Monogatari Series - Volume 31 - Chapter 15

For those arriving at this story after watching the anime, this scenario will likely make sense. For those arriving here purely out of an interest in the figure, this will be a completely unfathomable situation, but shortly after the violent onmyouji Kagenui Yozuru’s shikigami Ononoki Yotsugi began living with me, Senjougahara Hitagi came to the Araragi household for a visit.

Why did she come for this visit? To see how I was doing in my entrance exam studies—which is to say, she wasn’t so much visiting me as dropping by to ask, “Araragi-kun, you’re not slacking in your studies, are you?”

However, when she arrived, she never actually got around to voicing that question—because when she entered the room, she saw the plush doll that sat there and became speechless.

I was very familiar with Senjougahara’s sharp tongue by this point, so I was fully cognizant of the severity of the situation for her to be rendered speechless; however, it’s obvious to say that the presence of a stuffed animal or two in the bedroom of a high school boy would not be enough for her to become unable to speak.

No, she was rendered silent by the true identity of the particular plush doll that she was looking at: Ononoki Yotsugi.

“No, it’s not entirely the true identity that is rendering me speechless here. If I came into my boyfriend’s room and found any life-size doll of a little girl, I would be equally unable to speak…”

Now it was my turn to be speechless.

I would like to think that when she turned away for a second, she was not contemplating leaving altogether.

“Well? What is this? As your girlfriend, I am requesting an explanation.”

“It’s not exactly a simple thing to explain… It would be a bit inconvenient if I laid it all out…”

To be more specific, there would be massive spoilers.

I had sworn that I wouldn’t keep any secrets from Senjougahara when it came to aberrations, but I wasn’t trying to keep anything secret; it was just difficult to explain.

And what logical explanation could possibly exist for a guy to keep in his house, as a doll, someone with whom he once had what could be called a “fight to the death”?

“… Well, I guess I’ll allow anything, as long as it’s not getting in the way of your entrance exam studying, Araragi-kun. But isn’t your house starting to turn into something of a… youkai house?”

“A youkai house…”

What an awful name to call it!

But, then again, I supposed that I was something of a youkai myself, which meant that any house in which I lived could reasonably be called a youkai house—however, when it came to Ononoki-chan, if anyone else was around, she perfectly played the role of an inanimate doll, even if that person were to poke her, pet her, and kiss her on the cheek as Senjougahara did.

Although I supposed that she wasn’t really playing the role of a doll, because that’s ultimately what she really was—“Also, just what exactly are you doing to my doll? Why would you kiss it on the cheek?”

“It’s piqued my curiosity. Also, you seem to be forgetting something, Araragi-kun: I love all cute girls.”

“Wasn’t that Kanbaru’s thing…?”

I began to have suspicions about it being an entirely one-sided attachment that bound Kanbaru to Senjougahara to form the Valhalla Duo.

“Can I take this home with me?”

“Of course not.”

“Are you sure that I can’t?”

“Saying ‘sure’ in italics doesn’t change anything.”

“Are you sure that I can’t?”

“How would italicizing the entire sentence help?!”TL note 1

Ononoki-chan didn’t react to our back-and-forth at all.

Ononoki-chan played the role of an inorganic doll so well that even I began to believe it, even though she had been moving around and talking right up until Senjougahara buzzed in on the intercom from the front door. Oh, right, Ononoki-chan really is an inorganic doll.

Perhaps inorganic was the wrong word, since, strictly speaking, the material that composed her body was an actual human corpse. Which reminded me that I had something horrifying and disgusting casually sitting in my room with me.

And it made Senjougahara, who was continuing to pet the doll, look like a witch.

“I see. So I really can’t take her, then. But I asked specifically because I was thinking for your mistake, Araragi-kun.”

“Why would you think for my mistake? You should be thinking for my sake.”TL note 2

I said.

“So, just what mistake of mine made you think that I would let you take Ononoki-chan home with you?”

“Well, you’re supposed to be studying, but you have this cute doll here staring at you, and wouldn’t that be a distraction? Wouldn’t that make you incapable of focusing?”

“Incapable…?”

What are you, my wife?

But she made a pointed observation.

Strictly speaking, Ononoki-chan was not mine, but instead my little sister Tsukihi’s, so she didn’t spend all of her time sitting in my room. However, regardless of her cute appearance that implored one to look at her, having anyone watch as you studied was not exactly a pleasant experience.

“Fufu. But it’s okay, Araragi-kun. I brought something just in case of a situation like this.”

“If you were prepared for a situation like this, then it doesn’t make sense for you to have been speechless back at the start of the story.”

“Do you want to hear my genius idea for solving your problem, Araragi-kun?”TL note 3

“Not really…”

But I knew she was going to tell me anyway.

“In order to render a cute doll powerless, you simply need to have an even cuter doll on hand. Tah-dah!”

And, in time with her sound effect, she took something out of her bag.

“I present to you the ‘Senjougahara Hitagi’ Nendoroid as produced by the Good Smile Company. If you set this on your desk, no matter what distractions may come your way, you’ll never find yourself tempted to slack off.”

“…”

She really just tried to do a full-on tie-in product advertisement without any hesitation at all…!

And as for her proposal being a genius idea, the only thing that she seemed to have achieved was putting another pair of eyes on me, and on that point, I was left speechless.

“From ‘good morning’ to ‘good night,’ the Hitagi figure will be there to live alongside you. Please note: her hair does not grow.”

“But you can swap it out.”

“How about having two in the house to help you study for the entrance exams?”

“Don’t try to upsell them on a second one.”

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TL notes:

[1] In the original, rather than italics, these words are written in katakana, which sounds stilted and foreign.

[2] Hitagi replaced the ため (tame, “benefit, sake”) from 阿良々木くんのため (Araragi-kun no tame, “Araragi-kun’s sake”) with 駄目 (dame), which is how the “can’t” from the earlier lines was written, but can also mean “useless, no good”.

[3] Pun between 名案 (meian, “good idea”) and the word 明暗 (meian, “light and dark”) in the expression 明暗を分ける (meian wo wakeru, lit. “separating light and dark”, meaning deciding the outcome between two opposite options).