I was a complete beginner at this, so I’d always been convinced I’d get all flustered when I actually ended up having sex. However, my head felt fuzzy, like there was a mist surrounding it. At this moment, my mind was pulling my attention away from minor things that would normally bother me, so I was able to act on instinct.
Slipping my fingers under the bottom hem of Shirakawa-san’s uniform blouse, my fingertips traced lines over her smooth, slightly sweaty skin.
“Aah...!” Shirakawa-san arched her back and clung to me from the recoil of it.
Finding it sweet, I held her tighter, wanting to feel more of her.
But something suddenly felt particularly off to me.
“Could you hold me?”
My whole body still vividly remembered the sensation of Shirakawa-san’s body against mine from when I’d hugged her the day before. And no matter how much I held her now, it just didn’t feel like her large, soft mounds had that same springiness.
Were Shirakawa-san’s breasts this small?
At the same time, several other questions welled up inside me.
Was Shirakawa-san this petite? Sure, she was slender and delicate, but she felt noticeably smaller in my arms now than I remembered.
She didn’t smell like Shirakawa-san always did either.
I could no longer turn a blind eye to all the little things that had been feeling strange to me for a while now.
And the very first thing that had bothered me started to gain clarity in my hazy mind.
If Shirakawa-san had visited Kurose-san’s house, why had she borrowed Kurose-san’s phone? If her battery ran out, wouldn’t it have been faster to borrow a charger since she was at someone’s house? Besides, how could she have gone outside, alone, with Kurose-san’s phone...? Would Kurose-san have allowed such a thing?
As I thought about it, Shirakawa-san’s chest vibrated unnaturally as I held her. Feeling that, I pulled away.
“Ah!” she cried out, as though startled, and then pulled her phone out of her chest pocket.
The screen read “Saito-kun.” Shirakawa-san clumsily pressed the answer button and tried to press it again.
“Kurose-san? I locked the storage room as you told me to! Kurose-sa—”
At that point, the voice coming from the phone was cut off. It seemed like it took her some time to press the “end call” button due to panicking too much.
I was certain that the voice I heard belonged to Saito from my class. Previously, when Kurose-san and I had ended up on class duty together, he was the one who carried Kurose-san’s files to the staff room for her.
Since Shirakawa-san had Kurose-san’s phone, it wasn’t really strange for her to get a call meant for Kurose-san.
However...I had seen it.
The face illuminated by the light of the phone screen was subtly different from Shirakawa-san’s face as I knew it.
“Kurose...san...?!” I was so astonished that my voice was hoarse.
What’s the meaning of this?
Kurose-san didn’t usually wear makeup, but she was right now, and she certainly did resemble Shirakawa-san a bit. Her long wavy dirty-blonde hair was similar too.
“Why are you...?” I began.
My head was in a state of total panic—I was unable to comprehend the situation.
Standing in front of me, Kurose-san watched me and remained frozen for a while.
“Where’s Shirakawa-san?” I asked.
Hearing me, she quietly sighed. She took off her wig and freed her usual glossy, black hair.
“I don’t care what Runa’s up to. She’s probably at home right about now, eating dinner her grandma made,” replied Kurose-san.
I was dumbfounded. So, basically, Shirakawa-san was completely uninvolved in this. It was a little relieving to hear it wasn’t like Kurose-san had done something to her.
“How did you...?” I began, flabbergasted.
Kurose-san gave me a pleasant smile. My eyes had now adjusted to the darkness in the storage room, and I could see things in a bit more detail.
“Runa and I don’t look like each other, but we do have the same voice. Ever since we were young, even our parents would mistake us over the phone... Right? Ryuto!”
For a moment, it really felt like Shirakawa-san had called for me. Even though I knew where the voice had come from, I ended up looking behind me, just in case.
How hadn’t I noticed? It wasn’t just me, in fact, but nobody in class had ever mentioned such a thing about them sounding similar. It was probably because the two of them spoke in completely different tones and used completely different words.
Because I hadn’t known it, I hadn’t doubted for a second that it had been Shirakawa-san who’d called me, and that was why I’d ended up coming here.
“Why did you do such a thing?”
“I told you. ‘I wanna have sex with you,’” she said with a smile, mimicking Shirakawa-san’s voice again.
My heart skipped a beat when I remembered our earlier situation.
So I’ve gone and done all that with Kurose-san, huh...
Even I didn’t have a good idea of what emotion was now causing my heart to pound and cold sweat to appear on my skin.
But what I did know was that I shouldn’t stay here.
“A-Anyway, I’m going,” I said, turning around and heading to the exit.
The metal sliding door didn’t budge, however.
“I had someone lock the door from the outside,” she said. “You heard it earlier, right?”
So Saito locked us here.
“Why...?” I asked. I felt my strength leaving me as I sat down, letting my back slide against the door on my way to the floor.
“Saito-kun is in the judo club, so he often has the key to the gym storage room. I asked him to find an opportunity to sneak it out tonight.”
I could understand Saito becoming completely submissive to Kurose-san due to having a thing for her. It wasn’t surprising, since Kurose-san was as beautiful as an idol.
Still...
“I can get out through that window. Either that or I can call the staff room since there still seems to be a teacher here...”
“You’re okay with Runa finding out?” Kurose-san asked.
“Huh?”
“Do that, and I’ll tell her what you did earlier.”
“But that’s...!”
I was about to argue back when Kurose-san kneeled before me and clung to me. I was shocked.
“But...” she whispered as I remained petrified. “If you go all the way with me, I won’t tell anyone.”
What...?
I recalled Yamana-san’s words.
“Can you promise me you’ll absolutely avoid doing anything to make Runa worried?”
I’d held Kurose-san earlier and felt like doing it with her because I’d thought she was Shirakawa-san.
But since she was actually Kurose-san... I could make excuses, such as saying that her voice was similar or that I wasn’t sober, but it didn’t change the fact she and I had embraced each other in this place, all alone.
If Shirakawa-san were to find out what happened here...
Even while these thoughts coursed through my head over and over, Kurose-san was still holding on to me tightly. The closeness of her soft body brought back the sensation from earlier. I still loved Shirakawa-san even now, but despite how I felt in my heart, my body was starting to slowly heat up on its own.
“Will you keep quiet if I go all the way?” I timidly asked.
Kurose-san nodded. “Yeah. I won’t tell anyone. Even Saito-kun doesn’t know I’m here, so it definitely won’t get out,” she whispered into my ear. With her arms still around me, she moved her hands up and down my back, rubbing it.
“If you like Runa so much, I’ll act like her. Right, Ryuto?”
I knew the truth in my head, but I still fell under the illusion.
My horniness from last night returned to me in a flashback, and before I knew it, I was pushing Kurose-san down on the floor.
“Shirakawa-san...”
“Come, Ryuto...” Kurose-san’s hand slid into my shirt.
My head was hazy and hot.
If only Kurose-san didn’t speak...
But it still didn’t change the fact I was betraying Shirakawa-san. The thought of it brought a bit of my composure back.
Then again, rather than her finding out it almost happened and making her worried, would it be better to just...?
But still, a betrayal was a betrayal.
The angel and demon on my shoulders kept whispering things to me over and over.
“Ryuto...”
When she whispered that by my ear, I came to my senses.
“You’re warm, Ryuto... It’s calming.”
Shirakawa-san’s happy voice from the night before echoed in my ears.
That voice, that warmth... They were certainly similar. But...
The girl here with me wasn’t Shirakawa-san.
“Kurose-san,” I said, finally snapping out of it. I got up and put some distance between us. “Can I ask you one thing?”
Something else had felt slightly off for some time now. Since I hadn’t been able to think clearly, it had taken me a while to pinpoint it, but I’d finally done so.
“I thought you called me here and acted like Shirakawa-san to take revenge on her...”
When Kurose-san’s parents had divorced, her beloved dad had chosen to take Shirakawa-san in his care instead of her, and she resented Shirakawa-san for it. That was why, earlier, she’d spread bad rumors about her and tried to harass her. I figured what was happening here was an extension of that.
“But then, if you and I got into a...physical relationship, isn’t there nothing in it for you if nobody knew?” I continued.
Kurose-san sat up and looked at me with upturned eyes. “Why do you think so? Are you saying I plan to tell Runa either way?”
“I mean, if you don’t do that... What do you get out of it? Why would you even be doing it...?”
Why seduce a guy she doesn’t even like?
As I thought that...
“I like you,” she quietly responded. “I just wanted to do it with you because I like you.”
“Whaaat?!”
As I looked at her, thinking it impossible, she was trembling and casting her eyes downward. Her cheeks were so red that I could even tell in this darkness, and she was biting her lip so hard it was turning white.
It didn’t look like she was acting.
“I like you...” she repeated. “Ever since you scolded me for spreading rumors about Runa.”
“Wh-Why...?”
“I don’t know... Maybe I thought you were kind to me. You heard me out...” she awkwardly replied. Tensing up, she looked up at me. “Even then, it’s not important to you, right?” she said as though becoming defiant, and she twisted her lips into a smile. “You just need to get me to keep quiet to Runa.”
“No,” I replied, shaking my head. At this point, I’d fully recovered my reasoning and clarity of thought. “I still can’t take things any further—I’d be betraying Shirakawa-san. And also...” I briefly paused as Kurose-san stared up at me. “I feel sorry for you too.”
When Kurose-san heard that, she opened her eyes wide in surprise.
Then...
“Is someone there?! I heard people talking,” came a voice from the direction of the gym.
The sliding door was unlocked and opened. A security guard, seemingly in the middle of making his rounds, stood there with his flashlight on.
“What are you doing here? What class are you from?” he demanded. “I need to tell the teachers...”
As soon as she heard that, Kurose-san bolted.
“Hey, stop!” called out the guard.
While he was making up his mind whether to give chase, I followed Kurose-san’s example.
“Wait, you two!”
If he told the teachers about us, Shirakawa-san wouldn’t be the only one finding out that Kurose-san and I were alone together in that place—the whole school would know.
Kurose-san waited for me outside the gym. “I’ll leave through the back gate. You take the side gate,” she said.
“O-Okay.”
“See you...” She began to leave, but then turned back to look at me. “Anyway, I like you,” she added with a smile and started running.
Left by myself, I started spacing out for a moment.
“Oh, crap.” I remembered the security guard and ran toward the side gate.
***
It had been a long day.
Looking back on everything that had happened since the previous night, when I hadn’t gotten any real sleep due to holding hands with Shirakawa-san, it didn’t feel like all of it had taken place on the same day.
When I got home and lay down on the bed in my room, a wave of fatigue washed over me.
I gazed at the ceiling absentmindedly and the one on my mind was Kurose-san from earlier.
“Anyway, I like you.”
Did that count as a confession? And if so, did I need to give her a reply?
I’d told her in the storage room that I couldn’t go all the way with her, but since we’d been chased by that security guard, we’d both left without really making things clear. It felt like I hadn’t given her a proper reply, which didn’t sit right with me.
Kurose-san...
As I recalled the events in that storage room, my heartbeat sped up.
Kurose-san sure was cute. She could probably have sex with any guy she wanted, so why me?
Even I used to like her in my first year of middle school. And if I weren’t dating Shirakawa-san now... Wait, there’s no point in what-ifs like that. I can’t think of being with anyone other than Shirakawa-san now.
I should make things clear to Kurose-san.
With that in mind, I opened up LINE.
For some reason, I didn’t want to keep lying down. I got up and sat in a seiza position instead before pressing the call button. It felt rude to reject her through mere text.
Kurose-san immediately picked up. “Hello?” came her voice.
“Hello, Kurose-san? Did you manage to get back without trouble?”
“Yeah.”
“Great... Um, about what you said earlier...”
“Kashima-kun,” she forcefully called out, stopping me. “I know your answer. But I want to see your face while you say it.”
“Huh...?”
“I can’t give up if you say it over the phone. I won’t cause trouble for you anymore. It’ll be the last time... Could you just meet me once more?”
She was speaking like herself now, but her voice was certainly similar to Shirakawa-san’s. The thought of it made it even harder for me to disregard her request, which was troubling.
“Okay. But it’ll have to be outside,” I warned, wary of something like the earlier events happening.
Kurose-san laughed a bit on the other side of the phone. “I know. We can meet in a park or something.”
“It’s late today. How about tomorrow?”
“Okay. Tomorrow while it’s bright outside.”
After deciding exactly where and when, we ended the call.
***
The next day was hot, humid, and overcast.
Even when it got close to noon, Icchi and Nisshi hadn’t been online on Discord, so I called Icchi over LINE out of worry.
I’d been so exhausted the day before that I’d ended up falling asleep even though I was worried about those two.
The call connected, but no sound came from the other end.
“Hello? Icchi? Are you okay?” I asked, since no voice was coming from the other end, even after the call had connected.
In the next moment, a voice came through my phone so loudly that I felt like it might crack.
“OF COURSE NOOOOOT!!!”
“Wh-What’s wrong?”
Something seemed to have happened, but I was relieved to know that he was at least safe.
“That bitch! Like hell that was Caplis Soda! If it was, there’s no way I’d have this splitting pain in my head!”
“Yeah, seriously! She toyed with the pure hearts of gloomy virgins!” came Nisshi’s voice from very close by.
“Is Nisshi there too?” I asked.
“Of course I am! I live here!”
“Huh?” I was confused.
“I asked Nisshi to let me stay...” explained Icchi in a sorrowful voice. “My dad was like, ‘You’re in high school and you dare come home with a red face at such an hour?’ He hit me hard and kicked me out of the house.”
“My parents lost their cool too, but when I said that some rotten waitress made a mistake with our orders, I somehow got them to let me and Icchi in,” added Nisshi.
To be sure, a waitress who served high schoolers such a drink, intentionally or not, had to be rotten...
“So I slept and all, but ever since I woke up I’ve had the runs, I vomited, and my head hurts.”
“I’ve decided I’m never having a drop again in my entire life!”
“That demon gyaru bitch!”
“And you disappeared at some point, Kasshi!”
“Oh, about that—I’m really sorry...” I said in a hurry as their resentment turned to me. “You fell asleep and I had nothing to do. Yamana-san said she’d look after you afterward...”
“‘Look after us’?! That bitch?! All she said was ‘I’m going home now; you should do the same.’ Then, she threw two bottles of water at us and threw us out!”
“Forget a demon gyaru! She’s just a demon!”
“I’m gonna cut her head off with a Nichirin sword!”
I’d somehow expected it, but it seemed like Yamana-san really hadn’t shown them much kindness.
I felt sorry for making their izakaya debut so terrible, though mine hadn’t been much better. As I thought that...
“Man, forget izakayas.”
“Yeah. If you wanna become a normie, you should go to the beach with a girl, like Kasshi did.”
“We don’t have girls, but maybe things will work out if we just go there anyway.”
“Yeah, we’ll just start with a beach.”
“Next summer’s gonna be dark ’cause we have to study for university entrance exams. We better look at gyaru in bikinis this year while we can.”
Icchi and Nisshi talked about their aspirations for the future as though to escape reality.
“Yamana-san was worried about you two, though,” I said. At this rate, I was concerned they would get the worst possible impression of her.
I wasn’t even lying. She’d sent me a message last night: “They left just fine. If it looks bad afterward, buy them turmeric or something.”
“Huh? For real?” asked Icchi, his tone now radically different. “Even a demon gyaru has a human heart...”
“She brings you up, then down, then up again? Isn’t she too good at this gap moe thing?”
“Man, it really is all about demon gyaru these days.”
“I can’t escape from the carrot-and-stick loop!”
Such was my friends’ frustrated exchange. I was glad they were so indomitable.
Thus, I learned that my two friends were fine, and after some trifling conversation, I cut the call.
After that, I started changing out of my sweats that I wore at home to go see Kurose-san.
***
I’d agreed to meet Kurose-san in a large park near Station K. We’d originally gone to the same public middle school, so we lived close by. She lived at her grandpa’s house again now, and it was still in the same place as before.
After walking for about ten minutes from my place, I arrived at the park. It was still a few minutes before our agreed time, but Kurose-san was already there.
“Kashima-kun,” she said, smiling happily once she noticed me.
Her face was cute, which was hard on me, considering what I was about to say.
I’d once had a thing for her, and she was my type as far as looks went, which made this even harder to bear. But I had to say it clearly to her, also in part to avoid giving Shirakawa-san a reason to worry.
“Thanks for coming, Kashima-kun.”
So that’s how soft her smile is, I thought.
She wasn’t wearing the flirtatious smile she showed guys in our class or the malicious one she’d had when she’d spread bad rumors. Instead, Kurose-san had a natural smile, like you’d show to your loved one or friends.
A loved one... She really does have feelings for me, huh...
“Wanna walk and talk?”
At her suggestion, we decided to walk along the park’s promenade. In this park, the sunlight filtered through the trees beautifully on clear days, but on a cloudy day like today, it simply felt dim. Considering that there weren’t many places you could comfortably spend time outdoors during midsummer, this area of the park was cool and nice, especially thanks to the artificial stream running beside it.
“I thought maybe the guard got you,” said Kurose-san.
“It was fine. Looks like he was all talk and didn’t chase after us.”
“I see. I guess that’s because he’s old.”
The park was located above a railway track, and our conversation was occasionally interrupted by the sound of passing trains and planes flying overhead.
After one such interruption, I finally made up my mind to speak.
“Kurose-san.”
She suddenly halted. “Kashima-kun, I...” she began. She gazed forward at first, then looked down at her feet and gently smiled. “I had fun before I came here. It felt like I was going on a date, so I had trouble making up my mind about what to wear. I also did my hair...”
For some reason, I was taken aback and looked Kurose-san over from head to toe. She was wearing a black-and-pink gingham dress with black shoes and a black handbag. While her style wasn’t quite goth loli, her entire outfit was girly in taste.
“I’ll still get rejected, though, right? I knew that, but it’s still painful...”
Drops of liquid fell around her feet. I was about to look up at the sky, thinking it had finally started to rain, but my eyes stopped on hers before they got that far.
Kurose-san was crying. Her lips were pursed, and she kept her eyes narrow as though she were enduring something. Large teardrops kept flowing out of them, over and over.
“The guys who’ve confessed to me until now...and you—was this how you felt? I’m sorry I made you suffer, Kashima-kun...”
“Sorry, Kurose-san...” I said, as though repeating her own words.
At that, her shoulders heaved up and down in broad motion.
I’d come here planning to make my rejection clear...but it felt cruel to say any more to her now. I was sure that my feelings were more than clear enough to her.
I’d always thought of myself as a gloomy guy with a generic face who was unpopular because of that, and who’d get rejected by the girl he liked. But love was about fate and timing. That was how even a beauty like Kurose-san could wind up getting rejected by a dork like me. Even a cute, sweet girl like Shirakawa-san could have guys making her cry all the time. And even a guy like me could date a wonderful girl like her.
I realized now that stuff like introverts being unpopular and cute girls automatically being winners in life was all just bias.
While I didn’t for a moment think that this was my revenge for Kurose-san rejecting me back in the day—
“I do think of you as a good friend, Kashima-kun...”
—it felt like the heavy weight I’d been carrying inside me ever since then had finally been lifted off me.
“Kurose-san, what do you say we sit down for a bit?”
There were benches in various places along the promenade. As I suggested this, minding people’s eyes, Kurose-san sprung at me.
Startled, I immediately stiffened and tried to push her away from me, but...
“Sniff... Uugh...”
When I saw her sobbing like a little girl, my chest hurt, and I couldn’t do it.
“Kashima-ku...n...” While crying, Kurose-san earnestly got the words out of the back of her throat. “I’ll go soon, so...let me stay like this...a little longer...”
“Okay.”
Kurose-san buried her face in my chest and wrapped her hands around me. She clung to me as she cried.
While I couldn’t embrace her delicate body in return, I wanted—only in this moment—to empathize with her feelings.
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