Monogatari Series - Volume 3 - Chapter 5.4

004

Now on to Wednesday, June fourteenth, or the day after I woke from my dreams─and by that, I of course mean that our romantic astronomical observations ended without incident, Daddy Senjogahara drove us another two hours back to the town where we lived, I got to bed at around one a.m., had some trivial dream of the kind you mostly forget, woke from that dream, and got out of bed─rather than that my first date with Senjogahara the previous night was all a dream. I was pedaling my way to school, sleepily, when I found Hachikuji.

Mayoi Hachikuji.

Pigtails, her bangs so short her eyebrows showed.

A girl in fifth grade who wore a backpack.

“Whoa there.”

I stopped pedaling.

She hadn’t noticed me yet. Glancing from side to side, she seemed to be enjoying a morning walk.

Hmm. It felt like it had been a while since we last met.

Well, it had been about two weeks since I saw her. It wasn’t what you could objectively call “a while” when I thought about it, but for some reason I felt overjoyed to have run into Hachikuji. It’s even harder to get in touch with a fifth grader than a girl in junior high, after all.

I had some spare time, unlike before. It couldn’t hurt to have a bit of a discussion with her (I took the liberty of assuming that Hachikuji was free). The question then was how to get her attention… I began by getting off my bike, careful not to make a sound. I put down my kickstand and parked my bike on the side of the road.

All right, now.

Then again, this was Hachikuji I was dealing with.

Under no circumstances did I want her to realize that I was happy. There was the chance she would start getting carried away if I showed her any such hints. I couldn’t aggravate her cheekiness. What did I need? An unconcerned, no, an uncaring “Oh, huh. You’re here? I just so happened to say hi to you because I didn’t have anything better to be doing,” with a little tap on the shoulder? Right, I wasn’t so frivolous that I’d burst into cheer over seeing a friend again. At my age, I wanted to sell myself as someone dry and cool.

Okay.

So sneak up to her from behind, then…

“HA-chikujiii! It’s been ages, you little scamp!”

I snuck up to her from behind, then latched onto her with a hug.

“Eeeek?!” the girl shrieked.

Undeterred, I embraced her with all my strength as if to crush her small body, then rubbed my cheeks against hers over and over again.

“Hahahaha! Oh, you’re just so cute! Lemme touch you more, lemme hug you more! I’m gonna get a peek at those panties, you lovable little lady!”

“Eeek! Eeek! Eeep!” Hachikuji continued to loudly shriek, until it turned into a “Grrah!”

Now she was biting me.

“Grrah, grrah, grrah!”

“That hurts! What’re you doing?!”

The words really should have been directed at myself.

Both the “hurts” and the “what’re you doing.”

“Ssshh! Fssshh!”

I was brought back to my senses at last after being bitten in at least three discrete spots, but now Hachikuji’s hair was standing on end like a Super Saiyan’s as she emitted the kinds of threatening noises you’d expect from a wildcat.

Well, of course she would.

“I-It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m not an enemy.”

“Ssshh! Ssshh!”

“C’mon, calm down. Deep breaths.”

“Fssshh… Kuhhh-huhhh… Kuhhh-huhhh…”

“……”

Now her breathing sounded like some sort of mechanized villain’s.

Actually, Hachikuji hadn’t spoken a single word resembling human language since she first appeared in this scene.

“Hey, look, it’s me. The friendly guy that everyone in the neighborhood knows… The guy who once showed you the way when you were a lost little lamb…”

“Mm… Ah…”

Hachikuji’s eyes seemed to recognize me at last. Her bristling hair slowly returned to normal.

“Oh, if it isn’t Mister Ararandy.”

“Don’t call me names that make me sound sexually frustrated. It’s Araragi.”

“I’m sorry. Slip of the tongue.”

She might have been technically right for once, having been biting me… At least this time around, maybe I was to blame for the nickname as well as for getting bitten.

I hadn’t been able to control my emotions.

I’d gone out of control.

I might’ve still been feeling high from what had happened the day before, too.

“Oh? So I see you’re wearing your summer uniform, Mister Araragi,” Hachikuji said. She seemed fine now. Maybe she was just stupid. “Hmm, you’re slim despite your muscular build, which means that short sleeves don’t look any good on you at all.”

“What am I supposed to do in the summer, in that case?”

Sleeveless shirts and the like weren’t in fashion for boys. It’s not as if they’re remotely cute or anything when guys wear them, either.

“It could be that the problem isn’t short-sleeve shirts,” she answered, “but that dress shirts don’t look good on you. Oh, and you looked so wonderful in that high-collared jacket. What would you say to wearing that year-round?”

“I’m not in the male cheerleading squad…”

Incidentally, Naoetsu High didn’t have one.

We weren’t that into clubs and sports.

“And while your sleeves have gotten shorter,” observed Hachikuji, “your hair has gotten longer. Your face is every bit as docile as your personality is savage, so you’re going to end up looking like a girl if you grow it out any more.”

“I have to grow it out like this. I’ll admit that it’ll feel like too much over the summer, though. Also, I don’t want to hear you calling me savage.”

“Isn’t having a girly name enough for you?”

“You’re really milking that one. What about your hair? Those twin tails look like a monster straight out of Ultraman.”

“That’s just the name, not the appearance.”

“Okay, true.”

“Your hair looks like it belongs to an alien from Planet Afro.”

“Hold on! I’m pretty sure Planet Afro is something you just made up, but whatever aliens come from there, they’re obviously going to have afros! I’m growing my hair out long and straight!”

“You say that, but your presence is so thin that you’d be a character without sprite art in a dating sim. Whoever claims it first wins. If I say they have afros, they have afros. If I say they have dreads, they have dreads.”

“Really?! O-Okay, Hachikuji, quick! Say I’m a tall, broad-shouldered, macho dude!”

“The very fact you listed those qualities proves you’re none of them… But is that your ideal image of yourself? A tall, broad-shouldered, and macho dude?”

“Hey, why do you look so unamused?”

“Oh. You seem to be bleeding from your head, Mister Araragi.”

“Some savage person bit me.”

“Quick, you ought to tie off your neck and stop the bleeding.”

“That’d kill me!”

How could I explain it?

I loved Senjogahara best and got along with Kanbaru better than anyone else, but for whatever reason, I had the most fun talking to Hachikuji.

Was it that my heart was being soothed by a grade schooler?

“It’s fine,” I said. “Something like this will heal in no time.”

“Oh, that was right. You’re a vampire, aren’t you, Mister Araragi.”

“Well, a mockery of one.”

Over spring break─I was attacked by a vampire.

Just as a cat bewitched Hanekawa, a crab met Senjogahara, a snail led Hachikuji astray, a monkey heard Kanbaru’s wish, and a snake trapped Sengoku─a demon attacked me.

I grew my hair out to hide the wounds from that day.

It wasn’t a vampire hunter, Christian special forces, or a kin-slaying vampire, but a frivolous dude in a Hawaiian shirt who was passing by, Mèmè Oshino, who plucked me from my predicament for the time being─but not without aftereffects.

My body was extraordinarily good at healing itself.

“Healing…” said Hachikuji. “In that case, there’s something I’d like to try.”

“Something you’d like to try?”

“Indeed. If we split you in half down the median line with a chainsaw or something, would we get two Mister Araragis?”

“That’s some messed-up stuff, grade schooler!”

I’m not an earthworm!

Why would she ever think that’d work?!

“I’m joking,” she assured. “I would never do something like that to you, not after all you’ve done for me.”

“Oh… Yeah, I guess not. We’re friends, after all.”

“Yes. Tearing you limb from limb still wouldn’t be enough, so how could I possibly settle for cutting you in half?”

“………”

Maybe she wasn’t fine after all.

I’d incurred a grudge.

“Just you wait, Mister Araragi. I’m going to open up a ladder when you least expect it and watch as you walk right under.”

“Wh-What?! How many years would that take off my life expectancy?!”

“And that’s not all. I’m going to be the one sneaking up behind you next time. I’ll slowly run my finger down along your spine.”

“Y-You monster! You’re going to make me beg you to run it slowly back up?!”

“Oh, I’m only getting started. This is what happens when you make me mad, you poor thing. I have a feeling you’re going to learn what true fear is.”

“Heh,” I snorted at that point. “You’d better watch what you say, Hachikuji.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re going to be the one learning about true fear. Just try and get me to walk under a ladder…because I’ll respond with violence!”

There he was, a high schooler threatening a kid with violence over fears that he might lose a few years from walking under a ladder.

Yes, me.

“It’s not too late to apologize,” I said. “I’ll still forgive you.”

“Ha…”

But this was why she’s my eternal rival.

Hachikuji was now the one laughing fearlessly.

“Mister Araragi, you’d better dutch what you say.”

“Dutch?! Am I going to have to apologize to the Netherlands now?! What did I ever do to them?!”

“If you don’t hurry up and say sorry, you’ll find yourself on the receiving end of the Whirling Dance of Windmills.”

“What is that, some kind of super move?!”

“Apologize now, unless you want to meet Don Quixote’s fate.”

“That was in Spain, though!”

“So, what now? Are you so eager to earn the name of Don?”

How had we gotten here?

But I certainly didn’t want to be called Don.

“Mister Araragi, I can’t believe you haven’t apologized yet… Either you’re thick-headed, you’re thick-headed, you’re thick-headed, or I ought to rephrase myself.”

“So we’re talking a three-quarters likelihood that I’m thick-headed… Jeez… Yeah, yeah, I get it. I need to apologize to the Dutch.”

“When you say yes, one hundred times should be enough.”

“I don’t even want to try!”

“It’s your only chance to yescape.”

“Aren’t you the little comedian!”

Hold on.

Did she not want an apology for herself?

“I’m not as generous as the Dutch,” she said. “You’re sorely mistaken if you think an apology is all you need to earn my forgiveness.”

“You think highly of the Dutch, don’t you…”

“If you really seek my forgiveness…I’ll accept a year’s worth of sponge cake.”

“Well, if that’s all you’re going to demand…”

“A year’s worth means three a day, though.”

“That’s a lot of money!”

It easily came out to over a hundred thousand yen.

She was fleecing me.

“Well,” I said anyway, “I am grateful for your forgiveness.”

“Oh, no. No thanks.”

“……”

Could she have thought that “No thanks” means “No need to thank me”?

Wow.

“Mister Araragi, you must be on your way to school. What a hard worker you are. I forget, did you say that your attendance record was a concern?”

“Yeah. I might even have to repeat a year thanks to the hole I got myself in during my first two years. But this is no time for me to be worried about something as basic as that. Now I have my sights set a tier higher.”

“A tier higher, you say? What an odd choice of words. What could you mean by that?”

“Up until now, my goal was to graduate, but─”

Er, wait. Was it okay to tell her?

Then again, I wouldn’t have to worry about her telling anyone else. In fact, maybe I should have been telling as many people as I could just to put more pressure on myself.

“I’m going to be focusing on tests now.”

“Tests? Oh, elementary exit exams?”

“I’m almost out of high school, why would I be taking those now?!”

I explained my circumstances just as I had to Hanekawa and Kanbaru. Hachikuji, an excellent listener despite what you may be led to believe, kept me talking as she nodded and said, “Is that so,” “I see,” “Which means,” “I should have expected as much,” “I never knew,” and so on at the right moments. Of course, the words coming easily to me must have also had something to do with the fact that this was my third time saying them.

……

But becoming adept at describing your goals meant that you hadn’t accomplished them… What good was it going to do me if I was all bark?

Goals need to become results.

“Mister Araragi, it sounds like much has happened since we last met. It was a wise person who said to pay close attention to any young man you haven’t seen for three days.”

“Heh… What can I say?”

“It feels like it went by in a flash,” Hachikuji said, her voice somber.

Somber, yet somehow nostalgic.

“So it’s been three years since that day…”

“No! It hasn’t been that long!”

Two weeks!

Don’t make it sound like the series finale!

“Was it, now? Well, I suppose if it only took you two weeks to come to that decision, you’re just as likely to reverse it in the next couple of weeks. I mustn’t be so quick to take you at your word. A change that takes place over three days takes only three more days to undo. If you don’t see a young man for six days, he’s back where he began.”

“You say some mean things, you know.”

But she was right.

In fact, I hadn’t perused a page of those study aids Hanekawa picked out for me the day before yesterday.

“Aah,” said Hachikuji, “so you’re one of those people who feel satisfied just buying a reference book. Yes, I know the type. I myself often buy video games but never play them, satisfied with the purchase alone.”

“I’m worried you’re already doing that as a grade schooler…”

And it wasn’t as if my determination had wavered and I hadn’t gone through those reference books because it was too much effort… It just so happened that I spotted Sengoku at the exact same bookstore where I bought them, which got me wrapped up dealing with an aberration, sleeping in an abandoned cram school like a canned sardine, going back home to get some more sleep, heading to school only to have to work on the culture festival─and going on a date with Senjogahara.

When could I have flipped through my study aids?

“A date? Doesn’t that count as playing?”

“Urk…”

She was right.

Honestly, Hachikuji said, appalled. “‘Busy’ is just an excuse that people who can’t budget their time like to use. If you wanted, you could have checked out those study aids during your breaks at school, for example. You’re being bound by a preconceived notion, a prejudice, that studying is something you only do during classes or at home.”

“Whoa… That’s actually solid advice.”

Yeah.

She was right again.

“Hachikuji, all this time I might’ve wrongly thought of you as a dumb kid through and through. Are you actually a fairly passable student? You told me before that your grades weren’t very good, but were you just being modest to avoid hurting my feelings?”

“Who knows? I’ve never studied in my life before.”

“………”

She was a fool.

Or wait, maybe an incredible natural?

Which was she… I needed to test her.

“Hachikuji, let’s play a little word game. I’ll say a word, then you say a word that starts with the last letter of my word, and then I’ll do the same for your word. The first person who ends a word with the letter E loses. Okay? Let’s start with…News!”

“Slug!”

“Gorilla!”

“Apple!”

“What? I’ve never seen anyone lose that fast before!”

What an imbecile.

Actually, she was playing along.

Instead of immediately losing with something like “Snake,” she waited a beat, subtly showing taste. She wasn’t just fun to talk to, she was so talented that I needed to bring her home and make a habit of chatting with her for thirty minutes every night before I went to sleep.

Still, she sounded like an imbecile even if I couldn’t discount the possibility that she was a natural who could play along. I hadn’t come close to accomplishing my initial goal.

I needed to try again.

Time for another test.

“I’m going to ask you a riddle next, Hachikuji.”

“I’ll accept the challenge, naturally. I’ve never turned my back to an enemy. You aren’t one, but if you’re coming at me, I won’t hold back. You’ll learn to fear me.”

“I have two heads and three eyes. I have four mouths and a hundred teeth. I have seven arms and five legs, and I’m small but can swallow an elephant whole. What animal am I?”

“…One of your friends?”

“A loon! Because I’d have to be one to think something like that could exist! So no, I don’t have any friend who fits the description! Would you want that as a friend of a friend?!”

I’m selective about my friends!

Urk… If I considered her answer a clever way to turn the tables on me, I still couldn’t gauge her intellect… As I thought this, Hachikuji opened her mouth.

“Let me ask you one in return. I have the head of a monkey, the body of a tanuki, the limbs of a tiger, the tail of a snake, and the cry of a thrush. What animal am I?”

“A loon, because you’d have to be one to think something like that exists?”

“A Nue.”

“………”

She was right.

I felt like I’d been dealt a loss.

Could this elementary schoolgirl be a natural after all?

Damn. There was too much to her for me to see all of her at once.

“I’m surprised a grade school kid like you knows what a Nue is, though.”

“I study many subjects.”

“Is that so.”

“Anyway, Mister Weraragi.”

“Don’t call me names that make it sound like I’ve transformed. It’s Araragi.”

“Excuse me. Slip of the tongue.”

“No, you did it on purpose…”

“Shlip of the tongue.”

“Or maybe not?!”

“Snip off the tongue.”

“Too pious!”

Now that it was the seventh time we were going through this established routine, I was starting to get the hang of it.

It had gone off flawlessly.

“Anyway, Mister Araragi. You ought to know that studying for exams is no easy task.”

“Yeah, I know that by now.”

“Oh, do you. I don’t, myself.”

“I had my doubts!”

She hadn’t ever sat for such exams.

“Even so,” she said, “I’m really worried about you. I don’t want to sound like an old wife, but will you be able to fill out that college application?”

“That’s what you’re worried about?! Beware the little old wife!”

“If you do complete the application, the rest is staying in good health for the big day. You’ll be able to take your exams.”

“No! I’m trying to do more than just take them, I need to pass them too!”

“So you’re studying for them… Well, I may have been uncharacteristically negative, but I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’re the kind of person who can do it if he tries.”

“Oh. You really think so?”

“Of course. Now that you’ve decided to take those exams, you’re as good as accepted.”

“Wow, you’d go that far?”

“I haven’t gone far enough. You aren’t just as good as accepted, it may not be an exaggeration to say you’ve graduated.”

“Hold on, Hachikuji, that’s definitely overstating things. All I’ve done is decide to take some exams.”

“No, I can already see you with your doctorate in hand. That’s right, from this day onward, I’ll be calling you Doctor.”

“It’s fine, call me whatever you want. So that’s how you see me? Can’t criticize you there.”

“Then allow me to call you by the Latin, to make you sound all the more academic.”

“What’s a doctorate called in Latin?”

“Pedophiae Doltoris.”

“Shut up! And that setup took forever!”

Even I was getting tired waiting for the punch line!

I was starting to think there might not be one!

“A pedo and a dolt, Pedophiae Doltoris… It’s as if the term was made for you.”

“No term ever gets made for me, okay?! I’ll admit I’m a dolt, but I’m no pedo! I lead an upstanding life!”

“And if you squint your eyes, you may start seeing ‘dope’ in the first word, too.”

“Stop! Stop it right now before you ruin the word ‘doctorate’ for me forever!”

“Just don’t get drunk on sweet platitudes like ‘You can do it if you try.’ The only people who say that are those who don’t try.”

Hachikuji sounded all serious now.

Big words coming from someone who’d never studied before…

“Gosh,” I objected, “you think you can get away with saying anything. What a fresh brat, I’m starting to want to punish you.”

“‘What a fresh boob, I’m starting to want to punish you?’ You sometimes say the lewdest things.”

“That’s not what I said!”

“I’m shocked you came up with a line that sounds so lewd if we just replaced ‘brat’ with ‘boob.’”

“What line wouldn’t sound lewd if you replaced a key word with ‘boob’?!”

What a conversation. We were saying things based on momentum alone.

“But yes, you’re right,” I admitted. “I’m going to need to hang in there.”

“Yes. Go hang yourself in your room.”

“I’m not gonna! But you know, thanks to my excellent tutors, I think I’m good. They’d never allow me to slack off. I’m going to be studying day in and day out, whether I want to or not. Heh, actually, I’m unstoppable with the best and seventh-best students in my year on my side.”

“Good, how forward of you.”

“………”

She thought that meant “positive” or “optimistic,” didn’t she…

“But Mister Araragi, will things really go so smoothly? Those two ladies, however renowned, are taking on the absolute worst student in their year…”

“I’ve never scored last, thank you! I actually did pretty well this time around! You need to listen to what I say!”

“To your boasts? I don’t think so. You’re only interesting when you air your misfortunes. Explore that subject a little further, will you?”

“Why should I bully myself like that?!”

“Then allow Mayoi Hachikuji, as unqualified as she is, to speak on your behalf. It’s time for Mister Araragi’s Proud Tales of Misfortune. ‘Everything came up smelling like roses, but Mister Araragi was allergic to them!’”

“Stop making up sad stories about me! I like roses! They smell great! And I’m fine with pollens, as far as I know!”

“His selling point is that when things seem to be going well for him, they’re actually not when he stops to think about it.”

“That’s not me! Stop giving me weird character traits that will make me think twice whatever I do!”

“Mister Araragi’s Proud Tales of Misfortune, part two.”

“You even have a part two?! Did the first one become a top-grossing Hollywood hit or something?!”

“‘Mister Araragi felt his tummy grumbling in the middle of the night, so he decided to make some instant noodles. But despite being billed as instant, they were surprisingly hard to make!’”

“D-Damn! I want to shoot you down, but that’s actually happened to me more than once! A rare example of the sequel being the real masterpiece!”

“It’s Friday the thirteenth for Koyomi Araragi, now and forever.”

“That really makes me want to give up!”

“Still, the best and the seventh-best in your year, huh,” Hachikuji brought us back on track there. “Miss Hanekawa…I met the other day. The lady with the braids, correct?”

“Yeah… Now that you mention it, I guess you know both of them.”

“And Miss Senjogahara─is your girlfriend.”

“Yep.”

“Hmm.” Hachikuji folded her arms with a troubled expression. She seemed to be thinking about something, a look that didn’t suit her.

“What, got something to say about that?”

“No, simply that the normal choice between the two would be Miss Hanekawa. It struck me as odd that you chose Miss Senjogahara instead.”

“Odd…”

How was I supposed to answer that one?

Why was she wondering?

“I think both of them are pretty,” she continued, “but their personalities are like day and night. Miss Hanekawa is like a kind older sister─while Miss Senjogahara is, well…malice personified.”

“Well, I don’t think Senjogahara would want to hear that coming from you.”

Then again, Senjogahara had said some awful things to Hachikuji, so it made sense. In comparison, Hanekawa had been kind to Hachikuji.

She was kind─and stern.

Just like an older sister should be.

The choice might have seemed odd to a child.

“You see,” I explained, “I don’t see Hanekawa in that way─she’s someone I’m indebted to. I can’t go into details, though. Hanekawa would probably turn me down, anyway. And Senjogahara’s personality is part of the reason why I…”

Uhm.

Yeah, it was hard to finish that sentence.

I trailed off and left it at that.

“I see.” Instead of being mean and hounding me, Hachikuji nodded. “How ironic.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t understand? Then let me put it another way. How ionic.”

“That makes even less sense to me??”

“Well, you’re the type to pursue Lindt in Quiz Nanairo Dreams. You must have odd taste in the opposite sex.”

“Don’t you think that reference needs to be explained?!”

This one was really obscure.

Okay, a while back there was this dating-sim quiz arcade game that CAPCOM developed called Quiz Nanairo Dreams: The Miracle of Rainbow Village, where you answered trivia questions and got to become friends with seven featured female characters. You raise their impression of you over half a year before finally defeating the resurrected Demon King at the end to live happily ever after with your favorite girl; only, along the way, there is this character named Lindt, one of the Demon King’s flunkies who gets in your way, and though she happens to be a girl, you sadly can’t end up with her no matter what tricks and techniques you may try. There’s no telling how many hundred-yen coins disappeared into those machines in search of a happy end with her. As a note, there was a proper route for Lindt in the home release of the game, perhaps due to player demand. Okay, commentary over!

“Very impressive of you to know, Mister Araragi.”

“Oh, it’s nothing… Hey, don’t bring up references that require this much explanation in the first place! Even Bikkuriman was better! I think I’m the first person to go on about Quiz Nanairo Dreams since we entered the twenty-first century!”

“But if we continue to wage a low-key grassroots campaign, they might create a remake some day.”

“Too low-key!”

“But if you say you prefer Miss Senjogahara, that must be how it is. To each his scorn.”

“‘To each his own,’ yes?!”

“Incidentally,” Hachikuji said, suddenly changing the subject. Why was she pouring cold water on the subject right as we were getting warmed up? It was unlike her. “You told me the other day about a vampire─a vampiress who went and turned you into a mockery of a human of a mockery of a vampire. Oh, what was she called now. Miss Shinobu Oshino?”

“Huh? Oh.”

I did tell her.

I guess on Mother’s Day, when we first met?

Hachikuji continued, “A child of about eight, with blond hair, and a helmet with goggles on top…I believe you said?”

“Yeah. What about her?”

“I’ve never been introduced to her so I have no way of saying for sure, but I spotted your Miss Shinobu yesterday.”

“What?”

Shinobu?

Hachikuji─had seen her?

“Was this shabby older dude near her?” I asked. “Visibly frivolous, and in a tacky, psychedelic Hawaiian shirt that no self-respecting person would wear nowadays?”

“Hmm? I’m having difficulty understanding you, but are you trying to ask me if you were by the girl’s side?”

“No! Do you see me as a shabby older dude?! And never in my life have I worn a Hawaiian shirt, not even with the most boring design imaginable!”

“You shouldn’t say things about others that you wouldn’t want said about yourself.”

“You’re absolutely right!”

The truth hurts.

It always does.

“In any case, Mister Araragi, this blond child was alone. No one was near her.”

“Hmm… Around what time was this?”

“I believe it was about five in the afternoon.”

“Five…”

I would have still had my hands full preparing for the culture festival.

Before I talked to Sengoku by the gates.

“Where was this?”

“Near the donut shop along the highway.”

“Oh, there… You take some long walks, don’t you? That’s a pretty big habitat for a kid… But okay, a donut shop.”

It was a Mister Donut.

The detail made the story seem a bit more believable.

But Shinobu─alone?

Could that really have happened?

Of course, we were in a boring town in the middle of nowhere, Japan… You rarely saw anyone with their hair dyed brown, so a blond? Who else could it be but Shinobu? If you added the helmet and goggles on top of that… But could Shinobu travel that far from the abandoned cram school? I’d convinced myself for no real reason that Shinobu couldn’t leave, but…now that I thought about it, Oshino had never said anything like that. Would he really allow her to act on her own, though?

“Yes. I thought the same thing,” Hachikuji said. “If she really is a vampire then I’m no match for her, so I dared not get a step closer. But I did think it would be best to inform you, which is why I was waiting here today to ambush you.”

“Oh, really?”

So this wasn’t a chance meeting. Now that she mentioned it, she did seem to be looking around when I first saw her.

Another day where someone was waiting on me.

“You should have told me that first, then,” I scolded.

“I’m sorry. I’d forgotten from the shock of being grabbed from behind by some pedophile who then rubbed his cheek against mine.”

“A pedophile? Do we really have any of those in this town? As an upstanding local, I can’t abide that.”

“It’s okay. Let’s have a big heart for these small people. The slogan of the month in my class is ‘Be kind to pedophiles.’”

“What kind of school are you attending?! Are you sure you’re okay there?!”

In short, it was my own fault.

I was reaping what I’d sown.

“Huh, okay then,” I said. “Sorry to get you so worked up over this. Thanks, I think I’ll go straight to Oshino’s place and see what’s going on, maybe even today.”

“Oh no, I’m just glad I could be of service to you, Mister Araragi.”

If anything, shouldn’t you be worried about the time, asked Hachikuji. I looked at the watch around my right wrist. Hmm, we’d been talking for a while. Time really does fly when you’re having fun…

When would I get to meet Hachikuji next?

Oh well.

“Do you have a cell phone?” I absurdly tried asking a grade schooler. This was the kind of town where even middle schoolers didn’t have them.

“Hmm. I’m sad to say that I’m exceedingly bad with mechanical devices.”

“Is that so.”

“Yes. I might not be able to watch television after 2010.”

“Even digital broadcasting is too much for you…”

It went beyond being good or bad with tech.

Even Kanbaru and Oshino weren’t that incapable.

“What could they mean by ‘1seg’?” she wondered out loud.

“You sound so stupid…”

Hmm.

Well, there was nothing I could do.

I’d have to leave this one to fate.

Maybe running into her now and then while I wandered around town was the right relationship to have with Hachikuji. I shouldn’t be too greedy, and coincidences were precious in their own way. If she needed to see me, like today, she seemed to have no problem doing so.

I got back on my bike.

“Okay, Hachikuji. See you later.”

“All right. I know we’ll meet again.”

My fifth-grade friend saw me off as I headed to school. With barely any time left to spare, I was pedaling hard.

Mayoi Hachikuji. In any case, I was glad she was doing fine─but her situation was too precarious for me to be putting it that way. You could say she was in the worst position out of everyone I knew that had met an aberration.

That said─it wasn’t as though I could do anything.

I shouldn’t be thinking that I could.

People─just went and got saved on their own.

I shouldn’t get that mixed up.

I knew I couldn’t, and yet.

“………”

Three months had passed since I first met an aberration─since I first learned of aberrations.

Three years it was not. But.

I had still gone through a lot of changes in that time.

Did I then─

Just go and change on my own?

I managed to walk through the school gates before the warning bell rang. Actually, the volleyball shorts and school swimsuit I’d received from Sengoku to give back to Kanbaru were in my bag. My plan had been to get to school early and visit her second-year classroom, but now… Hmm, I didn’t have enough time. It was fine, though. I couldn’t give it to her in plain sight anyway, and considering the hassle of summoning her from her classroom, during lunch break or after school made more sense. As I figured this out, I parked my bicycle in my spot on the school’s lot.

I walked into the building and began climbing the stairs.

Then my cell phone began to vibrate.

Oops, I needed to turn it off before heading into class… That was careless. The vibration ended immediately, so could it be a text instead of a phone call? This early, though? Maybe it was my little sisters… Senjogahara and Kanbaru weren’t people who went out of their way to use text messages. I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the screen. I doubted my own eyes when I saw the sender, but those doubts were wiped away when I read the body of the message. In all of Japan and its long history, only one person would begin a mere text message with “Salutations” and end with “Sincerely yours in haste.”

Reading what was between that “Salutations” and “Sincerely yours in haste”─and rereading it, I stopped in my tracks on the stairs to class and immediately headed straight back the way I came.

Against the flow of students.

Straight back to the bike parking lot.

“Oh.”

There I ran into Hitagi Senjogahara. The warning bell was moments away─but unlike me, she hadn’t been moments away from being late. As if she calculated everything so as not to waste a single moment, Senjogahara always came to school just in time.

Seeing her so suddenly after what had happened yesterday, I felt a little embarrassed and was at a brief loss for words. But Hitagi Senjogahara had the same flat-as-can-be attitude and expression as ever.

“What, Araragi,” she said, “are you going somewhere?”

“Just around the corner.”

“What for?”

“Call it humanitarian aid.”

“Is that so.”

She was indifferent.

Yes, that was Hitagi Senjogahara.

She had me figured out.

Another case of wordless communication─or so I hoped.

“Fine. Then be on your way, Araragi. I’d normally never even consider it, but taking pity on you this one time, I’ll answer for you during roll call.”

“We only have forty kids in our class, I don’t think that would work… In fact, I’m afraid you’ll only get the teacher mad at you.”

“Don’t worry, I can do this. I’ll be sure to imitate your voice. I have an excellent VA playing my role.”

“Voice actress?! Is this world an anime?!”

“‘I’m not going to let Kanbaru meet an unfortunate fate at anyone’s hands! Even if those hands are yours!’ What do you think, did that sound like you?”

“Not even close! You got my hopes up, but it sounded even less like me than I thought possible! And don’t pick out such an embarrassing line to repeat! I sense malice in your choice!”

“Kanbaru cried tears of joy when I told her about that one.”

“Don’t go around making our juniors cry over something so inane! You’re not her only trusted senior now, you realize!”

“‘Miss Hitagi…you’re so beautiful. I couldn’t ask for anyone better than you. I love you.’ What do you think, did that sound like you?”

“Not even close, and I haven’t spoken that line yet!”

“Yet? You mean you plan to?”

“…, ……kk, yes!”

That’s how it went.

I had nothing resembling the time to be having such a stupid conversation, but I still thanked Senjogahara for calming my rattled nerves before running on to the bike lot even faster than before.