Mushoku Tensei (LN) - Volume 10 - Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Breakdown 

T HE INCIDENT HAPPENED a month after the letter arrived. That day I was assisting Nanahoshi with an experiment, but its parameters were a little different from the usual. 

“If this one works properly, I can move on to the next step.” Nanahoshi said, presenting me with a magic circle significantly larger than any of her previous ones. It was still just half the width of a tatami mat, though. It had an intricate pattern, densely written across a rare piece of large parchment. 

“Just to be sure, may I ask what this circle is supposed to do?” 

“It’s going to summon a foreign object from another world.” 

“And there’s no way that’ll cause another teleportation calamity, right?” 

The Displacement had occurred because Nanahoshi was summoned here. Which meant there was no guarantee that a similar incident wouldn’t occur just because she was summoning something small. At least, that was what I thought, but Nanahoshi just shook her head. “It’s safe. Theoretically, at least.” 

“Just in case, can I ask what that theory is?” 

“Based on our previous experiments, I’ve confirmed that the bigger and more complex the object you try to summon, the more mana is required. In other words, magic in this world obeys the laws of Conservation of Energy. We’ll be summoning something simple and small this time. If we assume that the energy from my summoning was what wiped out the region, then theoretically this circle will, at most, only teleport people within a meter of its range. I honestly don’t think it’s possible, but just in case, I’ve written a safety measure into the circle itself so I can control how much mana it uses.” 

I see, I see… Okay, no, I had no idea what she was talking about. 

“Conservation of Energy… uh, what was that again?” And how was that different from the law of Conservation of Mass? 

“I’m not well-informed enough to explain it well to the uninitiated, but it basically means mana is responsible for most of the odd things that happen in this world. That spell you use all the time—Stone Cannon, was it? It appears as if you’ve suddenly conjured a rock in mid-air, but actually you’ve just transformed your mana into a rock.” 

The law of Conservation of Energy, huh? So that was it. That was why the more mana you poured into the spell, the hotter the flame in fire magic, and the bigger the resulting mass in earth magic. 

“Also…” Nanahoshi went on to explain the principle behind her circle to me after that, but it was all Greek to me after a point. Something about if you applied the law of such-and-such, the size and effect of the circle would be this and that, then if you applied this other law of whatever-she-called-it, then blah-blah-blah. 

Honestly, if there even was a flaw in her theory, I wasn’t going to catch it. The only thing I did know was that she seemed confident, and that meant there was a high chance of success. Well, even if the worst happened and I got teleported somewhere, I was sure I’d find by way back home somehow. 

“If this fails and I get teleported, please contact my family.” 

“I’m telling you, there’s no possibility of that happening.” 

I stepped up in front of the circle. “Well then, let’s begin.” 

“Please.” 

I wasn’t sure if that word was directed at me or not. Perhaps it was more of a plea to God. 

I began pouring my mana into the circle, placing my hands on the edge of the paper. A current rippled through the circle and it began emitting a glow. I could feel my mana being sucked right out through my arms. 

But it was strange. Something didn’t feel right. It seemed like the path the light was traveling on was obstructed. As if one part wasn’t lighting up. 

Pssht! 

There was a soft zap and suddenly the mana stopped flowing. The light emitted by the circle faded. 

It was over. There was no further reaction from the circle. I looked at it closely and found a tear on part of the paper. Maybe it had short-circuited and the safety kicked in? Regardless, this was a failure. 

“Well?” 

“It failed,” said Nanahoshi quietly. She fell back into her chair with a thud, planted an elbow on her desk and let out a big sigh. “Haah.” 

She stared at the paper still sitting on the floor. The paint had disappeared, leaving only the underlying rough sketch of the circle, and the tear caused by the experiment. Nanahoshi continued to look at it absentmindedly, not moving a muscle. Then after a while she said, without looking at me, “Thank you for your assistance. You can go home today.” 

The result of almost two years’ worth of effort had come to nothing in a mere few seconds. “Well, these things happen, you know,” I tried. 

Nanahoshi did not reply. 

Was it my fault? No, all I did was provide the mana. I didn’t touch anything else. Anyone could’ve done what I did as long as they had the mana for it. So even if the experiment failed because of me, it would be Nanahoshi’s fault for not briefing me enough. 

Nanahoshi said nothing. 

At any rate, this was probably it for the day. “Well, excuse me, then.” I stood up to leave. Before I left the experiment room, I turned back to look. She was still in the same position she had been, immobile. 

I passed through the messy research room, which looked more like a disorganized warehouse at this point, and stepped out into the hall. I made it just a few steps before I came to a halt. Nanahoshi had been incredibly tense over the past few months. Judging by the way she’d slumped in her chair, she was pretty rattled, Perhaps she wasn’t thinking about her next experiment or the failure at all, but just giving up entirely? 

Nah. Despite what her looks might lead you to believe, Nanahoshi was tough. Surely, she had the capacity to take a failure for what it was and not linger on it. 

Just as I thought that… 

“AAAAAAAAH!” 

Screams erupted from the research room. Then the sound of something breaking. I spun on my heel and high-tailed it back into the room. 

“Aaaah!” 

Nanahoshi was banging her head up and down in a frenzy. She tore out pages from a book she’d written in and scattered them across the floor. She knocked over some shelves and spilled the contents of a jar. She ripped off her mask and slapped it against the ground. Then she started tearing at her face and stumbled, slamming into a wall. She punched it, then tripped again on the spilled contents of the jar and finally collapsed onto the floor, where she grabbed fistfuls of sand that had spilled out of the jar and hurled them at the ground. Then she stood and started tearing at her hair instead. 

Panicked, I rushed over to her and pinned her arms behind her back. “Hold on, calm down!” 

“I can’t go home, I can’t go home, I can’t go home.” Nanahoshi’s eyes looked vacant as she mumbled those words. All of the muscles in her body went tense, as if she were preparing to go berserk again. “I can’t go home, I can’t go home, I can’t—aaaaaaah!” 

She went into a writhing frenzy, fighting as hard as she could to break out of my grip. But her strength was only that of a high-school girl, and a shut-in at that. Extremely weak. There was no way she could tear herself away. Before long, her body went limp. When I released her, she just weakly sank to the floor. 

“Hey, are you okay?” I got a distinct sense that she was very much not. She was white as a sheet, with vacant eyes and dark circles. Her lips had lost all color and were dry and cracked. This was the face of someone who was in a very bad state, mentally. She might just hurt herself. 

I couldn’t leave her alone like this. What should I do? The person who could help most in a situation like this was…Sylphie! That’s right, Sylphie. She might be able to do something about this. And fortituously, she had no night duty today. Okay. I’m going to take Nanahoshi back to our place for tonight, then . 

Wait…before that, I should probably find somewhere for her to calm down. “Are you okay?” I asked. 

“…” 

“You overdid it a bit. Let’s rest for today, okay?” 

Nanahoshi didn’t respond. 

I put my arm around her shoulder and practically dragged her to her feet. Then I hauled her out of the research room. 

Maybe we should lock it. I paused to consider. Nah, we’ll worry about that later. It should be fine for one day. Probably. 

I guided us toward the fifth-year classrooms where Sylphie should be. Should I ask someone to get her for me? Or should I go into the class and get her myself? People stared as we passed, Nanahoshi leaning on me for support. This was annoying. We were so conspicuous right now, and Nanahoshi didn’t have her mask on. It was probably best to keep a low profile. But how? 

“Master!” 

Someone called out to me. I turned to find Zanoba behind me. “Master, what’s happened?!” 

“Zanoba, Nanahoshi’s in trouble. Help me.” 

“Is she sick?!” 

“Something like that,” I said. 

“In that case, we should go to the medical office first.” 

Oh. Okay, yes. The medical office, then. 

“I’ll carry her,” Zanoba volunteered. 

“Be gentle.” 

“Of course. Come then, Master Silent.” 

He lifted her up princess-style. A solid, stable way of carrying a person. Nanahoshi didn’t resist at all. She had a weary look on her face, like a husk drained of all energy. 

“Make way!” Zanoba shouted and plunged into the crowd of people. They split like an ocean before him. I followed behind. 

In the infirmary, we let Nanahoshi rest on one of the beds. Her face was vacant. What a terrible expression. It almost looked as if the shadow of death were upon her. We informed the resident healer that it was nothing serious. Psychological problems couldn’t be solved by healing magic, after all. 

Just as my gaze began to drift to my feet, Julie grabbed the hem of my shirt. “Grandmaster, your face…it looks awful.” 

I instinctively touched my face. Just what kind of expression do I have right now? 

Oh no. It seemed I was pretty shaken myself. I needed to calm down a little. 

“That’s just ’cause I’m no beauty.” I patted her on the head. I couldn’t believe I’d made such a young girl worry over me. 

“Here, Master.” A cup was suddenly thrust at me from the side. Zanoba was the one holding it. 

“Thanks.” I took it gratefully and drained its contents. He’d apparently gotten the water from one of the medical office’s pitchers. My tongue felt dry as paper. Apparently, my mouth had gotten really parched at some point. 

“Phew.” I took a seat and breathed a sigh. 

Zanoba stood beside me and quietly asked, “Master, what happened? I’ve never seen you so flustered before.” 

“Well…” I explained what had happened in the experiment room. That the experiment had failed and Nanahoshi went berserk. That she looked like she might kill herself if I left her alone, so I helped her. 

After hearing all of that, Zanoba looked down at Nanahoshi with a complicated expression on his face. “So she’s not conducting this research because she wants to.” 

“Nope.” 

It wasn’t like she did it begrudgingly, but she wasn’t exactly passionate about it, either. It was just something she had to do so she could go home. It had been six years since the Displacement Incident, and what she’d thought would be an important step forward had failed. She’d looked back and realized that six years had already passed and she hadn’t progressed at all. 

I sighed and slumped back in my chair. Zanoba said nothing more after that. The two of us just remained there with Nanahoshi, who was staring absently at the ceiling. 

*** 

After a while, Nanahoshi closed her eyes and fell asleep. Sylphie arrived around the same time. Ariel wasn’t with her. “People were saying that you and Zanoba carried a female student to the medical office,” she said. 

What kind of rumors were they spreading now? Did the whole school think I’d knocked out a female student and carried her off to the medical office, where I was probably doing something awful to her? 

Man, that’s cold, I thought. Why doesn’t anyone trust me? Because I’m “the Boss”? Well, it was not like I’d done much to earn their trust in the first place. Whatever. 

I told Sylphie what had transpired. 

“I can’t believe something like that happened.” Sylphie wore a solemn expression as she peered over at Nanahoshi. 

“It might be dangerous to leave her alone, so I was thinking of letting her rest at our house today.” 

“But wouldn’t it be better to let her rest here in the medical office?” 

“I think it’d be better for her to be with someone she knows when she wakes up.” 

At any rate, I couldn’t leave her alone. Nanahoshi was young and this had clearly shaken her to the core. When people were pushed to their limits, they could do extreme things. Things like hurting themselves. 

“I have no idea how long it will take for her to calm down,” I said. “I’d like to let her stay with us so I can keep an eye on her for now.” 

“Um, is it okay if I leave that part up to you?” 

“If it’s just taking care of her meals, I can do that.” 

We’d isolate her until she calmed down. It might be good to let her escape from reality a bit. A tactical retreat of sorts. 

“This isn’t cheating on you or anything.” 

“I know. Or is there something for you to feel guilty about?” 

“Nope.” I had no reason to feel guilty whatsoever. Still, I was bringing a different woman into my house. One in a weak and defenseless position, at that. Even so, Sylphie didn’t seem to be suspicious. So this was what trust was like, huh? 

“I’ll leave it to you, Rudy. Are you going to go straight home today?” 

“Yeah. I won’t be able to go with you, so can you handle shopping on your own?” 

“Leave it to me.” 

I nodded at Sylphie’s reassuring response. I’d expect nothing less from her. 

We left the school and hurried back to our house. Zanoba volunteered to transport Nanahoshi. This time he carried her piggyback, which seemed to suit him better, even if he was a prince. 

“Sorry for the trouble, Zanoba.” 

“No, this is the only thing I can do to help.” He easily carted the listless Nanahoshi around on his back. Julie toddled along behind us. All I had to do was give Zanoba a drill and a diving suit and people would be calling him Mister Bubbles. 

Just to test this out, I tried lifting Julie. 

“Eek! Grandmaster, what are you doing?” 

“Nothing.” 

Zanoba just glanced over. I kept Julie in my arms as I walked. Her body was surprisingly plump. Just a year ago she’d been all skin and bones, but it seemed she’d been eating properly. Her muscles were a bit lacking, but she didn’t really need to be a beefcake at the age of seven. 

“Is Zanoba treating you well, Julie?” I asked. 

“Yes, Master feeds to me lots of food.” 

“Good to hear. The correct way to say it is ‘Yes, Master feeds me lots of food.’” 

“Master feeds me lots of food.” 

“Yeah, that’s it.” 

Come to think of it, I wondered if Nanahoshi had been eating properly. She’d felt pretty light when I carried her. Food could lift your spirits in a rough time; even little things like eating your favorite foods or sharing a meal with someone could bring joy. I doubted Nanahoshi had been doing much of that. 

“Phew,” I sighed. Just what kind of life had Nanahoshi been living? Locked up all by herself, hardly eating, scarcely talking to anyone. Just continuously drawing those magic circles. 

“It’s not your fault, Master. Try not to let it affect you so deeply.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

Apparently Zanoba had taken my sigh to mean something different. He had a serious expression plastered on his face as he looked at me. It seemed he was more worried about me than he was about Nanahoshi. Well, he’d barely ever talked to her, so I couldn’t blame him for that. 

We fell silent for a while after that. In the quiet, I could hear Julie’s heartbeat. As a child, her body temperature was higher than mine. She was warm, and hearing her heartbeat was also strangely soothing. I should buy her something next time I went out. 

When we reached the house, I had Zanoba deposit Nanahoshi into one of the two rooms I’d spruced up for my little sisters. She just slumped limply upon the bed. Her eyes were open; she must’ve woken up at some point. But they were completely empty. As if she were staring off into a distance I couldn’t see. Almost like a corpse. 

Would she be coming back from this? Based on my own observations, she was in a precarious state, but not beyond saving. I’d had similar depressive spells myself before, but they’d passed eventually. 

For the moment, I patted her down and removed anything I thought could be used as a dangerous weapon. She had a small Swiss Army-style knife on her person. I didn’t think she could kill herself with something like that, but I took it anyway, just to be safe. 

There was nothing dangerous in her room except for the window, since we were on the second floor. Maybe I should use magic to secure it. It wouldn’t help if she broke the glass, but I wanted to believe she didn’t have the willpower to go that far. 

Since she wasn’t moving, I went back down to the first floor. 

“Is she going to be all right?” Zanoba asked worriedly. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who’d had any experience with depression. He had his moments of weakness, sure, but he was generally an optimist. 

“Who can say? At any rate, you were a big help, Zanoba.” 

“No, you’re the one always taking care of me, after all. This was the least I could do.” That was Zanoba for you. I could always count on him. “What about you, Master? Are you going be all right?” 

“Me? Why?” 

“It looks like Master Silent’s breakdown had a severe impact on you.” 

Severe impact? Really? 

Actually, he was probably right. Nanahoshi had lost it, gone berserk, and then turned into a lifeless shell once I stopped her. Seeing that from beginning to end reminded me of my past. Though it had manifested a bit differently for her, we’d both been through similar mental agonies. I felt her pain as if it were my own. If my circumstances had been a bit different, I might have been the one lying vacantly on the floor in her place. 

“Just a bit. Reminds me of pain from the past.” 

“Would you mind sharing more?” he asked. 

“When I was little, I also had a similar experience. I became apathetic and shut myself off.” 

“I can’t understand that feeling.” 

Although the way he said that felt distancing, I didn’t want him to flippantly claim to understand, either. “I’m sure you can’t.” 

“Regardless, if there is anything else that could use my strength, please let me know. Strength is the only thing I have in abundance.” 

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that.” I appreciated Zanoba’s kindness. He was a pretty good guy, as long as dolls weren’t involved. 

Zanoba went home a short while after that. With nothing else to do, I just spent my time reading in Nanahoshi’s room as she slept. I would want to be left alone if I were in her position. But she’d already been alone up until this point. Always alone. 

I stayed with her until Sylphie got home.