Monster no Goshujin-sama - Volume 6 - Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Withheld Feelings (Real) ~Lily’s POV~

“Huh?”

A confused murmur slipped through my lips.

“Uh...?”

And then another. My bewilderment shook this world of darkness. The girl in front of me stared back, carefully observing my every move.

“H-Hang on!”

What did she just tell me? I tried recalling to confirm whether I’d misheard her. No matter how I looked at it, however, she’d definitely refused.

“Why?”

I was at a complete loss. I was supposed to trade my existence so that Mizushima Miho could return to the physical realm. It was an ideal outcome for her. There was no reason for her to refuse. I’d never expected this response. Through great effort, I’d made my choice, but now I was utterly dumbfounded in equal measure.

“I mean, even if you ask me why...” she said, watching my reaction with a troubled smile. “To start with...I’m not Mizushima Miho.”

“Huh?”

She’d just overturned the major premise I’d based this entire decision on. My mind was once more absolutely blank.

“Why are you so surprised? Mizushima Miho is long dead. Isn’t that obvious? She’s nowhere to be found now.”

“Th-That’s... But...!” I somehow recovered from my stupefaction. “You’re standing right in front of me!”

“Hmm. In that case, you don’t need to pay attention to my presence,” she said, cocking her head as her blue flames swayed about. “I’m... How do I even put this? I’m something like leftover scraps.”

“L-Leftover scraps?”

“Yup. I’m just something left over by accident, something that doesn’t contain the original. You can’t call that ‘Mizushima Miho,’ can you now?”

She was referring to herself, but she spoke so casually. She looked disinterested, even. Her words were blunt. It was clear she was being serious.

“Besides...” She flashed me a somewhat mean-spirited smile, a complete turnaround from her indifferent behavior so far. “If I were to take your feelings, would I really be able to use my powers as a visitor? Can you answer me that, Little Miss Slime, who’s nothing more than Mizushima Miho’s fake?”

There was a teasing tone to her voice now.

“Everything about you is fake, right?” she continued. “Doesn’t that mean I wouldn’t awaken any powers if I inherited them from you? In short, all of the feelings you devote to your precious master are flimsy fakes, aren’t they?”

“Th-That’s not true!” I yelled on reflex.

“Right?” she said with a grin. “So you shouldn’t vanish here.”

Her beautiful and kind expression robbed me of any objections.

“You aren’t Mizushima Miho’s inferior copy,” she stated. “I mean, you possess something that only belongs to you.” She paused, holding out her finger and pointing at the center of my chest. “‘What exactly am I?’ ‘Where is the real me?’ You’ve been worrying about all these things, but you know what? Those feelings are exactly what prove that the real you is right here. Since I’m nothing but mere scraps, I can’t eat you,” she said cheerfully. “Rather...you should be the one eating me. If you really want to save Majima, that is.”

“If I want to save him?” I asked, my tone doubtful.

“Yup, that’s right,” she answered with a carefree smile. “I mean, by doing so, you can obtain Mizushima Miho’s power as a visitor from another world.”

“What...?”

I was at a loss for words. I’d given up on that long ago. I had tried and tried to obtain it, but I’d never been able to grab it. I couldn’t believe that I could obtain it now just because someone told me I could.

“Wh-What do you mean? For starters, I’m—”

“A fake, so you can’t use a cheat? Nope. That’s not true,” she said, shaking her head. “I believe Mana already pointed this out to you before.”

“Katou did?” I asked, surprised by the unexpected name.

The girl nodded. “A mimic slime’s mimicry comes with a certain amount of degradation. It doesn’t mean you can’t; you can, but it’s incomplete. Do you remember her telling you this?”

“That’s...”

Katou had, in fact, said something like that.

The girl peered at my face as I hemmed and hawed. “Don’t tell me you forgot?”

“I didn’t. But...”

“Thought so. Still, you haven’t really given it proper thought, have you?”

I couldn’t deny that. Maybe the reason I couldn’t manifest a cheat wasn’t because of a limit to my mimicry, but because of something else entirely. Now that she mentioned it, I’d never seriously considered this. Just as I’d said, I didn’t actually forget Katou telling me this. Actually, I’d happened to think of it earlier today. But I’d only remembered the words; I hadn’t delved any deeper. I’d never tried to think it through. If so...

“I unconsciously gave up on that possibility?” I asked in shock.

“Well, there’s no helping that,” replied the scraps of a girl clad in blue flames. “The fact that you’re a fake weighs more heavily on you than anything else. It makes sense you’d assume that’s the cause. An inferiority complex isn’t all that easy to overcome.”

“Then what’s the real reason?” I asked, furrowing my brow. “I should be able to mimic the quality that allows Mizushima Miho to awaken a cheat. That’s what Katou told me. But I never managed to accomplish that.” I felt more and more pathetic as I spoke of it. “If something else is preventing me from doing so, then what is it?”

“I’m telling you, it’s your inferiority complex.”

“Huh...?” Her words caught me by surprise, and I stared at her. “An inferiority complex?”

“Yup. Since you couldn’t easily overcome it, you’ve unconsciously bound your heart with it,” she said in a reprimanding tone. “In a sense, there’s no stronger emotion than this.”

“So you’re saying this complex is hindering me from activating my ability?”

“Do you remember? Even warriors have a groundless conviction that they’re special, right? It’s the same logic.”

“If groundless conviction can grant power, then well-grounded denial can suppress it?”

“That’s the gist of it,” she said, bobbing her head in a quick nod. “Groundless conviction isn’t unconditionally a bad thing. You could say that kind of recklessness is a privilege of being young. Conversely, saying that you know your limits sounds nice and all, but when taken too far, it can rob you of your potential.”

“And that’s...me?”

As a monster who was nothing more than an imitation, I had often felt inferior. The feeling that I wasn’t suitable to be by my master’s side had always, always weighed on me.

Even though I’d managed to conquer my fear of parting from him after that evening in Fort Tilia, I’d never gotten rid of that complex. And now, it was an obstacle blocking my path.

“The reason leftover scraps like me are still here is partly due to this too, you know?” she said kindly. I raised my face back up at her, realizing that I’d lowered it at some point. “You feel inferior to the real Mizushima Miho. That’s because she’s human. You believe a monster shouldn’t be by Majima’s side. There’s no way he could love someone so jealous and envious. That’s why you unconsciously refused the idea that Mizushima Miho’s existence is sealed inside you. I’m here as a result.”

The self-alleged scraps put their hand to their chest before continuing.

“If not, I would be like all the other souls here, dissolved within you without any form. In a sense, I’m undigested food,” she said jokingly, giggling at the thought. “This is the same reason you can’t mimic Mizushima Miho’s inherent ability. You’ve been trying your best to get closer to the real Mizushima Miho, all while refusing the Mizushima Miho deep in your heart. Isn’t it obvious that you can’t use her ability like that?”

She held out her hand to me.

“So you have to finish eating your food. In a way, I’m a symbol of the Mizushima Miho that you’ve been refusing to acknowledge.”

I didn’t get the sense that she was lying. My instincts were telling me that she was right.

“There’s no need to brood over it. You’re simply returning something back to where it belongs. When you digest me, your mimicry will be complete.”

I looked at her outstretched hand. If I took it, I would gain the means to save my master; I would obtain everything I’d hoped for with a simple action. There was no need for me to hesitate.

“Fine.”

I reached out for her hand. The red flames wrapped around me stretched out into the darkness. Her blue flames illuminated my path, swaying about silently, waiting for me to engulf her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her curious voice shaking the darkness.

My hand had come to a stop. I didn’t know why myself. There was no reason for me to hesitate, yet my arm wouldn’t move. I felt like I was missing something here...something I couldn’t possibly afford to overlook.

That conviction had stopped me at the critical moment. I raised my eyes and looked at the girl’s face. She was smiling at me gently. Hers was the expression of someone who’d carved some sort of resolve deep in their heart.

“Ah...” I muttered quietly.

I felt the last piece of the puzzle click into place. Before I knew it, I had pulled back my hand. The girl looked at me in astonishment. I clenched my fist in front of my chest. There was something I had to confirm.

“Can you tell me...just one thing?” I said, slowly opening my mouth. “Just now, you said the reason you’re still here is partly because of my inferiority complex, right?”

“What about it?” she asked curiously.

“So what about the other part?”

The girl stiffened, caught off guard by my question. Her reaction strengthened my conviction.

“The complex I have about Mizushima Miho refuses her existence. Because of that, you’re left here as...undigested food. That’s what you said, right?”

“Y-Yeah. That’s right.”

“But if that’s all, then isn’t it kinda weird? I mean, my mimicry starts with eating my prey. I ate Mizushima Miho, mimicked her, fell in love with my master...and only then did I envy her.” To put it simply, the order of events seemed off. “Before I ate her, I couldn’t feel jealousy. I couldn’t have denied Mizushima Miho back then. That means a leftover like you could never have come to exist. So isn’t there some other reason?”

She had intentionally kept this from me and had carelessly let it slip by using the word “partly.”

“Could you tell me about it?” I asked, taking a step forward.

The girl withdrew her hand, then groaned quietly.

“Mmm, that was a slip of the tongue,” she said, pursing her lips in shame.

She started scratching her cheek, perhaps as a way to hide her embarrassment.

“Do I really have to tell you?” she asked.

“I need to hear it.”

I stared right into her eyes. The girl with my face averted her gaze. Mine remained fixed on her. Several seconds passed in silence.

“It’s because your master wished for it,” she said with a resigned sigh, realizing that I wasn’t going to yield. “Majima wanted to dispel Mizushima Miho’s regrets. That’s why I didn’t disappear right away. That’s all there is to it.”

She smiled bashfully and avoided eye contact.

“I see,” I said with a sigh of my own. “Just as I thought...”

It was exactly the answer I’d expected to hear. Of course I would come to this conclusion; I’d been the one to grant my master’s unconscious wish. I could vividly recall the day I ate Mizushima Miho’s corpse. I would never forget the night I spent in that hut. That was the night I bonded with my master, the first night he accepted me and my love. But I hadn’t been the only one to bond with him that night, nor the only one to share their love. That was why this girl remained here. It was also the reason she was trying to extinguish her existence now. The moment I realized this, my heart naturally came to a decision.

“I won’t eat you,” I told her.

“Huh?”

The girl who called herself leftover scraps turned her head and looked me in the eyes.

“Wh-Why?” she asked, dumbfounded.

“Because you’re trying to do the exact same thing I did.”

Once I realized this, it all made sense. Up until now, I’d pretty much never felt Mizushima Miho within me. Having said that, it wasn’t because she’d vanished, but because she’d been hiding. She’d been here all this time. So why show herself now? The reason was obvious.

“You revealed yourself to save my master, right?”

She was trying to disappear so she could save the man who had saved her, the man she’d once bonded with and loved. That was why I could understand her innermost thoughts.

“You also have feelings for my master, don’t you?” I asked.

She remained silent.

“And if you believe that it’s fine for you to go away for the sake of those feelings, even if you’re nothing more than leftovers, then those feelings are definitely far more than just scraps.”

The girl held her breath and covered her mouth with both hands. I couldn’t make out her complexion behind the blue flames, but she was probably blushing intensely. Finding this rather cute, I continued pushing.

“Even if you’re just a leftover, there’s no way you’re okay with vanishing.”

I pretty much told her exactly what she’d told me moments ago.

“What the heck... Is this revenge?”

“Maybe?”

I chuckled as she pouted, when a sudden thought came to mind. Was this girl really nothing more than Mizushima Miho’s leftover scraps? Just maybe, she was... In any case, the truth didn’t really matter anymore.

“Thanks to you, I’ve remembered something important. I’m my master’s servant. I love him. That’s why I need to be someone I can be proud of in front of him.”

What exactly was I? Where was the real me? I’d lost sight of myself, asking such questions, but there certainly was something in my heart that I could be proud of.

“You know what? I’ve watched my master closer than anyone else all this time. I’ve seen him weak, suffering, and trying his best to overcome everything.”

Just remembering it made my heart throb. That was how much I loved him. I was head over heels. That was why I wanted to be someone suitable for him.

“No matter what I do, I’m no more than an unsightly monster. I can’t become human. That complex has become an obstacle blocking my path. In that case, I have to overcome it, face it head-on.”

Just like my master had overcome his own trauma, I had to do the same to be suitable for him. Picking the easy choice was out of the question.

“I won’t eat you,” I declared once more, stretching my hand out to her.

“Are you sure?” she muttered.

She deemed herself nothing more than leftover scraps. She’d never dreamed things would turn out like this. Her wavering eyes reflected my figure. Her blue flame almost seemed like a candle guiding my path. She really did resemble me. Or I resembled her, not that it mattered anymore.

“Is it really okay for me to go with you?” she asked timidly, slowly raising her hand.

Her hand met mine, and our fingers intertwined. Blue and red flames mixed together. The distance between us shrank, and I pressed my forehead against hers.

“Ah...”

“Let’s go together. Our master is waiting for us.”

Our souls entangled as one. This probably should have been impossible. The blue and red fires mixed together without one engulfing the other. The purple flame born of this union began illuminating the endless darkness with an unprecedented brightness.