Monogatari Series - Volume 5 - Chapter 6.04

004

It’s not like I could tell Tsukihi the real reason, though. “The truth is, while you guys weren’t looking, I went and got turned into a vampire. Luckily I was able to become human again, but the aftereffects haven’t gone away, so I have to be careful not to get into fights with you two just in case I slip up and accidentally kill you.” How was I supposed to say something like that with a straight face?

But I was probably worrying about nothing.

My current relationship with Shinobu Oshino─the vampire who lurked in my shadow─was deceptively simple. Confusing in its straightforwardness. I was still Shinobu’s thrall and servant, but she existed in a reduced state as a vampire and as an aberration, neither able to live nor die without me.

To clarify, I could still become part-vampire by providing blood to Shinobu, and she, by drawing blood from me, could regain a modest amount of her vampiric strength. Put another way, unless it was immediately after giving blood to Shinobu, the aftereffects consisted of just accelerated healing─so I probably didn’t need to worry about getting into a fight with Karen, or rather, I might lose against such a martial arts adept, as I’d told Tsukihi. Still.

I knew, now.

What fighting, battling, meant.

Not just sparring, but warring.

Not just punching each other, but killing each other.

What warring and killing each other meant.

As a result─I just couldn’t get into fights with my sisters like before. Until Tsukihi brought it up today, I was doing my best not to think about it, but deep down I had.

─I mean.

─Could you please not grow up all alone?

─It’s boring.

Karen had said the exact opposite to me.

You know, Koyomi─that’s why you never grow up.

In the end, Karen probably had it right. It’s not that I’d changed on the inside.

Only, I knew now.

Of course, I doubt Tsukihi wanted me to wring her neck─but to borrow her phrase, there definitely was a right and a wrong way to fight.

Thinking such thoughts.

I got dressed appropriately to visit someone’s house (though as Tsukihi nailed it, my fashion sense begins and ends with jeans and a hoodie) and left the house.

Sengoku actually lived fairly close. The first time I walked her home I was surprised at just how close. Since we’d attended the same public elementary school, that made perfect sense when I thought about it─you didn’t even need a bike and could walk there in ten minutes.

Just because it was close, though, didn’t mean I couldn’t take my bike. But Sengoku might want some time to get ready, so I decided to stroll over there on foot.

Along the way, however…

I spotted someone from behind that I recognized. It wasn’t her back so much as her backpack.

“Huh, it’s Hachikuji.”

A giant backpack strapped to a tiny frame. Pigtails and a visibly cheeky profile. It had to be Mayoi Hachikuji.

A fifth-grade girl.

We first met when I called out to her as she was wandering around lost. She seemed to live in a different town now, but still liked to haunt ours. Even so, since she was just a grade schooler, I didn’t have any way to contact her, and the best I could hope for was to run into her by accident like this. Hanekawa and I saw Hachikuji as a lucky item that brought you good fortune if you encountered her on a given day. This was my first time since summer vacation began─in fact, hadn’t it been even longer than that?

Hmm… Hmm… Hmm…

Sengoku was waiting for me, after all.

To begin with, I didn’t even like Mayoi, the little brat─actually, I downright hated her, okay? We weren’t buddies, so why say hi just because she happened to be passing by? We could be standing face to face, and I might still ignore her!

But hey, as a high schooler and her elder, taking such an attitude would be rather small of me. A grown man knows how to interact with people he doesn’t like. Why not give a little kid the time of day, it’s only proper, eh? Seriously, it wasn’t like I was happy to see her or anything, but wasn’t pretending that I was just common courtesy?

Ha, I’m too nice.

I dropped into a cold sprint, dashed toward her at record speed, and hugged her as tight as I could.

“Hachikujiii! I missed you, kid!”

“Eeeek?!” screamed li’l miss Hachikuji, grabbed suddenly from behind. Ignoring it, I rained kisses down onto her soft cheeks.

“Ahh, I haven’t seen you in so long, I thought you were gone, I was so worried! Aaah, let me feel you more and hug you more and lick you all over!”

“Eeek! Eeek! Eeek!”

“Tut! Stop squirming so much! I can’t get off your panties!”

“Aiiieeeeeeeeeee!!”

She kept screaming at the top of her lungs, and then…

“Grrah!”

She bit me.

“Grrah! Grrah! Grrah!”

“That hurt! What the hell?!”

Once again─

Both halves of it should have been directed at myself.

Anyway, you got me. The truth is I’m crazy about Hachikuji.

Leaving a bite mark on my arm that I thought might never disappear, she slipped free of my demonic grasp (?) and leapt back.

“Fssssk!” she hissed.

Feral mode.

“W-Wait! Hachikuji, look! It’s me!”

Given my behavior, seeing it was me meant next to nothing, but I was glad I gave it a shot because her eyes, which had turned feral, alert, and red (so inhuman), slowly returned to their normal color (not green, let me note just in case).

“…Ah…” Recognizing my face and drawing back her claws, she said, “Who is it but Mister Araragi. Yomiko Araragi…”

“That’s so close, but would you mind not confusing me with a ‘paper master’ attached to the British Library Special Operations Division? My name is Koyomi Araragi.”

I was pretty sure that having pronounced my last name correctly, she’d gone out of her way to mess up my first.

That was me and Hachikuji’s thing. I sexually harassed her whenever and however I liked, and in return she mangled my name whenever and however she liked. It was a gentleman’s pact.

“Hold on just a minute, Mister Araragi! I haven’t heard of a treaty that one-sided since the Kanagawa Convention!”

“Really? Seems pretty fair to me…”

“Besides, your idea of sexual harassment is starting to border on the criminal! I’m starting to fear for my feminine virtue!”

Hachikuji’s complaint sounded sincere.

It wasn’t like I had no idea what she was getting at. More like the opposite.

Why was I unable to control myself when it came to Hachikuji?

“What are you talking about?” I lied. “That was just a hug. They do it all the time in America.”

“Since when do people sneak up from behind to give a hug?!”

“That’s the problem with this country, no one’s ever open to new things.”

“Just where do you think you’re from?! And also, Mister Araragi, maybe you just meant to kiss me on the cheek, but you missed and touched the corner of my lips a couple of times!”

“I did?! I’m sorry!”

Obviously I didn’t mean to go that far!

What an unfortunate accident!

“What can I say,” Hachikuji sighed. “With all the squeezing and grabbing you do, I feel like my breasts have gotten bigger. Maybe that old wives’ tale about them growing when a man fondles them is actually true.”

“Really? You can grow?”

“Excuse me!”

Hachikuji’s pigtails stood up straight. Had she commanded them to? What kind of system was she running on?

“But,” I said, “I thought part of what made you special was that you don’t grow up.”

“What a foolish observation. And next time you do something like that, I might have to tell Miss Hanekawa on you.”

“Ugh… That would suck.”

I meant it. Lately, Hanekawa and Hachikuji were getting along too well for my liking.

That alliance spelled trouble for me.

Well, maybe it was more of a survivors’ group.

“By the way, were you headed somewhere?” asked Hachikuji, neatly changing the subject.

She could be easygoing.

So easygoing that I worried about her, sometimes.

“No, not exactly,” I answered.

“Searching for a new member of the Araragi Harem?”

“I haven’t been putting together such a tasteless outfit!”

“After all, a member of the first class, Mister Oshino, has graduated. You’ll have a hard time filling that hole.”

“Even if there were an Araragi Harem, why count him as a former member?! He’s an aloha shirt-wearing geezer!”

“Be careful, with too many, developing the narrative will become a chore.”

Hachikuji made the meta remark nonchalantly.

It was also a realistic point.

The harem bit was nonsense, but it’s impossible to be fair to all of the people, all of the time. Taking someone’s side means not taking somebody else’s. It means being on somebody’s opposite side.

Defenders of justice─only ever sided with justice.

They were enemies of all but justice.

You couldn’t fake it.

In short, justice is─ready to betray us all.

“Good point,” I admitted, “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Please do. Then again, as long as no one tries to take my spot, I guess I don’t care how many new members you get.”

“Since when did you get tenure?!”

Let me make one thing clear! The only official members are Shinobu and Hanekawa (damn straight)!

“You’re still just ‘today’s special guest,’ Hachikuji.”

“If you say so. Maybe you’d better start moving this program along, then.”

“I messed up?!”

The MC was being called out by a guest! Oh, the humiliation!

“Well, okay,” I moved things along, “have I mentioned Sengoku to you before? She’s an old acquaintance. I was making my way over to her place to hang out today.”

“Uh huh,” Hachikuji nodded, always brisk with her rejoinders. “But why should you look so unhappy about it?”

“I do?”

“Yes, you look morone.”

“That almost sounds like a word!”

Morose, she meant.

True, I had been thinking gloomy thoughts. Keeping secrets from your family, who lived under the same roof as you, was unpleasant anyway you looked at it.

“Still,” I said, “I didn’t think I was bothered enough that you could tell just by looking. Did I seem so unhappy?”

“You did. It was an awkward expression, like if a story that constantly made self-deprecating jokes about not getting made into an anime did get adapted out of carelessness.”

“That specific a facial expression?!”

“Relax. It’s not as if an anime adaptation would force you to continue a story that already has a neat conclusion.”

“What the hell are you saying now?!”

Hachikuji’s speech broached a different dimension at times.

This girl.

“It’s understandable to be nervous about unexpected good fortune,” she consoled me. “Yet there’s always something to gain from branching out into new territory.”

“I’d appreciate your words, if I had such worries…”

Come to think of it, Oshino used to go on about anime adaptation this and anime adaptation that. I had no idea why, but maybe he and Hachikuji could have a constructive conversation.

Hmm. Now that I mention it, they’ve never met or talked to each other, directly or indirectly, have they?

Anyway, I decided to play along with Hachikuji, and not just because I’d been reminded of Oshino. “What do you mean…something to gain?”

“In a word? Money,” replied Hachikuji.

Just one word, but a word too many!

“There’s gotta be something else,” I objected.

“Huh?” Hachikuji wrinkled her nose in disgust, and her brow knitted together in contempt─oi, what a face for a grade schooler to make. “What else is there in this world besides money?”

“There’s plenty! Like…love!”

“Mm? Love? Ah, of course, of course. They were selling it at the convenience store the other day.”

“They were selling it?! At the convenience store?!”

“Right. 298 yen.”

“So cheap!”

“When it comes down to it, what are humans but a transportation system for money?”

“Geez, what happened in your life to screw you up so bad?! If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears!”

“Think about it. Between Billionaire A, who says ‘money makes the world go round,’ and Billionaire B, who says ‘money isn’t everything,’ don’t you actually prefer Billionaire A?”

“That’s relative!”

I prefer neither!

“Money talk aside, Mister Araragi, I’m dying to know what sort of dance they’ll have us do for the ending song.”

“Why is dancing a premise?!”

“I hope it’s something sexy, like for Cat’s Eye.”

“If you don’t mind just being in silhouette!”

Honestly, though…what a dated reference for a grade schooler. A classic or not, these days not even teenagers knew the ending animation to Cat’s Eye.

“That’s not it, Hachikuji. Actually, I can talk to you about it, can’t I? Remember my vampiric nature?”

“You don’t say?!”

“Don’t forget such a crucial bit of backstory!”

Hachikuji looked so genuinely surprised, it didn’t seem like an act.

“I thought you were just some guy who likes ramen noodles,” she said.

“Since when is liking ramen part of my backstory?!”

“Didn’t you know every instant noodle flavor in the country?”

“I didn’t and I don’t!” What kind of sad expertise was that? At least have me sampling real ramen.

“Koyomi Araragi, the man who sampled every local ramen… If I recall correctly, your current favorite is Yubari King Melon instant ramen, correct?”

“There’s no way that’s a real flavor!”

Then again…I wouldn’t bet against it. They sell some pretty weird specialties as souvenirs sometimes.

“Hmph.” Hachikuji crossed her arms and frowned. “I stand corrected, Mister Asuragi.”

“I almost want to change my name now, that sounds so badass. But I keep telling you, Hachikuji, my name is Araragi.”

“Sorry, a slip of the tongue.”

“No, it was on purpose…”

“Spill of the tongue?”

“It wasn’t?!”

“Pills on my tongue?”

“I’m not a convenience store!”

Love, too? Were we going to go buy love?

298 yen!

“I see, Mister Araragi,” Hachikuji pronounced my name just fine. “A vampire. Now that you mention it, you might be right. Well, what about it?”

“Hey, I can’t just come out and tell them even if they’re family. I’m starting to wonder how much longer I can keep it a secret, though. Sure, I’m human again, but the aftereffects remain.”

“There’s such a thing as being too honest, isn’t there? It’s only natural to keep a secret or two, even from family members.”

“Hachikuji…”

Right. With everything she’d gone through, Hachikuji had her own distinct perspective when it came to family issues. Mine might just sound trivial to the point of being insensitive.

“After all,” she said, “when you tell someone a secret, you get that person involved, whether they want to be or not. Maybe sharing would make you feel better, but wouldn’t you just be burdening them?”

“Hm…true.”

“Besides, if I had a son and he came home one day with some delusional story about being a vampire or aberration or whatever, I’d rush him off to the hospital to be committed.”

“Too true!”

But there was certainly that.

Maybe they didn’t commit her, but in Senjogahara’s case, that’s the way her family, at least, saw it. They treated her aberration as an illness. And then there was Kanbaru. Hers meant that her left arm still hadn’t returned to normal… How was she coping with it? She couldn’t keep her family from noticing simply by wrapping her arm up in bandages, could she?

“Mister Araragi, what you need right now is…yes! The courage to keep secrets!”

“Ah! Now that’s inspiring!”

“All I did was add ‘courage to’ to make it sound positive. Actually, it’s just a secret!”

“You let yours out of the bag!”

“Pretty much anything can come out sounding positive if you just slap ‘courage to’ on it.”

“Come on… Language isn’t as simple as that. It’s a sophisticated communication tool formed over millennia. Have a little respect, Hachikuji.”

“Want me to prove it?”

“Go ahead. If you can convince me, I’ll do a handstand right here in the middle of the street.”

“A handstand.”

“Yeah, think of it as advanced genuflection. But if you can’t convince me, then you’re the one who has to do a handstand…skirt and all! You’re gonna expose your kiddy underwear to the public gaze until I say okay!”

Case in point!

I still sounded like a creep, no matter how cheerfully I said it!

There’s language for you!

Hachikuji replied, “Fine, I accept your challenge.”

“Hmph. At least you’ve got guts.”

“You’re like a phoenix to the flame, Mister Araragi.”

“That sounds kinda cool?!”

“Ahem,” Hachikuji cleared her throat. She was showboating. “Let’s start off small… The courage to lie to your lover.”

“Gulp.”

That wasn’t half bad.

You were just lying to your boyfriend or girlfriend, but adding “courage to” made it sound like a pious lie─without even trying to make the point.

“The courage to betray one’s friends.”

“Gosh.”

That was amazing. In the end, you merely betrayed your friends, but─without even trying to make such a point─it sounded like you were trying to protect them.

“The courage to do harm.”

“Ungh…”

A groan escaped my lips. You were just being a nuisance, but why did I see a man willing to suffer pariahdom in order to do the right thing? Without even trying to make the point, too.

“The courage to grope.”

“Sh-Shit.”

This was turning into a bloodbath.

Even a crime as low as groping sounded like it was driven by some higher purpose for whose sake the perpetrator had no choice but to stand falsely accused. Without even trying to make the point, again!

“The courage to be indolent.”

“I-Incredible…”

My back was against the wall.

You were just wasting time and doing nothing, but it sounded like you were abasing yourself and living in poverty for some great cause─without ever trying to make such a point at all!

B-But!

It was still too early to admit defeat!

“The courage to admit defeat.”

“…I admit defeat!”

Ahh!

Enchanted by the sound of it, I’d gone ahead and admitted defeat!

There’s language for you!

It’s quite a simple thing, really.

“Now then, Mister Araragi, let me see how advanced your genuflection is.”

“Of course…the courage to stand on one’s head.”

I dropped into a handstand.

In the middle of my own neighborhood.

I was glad Karen and Tsukihi weren’t here to see this. Well, in fact… Tsukihi aside, Karen used to walk to school on her hands all the time before she started junior high. She’d been a laughingstock. She’d boast that she was training her arms, but what she was really working out was my capacity for shame.

“Yikes…” winced Hachikuji. “Watching someone your age do a handstand just feels wrong. You can stop now.”

“…”

“Really, you can stop, Mister Araragi.”

“…”

“Seriously, I’m begging you. It’s even more embarrassing to be watching next to you. Why persist on standing on your head like it’s a promise to a friend who passed away?”

“Actually,” I said, staring up at Hachikuji from my upside-down position, “as disappointed as I am that I didn’t get to see you do a handstand, from this angle I can see your panties just fine.”

Our wager.

Either way, I was never going to lose.

“Hnnrk?!”

Li’l miss Hachikuji flushed red in embarrassment, but her first reaction wasn’t to “hold down her skirt” but instead to “kick me in the face.” Thanks to the angle, her low kick hit me full-force square in the face. Not many situations where a low kick does that.

“Mister Araragi! You pervert!”

“The courage to be branded a pervert!”

“Wow, cool! When you put it that way, I’m tempted to let you look all you want! Especially since you managed to maintain your handstand even after getting kicked in the face!” It was a near miraculous feat of balance, if I do say so myself. “The very technique I created, turned against me… Oh, the irony!”

“Ahaha! Your hubris was your downfall, Hachikuji! I stole your secret technique and perfected it!”

“Wh-What have I done… I’ve unleashed a monster!”

“I’m sorry for saying you were wearing kiddy underwear, though. I would’ve never imagined you’d be wearing see-through black panties.”

“Excuse me?! What are you talking about, look closer! You’re going to damage my brand! I know what’s demanded of me and stick to kiddy underwear! Can’t you see the bunny on them?!”

“I don’t see any bunny. If you want me to, you’re gonna have to come closer.”

“L-Like this?!”

Well.

I really didn’t want my neighbors to start gossiping about this. I shifted my weight over and planted my feet back on the ground.

Aw, shucks… My hands were dirty.

I clapped them together to clean them.

It was probably my soul that was stained now, but there was no clapping it.

“Anyway, Hachikuji, what were we talking about?”

“About how much you love panties.”

“Honestly, I could take them or leave them. Just ask Hanekawa.”

“……”

Hachikuji offered no rejoinder, which was rare.

Had Hanekawa told her something?

If so, I was in hot water. Damn, the survivors’ group was a menace. I was going to have to nip it in the bud.

“Ah, right,” I brought the conversation back on track, “we were saying it would be better if I kept all the aberration stuff secret.”

“Yes, indeed.”

“Well, I suppose I wouldn’t like being committed. Since I’m still a tiny bit undead, they might turn me into some sort of science experiment.”

“True, I hope they just treat you as a nutcase.” With that callous preamble, Hachikuji reminded, “To know about aberrations is to become involved with them. If that’s true, forget about other people─you’re the one who’ll wind up getting sucked into more funny business.”

To know about aberrations is to become involved with them.

Hadn’t Oshino said something like that?

Coming into contact with an aberration, even just once, supposedly gave that world a hold on you, and you got sucked in, unable to escape.

Hanekawa, enchanted by a cat.

Senjogahara, met by a crab.

Hachikuji, misled by a snail.

Kanbaru, heard by a monkey.

Sengoku, entwined by a serpent.

And of course, it went without saying…

Me, bitten by a vampire.

We were all semi-denizens of that world now. It was like having one foot in the grave─and not just metaphorically. In which case…

If I cared about the other person. If I cared about Karen and Tsukihi… It was safer for them not to know.

Hachikuji continued, “You could lay everything bare, including the risks, so that your family is steeled for whatever may come. But that option seems pretty risky.”

“Yeah. It would definitely be high-risk, plus it doesn’t sound like it would be very high-return. In that case, I’d rather go the low-risk, low-return route.”

“Loli-risk, loli-return? Oh my. What a stunning philosophy.”

“I’ve never heard of such a route!”

Hachikuji liked to pretend I had a Lolita complex. Which wasn’t true. I don’t have a pedophiliac bone in my body.

Just look at my actual girlfriend, Senjogahara. There’s not an ounce of Lolita about her. If anything, she’s mature beyond her age.

“But you’re just a sham couple, right?” asked Hachikuji.

“Why would you think that?! I guess there are sham marriages, but a sham couple?”

“You’ve got a Lolita complex and are actually in love with me, while Miss Senjogahara is a lesbian who is in love with Miss Kanbaru.”

“Ack, that doesn’t sound like a joke! I don’t want to think about it!”

I like you well enough, Hachikuji, but the second half is too much! The Valhalla Duo is getting too cozy lately! As if they have some emptiness to fill!

“Anyway, Mister Lol-ing Araragi…”

“I don’t need a funny tag line! And ‘lol’ doesn’t have any pedo nuance, okay?”

“You say that, but when you move out to live on your own, I bet you’ll be rolling out a carpet.”

“These days most apartments don’t have tatami mattresses, but so what?!”

“When you go fishing, try trolling.”

“Damn if I knew what you meant!”

What a compendium of rhymes! And she was a grade schooler, too!

“Phew,” Hachikuji sighed.

She was using a pause as punctuation.

“Anyway, Mister Claragi…”

“That’s actually some fine wordplay, Hachikuji, but this isn’t Girl of the Alps, and I’m not a well-off young lady trying to stand up from her wheelchair. Miss Claragi is going to stay put. My name is Araragi.”

“Sorry, a slip of the tongue.”

“No, it was on purpose…”

“I slip on the tongue.”

“It wasn’t?!”

“I slip on the dung.”

“What a place to land on!”

Hell, the way she talked…these weren’t slips of the tongue but somersaults.

“Anyway, Mister Araragi,” she said─or re-said. “Aberrations are the backstage, so to speak.”

“The backstage?”

“Usually, all you see is the actual stage─that’s what we know as reality. But sometimes some lame-o comes along who wants to peek behind the curtain.”

“…”

“It’s the sort of thing where, if you don’t need to know, it’s better not to. You might convince yourself that by knowing what goes on backstage you’re unraveling the secret mysteries of the world─but in fact, by learning about aberrations, all you’re doing is creating more questions without answers.”

“I see…” I was surprised. Since when did Hachikuji get so astute?

Back in the day, she didn’t even seem to understand aberrations at all─or perhaps, what she didn’t was her own self.

And as far as not knowing goes─we don’t really know.

But that allows you to say certain things.

In which case…maybe I needed to follow her lead.

“You worry too much,” she said. “Why make things so complicated? However insurmountable it seems now, in a hundred years we’ll look back on it and laugh.”

“That’s a long time to wait!”

I’d probably be dead by then! As a doornail!

“Yes,” she agreed. “In other words, after all that time worrying, we’ll laugh at you after you die.”

“That’s terrible!”

“They say that gossip only spreads to seventy-five people.”

“That many?!”

“We live in the internet age, so if seventy-five people know, so does the world.”

“Why tell me that?!”

“If worrying about something doesn’t lead to a solution, then it’s not worth worrying about in the first place. You’re like a voice actor complaining that she sounds like an anime character.”

“That does sound pretty pointless…”

“Putting that aside, how come when one manga author says, ‘Thank you for all your fan letters, I make sure to read every one!’ and another one says, ‘Thank you for all your blog comments, I make sure to (search for and) read every one,’ even though they’re basically doing the same thing, for some reason it still leaves a different impression?”

“What a stunning insight into the millennial generation!”

Yes, that’s an exaggeration.

“Anyway,” said Hachikuji, “if one of your family members ever does step behind the curtain─you can be there to guide them. But until then, it would be better if you just did nothing.”

“Oh…”

Doing nothing─was an option.

She had a point.

“Or to be blunt,” she added, “stop thinking about it so much.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Why not get into the occasional scuffle with my sisters? After all, I wasn’t nearly as grownup as Tsukihi seemed to think.

It was just that I’d taken a glimpse behind the scenes. When it came down to it, we were just kids, me included.

“Yes, Mister Araragi. To be blunter, stop thinking about your little sisters so much.”

“Why the emphasis?! You’re making it sound like something else!”

I’d said “family” precisely for that reason. But I guess I wasn’t fooling anyone!

“We really got into this,” I muttered.

I was on my way to Sengoku’s house. It was about time I got going.

“Sorry, Hachikuji. I didn’t mean to keep you. You were probably on your way somewhere, too.”

“Oh no, not really. I just wander the streets lost like this, all the time.”

“Come on…”

“Or to be bluntest, I was just taking a walk thinking, Didn’t Mister Araragi live around here? I haven’t run into him lately, but maybe I will?”

“Hey.”

Really. What a nice thing to say.

“Good girl. Hachikuji, from now on, when you spot me, you can be the one to run up and hug me.”

“I’m afraid I’d rather not. Don’t get the wrong idea, please. You’re totally not my type.”

“I’ve been dumped by a grade schooler!”

The shock! The impact of being asked not to get the wrong idea by a girl who wasn’t a tsundere!

“Who’s your type, anyway?” I asked her.

“I go wild for hermits, especially the old mountain-dwelling variety.”

“I’ve heard of liking older men, but that’s ancient!”

I’d have to live a few more centuries before I qualified! That was too high a hurdle.

“I don’t get it,” I persisted. “We’ve been on countless adventures and even had brushes with death together.”

“So what if we did?”

“Have you ever heard of the suspension-bridge effect?”

“You mean the psychological thing where you’re alone with someone on a suspension bridge, and you suddenly want to shove the other person off even though you don’t dislike him?”

“It’s nothing so scary!”

Well. There probably was something like that in psychology.

Like an impulse to shove the person in front of you onto the tracks, for no reason, when you’re waiting on the platform for a train.

The exact opposite of the suspension-bridge effect.

“Actually,” Hachikuji objected, “I’ve never gone on any adventures or had brushes with death with you.”

“What are you saying? How many times have I used my Avan-style sword-kill technique to save you?”

“You’re a disciple of Avan, as in the Dragon Quest anime?!”

“That’s right. A hero, who kills.”

“I don’t remember at all.”

“Ah, I see. During the climax of our adventure, you tried to protect me and took a blow to your head. The injury must have brought on amnesia.”

“Such an affecting conclusion!”

“Indeed. I’ll never forget the first thing you said to me when you finally woke up in the hospital.”

“‘Who am I, and how did I get here?’”

“No, ‘Who are you, and do you go to a good school?’”

“Struck with amnesia, and still a captive to our educational system!”

“But even if you’ve forgotten me, Hachikuji, I’ll never forget you.”

“So you were caring for me devotedly as the credits rolled!”

“No, it ended with me marrying your little sister.”

“You forgot me!”

“No! You’re always there, in my heart!”

“I thought I was in the hospital!”

True.

Besides, Hachikuji doesn’t even have a sister. She’s an only child.

“Listen up, though,” I said. “Before long, I’ll be the kind of man you can fall for. But don’t try crawling back to me then because it’ll be too late.”

“Are you sure?”

“Uh, sorry, I was being difficult. Please declare your love to me whenever, even if I’m already on my deathbed.”

How pathetic. Who’d ever fall for a guy like that?

“Until next time,” I told her.

“Yes, see you again.”

“Um, Hachikuji─” I blurted out lamely when we’d said goodbye. I couldn’t help but ask. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. “You’re not going to disappear, are you?”

“Huh?” Hachikuji cocked her head at me in response. She seemed genuinely confused.

“It’s just─I meant it when I said I was worried after not seeing you for so long. Oshino went somewhere, and one day, you might disappear too…”

No.

Hachikuji had her own stuff to worry about.

In fact, it might be better for her─if her family circumstances demanded it.

But still.

Even so.

“Teehee.”

A tinkling laugh escaped Hachikuji.

Her expression was so childlike.

“Mister Araragi, who’s usually so busy accommodating everyone else, can only act needy like this with me, I bet, and maybe Shinobu.”

“Hmph.”

“I was right, you are Mister Lol-ing Araragi.”

“H-Hmph.”

I wish she wouldn’t say that.

In the first place, Shinobu was five hundred years old─not a Lolita but a Granny Dolores.

“I’m honored, really,” I was assured.

“Hachikuji─”

“Let me ask you a question, too, Mister Araragi. If I were ever in real trouble and needed help, could you please come save me?”

Save.

Oshino detested that word.

For my part, though─I still felt as if that’s what he’d done for me.

And.

I wanted to do what he did.

“Of course,” I answered right away. “I’d be there so fast that no one else would have a chance to save you first.”

“I can come to you when I need to talk?”

“Hey, if you didn’t, I’d get mad at you.”

“I thought you might say so,” Hachikuji noted as though to parry my words. Her smile looked─almost forlorn. “There must be some reason that I’m able to stay in this town even when I’m not lost anymore. Until that reason becomes clear, I won’t be going anywhere.”

She was talking about herself as if she were discussing a stranger. In a sense, I suppose she was. If you didn’t understand yourself, who could be more of a stranger?

“A reason, huh?”

“Yes,” she said. “So even if it wasn’t going to be an anime, there would have been a sequel.”

“……”

She was talking nonsense again.

She was losing me, but she went on. “Besides, wasn’t the previous ending a little negligent towards me? After heading out to search for Shinobu, where on earth did I go?”

“Don’t ask me… Only you know where. You probably just got lost again.”

Hmm. Come to think of it, she didn’t make an appearance in the epilogue.

Maybe the MC really was off his game.

We needed to hold a review meeting.

“But Hachikuji,” I said, “if it means you going away, I don’t want any sequels. So what if we never found out what’s keeping you here.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Well, even if I do disappear one day,” she seemed to be telling herself more than me, “I’ll make sure I say goodbye to you first.”

“I see…” I couldn’t help thinking of Oshino, who’d made a similar promise and left without a word in the end─but nodded. “Okay. By all means, please do.”

“Yes, it’s scary when someone gets mad at you.”

Having said that as if she were deflecting my words again─

Hachikuji extinguished her smile.