally got back to my senses and restored my humanity, my exams would already be over. And in more ways than one.”

I sighed. Having never taken college entrance exams, I couldn’t relate at all.

“Weren’t you like that too, at first?” he asked. “Wait, you two’ve been going out for a long time now, right?”

“Huh? W-Well...”

His unexpected question sent me into a panic as I still hadn’t had that experience.

“It feels like you guys have calmed down already,” added Sekiya-san. “Like there’s stability to your relationship.”

“Well, uh... We’ve just hit our fifth month together.”

“Huh... And you’ve already calmed down? Isn’t Shirakawa-san your first girlfriend? I was in rabbit mode for about half a year with the girl I first slept with.”

“Well, what can I say...?”

Damn it, I can’t talk my way out of this... But as I thought that...

“Huh... So that’s how it is.” Sekiya-san smirked. “How innocent of you. So you’ve got, like, pure love going on and all?”

“N-Not really...”

It had ended up like that as a result, but it wasn’t like I had aimed for a chaste relationship.

“Sorry for being a virgin...” I said, hanging my head.

Sekiya-san smiled, though it wasn’t in a mocking way. “I think a pure love is fine too. I wish I could’ve been like that with Yamana, at least until my college entrance exams were over...” he said with a distant look in his eye.

Another question came to my mind. “Why didn’t you ask Yamana-san for that?”

“There’s no way. Even over these past two weeks, we barely met up or messaged each other. She’s put up with enough already. If this leads to us going on a date and then losing control, that’s not exactly a good outcome. I know we had a dramatic reunion at the cultural festival and we ended up dating again in the spur of the moment, but at the end of the day, it was never gonna work out with my current situation,” he explained.

“B-But if you properly talked to Yamana-san about it, she might understand what you’re going through and wait for you...”

“You want me to ask her to wait for me until March when all my college entrance exams are over? Even though that’s four months?”

“Wouldn’t she wait, though?” I asked. “She’s been in love with you for three years already, even after you broke up...”

“It’s not like I ever asked her to wait, though. It’s completely different when you start dating and then make her wait,” Sekiya-san said flatly. Then, he hung his head. “I’ve really noticed something after I graduated high school. Compared to your time there, there’s a lot less going on in life after you graduate. High school is a really special, precious time. You could become a completely different person in four months. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Huh...?”

I recalled how I’d been four months ago. It had just been a month since I’d started dating Runa. I’d never expected the turbulent summer that had been in store for me.

If I went back another four months from there, I’d been just an introverted fan of KEN who hadn’t dared to even dream of dating the Shirakawa-san he so admired.

I had to admit—four months could lead to amazing changes.

“I couldn’t tie her to myself for four precious months when I couldn’t even do anything for her. I’d feel way too guilty about it. She’s a good girl—I don’t want to take away her right to enjoy her youth freely with someone else.” With that, Sekiya-san heaved a deep sigh. The look on his face suggested he was irritated at something. “I really don’t have any time to spare right now. My schedule’s totally full with my own stuff. It would be too distracting to know that someone was waiting for me to get through that. I don’t think I could bear it. I just got my mock exam results, and the score for my first choice of college was D again...”

So that was the source of his irritation. He must’ve been aiming for a place he couldn’t get into even with how much he studied.

Then, it occurred to me to ask...

“Wait, so which college are you aiming for?”

Sekiya-san gave me a sour look. “I’d be fine with any, really. As long as I can get into medicine.”

What?

“Medicine?! You want to become a doctor?!” I asked in astonishment.

Sekiya-san gave me a look of amazement. “You really don’t give two shits about me, do you...? I’ve always got medical textbooks, you know.”

That didn’t ring any bells. Apparently, I really didn’t notice things around me.

“Medical school, though...” I said.

I assumed that people with their sights set on that went to specialized cram schools, but there was a medical course here at Cram School K, so I supposed it wasn’t so strange that someone like that was here.

“It’s not a goal you can reach just by studying for a year to make up for playing around for three years in high school,” he said. “Still, I can’t cause any more trouble for my parents than I already have... I want to get into college next year, no matter what.”

“And that’s why there’s no choice other than to distance yourself from Yamana-san?” I asked, feeling dreary.

Sekiya-san gave me a small nod. “It was the only way with how we are now.”

After a period of silence, he started scratching his head as if in desperation. “Man, what’s up with her? Why’s she so set on having sex with me, even though she’s a virgin? Do you have any idea how many times I had to bend forward and cover up yesterday? There’s just no way... I couldn’t hold myself back if I let that go on...” he complained.

At that point, a trace of sympathy for him finally appeared in me. His troubles went in a completely different direction from mine, but I was sure this situation was hard to bear for him.

“Well, that’s because she loves you...” I said in consolation.

Somehow, however, it made something else occur to me. Runa’s voice played in my head.

“Love you, Ryuto!”

Runa often said those words. I’d never doubted them, and I did believe they came from the heart.

Still... I’d never once felt the sort of sexy aura that Yamana-san had given off yesterday from Runa. With that in mind, I couldn’t help but see Runa’s love for me as something still developing. It was only natural that she didn’t ask me for sex.

“Haah...”

“Haah...”

I sighed from the bottom of my heart, and it happened to overlap with Sekiya-san’s own.

“Why’re you feeling down?” he asked, smiling as our eyes met. He seemed to find the situation funny. “Anyway, I’m going to the study room. It’s gonna be too late for me if I don’t score a B on the next mock exam,” he said with a joking air and got up.

Seeing that, I suddenly recalled something and called out to him. “Ah, Sekiya-san!”

As I handed him several coins from my pocket, he frowned and looked down at his palm.

“What’s this? Charity?”

“It’s for yesterday’s popcorn.”

At that, Sekiya-san relaxed his expression. “Oh... You’ve got some strong principles, huh.” He stuck the hand with coins into his jacket pocket. “Thanks. Guess I’ll buy an oden or something with this to warm myself up.”

As he said that and left, he somehow looked smaller than usual.

***

Two weeks passed, and December came.

During long homeroom one day as the class was on edge about the approaching end-of-term tests, the topic of “Group Distribution for the School Trip” was brought up.

We second-years were to go on a trip in March. Since it was at least nominally a school trip, we were now going to use a period for integrated studies to decide what each group would do during their free time on the trip. We would also look into the history and culture of the place we were visiting.

“Each group should have five to seven people, and make sure there are both boys and girls. Now, please form your groups,” said the class representative.

Our classmates got up from their seats and started moving about, forming groups.

“Ryuto!”

Runa called out to me and I headed her way. Yamana-san and Tanikita-san were already next to her.

“Wanna group up?” she asked.

“Sure,” I replied. We’d been planning to do that since before today.

“What about Ijichi-kun? Is he absent today?” Runa asked.

“Y-Yeah...” I replied while looking at Tanikita-san.

After the cultural festival, Icchi had been in poor health. He often stayed home instead of going to school. When he did come to school, he often spaced out, and during lunchtime, he didn’t eat even half of his lunch box. The rejection he’d suffered at the hands of Tanikita-san seemed to have a rather lingering effect.

“Well, we have Kashima-kun, so we might as well put him in our group too, just in case,” said Tanikita-san.

“Yeah. If he wants to join a different one, he can say so when he comes to school,” replied Runa.

As I looked at Tanikita-san, I didn’t really see any indication of her being racked by guilt. Had it been me, I probably would’ve found it hard to bear. She really didn’t let things linger.

“Maria!” Runa suddenly called out, making me put myself on guard. “Join our group!”

Looking over at them, I saw Runa press Kurose-san while the latter looked somewhat confused.

“S-Sure...” Kurose-san replied, nodding with a stiff expression. She’d been standing flustered all by herself, and it didn’t look like there were any other groups she’d planned on joining.

“Hooray! That’s settled, then!” exclaimed Runa in an overly loud voice, pulling Kurose-san along by the hand. I figured she was nervous in her own way, and she was being energetic to hide that. “Okay, our group is the people here plus Ijichi-kun, and that’s everyone, right?”

We nodded.

“If Nishina-kun was here, it would’ve been the whole airsoft group...” said Tanikita-san.

“Well, he’s in a different class, so what can you do?” I replied.

I considered Nisshi’s situation. Picking a group would surely be hell for him... He didn’t have any friends in his class, which was why he kept coming to ours during every break.

That said, I didn’t exactly have enough concern to spare for others, considering my own circumstances. Kurose-san would smile at me when our eyes met every now and then. Unable to say anything to her, I would give a vague smile in return.

“Now then, split up into your groups and get to work,” said the class representative, at which point each group pulled some desks together and sat down. “Decide on your group’s leader and deputy.”

As soon as she heard this, Runa raised a hand. “I’ll be the leader!” She then looked over to Kurose-san sitting next to her. “You’ll be my deputy, right, Maria?!”

“Huh...?!” After that, Kurose-san went speechless in confusion.

This must’ve been part of Runa’s Friendship Project. She probably wanted to shrink the distance between them by being leader and deputy together.

Gazing at Kurose-san, I figured I had to help Runa.

“You have a good sense of responsibility...so I think you’re fit to be the deputy,” I said. “When we were on class duty together...you were efficient and it helped.”

Kurose-san blushed a little. “Okay... I’ll do it, then.”

When a leader and a deputy had been decided for every group, the class representative spoke again. “Leaders and deputies, please gather in front! I’ll explain how to make the study notes you’ll need to prepare before the start of the school trip!”

“Oh, she’s calling us up! Let’s go, Maria!” said Runa.

“Huh? O-Okay...” A little confused from start to finish, Kurose-san was swept up in Runa’s pace and taken to the front of the classroom.

The only ones left at the desks were me, Yamana-san, and Tanikita-san.

Yamana-san sighed deeply. “A school trip, huh.”

Tanikita-san looked over to her. “Have you talked to your senpai since then, Nikki?”

“Nope. How could I? I don’t want him to hate me any more than he already does.”

“Ah, I guess he’s busy with studying.”

I felt kinda guilty toward Yamana-san since I saw Sekiya-san at cram school pretty much every day. Unlike Icchi, who still hadn’t gotten over his broken heart at all, Yamana-san seemed to have recovered a fair bit.

“Maybe he wasn’t satisfied with me after all... Senpai apparently was pretty popular after getting into high school. He must’ve dated a lot of pretty girls... He was natural at taking the lead at our date. I was actually really surprised since he was so used to girls compared to how he’d been back then,” said Yamana-san, sighing every now and then.

Tanikita-san’s face lit up. “It must be nice to have an experienced boyfriend! If I’m gonna date someone, I really want him to be used to girls.”

“Huh? Really?”

“He’d totally make our dates great! I want my boyfriend to take the lead in all sorts of things.”

“Ehh, I dunno,” said Yamana-san. “I’d be worried he’s a playboy. Wouldn’t you feel safer if he wasn’t used to that stuff?”

Sitting at the desk between them and getting caught up in what was completely girl talk, I couldn’t really pretend not to be listening—that would’ve been unnatural. The best I could do was listen closely while making as respectable a face as I could.

“I would’ve been fine if senpai was still a virgin,” said Yamana-san, sulking a little.

“Nikki, that’s because you’ve been in love with him since middle school!” immediately retorted Tanikita-san. “Pretty much any guy in his second year of high school with at least somewhat good looks either has a girlfriend or has had one before. Who likes guys with no experience?”

As a guy with no experience, that almost hurt to hear, but I reassured myself with the fact that I had a girlfriend.

“If he’s a virgin, that means other girls didn’t even look at him,” continued Tanikita-san. “It’s not like guys have any reason to protect their chastity. That’s why I don’t like virgins.”

It felt like a massive spear had been lodged into my chest. It had come too suddenly and I couldn’t avoid it.

“Ngh...” I let out involuntarily. It’s okay, it’s okay...

I had Runa. Runa liked and even dated a virgin such as myself, and eventually...in the not-so-distant future, I was supposed to have my first loving experience.

I figured Yamana-san knew the details of our relationship from Runa. It felt like she was looking at me with pity—perhaps she’d realized how I felt as I sat in silence.

“It’s true that girls’ desires are pretty social. It’s like we only want things that other people already have or want for themselves,” said Yamana-san.

Tanikita-san nodded deeply. “Exactly. Like how anything that the person you admire owns starts to look good to you. That’s why brand-name bags and accessories that celebrities have get popular, right?”

“It’s the same with nails. Many girls get an interest in doing them after seeing their friends’ flashy nails,” said Yamana-san, looking at her own showily decorated ones. “Girls eat the same foods and own the same things as their friends and tell each other ‘that stuff’s nice’ or ‘that was kinda meh.’ We take pleasure in identifying with each other.” At that point, Yamana-san turned to look at me, who’d tried to assimilate with the air until now. “Guys, on the other hand, are like lone wolves on that front. It’s that frontier spirit, isn’t it? The stuff that makes you go on journeys and seek unexplored lands. You have a strong desire to see things that nobody’s seen before, right?”

“W-Well... I am drawn to that, I guess,” I replied.

“You want things that are yours alone or things only you know. It’s important to guys to feel special or superior like that, right?”

“Y-Yeah, that’s normal...”

I’d thought it was a natural human desire that anyone possessed, but maybe it wasn’t all that important to many girls? This was a fresh discovery for me.

“I don’t like lumping people together that way, like ‘because they’re guys’ or ‘because they’re girls,’ but what can you do when they are, in fact, different? Even if there are exceptions, of course,” Yamana-san explained.

I sighed. While her words had actually impressed me, there was a question on my mind.

“Y-You haven’t dated anyone other than Sekiya-san either, right? How are you so knowledgeable about love?”

At that, she started playing with her hair. “Hmm... Well, you know how it’s in character for me to take care of people younger than me? Ever since middle school, I’ve had friends and juniors consult me on matters of the heart real often.”

I had somehow taken her for a girl with a lot of experience in love before I’d learned the truth.

“At first I only gave half-hearted replies, but as people kept telling me their own love stories, I gradually realized the differences in how guys and girls feel love and what they desire.”

But despite all the understanding of the male desire that she had, her attempts at seducing Sekiya-san had led to him distancing himself from her. Talk about drowning in her own schemes.

“In that sense, it’s you who should be careful from now on, Kashima Ryuto.”

Yamana-san’s sudden callout caught me off guard and shook me up.

“There’s a lotta girls who look up to Runa. You know how even famous and beautiful actresses’ husbands cheat on them and it becomes a scandal? The women they cheat with have that same mentality of wanting the same brand-name bag as the celebrity they look up to.”

“What’s up with that...?”

“Guys with attractive girlfriends become more popular than they’d be by themselves.”

So, what, guys are brand-name bags now...? I’m starting to think women are terrifying.

“I think you’re right, though,” added Tanikita-san. “Sometimes a guy who’s not even your type starts to look fifty percent more handsome because if she chose him, then he must be great.”

“Exactly. That’s the dangerous part,” replied Yamana-san, bending forward. “You better be careful,” she told me with a sharp look.

It made me flinch. “Huh? R-Right...”

“If a girl approaches you in the future, you better keep in mind that she’s not focused on you personally, but on Runa.”

“Ehh, but what if she’s just really into guys like Kashima-kun?” asked Tanikita-san.

Yamana-san folded her arms. “That may be possible if she doesn’t know Runa at all. Like, if she hasn’t even seen pictures of her and doesn’t know that she exists.”

“I guess that rules out everyone from our school... Anyone would think of Runy when they see Kashima-kun.”

“Yeah, like, ‘That’s Shirakawa Runa’s boyfriend.’”

I went silent at that. It seemed that Runa had even more charisma with girls than I’d realized.

“What’s wrong? Is there someone already making a move on you?” Yamana-san asked as she lightly glared at me, bringing me back to my senses with a start.

“N-No, not really...”

At that point, Kurose-san came back. She put the pile of printouts she’d been holding against her chest down on the desk with a thud.

One of them fell to the floor. I reached out to pick it up, and my hand ended up on top of someone else’s as they’d reached out for it at almost the same time.

“Oh, sorry,” I said.

Looking up in a fluster, I found Kurose-san’s blushing face before me.

“It’s okay, I’m the one who should apologize,” she replied. Kurose-san returned the printout to the desk and gently rubbed the back of her hand where it had touched mine.

“Have you all seen the printouts?” asked Runa, having just returned herself.

“Not yet. Kurose-san only just brought them,” replied Tanikita-san. She picked up a printout for herself—there seemed to be just enough for all of us in the group. “Wow, this is such a pain! We gotta research all this stuff and fill it out?!”

“Wouldn’t ‘The trip was fun!’ cut it?”

As Tanikita-san and Yamana-san voiced their complaints, Kurose-san handed the printouts out to the other group members in a detached manner.

“Thanks, Maria!” Runa said cheerfully upon receiving hers, already sitting in her chair.

“By the way, Runy, when did you and Kurose-san get so friendly?” asked Tanikita-san, finding it strange to see them like that. “When Takei-sensei came to help with decorations at the cultural festival and complained how things were a mess with the pamphlet subcommittee, I was worried things might not be going so well over there.”

Her words made Runa and Kurose-san freeze up for a moment. While they were both conscious of each other, they didn’t make eye contact, and both had rather awkward smiles on their faces.

“Nah, we didn’t have a problem like that. We made the pamphlets without any issues either! Right, Ryuto?” asked Runa.

“Y-Yeah...” I replied.

Runa’s honest side revealed itself in her statement of “not having a problem like that.”

“Really...? Okay, then.”

Even though she had said that, Tanikita-san seemed to have of course picked up on the strange air between Runa and Kurose-san. It didn’t feel like she was satisfied with the way the topic had ended.

I figured Yamana-san knew about the real relationship between Runa and Kurose-san and she’d remained silent all along. I was somewhat uncomfortable with her gaze—maybe it was due to the previous topic. I didn’t look at Kurose-san again after that.

***

That day after school, I was having a snack in the cram school lounge with Sekiya-san, as usual.

After we were done eating, he gave me a dubious look. “So, what is it today? You know I’m dying here from all the recent events, right?” he asked.

“Huh...?”

“There’s something you want to talk about, yeah? You’ve been spacing out for a while now. And you’re sitting there to buy time instead of throwing out your trash after you finished eating.”

“Oh...”

So he’d noticed.

I hadn’t formed the topic properly yet, not even in my head, so I’d been wondering if it was okay to ask him about it.

“Um, it’s about Kurose-san.”

“It’s her again, huh,” he replied in amazement, leaning on the back of his chair. “So, what about her?”

“We’re going on a school trip and she’s in our group.”

“And?”

“I’m just wondering what I should do.”

A huge frown appeared on Sekiya-san’s face. “What?”

Yeah... I know, all right? I’d have the same reaction if someone brought up a topic like that with me.

“Is there a problem with that?” he asked.

“No... It’s just a problem of my feelings.”

“Feelings, eh.”

“Kurose-san is a nice girl too,” I said.

“What, you wanna switch over to her?”

“No! I wasn’t thinking that at all.”

“Then what is it? Do you wanna lose your V-card to Kurose-san before having sex with your girlfriend?”

“O-Of course not!”

He was saying all these extreme things so indifferently. I ended up imagining what he’d said in spite of myself, and my face grew hot.

“I just can’t help seeing Kurose-san as a girl...” I said. “When our hands end up touching, my heart starts beating fast... I was thinking it might mean I’m being unfaithful to Runa.”

Sekiya-san hadn’t even been trying to hide the look of amazement on his face for a while now.

“Dude... Are you a virgin? Well, I guess you are, huh. Sorry.”

While I had half a mind to lash out because of how he started and ended that himself, I hung my head instead. I couldn’t even talk back.

“Well, what can you do? You’re a guy. Just consider yourself lucky if your hands touch.”

“Even if I know she has a crush on me?” I asked.

“What’s so bad about that? It’s great. You can avoid the annoying parts of going out with somebody and instead just enjoy the racing pulse you get early in a relationship. Anyone born as a guy wants to be popular, no?”

“B-But I don’t want to break up with Runa,” I countered. “I’ll kinda feel bad for Kurose-san if we keep getting along...”

“How’s that your problem?”

“But...”

Kurose-san was Runa’s sister, after all...

Sekiya-san folded his arms. “Well, you are the earnest type, I guess...” Suddenly, he made a face like emptiness had just come over him. “And actually, are you sure you should even be talking to me about this with the way I am now?”

“Huh?”

“Or what, are you the kinda guy who’d ask an Indian person if you should have some steak or sukiyaki?”

“What’s that supposed to mean...?”

If most Indians are followers of Hinduism... Was he saying that talking about beef to someone who couldn’t eat it was the same as talking about love to Sekiya-san—someone who was avoiding contact with his girlfriend?

It was way too obtuse. Still, saying things that way felt like something he’d do.

“Look, as long as you’re heterosexual, all friends of the opposite sex will be ‘more than friends but less than lovers’ to you,” he said.

Faced with a wild argument like that, I fell deep into thought.

“B-But still,” I replied. “There are girls who can talk to guys while being relatively unconcerned that they’re members of the opposite sex.”

Yamana-san and Tanikita-san came to mind. It wasn’t like we were close, and to other people, it might look like I acted suspiciously when talking to them, but from my perspective, I could talk to them fairly normally.

“That’s because those girls have no romantic interest in you whatsoever—not that I can say for sure. But just try imagining them talking to you while being as affectionate as possible.”

“Huh...?”

Perplexed, I nonetheless did as I had been told. I tried imagining Yamana-san being like that. Even from an outsider’s perspective, she’d looked cute when she’d gazed at Sekiya-san with those eyes filled with love.

What if that had been directed at me...?

“It’s not bad, is it?” asked Sekiya-san.

“W-Well...”

It was awkward to have had those thoughts about Yamana-san in front of Sekiya-san of all people, so I couldn’t say much. I simply nodded.

“That’s how it is. A guy’s not gonna have female friends who don’t raise his pulse at all. It’s not like you’re gonna cheat, so isn’t it okay to simply talk to a girl who likes you? I get that it might be too hard for you to enjoy letting your heart race from it while also feeling guilty pleasure from the fact she’s your girlfriend’s sister, but it’s not like you’re doing anything bad. Why not just keep things normal?”

Normal... What the hell is normal, anyway?

“S-Still. Shouldn’t I tell Runa, at the very least?”

“You an idiot or something? What’re you gonna tell your girlfriend? ‘My heart races when I talk to your sister?’ Put yourself in her shoes when she hears that. There are some things people are better off not knowing. Being faithful doesn’t mean sharing every single thing with your girlfriend.”

Sekiya-san’s argument felt as sound as they came. I was at a loss for words.

“You’re never gonna be able to date anyone but her if you say stuff like that,” he then added. “Even if you have a girlfriend, what’s wrong with simply talking to cute girls? Just let your heart race and feel lucky—it’s up to you. You should value your own world. Are you okay with the idea of not having any female friends your whole life?”

“That’s...”

Not good, I think.

But why?

“All right, enough of this! Let’s go to the study room,” said Sekiya-san, as if in desperation. “What the hell, man? This was all about you showing off how popular you are!” He then got up from his seat and started cleaning up the table.

I did the same, despite being not quite satisfied with where our conversation had ended up.

“Anyway, did you decide what college you wanna go to?” he asked on our way to the study room.

“Huh?” I replied, confused. “I’m still in my second year of high school, you know.”

“Some already make a choice by then. Don’t you find it strange to be studying for college entrance exams when you don’t have your sights set on any college at all yet? Where’re you gonna get your motivation?”

He had a point... I did want to work as hard as I could, but without a set goal, I couldn’t deny that it felt like I was kinda fumbling around.

“Of course, it’s important to study, but you should consider what colleges you wanna aim for, even if it takes up a bit of your study time,” he said. “Otherwise, you’re gonna hit a dead end.”

I sighed. What gave me a bit of a fright was the fact that, just as he’d said, I’d already been feeling like I’d hit a wall in my studies.

Runa had more experiences in life than me and was much more mature than I was, despite being the same age. I’d started studying for college entrance exams because I wanted to catch up to her as quickly as I could.

And yet...it didn’t feel like I was closing the distance between us at all. I wanted to become an adult as soon as I could, but it wasn’t working.

I was still a virgin, and even in studying for college entrance exams, I currently couldn’t tell how much closer I’d come to my goal. It made sense, since I hadn’t set a goal.

Perhaps it was this impatience that sometimes made me feel like my motivation was getting me nowhere, even though I went to the study room practically every day. It brought my mood down.

It felt like Sekiya-san had picked up on what was going on inside my mind, and that embarrassed me.

“I’ll give it some thought...” I replied for the time being, following him into the study room.