My Happy Marriage (LN) - Volume 8 - Chapter 1.1

In the blink of an eye, a whole week had elapsed since Kiyoka’s removal from active duty.

In that time, he never once stopped by the station, distancing himself from Grotesquerie extermination and diligently spending his time on schoolwork.

He heard through the grapevine that the Earth Spider had now attacked the Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit members directly, killing some and seriously wounding a few of them, and despite it all, Itsuto still hadn’t reached out to him.

…This is nothing. I just went and let myself get a big head.

As Kiyoka listened to the voice of the professor, he stared vacantly at the wall in front of him.

It turned out that the world had kept on turning without Kiyoka devoting himself to his Gift-user duties, and so far, no one had come to ask for him to lend them his power.

He realized, to his embarrassment, he had grown conceited over being indispensable to the other Gift-users.

Kiyoka had worried slightly that his father would scold him or lecture him about distancing himself from his duties as a Gift-user, but his fears were unfounded. Time simply went by as usual, without him really seeing the man.

Kiyoka earnestly attended his classes, wrestled with his assignments, and concentrated on the materials for his graduation thesis.

At night, he would go out drinking with his seniors and professors, sharing opinions and occasionally getting teased for his awkwardness around women.

These tranquil days went by in a flash, and Kiyoka began to fool himself into thinking that he had been just a normal college student all along.

“There will be a lecture the day after tomorrow, so I encourage anyone interested to attend…”

Hearing the professor speak from the podium brought Kiyoka back to the present.

Right, the lecture…

The talk his professor had invited him to attend days prior was that weekend, the day after tomorrow.

Now that Kiyoka was no longer concerned with Gift-users or Grotesqueries and had far more free time than he expected, he could easily attend.

Chida said he was going to be there, too.

Kiyoka recalled that he had also mentioned going out drinking that night after the lecture was over.

That might not be bad, either.

Putting his pen down, he stared hard at the palm of his hand.

The skin there had grown hard and thick from training with swords from a young age, but because he hadn’t practiced this whole week, it appeared to be softening. Instead, he had been writing far more than usual, and the skin of his right fingers had reddened from them chafing against his pen.

Mind you, it wasn’t that he no longer cared about how the Earth Spider case was going.

He’d simply tried to live as a normal college student for a week and had learned that this sort of lifestyle was another possibility for him. Contrary to his expectations, it even suited him.

At first, he had distanced himself from the Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit because he was angry with Itsuto for taking him off Grotesquerie extermination duty, but now he didn’t think it would be too bad to continue living like an ordinary person. That was what he’d come to realize.

After he finished his classes for the day, he showed up at the research lab he belonged to right as Chida was tackling an assignment.

There weren’t any other students around. They all seemed to be elsewhere.

The research lab was packed with stacks of books, making it difficult to maneuver through. After struggling through the lab, he at last sat down in the chair across from Chida.

“Hello, Chida.”

“Oh, Kudou. Heya.”

“How’s your assignment going?”

Kiyoka had asked as a bit of small talk, but Chida’s face clearly soured.

“Asking out of spite, eh? Just barely managing. If I don’t turn this in and get good marks, I’m not going to be able to graduate.”

“Sounds tough.”

“Listen, you…don’t talk like this isn’t your problem.”

Even Kiyoka made sure not to quip back that this was all because Chida was always out having fun. No one would have known that better than the man himself.

Chida zealously partook in nearly twice as many nighttime escapades than the drinking trips and dinner parties Kiyoka joined in on.

While this had given him a wide network of acquaintances, it had negative consequences for his coursework.

“Oh yeah. Kudou, are you planning on going to the lecture the day after tomorrow, too?”

“…Yes, I was.”

After faltering slightly, Kiyoka nodded.

In truth, he was still unsure. There wouldn’t be any problem with him participating, yet he had this hazy, unfounded feeling that if he chose to do this, there would be no turning back.

However, this was where he found his resolve.

Itsuto had told Kiyoka to think over his dreams. What this meant, in other words, was that he didn’t care if Kiyoka aspired to become a researcher and forego his duties as a Gift-user.

In which case, he didn’t need to hesitate. He could simply proceed with what he wanted.

By this point, he had chosen to become defiant.

“That’s a relief. If I didn’t know a single other person there, I’d probably feel suffocated.”

“…Why’s that?”

“Well, my professors told me they would add points to my grades if I participated. So obviously I’m going to join in, right? I mean, I’m not really interested in the topic.”

Kiyoka shrugged, disappointed that Chida had essentially chosen to participate out of laziness.

Yet somehow, it was impossible to hate him. That was why the instructors had given him the second chance to recover.

After their conversation, Kiyoka chatted a bit with some students who’d shown up to the lab later, then he checked out the materials he was after and left the research lab. He walked all the way off campus.

A calm, uneventful day.

Even after the sun set and the capital descended into darkness, the surroundings looked the same as ever, enough to make one forget that a powerful, evil Grotesquerie was attacking people. People were coming and going, automobiles were running, and the city hummed with incessant noise.

Be they Grotesqueries or Gift-users, these denizens of the supernatural world steered clear of the spotlight. As long as ordinary people didn’t try to get involved in that world, they could live out their lives without ever coming across it, ignorant of its existence.

The wind blew loudly.

Kiyoka stopped to tuck his windswept hair behind his ear before he started walking again.

Right now, he didn’t have his sword bag on his back. Instead, he was carrying a bag that contained several books to use for his research. It was much heavier than his trusted sword.

If I can really stay this way, that might be the best option.

In what was a rarity for him lately, Kiyoka headed straight home.

Chida would invite Kiyoka out for a night on the town day in and day out, but given his current frame of mind, Kiyoka had no desire to go out into town. Instead, he planned on using his time to do reading for his research.

When Kiyoka returned to the Kudou estate, he found someone waiting to greet him.

“I’m ho—”

“Welcome back.”

Kiyoka lifted his head at the low, hoarse voice.

“…Father.”

There stood Tadakiyo, Kiyoka’s father, wearing a thickly padded coat over his casual kimono despite it only being fall. His complexion looked as pallid as ever, and he arched his back as though he had fever chills as he smiled at his son.

Kiyoka just barely managed to avoid demanding to know what on earth his father could possibly want with him.

“Is something the matter?” he asked, forcing down his displeasure as Tadakiyo coughed loudly.

However, Tadakiyo’s smile never wavered, even after getting his coughing under control, as though Kiyoka’s feelings toward him didn’t even register.

“Cough, phone call… From Itsuto.”

Saying nothing more, his father turned on his heel and left. Kiyoka fixed his eyes on him as he departed.

There isn’t anything else?

It seemed the man was indifferent to his children through and through.

He’d probably only greeted Kiyoka at the door because he had been in the middle of talking with Itsuto on the phone. That way, he could pass Kiyoka off to Itsuto straight away.

Wrestling with these depressing, uncertain feelings, Kiyoka picked up the phone.

To be honest, Kiyoka wasn’t very pleased at the prospect of talking with Itsuto right now. If anything, it made him terribly depressed.

“…Hello?”

“Ah, Kiyoka? Great, glad you can talk for a bit. It’s Itsuto.”

He heard Itsuto’s usual gentle, good-natured voice on the other end of the line, completely unlike the harsh, cold tone he’d employed a week ago.

Why?

Kiyoka couldn’t hide his confusion. It was as if the events of last week had never even happened. All while Kiyoka had suffered all week, unable to get it out of his mind.

Kiyoka’s voice trembled with his disconsolate aggravation.

“…After everything you said, why are you calling me now?”

“I was just curious how you were doing is all.”

“Thanks to you, my days have been quite enjoyable. My research at school is engaging, too.”

“The nightlife isn’t too bad, either, right?”

Itsuto’s joking question induced a hatred in Kiyoka unlike anything he had felt before. Although he was stricken with the urge to immediately hang up, he tightened his grip on the receiver.

“What’re you trying to say? I’m spending my time like this because you took me off the Earth Spider mission.”

There weren’t many chains of command for Gift-users, but there were a few, all with the emperor sitting at the top. The Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit was simply one among them, but getting commissioned by them wasn’t the only way to take on work as a Gift-user.

That meant Kiyoka didn’t need work from Itsuto to remain active in the field.

But Kiyoka had been mentored by Itsuto since he was little.

On top of feeling like he needed to repay the debt he owed to Itsuto, Kiyoka also decided to exclusively collaborate with the unit because he didn’t want to run into his father, who had no military affiliation, while on a Grotesquerie extermination mission.

Despite knowing all this, Itsuto had still sidelined Kiyoka.

After Kiyoka had given his venom-laced rebuttal, the other end of the phone line went silent for a moment.

“Say, Kiyoka.”

Finally, he heard his name drift out of the receiver, a vague stiffness in Itsuto’s voice.

“…”

“Did you actually think things through? About what you want to do from here on out?”

“…I did. I spent this whole week thinking about it, just like you told me.”

His every word was filled with sincerity.

“Did you find your answer, then?”

“…”

For the briefest of instants, Kiyoka descended into a pit of indecision.

He had thought it over. Thought about what Itsuto had told him until it gave him a headache. About his resolve as someone who faced off against Grotesqueries, and his resolve as a student. He had ruminated on both.

He still hadn’t reached a final decision, though.

Itsuto seemed to read all this in Kiyoka’s silence.

“If you haven’t come up with an answer, then keep thinking until you do. You need to decide once and for all how you’re going to live, and choose which of your two paths to take.”

“Enough already! Why are you making me choose like this? Why only me?”

There were plenty of people who maintained ordinary jobs while fulfilling their duties as Gift-users. In fact, Kiyoka had always tried to be flawless as both a Gift-user and a student until now.

Kiyoka didn’t understand why Itsuto was so adamantly trying to force him to choose a path now, of all times.

“I mean, because it’s you, Kiyoka.”

Even after all that, Itsuto wouldn’t tell him anything definitive. His behavior seemed to be telling Kiyoka to come up with an answer himself.

“We’re going out to take out the Earth Spider tomorrow. Me and Koumyouin, the Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit, and several others are going to attack its nest. It’s bound to be a fierce battle, and it’ll probably last a few days, too,” Itsuto continued in a flat tone. “Just in case, I want to ask you—”

“…Ask me what?”

“Will you come, too?”

Kiyoka still couldn’t decide between the two choices laid out in front of him. However, the answer to Itsuto’s question was simple.

“I’m not going.”

Like you’d bring me along even if I said yes—he added mentally, before hanging up the phone.

At this point, he didn’t care if he was acting immature or not. He was so annoyed that it didn’t bother him at all.

A week earlier, and he probably wouldn’t have hesitated to say he would go. Now, however, he didn’t feel that way whatsoever.

Though he felt the slightest bit of regret for saying he wouldn’t go, the annoyance he felt was stronger.

For the first time, Kiyoka had weighed his role against his private affairs and prioritized the latter.

Two days later. Unfortunately, it had been overcast since morning.

The charcoal clouds were heavy and thick, bursting with water as they hung in the autumn sky, ready to open up at any moment. It was the season of fall rains, filled with gloomy, cloudy days and downpours.

Kiyoka filled his usual bag with the books and writing utensils he needed, grabbed an umbrella, and left for school.

The sword bag with his favorite blade remained, as it had for the past week, propped up against the wall in his room.

“Heya, Kudou. Morning.”

“Good morning, Chida. You’re early.”

Right after he’d arrived on campus, Kiyoka bumped into Chida.

Because he was so occupied with nighttime escapades, Chida’s mornings usually started much later. Perhaps he’d made sure to show up at campus early because his grades were on the line.

“I had to today. It’s in the auditorium, right?”

“Yes.”

“All right, we should hurry and snag a good seat.”

Kiyoka headed into the elegant and refined Western-style auditorium with Chida.

There were only a few people inside the auditorium lined with rows of chairs.

Kiyoka sat next to Chida and waited until the talk began. Meanwhile, the number of attendees increased little by little until it was starting time.

In the end, only a small number of students ended up coming to the talk. Despite that, the topic was very interesting to Kiyoka, as his professor had told him, and it stimulated his own desire to do research.

The foreign lecturer’s talk, delivered through a translator, was difficult to follow in several places, but this made Kiyoka eager to work them out on his own later.

Chida, meanwhile, seemed to have slept through the entire thing.

“Phew, it’s over, finally.”

Once the lecturer had finished his talk and stepped down from the podium, the applause subsided and Chida stretched himself out with a yawn.

“Kudou, tell me what it was about later.”

“…You weren’t even listening?”

Kiyoka looked at Chida with disgust.

“I made an effort, but sleep won out.”

Sighing in exasperation, Kiyoka gathered his belongings at his feet and stood up.

The issue of Chida’s attitude aside, Kiyoka found the talk satisfying, and he was glad he’d participated in it.

The next time he came across the professor who had invited him, he would have to express his gratitude.

Kiyoka felt very pleased as he started to walk off. Chida hurried to follow him.

“Hey, what’re you doing after this? We don’t have classes today, so do you want to go out and have some fun?”

“No thanks.”

It was not yet noon. After hearing such a fantastic lecture, Kiyoka wanted to channel his enthusiasm while it was still fresh and read a book on his field of study. It would be too much of a waste for him to go out to have a good time and let this mood of his pass.

But Chida refused to back down.

“C’mon, don’t be like that. You can hang out with me for a little while, right?”

“Like I just said—”

At that moment, Kiyoka suddenly felt a quivering sensation that he was very familiar with.

Why do I feel arts being used? Is it a familiar?

Ignoring Chida and looking around the vicinity carefully, Kiyoka quickly spotted what was causing the sensation.

A single familiar made from a scrap of white paper was nimbly gliding toward Kiyoka. No one else had the ability to see it.

He casually raised his hand into the air, and the familiar headed straight for him, landing in his fist.

“What’s up?”

Chida raised a suspicious eyebrow at Kiyoka, who had cut off mid-sentence.

“It’s nothing. Sorry, you’ll have to excuse me.”

“Huh? Hey!” Chida called out to Kiyoka in confusion after being turned down so abruptly, but Kiyoka ignored him and left the scene with hastened steps.

The familiar was shaped like the ones that the members of the Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit—Koumyouin, specifically—liked to use.

Hiding in the shadow of a building where no one else would see him, he spread out the paper familiar, which was folded like origami.

Need backup.

This was all that was written inside. However, the handwriting spoke volumes.

Not only were the letters blurred and difficult to parse, having likely been rained on, but they were also the color of rust.

This wasn’t ink—it was blood. Probably human blood.

The bloody message was unsteady and shaky, so the sender must have been in a precarious situation, without any time to write neatly.

This familiar is from Koumyouin…!

His handwriting was messy to begin with. However, this familiar was far too unusual.

“We’re going to take out the Earth Spider tomorrow. Me and Koumyouin, the Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit, and several others are going to attack its nest. It’s bound to be a fierce battle, and it’ll probably last a few days, too.”

It was all too clear that he had gotten into an extremely dangerous predicament after leaving the day before to exterminate the Earth Spider.

That didn’t just go for Koumyouin. It had to be true for Godou and the other unit members, too.

“What should I…? No.”

His hesitation lasted only a few seconds. Kiyoka immediately ran off.

Using his exceptional physical abilities as a Gift-user, he dashed through the capital, heading back home. When Kiyoka threw open the entryway door, his breathing ragged, the nearby servants looked on in wide-eyed shock.

“Is Father home?”

One of the servants nodded, dumbfounded at Kiyoka’s question. “Y-yes. He’s in his room…”

“Thanks.”

With a gruffly given word of gratitude, Kiyoka continued up the stairs and knocked on the door to Tadakiyo’s room.

“It’s Kiyoka. I’m coming in.”

“Go ahead.”

Inside, Tadakiyo stared at Kiyoka as he sat upright in bed, his eyes impossible to read.

“What’s wrong?”

“Let me ask you straight: Where is the Earth Spider’s nest?” Kiyoka asked without a moment’s delay, getting out his question in a single breath, but Tadakiyo simply looked back at him calmly. He didn’t seem to understand Kiyoka’s panic in the slightest.

“You know, don’t you? It’s urgent, please tell me.”

“…”

“Tell me. Please.”

Kiyoka bent steeply at the waist and bowed his head to Tadakiyo, who remained silent.

Under normal circumstances, he would have never lowered himself and begged to the man he so detested.

But now that he’d seen that alarming familiar, the discontent that smoldered in his chest for his father and Itsuto had vanished.

He had to go. This impulse alone occupied Kiyoka’s thoughts and propelled his body forward.

“I thought you weren’t getting involved with the Earth Spider?”

A quiet question from his father. While he couldn’t afford to spend time on this back-and-forth, he didn’t have any other choice but to put up with it, since he didn’t know where the Earth Spider was.

Just then, he realized he could have avoided his father by taking his question to the Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit station; but now it was too late. It would be faster to get the information from his father at this point than to change course and run off to the station.

“The situation’s changed. I received a request for support, so I’m heading there myself.”

“Hmm, so you’ve made up your mind, then?”

“…Yes. That’s why I’m heading to where they’re fighting the Earth Spider.”

The truth was he didn’t know for sure if he had made up his mind. However, Kiyoka agreed with Tadakiyo out of impatience.

Kiyoka didn’t exactly know what Tadakiyo thought of this. Yet, about half a minute later, he was rushing off to the location his father had told him, snatching his favorite sword from his room and flying out of the house.

Please let me make it in time!

His heart pounded from the terrible foreboding in his mind.

The Earth Spider was powerful. Itsuto and Koumyouin certainly wouldn’t have underestimated it. Kiyoka was sure they had done their due diligence and confronted it with resolve and strategy.

Yet they had fallen into dire straits, enough so that they were requesting aid from Kiyoka and not any of the other members of the Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit.

What exactly did that mean?

It meant that they had been forced into situation so horrifying that only someone with Kiyoka’s power could handle it.

The Earth Spider’s nest, Kiyoka had learned from Tadakiyo, was in the mountains on the outskirts of the capital.

It wasn’t a distance he could cover by running on foot. Somehow suppressing his unease, Kiyoka transferred from the streetcar to the train and hurried on his way, taking the most direct route to get there the soonest.

He doubted he would arrive at his destination while it was still light out.

Based on how his encounter with the Earth Spider had played out the other day, Kiyoka surmised he would be at an overwhelming disadvantage if he had to fight in unfamiliar mountains at night.

He glanced sidelong at the scenery rolling by outside the train window.

The speed of the train felt terribly slower than usual; he wanted to shout that it needed to go faster, and faster still. But no matter how panicked Kiyoka got, the train never accelerated.

A series of ominous conjectures and memories ran through his head.

The cold sweat wouldn’t stop. As impatience eddied in his heart and dark clouds—perhaps a portent of what was to come—swirled overhead, Kiyoka’s thoughts ground to a halt.

His five senses were working just fine, yet his brain refused to do anything more than process his immediate sensory experiences.

When he finally arrived at the station to closest the mountain, the sun was already low in the sky.

The instant the door opened, Kiyoka quite literally flew off the train, sprinting at full speed and leaving the station.

A light rain was falling from clouds so thick they almost blotted out the sunlight entirely.

How much time has passed since that familiar came to me? How long have they…?

He ran along the muddy road, kicking up murky water. He ran and ran. Even as he nearly tripped over himself, even as he ran out of breath. Even as he was soaked by the rain.

If Itsuto and the others were already in dire straits when they’d sent the familiar, then how had they managed to endure for the past several hours…? Had they actually been able to hold out at all?

Kiyoka had tried the best he could to remain levelheaded, but his mind only filled with terrible premonitions.

That was why it had shut down.

As he ran over the country road, level but unpaved, he came across several low mountains.

Although he’d gotten here sooner than expected thanks to his mad dash, it was difficult to determine which of the mountains the Earth Spider was nesting in from the information he had been given.

Concentrate.

Kiyoka closed his eyes, sharpening his senses. A hideous sensation, like a foul odor, assailed him, pointing him in the right direction.

Over there.

Due to his long run, Kiyoka’s legs were leaden, and his throat and lungs ached with every breath he took. Yet still he kept moving.

The mountain was untamed, and there was no path for him to follow.

Eventually, he just barely managed to find where Itsuto’s group seemed to have passed through, a space where the tree branches and brush had been cut down just enough to accommodate the width of a single person.

The mountain terrain, muddied from the rain, was slippery and difficult to tread. He would lose everything if he slipped down the mountain, so he ascended with caution, but it ate away at his time.

On top of that, he also needed to push aside the ferns, bamboo grass, and thickets of vines, so he progressed forward at a snail’s pace.

The sound of the rain hitting the tree leaves picked up, turning into a clamor.

Sunset was approaching, and with the weather being as bad as it was, his surroundings darkened surprisingly quickly.

The silver lining was that it was still early autumn, so the days weren’t quite as short as they could be. Even so, he had no time to spare.

Though Kiyoka could have, in theory, created a flame to light the way with his Gift, the rain posed an issue. Maintaining the flame in this weather would sap his energy. He had already disregarded his physical stamina to get this far, so at the very least, he wanted to preserve the energy he would need to fight with his Gift.

With every step he took, a ghostly aura seemed to be freezing his body and soul, growing thicker and thicker.

He began to tremble, but whether this was from the cold of the rain, his nervous anticipation for the fight to come, or from fear, he couldn’t say.

While he knew he should go faster, his instincts were screaming at him to do otherwise. They were begging him not to go any farther.

I don’t have any time to feel scared.

He wasn’t about to stop now. Forcing his instincts to yield to his will, Kiyoka continued to advance.

All of a sudden, he was assailed by a suffocating aura.

All he could see in front of him were trees and brush, but he knew that something bad was ahead. His intuition as a Gift-user would not steer him wrong.

Ba-dump, ba-dump. His heartbeat pounded in his ears.

Keep going, push through. Don’t look. Don’t look.

Contradictory impulses fought against each other inside Kiyoka, blanching his thoughts.

The inside of his mouth went dry. His sense of smell disappeared. His hearing disappeared. So intensely did Kiyoka narrow his focus on the path ahead that he lost awareness of his hands, his feet, and even his own breathing.

Until at last, the scene ahead opened up before him.

“Huh?”

A dimwitted gasp escaped his lips.

He had witnessed many gruesome sights up to this point. Tragic situations and atrocious events. But even so…nothing, nothing could have helped him make sense of this moment.

When his hearing returned, he picked up the din of the rain and the sound of something being eaten. The inimitable stench of blood hit his nostrils, mixed with the petrichor of the damp earth. And then his eyes fell on something.

Something caught on a tree branch, like a worn-out rag amid the faded mountain forest.

Something scattered and mixed in with the dark brown color of the soil.

Something run through by the forelimbs of a massive, jet-black spider.

An enormous amount of blood dribbled down. Its crimson hue the only vibrant sight in the curtain of rain.

“M-Mr. Godou…?”

There came a valorous cry. By some supernatural power, the forelimb jerked in the wrong direction, dislodging the thing it had stabbed and letting it tumble like a doll.

That “thing” was a person. Someone that Kiyoka knew very well.

“Mr. Godou!”

Kiyoka practically flew to him. He went to lift the man up, only to stop the moment he reached out for him.

There was a gaping hole in Itsuto’s stomach. He wheezed in short gasps. The wound was so large that it seemed to Kiyoka like Itsuto would fall apart if someone touched him.

“M-Mr. Godou.”

His words didn’t come out right.

If only he’d inherited a healing Gift instead—that was the only thought that came to Kiyoka’s still-frozen mind.

His lips and mouth dyed bright red from all the choked-up blood, Itsuto looked at Kiyoka and gave a crooked, ambiguous smile.

“Kiyoka. Koumyouin, must’ve…sent you…”

Itsuto’s eyes moved. When Kiyoka turned to where the man was looking, he saw Koumyouin leaning against a tree, perfectly motionless.

He was seriously wounded. One of his legs was close to being torn off, and there was a bloody gash in his side. Kiyoka couldn’t tell if the man was still breathing or if his wounds were fatal.

Kiyoka heard a short groan, and he turned back to Itsuto in a panic.

“Mr. Godou! Mr. Godou, I can’t… I don’t know what I…”

Kiyoka was overwhelmed. He didn’t have the slightest idea what to do. Even if his mind was in working order, he still wouldn’t know how to help this man who was so very important to him.

No, it wasn’t that Kiyoka didn’t know.

It was that Itsuto was already too far gone to be saved.

Kiyoka simply didn’t want to accept it.

“It’s all my fault.”

“Why…? Don’t say that.”

Kiyoka immediately put up a barrier behind him. It was an almost unconscious act. Letting out a grating shriek, the massive spider slammed into the shield and was propelled back. While all this happened, Kiyoka never once turned from Itsuto.

He stared down unblinking at his mentor.

He took the man’s hand in his. It felt heavier than ever before, and it was so slick with rain, it felt like it could slip out of his at any moment.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kiyoka…”

“…”

“I’m the one…who told you to choose…b-but this…this wasn’t…”

“That’s not important right now.”

“I’m sorry…Kiyoka. For everything… All of it.”

“Mr. Godou…!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for saddling you with this.”

As Itsuto voiced his apologies like a broken record, tears rolled from his eyes, mixing with the rain.

The light in his eyes gradually faded, changing them to hollow glass beads. The warmth in the hand Kiyoka held tight drained, and it grew hard and cold.

Kiyoka was unable to move from where he sat, his eyes wide with shock.

Itsuto was dead.

Scattered all over the area were the corpses of several unit members that Godou and Koumyouin had brought with them. The conspicuously low number of bodies must have meant the Earth Spider had devoured the rest to recover its stamina.

Kiyoka had known all of them. Had talked with them. Had sparred against them with bamboo training swords and had even faced off against Grotesqueries by their side.

Every one of them had been transformed into silent masses of flesh, all too easily.

Why had things turned out this way? Where had he gone wrong? What could he have done to avoid this tragedy?

After that, things became hazy.

He remembered up to the point where he struggled to unsheathe his favorite sword with his cold, numb hand. From there, fragmented sounds and sights would come and go from his mind. He knew for certain that the Earth Spider had been weakened from the wounds it had sustained fighting Itsuto and the others.

The members of the Special Anti-Grotesquerie Unit had given their lives to dull its movements and drain its power.

Consequently, Kiyoka was able to lay waste to the weakened Earth Spider on his own, driving it down below a rocky cliff, then stabbing its massive body multiple times, stacking seal after seal on top of it, as if sewing the thing.

He had intended on killing it completely and eradicating it for good.

But that didn’t end up happening. No matter how many times he feverishly stabbed his sword—a magical sword, at that—into the Earth Spider, it wouldn’t die. The creature continued to twitch with life, and its ghostly aura didn’t abate in the slightest. Even cleaving its abdomen in two and decapitating it wasn’t enough.

With no other choice, Kiyoka used his magical sword as an intermediary to create a rigid seal to contain the Grotesquerie and its ghostly aura.

This was Kiyoka’s first act of revenge. Putting down an ancient Grotesquerie all by himself was a magnificent feat in itself, but even as the Earth Spider stopped moving, Kiyoka felt no sense of accomplishment. He had gained nothing.

He had lost everything.

The fat raindrops beat hard against the trees. Pouring, pouring, as if to erase it all.

Kiyoka’s memories became clear again around the time of Itsuto’s funeral.

He wasn’t sure how he had gotten back to the capital or what he had done in the aftermath.

The next thing he knew, he was at Itsuto’s funeral with Yoshito grabbing him by the collar.

“Screw you! You got a lotta nerve showing up here, murderer!”

“…”

“You don’t have anything to say for yourself, asshole?! Get out of my goddamn face!”

Yoshito raised his fist and hurled it at Kiyoka, who resigned himself to taking it. Since Kiyoka put up no resistance, he went flying back, slamming into a wall.

There was some amount of impact. However, Kiyoka couldn’t really feel anything in particular.

Yoshito is absolutely right.

Kiyoka had nothing to say for himself.

Over the countless times he thought back to that day, he would always picture a different outcome, a different future. He wouldn’t cry. He didn’t have the right.

His thoughts were wholly consumed with one question: What could he have done to save everyone?

What if he had chosen to join the military first thing after Itsuto asked him about his future…?

When Itsuto had invited him to join the mission to eliminate the Earth Spider, what if Kiyoka had been honest with himself and agreed to go?

What if, instead of being so infatuated with his pointless studies, he had immediately reconsidered and chased after them?

If Kiyoka had been a part of the fighting force, perhaps there wouldn’t have been any casualties to begin with, and they might have been able to defeat the Earth Spider. Maybe he would have gotten there in time to save Itsuto.

Maybe. Perhaps.

Each time he thought back on these points of divergence, which he could never return to, he would relive his regrets.

If only he could go back to that time; if only he could turn back the clock or bring back the dead.

He could do nothing but entertain vain thoughts such as these.

“I’m sorry.”

Yoshito’s face turned bright red at Kiyoka’s apology. Tears welled in the boy’s eyes.

Kiyoka kept quiet as he watched Yoshito prepare to hit him once again.

Even if Yoshito didn’t stop hitting him, even if he outright tried to kill him, Kiyoka didn’t think he had any right to complain, but the other guests tried desperately to stop the boy.

“Screw you! Screw you! Why are you still alive when Dad is… When Dad is…!”

Yoshito’s tearful shout reverberated across the area.

“Murderer. I’ll kill you.” The attendees paled at the frightful words disrupting the silence.

“That boy, well… I’m sure he’s doing fine. He doesn’t send a single word my way, but my wife gets a letter from him every now and then.”

“He went off on me about how the Gift-users in this country are behind the times and how he’s gonna go learn about Gifts and arts in a country that’s way more advanced than ours, but all of that had to be to spite me, huh? Ha-ha.”

Itsuto had told that to Kiyoka with a bitter smile, but…

Mr. Godou, you were truly loved… Not that it wasn’t obvious.

Of course a man of integrity and character like him would be adored.

Though Yoshito may have been in a rebellious phase, in the end, he loved his father. That was all the more reason for him to denounce Kiyoka for being unable to save Itsuto.

Because it was none other than Kiyoka who was responsible for his father’s death.

Kiyoka’s naïveté, his hesitation, and his immaturity had cost everyone the life of a man who was irreplaceable. An all too heavy crime. Even sacrificing his own life wouldn’t be enough.

There was no way to atone.

“I’ll kill you! I swear I’ll kill you!”

Yoshito shook off the people restraining him and came right up to Kiyoka. Kiyoka closed his eyes, prepared to accept anything thrown at him, when at that moment…

“Can you leave it at that?”

Everyone turned their eyes toward that calm voice. Yoshito also stopped moving and slowly turned in that same direction.

It was Koumyouin.

His military coat was draped over his shoulders, and he was being pushed in a wheelchair by a man in a white coat who was most likely a doctor.

Everything beneath his hospital gown was wrapped in blood-soaked bandages, and he looked like he was in pain.

“Yoshito, can you just drop it there for me? Please. If you’re still not satisfied…then kill me.”

Yoshito glared silently at Koumyouin, who pleaded with a look of agony on his face and a tense sweat on his brow.

“I wasn’t able to protect the commander, either. I was his adjutant, I still ended up being the only one to make it out. I’m the one who failed to save the commander, so if anything, my crimes are far more severe. Am I wrong?”

“…”

“So, please.”

Koumyouin’s wounds were severe.

Only a few days had passed since the battle, and there was no way he had recovered. Regardless of how many healing arts may have been used on him, and no matter what cutting-edge medical treatments he may have undergone, he should have been strictly confined to bed rest. Kiyoka wouldn’t be surprised if simply getting out of bed and into the wheelchair had brought Koumyouin pain intense enough to knock him unconscious.

“Please… Please.”

Koumyouin pitched forward with his head lowered, rolling out of the wheelchair to prostrate himself on the floor before Yoshito. The motion must have opened up one of his wounds, as fresh blood soaked through his bandages and dripped to the floor.

Even Yoshito seemed affected by the sight as he slowly lowered his balled fist.

“…Don’t think I’ve forgiven you, Kiyoka Kudou. I’ll make sure you suffer the same pain that Dad did.”

Yoshito glared at him, eyes filled with intense hatred, before departing with his back quivering.

Kiyoka finally lifted up his head when Koumyouin, having been picked up off the floor, was wheeled over to him.

“Kiyoka.”

“…Mr. Koumyouin.”

“What the hell is with that look?”

“I mean…I could say the same for you.”

Kiyoka just barely managed to give his usual sort of reply.

Ever since the battle, Kiyoka’s facial muscles had stopped moving entirely, and while he had never been very talkative to begin with, he was now barely able to get any words out.

His guilt toward Itsuto, Koumyouin, the Godous, and the other unit members who were left behind had won out, and it had taken everything left in him to apologize to Yoshito.

“It ain’t your fault.”

“No. It was my fault, I should’ve…gone with you from the start. I should’ve agreed to fight the Earth Spider right away.”

“That just wasn’t gonna happen.”

“No… There must have been a way.”

He gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists.

Itsuto had asked Kiyoka unambiguously to come along with them and take out the Earth Spider.

But Kiyoka had pouted like an immature child and stubbornly refused the invitation. Because of that, they all got hurt and lost their lives. If only Kiyoka had been there, then perhaps they would have been able to kill the Earth Spider without so many casualties.

If this wasn’t his fault, then whose was it?

“But the commander’s the one who pushed you away in the first place. He’s the one who told you to focus on your dreams instead of the role you’re meant to fill.”

“Dreams!” Kiyoka shouted, almost cutting off Koumyouin as the man tried to reason with him. “Letting myself get distracted by that saccharine nonsense is how everything ended up like this!”

“…Kiyoka.”

There was a sorrowful tremor in Koumyouin’s eyes as he looked at Kiyoka.

“The day before we went to that mountain, I talked with the commander. I asked him why he took you off the mission.”

“…”

“The commander still didn’t give a straight answer. However…” The pallid Koumyouin gently closed his eyes. “You’re powerful. The strongest Gift-user of the current age. You have that much power in you. And that was why…he wanted you to recognize for yourself the duty and responsibility that comes with so much power. The commander didn’t want you to just follow the course laid out to you from birth, but for you to find the resolve to choose your future for yourself.”

Ah, that was it. Kiyoka had realized it all.

A tranquil life as an ordinary young man, or a life of constant battle as a Gift-user. With both options before him, Kiyoka should have immediately chosen the latter. That was the truth of it.

Itsuto had lost his life because Kiyoka hadn’t been able to do that—because Kiyoka had been indecisive. Kiyoka hadn’t been able to live up to Itsuto’s expectations.

I got carried away with the chance to experience my own dreams, something idealistic and pure like that.

To steadfastly choose his role as a Gift-user even when something as alluring as a dream—fleeting, beautiful, and radiant like the first evening star—was dangled in front of his eyes. He needed to have that resolve.

Itsuto had waited for Kiyoka to abandon his dreams and opt to walk down the path of bloodshed.

Kiyoka couldn’t help but ridicule himself.

Unable to realize something so simple while trampling all over the man’s expectations, he must have looked quite foolish to Itsuto,

He could excuse himself by saying he was immature. However, that immaturity had made him lose something irreplaceable.

“I…I was fool. Entirely unable to realize Mr. Godou’s intentions.”

Powerful? Stronger than anyone? If he neglected to use that power when it mattered most, then none of it meant anything.

He’d been wrong to have thought his mind was made up.

If he was powerful, then he could never afford to be half-hearted. Fulfilling both roles at once? How entitled of him. What could he even hope to accomplish by merely wielding the strength he held on the side in his spare time? He couldn’t claim that he had made up his mind.

“It’s too late,” he said. “Realizing it all now means nothing.”

“Kiyoka?”

Koumyouin’s voice faltered with unease. Kiyoka paid no mind to him and turned on his heel.

He wouldn’t accomplish anything by just standing here, dumbfounded, lamenting his failure and loss. As long as he lingered, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t end up being too late in some other way once more. From this point forward, he would never throw himself into battle while wasting his time on something else. Never again would he forgive himself.

“I’m leaving… I won’t waver again.”

Kiyoka had tried to smile a bit at Koumyouin to give him peace of mind. However, Koumyouin closed his eyes and twisted his face, as if he had just laid eyes on a monster.

Never again would he make the same mistake. He was no longer a boy, no longer a mentee, but a man. One who wouldn’t hesitate. Wouldn’t vacillate.

As someone with power, he would place himself in battle. Any other path presented to him was just a distraction.

Kiyoka left the funeral hall without looking back.

The terrible stretch of autumn weather, as if nothing but a dream, had given way to a bright blue sky. Even if he gazed up at it, however, he would feel nothing but regret in his chest, not the slightest bit of reprieve.

The moaning of the rain on the day of Itsuto’s death still echoed in Kiyoka’s ears.

That’s fine.

It would ensure he would never forget how he felt at this moment: unbearably angry and disappointed at his old self.