Monogatari Series - Volume 30 - Chapter 1.15

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“Oh, at long last, Araragi-senpai has returned! Though I was not the least bit worried about a man of your stature, I hadn’t imagined your return would be this delayed! You consistently exceed all expectations—it’s no wonder you’re the object of my admiration!”

In the parking lot of the campsite, a figure in a raincoat awaited. I tensed up momentarily, half-expecting it to be the Rainy Devil. But though not too far off the mark, it turned out to be Kanbaru Suruga in a raincoat.

Having sought shelter from the weather near the Killing Stone rest area, the rain, which seemed as though a bucket had been tipped over, showed no signs of stopping even in the morning. With no other choice, I dashed out of the Killing Stone site, drenched to the bone, and found myself reluctantly clambering into Hitagi’s minivan in my sodden state.

The sky remained heavily overcast, but when dawn broke, the surroundings were no longer shrouded in darkness, to my surprise. Right there, I found an astonishingly large number of Jizo statues.

In a way, their surprising presence felt more impactful than the broken stone itself, and they might have been watching over me as I camped in the wild.

As I hurried back through the rain across the bridge I had come to, I took a look at the signboard and it seemed that this historic site was also linked to the Limbo of Infants.23

It reminded me of the place where Hachikuji had once fallen.

Now that I thought about it, the field of stones did resemble a riverbed, and maybe the Jizo statues had some history to them—their number was far beyond the Kasa Jizo of the old fairy tale, more akin to the Five Hundred Arhats. But, I, for one, wanted an umbrella hat.24

I tried to make use of the drying feature in the minivan on the way back, but alas, this wet rat of a person (me) couldn’t be completely dried in time.

“As expected, you’re pretty well-prepared, Kanbaru. The weather forecast said it’d be sunny, but you brought a raincoat.”

“Well, it’s a no-brainer when camping—even if forget your wallet, never forget your raincoat! Where’s Shinobu-chan?”

I glanced at the empty child seat as I was asked and promptly replied, “In my shadow.” And then, I immediately asked back, “What about Hitagi?”

“I assume Araragi-senpai was up late tracking the movements of overseas markets to make it look like she was busy, probably waiting for the two of you to come back. But, since we’ve got something planned for tomorrow night, I urged her to go and get some rest.”

“I see. Sorry for causing you trouble. You should have gone to sleep too… What will we do for breakfast? With all this rain, it doesn’t look like we can eat outside.”

“It might not be the most nutritious, but how about some freshly-baked pizza for breakfast?”

“Ah, sounds great.”

Pizza, much like BBQ, was something far removed from my everyday life. I’ve never even ordered it for delivery. There’s something about it—along with alcohol—that feels like an event for people who have families or friends.

And maybe that’s the allure in it.

But no matter how much I ponder, my stomach continues to grumble.

“But wait… were there any stone ovens in this glamping facility? I don’t remember seeing anything like that in the pamphlet…”

As I recall, we chose this facility after weighing several options, prioritizing the richness of outdoor activities over other amenities like the stone oven. With this rain, all the outdoor activities we were looking forward to have gone down the drain, as you can tell, so our choice turned out to be completely wrong.

“Yes, last night after it started raining, I thought it would continue till today, so I took the initiative after putting Araragi-senpai to bed.”

“It sounds like she’s a baby.”

“I built a stone oven using materials at hand.” 

“You’re doing outdoor activities alone!” 

She’s not just a camper but a survivalist.

As expected, my sister’s admiration is for good reason.

Survival skills are always necessary, no matter where you go. 

So, had she been waiting for me to return without leaving her tent, or maybe wearing that raincoat for the purpose? 

Eh? A stone oven, she can make that?

“Of course, it would’ve been impossible to do it alone, so I gathered friends from the nearby tents, pooled our knowledge and tools, and built the stone oven under a shelter. As the one who proposed this idea, I was given the honor of using it first. Araragi-senpai, if you’re not tired, how about making some pizza together for a bit of fun?”

“You’ve accomplished in my short absence something I could never do in my entire life.”

The part I can’t do is “gathering friends and pooling knowledge and tools.” I always try to do everything alone, and decide everything on my own, which is a bad habit.

It’s a habit that could make me disliked. 

There are many things I need to think and reflect on, but at the very least, maybe I can cooperate with my junior to make some pizza. 

“Still, a stone oven… It seems that my life is full of stones.”

“I learned from the family who helped me build it that Tochigi Prefecture is famous for its stone deposits. If we have some extra time, they recommend we visit the Oya History Museum.”

“Interesting. What’s so special about it?”

“Apparently it has an underground space that resembles a temple—which is actually a quarry.”

As we continued discussing the mysteries of Tochigi, I used the folding umbrella Kanbaru had brought to shield myself from the rain as we moved from the parking lot.

Under a shared space for campers that served as a makeshift roof, there stood a stone oven, seemingly built out of haste, which certainly wasn’t there yesterday.

Human ingenuity never ceases to amaze me.

Or maybe it’s just our relentless dedication to food…

“The challenge now is finding ingredients for the pizza, but I managed to secure some from the headquarters. Since they had some bread-making materials, so we should be able to use that.”

“Wow, you can make pizza dough with breadcrumbs?”

“Oh, Araragi-senpai, have you never dabbled in cooking at all?”

While she stared in disbelief, I, without pause, shifted occupations from a Hearsay Department cop to a pizza chef. I can’t deny how exhausted I was, but it was mainly mentally.

Thanks to Shinobu sucking my blood in advance, I was well-prepared for any unforeseen predicaments at the Killing Stone, and so my physical exhaustion was minimal. Spending the night in the rest area didn’t cause any pain or exhaustion; in fact, I didn’t even feel sleepy.

It’s true that I utilized this peculiar physical trait to overcome university entrance exams and national civil servant exams, but it wasn’t without a sense of unfair advantage.

“While your humility is commendable as always, I must disagree with your sentiment. After all, you have your fair share of risks to shoulder, Araragi-senpai, and doesn’t that balance the scales?”

“Risks, you say? More often than not, I feel like I’m cheating my way through life.”

“True! To live with a eight-year-old blonde girl every single day and night is quite the cheat. I envy you, actually.”

“Well, it was supposed to be a risk, but…”

The risk, however, had transformed into one of my greatest advantages… a case of having my cake and eating it too.

“Maybe some cosmic force shaped it like this.”

“Shaped? As in shapewear?”

“Why, do you think I wear that kind of stuff?”

My figure is always in shape—thanks, in part, to the vampirism.

“Ah, protagonist’s privilege?”

“Well, that would have been nice. But no, I mean something more mundane… when you’re in a consistently unlucky or dangerous situation, you might try to convince yourself that you’re actually happy with it, just to give yourself a sense of mental stability. Think of it as a sort of blissful ignorance… for you, it would be like feeling at ease in your messy room.”

“That’s quite an apt analogy, but it feels somewhat inappropriate. Aren’t you uncomfortable with the thought, Araragi-senpai, of thinking about Shinobu-chan in the same way as my cluttered room?”

Whipping up the pizza dough with an efficiency that belied the state of her living space, Kanbaru posed the question.

“So, am I right in guessing that you had a bit of a scuffle at the scene of the Killing Stone?”

Remarkably perceptive, that one.

I wasn’t trying to look depressed and seek consolation—but, absolutely, the lead-up had been meticulously prepared before the honeymoon departure. 

I had laid the trap. 

“My bond with Shinobu has deepened, more than ever. We talked about how we should be with each other and all. But… a little obstacle came up, concerning making her our adopted daughter. I realized what you were trying to say.”

“It was presumptuous of me. I should’ve just said traveling to Nikko was fine, and practiced the principle of see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.”

“No, no, you’ve done good as a junior. Both to me and to Hitagi. It might be difficult to say, but you hinted at it well… You spared me from making a dangerous proposal in the car.”

I can’t be certain how much thought Kanbaru put into stopping me—like an out-of-control trolley—and with what intentions, but I feel it was a wise decision.

We really dodged a bullet. Seriously.

“You never know, if you had proposed, Araragi-senpai might’ve easily consented. She was, after all, quite exceptional at adoring cute things back in junior high.”

“You’re talking about the time when she wore a cat disguise and led the legion, right?”

“Can’t it also be said that it’s because of acting that one can expose their true nature without embarrassment or fear? Like how myself as the Rainy Devil could scream out my true feelings.”

Kanbaru took off and folded her raincoat, saying this—although it’s debatable whether “folded” is the appropriate term for something she crumpled so small—, and true enough, she might have a point.

Ironically, since they think this isn’t their true self, people can voice their true feelings without remorse. This rationale might also apply to stage performers and actors who reveal their innermost feelings. They could channel emotions they wouldn’t normally express, or whisper love lines they’d hesitate to say aloud—as long as it’s all part of the act, they could shamelessly speak their minds.

Because of fiction.

It hides the truth.

“With Hitagi, the length of time spent pretending made it unclear what her true feelings were, even for herself. Not just middle school, but much of her high school time too seemed to be just acting… The noble heiress period might also be called her true feelings, though.”

“Ah, the times when you were at the mercy of her whims were lovely to think about now, weren’t they?”

“The times when I was at her mercy?”

“You see, neither human nature nor relationships can stay the same forever. That’s why I don’t think you’re wrong to seek change in your relationship with Shinobu-chan. And I don’t want to think that someone like me could have stopped you. As long as you consider it carefully, that’s enough.”

Careful consideration, huh? 

That’s a concept I seem to be sorely lacking. 

The pizza dough was virtually made by Kanbaru alone—it’s not that I couldn’t offer a hand because I was so lost in contemplation over the yeast’s life or death; I just couldn’t even get in her way. 

Like spinning a basketball on the tip of her finger, Kanbaru gracefully spread the dough out into a circle. Then, she efficiently placed meat and vegetables, making full use of the table. 

Perhaps it was my preconceptions, but her dexterity was less reminiscent of a pizza chef than that of a surgeon attending to the operating table. 

Does that make me the nurse? 

Not that I could even offer to provide surgery tools—maybe, at least, I could clean up the miss that Kanbaru had made in the kitchen. 

“Thanks to you, the breakfast seems to be coming along nicely, but the rain doesn’t look like it’s going to let up anytime soon, so I’m afraid we’re going to have to make some major changes to today’s plans.”

“Why not proceed in the rain? I don’t think Nikko Toshogu Shrine would close its gates just because of rain.”

“I think we could still visit Futarasan Shrine, but I’m worried about the Irohazaka slope being a bit dangerous. Navigating the forty-eight hairpin turns in this downpour seems risky, especially downhill.”

“Well, even though it’s a mountain path, it’s also a paved road—we’re not exactly driving on the edge of a cliff. If every time it rained, tourist spots became deserted, that would be pretty disheartening, and ironically due to the rain itself. As long as we don’t speed, I presume it would be relatively safe—though, I must admit, I don’t have a driver’s license, so I can’t really say for certain.”

“Huh? Kanbaru-san, you don’t have a driver’s license?” 

And she’s aiming for a doctor’s license…? That was something I should have confirmed before embarking on this road trip. But on the other hand, time has changed as well.

I recall her not being able to ride a bicycle, for that matter. Shooting Star Kanbaru Suruga, the superstar who can outrun cars.

“Who is this ‘Shooting Star Kanbaru Suruga’? I certainly don’t remember receiving such a nickname. But, speaking of shooting stars, Araragi-senpai, unless we climb Irohazaka, we won’t be able to reach Senjougahara.”

“That’s true. But as I feared, the weather prevents us from going stargazing, our main focus.”

It might be that if we haven’t seen Nikko, we haven’t seen anything, but it’s difficult to just “proceed” in this heavy rain. Maybe Hachikuji didn’t have the power to stop the rain after all… To begin with, it’s more likely for a snail to have the ability to make it rain rather than stop it.

“Or could this be the doing of a fox? The fox’s wedding… why is a sunshower called that, I wonder?” 

“There’s a theory that it’s because the rain falling on a sunny day makes you feel as if you’re being tricked by a fox.”

“You certainly know a lot. As expected of a future doctor.”

“This kind of thing won’t be on the medical exam.”

“Yeah, it does feel like we’re being made a fool of with this rain.”

Truthfully, the situation was pretty foolish, but to lose the focus of our honeymoon due to a bit of rain would be equally ridiculous.

I feel like I didn’t get to enjoy half of what glamping had to offer because I didn’t get to stay in the fancy tent… Going back home like this seemed almost an insult to Tochigi Prefecture.

“The Nenekirimaru that Shinobu wanted to see was in Futarasan Shrine, which is just past Irohazaka, if I recall correctly. As for our plan to ride swan boats on Chuzenji Lake… No matter how you look at it, that’s impossible for now.”

“Well then, Araragi-senpai, how about we change our plans right away and head for the Nasu Animal Kingdom?”

“I’m not really in the mood to see animals right now.”

That was because, after spending a night near the Killing Stone, I glanced at one of the standing signs amid the torrential rain. It wasn’t the information sign about the Limbo of Infants, but rather it warned, “Beware of bear sightings.”

Could it not have mentioned that earlier?

At my current level of vampirism, I wouldn’t stand a chance against a bear. Plus, my sister had warned me not to engage in combat with them. To think about it, if I had been attacked by a bear, it could have been culled as well.

But, in a way, that sign made my job as a Hearsay Department employee easier. 

The fear of bears surpassed the fear of the Killing Stone. So, as long as that sign was there, the rumors surrounding the cracked stone wouldn’t likely spread any further than the sulfur’s reach.

Fear is replaced by even greater fear.

This was the fruits of fieldwork, information that could only be gained by physically being on location.

In any case, my top-secret mission from Chief Kouga was eventually accomplished, albeit with some twists and turns similar to a hairpin slope. Knowing that I could give a good report to the person who had sent me abroad made me genuinely happy.

I had to at least get one achievement… Though it was supposed to be just a side-quest, that’s how achievements tend to work.

“You’re pretty delicate, Araragi-senpai. Did you know the Nasu Animal Kingdom is home to alpacas? They can be found in high-altitude areas, like the Andes in South America.”

“Was it alpacas? I thought it was llamas?”

“Well, we could also go and see the geoglyphs.”

“This is supposed to be Nasu, not Nazca… I guess it might be nice to visit that Oya History place you mentioned, though I feel like I’ve seen my fill of stones, this stone oven included. When Hitagi wakes up, we’ll talk about it and decide.”

“Oh? Are you finally able to make decisions with counsel, Araragi-senpai?”

Whether it was from heart or a mere sarcastic remark, as she put into the handmade stone oven a carefully crafted pizza atop an equally handmade-looking, enormous grilling basket, I couldn’t help but think that Kanbaru should not show her unclouded expertise in front of Hitagi. 

Seriously, she might make her a maid.

Or her personal pizza chef.

“Still, the most hilarious possible scenario would be if Shinobu was adopted and you became her babysitter.”

“Yeah, I agree. Hilarious, hilarious indeed.”

“Considering the intensive work of a doctor, you might be better off hiring a housekeeper instead. I’m not going to be around forever to clean your room, you know.”

“I want you to keep tidying up for me indefinitely, Araragi-senpai. I’d even like to ask you to help me put on my surgical gown after disinfecting my hands.”

“As flattering as such words may be coming from you, I have no intentions of dedicating my life to cleaning my junior’s room.” 

I had no intentions of becoming an OR nurse, either. It was impossible to begin with.

But I got used to the (im)possibilities.

I’d already given my life to a vampire.

I’d nearly forgotten that, to my chagrin… but, it was good that I could clearly recognize it once again on the threshold of my life.

“They say marriage is the graveyard of life, but I think that’s far off. In fact, I feel like a newborn this morning.”

Maybe I was the one who needed a new name, not her.