Monogatari Series - Volume 7 - Chapter 1.11

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If you want to know how I spent the rest of my Golden Week, it was on my hands and knees the whole time.

From my chance encounter with the Afflicting Cat at school on May third to the last day of the long weekend, Sunday, May seventh, the present, I crawled around on the floor.

I put my heart and soul into prostrating myself.

Nearly five days, if you’re counting. If you want that in hours, I wouldn’t be able to give you an exact number, but around a hundred.

That was how long.

How long I spent prostrating myself, not eating, not drinking, skipping Saturday classes, sitting stock still, staying up, not raising my head a single time, like I was made of stone, like a carved statue.

Happens all the time.

It’s nothing worth mentioning in particular, the kind of thing that everyone must go through once or twice in life, but that’s how I spent the rest of my vacation.

I was sincerely praying that we wouldn’t get some kind of assignment once we got back to class like “Write an essay about how you spent your Golden Week.”

No, that wouldn’t happen. I wasn’t in grade school─and even if I knew we’d be given an assignment like that, I’m pretty sure I would have spent my Golden Week in the exact same way, in the exact same pose.

I’m very sorry to all of you out there who were led by my unflinching resolution in the empty classroom into expecting a magnificent battle between me and the Afflicting Cat, but unfortunately, I know my own limits.

I was aware of them.

I was very aware of them.

Even if, thanks to relieving all that stress by attacking people, the Afflicting Cat wasn’t quite as ferocious as she was when we first met─a “human” like me still couldn’t hope to fight against her. It was self-evident that I was no match.

How could I win?

Against someone even Oshino couldn’t beat?

She would kill me, I would die, it would be over.

I wanted to die for Hanekawa─but that also meant I didn’t want to die unless it was for her.

I wasn’t going to die in vain.

I wasn’t going to die like a dog.

If I had to say how I was going to die─I wanted to die like a cat.

And so, as Oshino and the Afflicting Cat went all around town attacking and saving people, constantly and ceaselessly engaging in onmyoji-style superpower battles, I was putting all of my body and soul into a full-speed-ahead dogeza.

If you’re wondering who I was prostrating myself to.

That, again, isn’t worth any special mention. Someone any boy will have bowed his head to by the time he’s done with puberty, whether he was in my position or not. In other words, an eight-year-old girl.

An eight-year-old girl.

An iron-blooded, hot-blooded, cold-blooded vampire.

Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade─the husk and dregs of.

A blond ex-vampire girl.

So, to set the scene, I was on all fours in a very masculine way in front of a scowling little girl vampire who sat with her arms around her knees in a room on the fourth floor of the abandoned cram school.

……

If I may, I’m certain they won’t show it in any anime adaptation.

What can I say?

Never had a scene more resolutely given up on any media franchising─but on that note, it does feel like everything has been out of the question ever since my little sister and I showed each other our underwear.

Like it would be one long, black title card.

“What in the world are you doing, Araragi?” Oshino actually asked me. “Listen, risking your life and not caring if you die are two different things─and here I thought you’d learned that over spring break.”

There wasn’t even a hint of the usual sarcastic or snide inflection in his voice. He wasn’t even being frivolous or inconsiderate, his line just sounded normal.

But those were the only words he spoke to me over those five days─he returned to the building to heal himself every time he finished a fight with the Afflicting Cat (and when I consider that every time he was done resting he’d get ready for the next fight and head right out, he was probably spending all of that time doing nothing but losing in his own way) yet clammed up once he figured out what I was trying to do. He never said a word, not even when he passed behind me.

The vampire was as silent as ever.

And I─was silent, too.

I maintained my silence─there was nothing I could say.

And I wasn’t prostrating myself in order to beg, anyway─while I won’t say my actions were fully free of such designs, I had my head to the floor as an apology.

I know it’s late, but I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I’m asking you for help after all this time.

I was apologizing with all of my heart.

Really.

It was a truly shameless act─I couldn’t blame Oshino for being dumbfounded. But I was ready to grind my face until it scraped off on the floor.

I knew.

I knew perfectly well─what I was doing.

How selfish it was.

How self-centered it was.

How self-satisfied it was─I knew.

Though Oshino was shocked silent, he never tried to stop me.

It could have been his values as a balancer. Or maybe a tiny part of him understood how I felt.

He may have even sympathized with me.

…No, I don’t think he did.

I was just going and getting saved on my own─and it wasn’t his duty, nor did he have the right, to stop me. That must have been all.

But, Oshino.

Understand this one thing.

I don’t require your sympathy, and I definitely don’t require your consent─but I just want to make sure you don’t misunderstand this one thing.

I wasn’t risking my life in the slightest─and close to no part of me didn’t care if I died.

I wasn’t able to sacrifice myself the way Hanekawa could─dying for a friend’s sake, the way the precepts she’d ground into herself dictated.

I purely─

I simply had a selfish desire in my heart to die for Hanekawa.

Call it frustration.

I wasn’t thinking about what I should do or what I needed to do─I just wanted to do it.

And then.

On May seventh, right after the sun had fully set, our fully frozen scene saw movement─suddenly and without any prior warning, the girl vampire who, like me, spent five days unmoving as if petrified as I prostrated myself before her, rose─and stepped on the back of my abject head with her bare foot.

Happens all the time, too.

If you live for long enough, anyone, either male or female, is bound to experience a little girl grinding her foot into your head. And if it hasn’t happened to you yet, you just wait.

Getting stepped on by your little sister, getting stepped on by a cat, getting stepped on by a demon.

It’s those kinds of experiences that life is all about.

Right as I noticed the girl vampire taking her foot off the back of my head, she used her momentum to soccer kick my face off the floor.

Unable to stay put, I flipped over, still in the same position─I learned what it was like to be a turtle on its back.

My back slammed against the floor.

And my posture, unbroken for five days─

The balance had been broken at last.

Shunted away by the little girl.

We’re exploring the outer limits now, but yeah─happens all the time. Compared to something like the Big Bang, it definitely happens all the time.

But.

This─is where it happens none of the time.

Never. The first and last of its kind.

Not quite happening.

“……nkk.”

I’d gotten up to go straight back to prostrating myself, undaunted, but what I saw was her standing straight, mouth wide open, looking like she was going to pull her own tongue out─and the vampire drew a slithering katana out from the bottom of her throat almost like she was some kind of old-timey magician.

A long─katana.

Clearly longer than the vampire’s present height.

A great katana, if you were to classify it.

I had seen this sword once before─just once during spring break.

Heartunderblade.

A heart─under the blade.

The one and only weapon she, the strongest, would wield, and the origin of her name─

The enchanted blade Kokorowatari.

Also known as the Aberration Slayer─a sword with no sheath.

It needed no sheath.

Why would a blade fated to cut down one aberration after another need to be contained by any such thing─

“!”

And then.

She took her blade, that proof of her identity not unlike a dogtag, the enchanted blade that was her irreplaceable memories given shape, and tossed it at my chest like a simple twig.

How was I supposed to receive it?

I bobbled it in my hands and just barely managed to hold on. I somehow didn’t drop it.

I looked up, relieved─and the girl vampire was already back to her old posture.

Sitting with her arms around her knees, scowling.

……

I realized I’d missed my chance to see her expression when she was stepping on me or kicking me─naturally, since I was staring at the floor the whole time.

She wasn’t donning any expression while she was expelling the enchanted blade, either─but well.

I had an idea.

Disdain, contempt, something like that.

Whatever.

No matter what it was─it wouldn’t have been that gruesome smile she wore over spring break.

I could seem as comical and laughable as I wanted.

The girl vampire wasn’t going to smile at me─especially not now.

Even so.

I faced her again─and deeply, apologetically─prostrated myself.

“You know, I’ve wanted to say this from the beginning,” a voice spoke.

Like he’d been waiting for the moment─like he’d seen the moment coming.

A voice came from behind me.

It hadn’t been long since the last time I heard it, but it was nice to hear it again.

I turned to find, you guessed it, Mèmè Oshino.

“Your dogeza style’s all wrong, Araragi.”

“Huh?”

“That’s more like a tea ceremony bow. It’s like you’re making the world’s most polite request or something─”

Ha haa, Oshino laughed cheerfully.

Though he laughed, his Hawaiian shirt was covered in scratches again─the worst I’d seen him yet. He was in such bad shape that he would’ve been better off fighting a hundred cats at once.

He shouldn’t have been laughing, if you ask me.

“Oh,” I said. “I was using a middle schooler in tea club for reference… I might’ve learned it wrong.”

“You’re making a tea-club middle schooler bow down to you? You’re into some messed-up stuff.”

“It wasn’t for fun. And anyway, I like being on the giving end more than the receiving end─these five days were pretty fulfilling.”

“Hmph. And now you got the enchanted blade Kokorowatari? That’s impressive─even I didn’t expect our li’l vampire to have a change of heart.”

I should congratulate you, he added.

There didn’t seem to be anything congratulatory about him, though. Not the tiniest bit.

But he probably wasn’t being mean-spirited, either─he was in a real tough spot himself from the looks of it.

Oshino’s professional opinion on what I was about to do had changed.

What I was trying to do─was no longer getting in his way.

Not at all.

“About missy class president’s parents,” Oshino began, as if it was nothing of importance. “They’re out of the hospital already.”

“─! Really?”

I was shocked.

I thought it would be a long while until they even regained consciousness after seeing how debilitated they were─but it wasn’t good news.

In other words─they were back already.

In that house with no room for Hanekawa.

What that meant in practice─was that if the Afflicting Cat went back to change and they ran into each other─

“So I went to go hear a bit of what those parents had to say.”

“Huh?”

“I visited them right before they were discharged. In between fights with the Afflicting Cat─I thought I might be able to obtain some sort of clue from them. I didn’t, though.”

“……”

So while I was prostrating myself in front of the girl vampire, he was off doing that, too? But no, when I thought about it, going to visit the Afflicting Cat’s first “victims” and speaking to them would be part of Oshino’s normal process, a standard procedure.

The idea just hadn’t occurred to me.

Hearing from Hanekawa’s parents─speaking to Hanekawa’s parents.

Unthinkable.

I didn’t want to hear what they had to say─and I didn’t want to see them, either.

“They didn’t know anything. Parents who don’t know a thing about their daughter─but I guess that’s how things are these days? She is at a difficult age, after all.”

“She has…a unique situation at home.”

“I’d imagine. I knew that─but while I couldn’t get any info out of them that would help me fight the Afflicting Cat, I did hear an interesting episode.”

“An interesting episode?”

“Yes. They were probably in a daze when they told me, having just regained consciousness─they seemed to mistake me for a doctor.”

It didn’t matter what kind of daze you were in, no one would ever mistake this shabby geezer in a Hawaiian shirt for a doctor.

He must have played the part in order to create that impression.

“So what’s this episode you heard?”

“A story of the time father dearest punched missy class prez in the face,” Oshino said, still nonchalant, as if it really was an interesting story. “He lost his temper and punched her as hard as he could, with all the force of a grown man─hard enough for the frame of her glasses to cause a cut. It sounds like he sent her flying into the wall. She is a lightweight, after all.”

“……”

He was giving me the details─but I didn’t want them.

Especially not from the attacker’s perspective.

I didn’t even want to imagine it.

“So her body slammed against the wall, and she sat there crouching for a while in pain. But what do you think she did after that, Araragi?”

“What do I think she did? Well─”

“Missy class president had been punched by her father for no good reason, but all she did was crouch there. She didn’t even scream. What do you think she did next?”

I couldn’t answer.

Not because I didn’t know─but because Oshino’s expression, combined with what I knew about Tsubasa Hanekawa, told me all too well what happened next, gave away the punch line.

I could only─despair.

“You shouldn’t do that, father,” Oshino imitated Hanekawa’s tone─though he sounded nothing like her. “You mustn’t punch girls in the face─apparently, she said it with a smile.”

“……!”

I couldn’t bear to hear the words.

That?

Is that something a daughter says after being hit by her own father?!

Those words?

“Creepy, isn’t it─she’s so good it’s dreadful. How can you blame her father for only getting angrier and hitting her again? She’s such a saint that if she were born in ancient Japan, she could’ve been Himiko’s successor─honestly, even I would hit a kid like that. Scary. Scarier than an aberration. Creepy,” spat Oshino, his smile disappearing. “I think the stuff about her running her mouth about the work he took home was just the trigger. Even if she hadn’t, her father─and her mother─probably wanted to punch her for a long time now.”

“To punch her?”

Her father. Her mother.

Their daughter.

“She must have seemed a lot more like a monster than a daughter. It was as if a yokai had been dumped into their laps and they were told to raise it. There are a lot of ghost stories about someone’s child being replaced with an aberration, but she wasn’t even their child─”

“Really, Oshino?” I interrupted his speech. “Are you─taking their side?”

“I’m neutral, I don’t take sides. If anything, this all comes down to sides─missy class president is coming at it from her own side, and her parents have their side, too. There’s no way for a third party to know which one is right. No─there’s no being right to begin with. It’s not about right and wrong but what’s in their interest.”

There was no room for me to argue with him.

“This is a bit of a cliché, but when she threw her parents at you, she was throwing her conscience away with them. Not a particularly interesting observation─ha haa. I know you’re going to take missy class prez’s side, Araragi, you’re her friend. But her parents’ friends are going to take their side in the same way. There’s no being right to begin with.”

There’s no being right to begin with, Oshino repeated himself, insistent to the point of stubbornness.

There was no need for me to nod yes.

If anyone was right─he was.

He was right. There was no being right.

But─

“Still, Hanekawa… Hanekawa─is right.”

“And that’s why she’s so frighteningly creepy,” Oshino shot down the one argument I’d somehow managed to eke out. “I’m taking missy class prez’s side as I work on this case so that I can bring balance to the ecosystem─but I’m almost at the point where I think the best way to balance the ecosystem might be to let the Afflicting Cat take over her so she’s gone.”

“That’s…” I began, but wasn’t able to plead the case.

I wasn’t going to agree with him wholeheartedly─but had no basis to reject what he’d said.

I had nothing.

And if I had nothing, I couldn’t stick up for her.

But─Oshino.

It was that preposterous side of hers that saved me during spring break.

She saved me.

“That’s not to say there’s anything praiseworthy about missy class president’s parents, though─I could tell that much from our talk. It was clear they’ve abandoned their role as parents. But you see, Araragi, it’s not like I can’t understand why they feel that way. Having to live under the same roof as someone as right as her─and for that person to be your daughter─the thought makes me shudder. For ten-plus years, they existed in close proximity to someone too right for anyone’s good. The poor things. I’m sure what made them turn out that way was having to live with her.”

I recalled something.

The Hanekawas’ nameplate.

The given names of her parents─and a bit removed from those, “Tsubasa,” written in phonetic characters.

But.

In the beginning, at least─when everything was starting─they had enough of whatever it took to make that plate.

It was there, if only a little. The shape of…what would you call it…what a family should look like.

A daytime family drama before it was forgotten and ruined.

Whatever preceded the carcass that it turned into. It had to have been there.

Just as the person I now was started from Hanekawa─her parents must have started from her as well.

Living with Hanekawa.

Made them who they were now.

And in that case.

“She was always showing them what it meant to be absolutely right, there by their side. In other words─they were in hell, always being shown what was ugly and immature about themselves. It was a nightmare. I almost want to praise them for holding out and not hitting her for those ten-plus years.”

“But how is any of that Hanekawa’s fault?”

“It is her fault. She is the one and only person to be singled out here. Those with power ought to be aware of the effect that power has on their surroundings─I wouldn’t call this a case of black hens laying white eggs, but you do hear of parents who become broken people after they’re burdened with a wunderkind. Missy class prez was completely unaware of that. She convinced herself that she was normal. She did everything she could to convince herself. She was trying too hard. And this is the result.”

Affliction.

She’d brought affliction to those who would give her affection─in full, glorious view.

“She’s even twisted the way an aberration, the Afflicting Cat, takes form─everything about this case is irregular. Everything is irregular, but she’s what’s irregular here. Even our li’l vampire helping you out, however minimal her help may be, owes to the fact that we’re facing missy class president. This, that, the other, and everything else is all her fault.”

“Sorry, Oshino. I know you’re probably right, and I know it’s wrong to tell you this─but don’t say another bad word about Hanekawa, please.” I’d finally reached my limit. “It’s making me want to kill you.”

“Is that sympathy for missy class prez I’m hearing? What regular people feel when they see a dead cat on the street?” persisted Oshino. He wasn’t the kind of man who’d go silent just because I threatened him. He was a man─who talked a lot. “Are you sympathizing with her for her accursed birth, her accursed upbringing, and her accursed smarts?”

“No. Not even close. It’s not like you to be so far off the mark, Oshino.” I took the enchanted blade the girl vampire had lent me and rested its spine on my shoulder─doing my best to cut a figure. “You think I’d feel sympathy? I only feel one way about tragic girls. They’re moé. All I want to do─is release some of my own frustration.”

I almost felt like crying but struck a pose─at my most pretentious.

“I’ve just got the hots for a high schooler in her underwear with cat ears.”