Monogatari Series - Volume 29 - Chapter 1.17

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“Y’tellin’ me that I was livin’ out an uninhabited island life on Iriomote Island, the second most famous island in the Okinawa prefecture, hmmm!? That ain’t any different from gettin’ lost in some town’s forest park! It just makes me seem like a total idiot!”

I’d ended up turning into Anti-Nadeko before I realized it, but Ononoki-chan’s reaction was as cold as ever as she responded, “I never said you seemed like a total idiot,” in her usual monotone.

Somehow, I could sense her utter disdain, even through that monotone of hers.

“But if anything, you might have been saved because of your idiocy. If you’d known this island was actually inhabited, then you might have gone even further into the jungle in search of civilization and thus been bitten by a habu snake at an even earlier stage—and in that scenario, I wouldn’t have been able to revive. I told you before, didn’t I? The woodland of Iriomote Island is far denser than your average uninhabited island. They don’t call it the Galapagos of the East for no reason.”

"............”

She did say that.

So the statement that ninety percent of Iriomote Island was jungle was not an exaggeration, nor was it a form of rhetoric like the saying that it rained thirty-five days in a month. In fact, when considering the exact surface area, it might actually be a conservative estimate—the highway didn’t even go a full cycle around the island.

It didn’t even go a half cycle.

That meant that the remaining half (or more) of the outer circumference of the island was not connected by any road—in other words, I must have drifted onto the “back side” of Iriomote Island.

I had indeed come up with the wishful thinking that maybe this wasn’t an uninhabited island, but a part of some larger landmass, but I never thought that this was Iriomote Island itself… Not even Tsukihi-chan was capable of wishful thinking so optimistic.

Like Ace Island from Prince Ciscon?126

Ah, that’s true…

In that case, I’d considered the waterfall I found to be my reward for bravely entering the mountains, but if this was Iriomote Island, there would be no need for such good fortune… According to the map printed in the guidebook, Iriomote Island had tons of waterfalls.

The Nadekou that trots about will find a waterfall.127

“Th-then, when no man-made objects were washing up on that beach, it was just because they were very thorough in their regular cleaning of tourist attractions…? There wasn’t a barrier or anything?”

“Well, who knows. It’s hard to say for sure, and it would be hard to figure out. When your Morse code SOS didn’t get anywhere, could we just consider it bad luck? As a specialist, I’d like to offer the viewpoint that, since this really is Araundo’s stronghold, it’s hard to believe that you being brought here was only a result of complex tidal currents.”

That was what Ononoki-chan said, but it sounded like a vague attempt at covering for me… On one hand, if the plane on its way from Honshu to Naha Airport did in fact run into trouble mid-flight, I would have needed some extraordinarily good luck to drift all the way to Iriomote Island (or its “back side”).

I would estimate that it would require me to have traveled over four hundred kilometers across the ocean… Not even a sea snake would be able to travel that far. Even if you assumed that the airplane doing a Dutch roll was carried by air currents—by the turbulence…

If she invited me into her territory and waited for my gradual self-destruction… That was certainly a plausible explanation.

“Even so, because you were tougher than she expected, Araundo might have gotten impatient and set a trap for you directly—it’s certainly not in any specialist manual, after all. To live a self-sufficient life without ever leaving the beach, while burying yourself in star sand.”

“Well, sorry for being such an amateur.”

“Unlike that awful piece you drew, I’m trying to praise you here. This wasn’t just some beginner’s luck. It’s likely that Gaen-san assigned you to this job because she expected that you would perform such incredible actions.”

Unlike that awful piece, she’d said.

But if that was true, it meant that the life I spent was far more dangerous than just life on an uninhabited island—to think I was camping out so brazenly at the enemy’s stronghold.

“Especially while stark naked.”

“How do you even know about that? The events on the nudist beach.”

“If it’s about Nadekou, I know more about you than Hanekawa Tsubasa does. Because I took off your clothes to wipe away your sweat. It was clear from one glance at your perfect tan, without any unevenness. How liberal of a vacation were you spending?”

Goodness.

So this was the watchful eye of a specialist—if only I had such talent, I might have realized that this was Iriomote Island all on my own. Even if I couldn’t say it was Iriomote Island, I might have been able to guess that I was within the town of Taketomi. Even before being saved by that Iriomote cat—

“No, Nadekou. That didn’t happen. I can believe all of your other stories, but that one is just a fabrication. This reality TV show isn’t going to fly with such an obviously staged event.”

“If this were a reality TV show, it would have been debatable from the very beginning. From the moment a middle school girl was left stark naked.”

“I can see why you would want to lie about seeing an Iriomote cat, but they’re a well-protected endangered species more rarely seen than stark naked middle school girls. I’ll say it once more out of kindness, but they’re so secluded that not even the locals can catch sight of them. They’re practically on the level of mythical beasts. At least say you saw a crested serpent eagle. Since those aren’t as well-known, people won’t really know, so they might not care if it’s true or false and decide to believe you.”

That’s a bit rude to crested serpent eagles, isn’t it?

Also, the comparison of “more rarely seen than stark naked middle school girls” seemed a bit doubtful.

“I’ve been at this job for some time, but this is the biggest disappointment I’ve faced. I didn’t think you would tell such a poor lie. This kind of lie is the one kind I wish you hadn’t told. Not a lie to cover up for your own weakness, but a lie to brag about what you’d seen.”

“I’m telling the truth! Don’t be so seriously disappointed in me. It’s a huge misunderstanding. If I really ended up being bitten by, not the second loach,128 but the second habu snake, especially on the back of my neck, it really would have been instant death… And in that predicament, an Iriomote cat came jumping out without fear for its own safety!”

“An Iriomote cat wouldn’t have felt any danger from a habu snake regardless. If the former Heartunderblade is the king of oddities, then the Iriomote cat is the king of Iriomote Island.”

“Even though it’s such a cute cat?”

I think she’d said that it had no natural enemy.

However, it appeared to have a smaller build than I’d imagined.

“The fact that you’re saying that after supposedly seeing one swallow the head of a habu snake whole supports the idea that you’re lying—even though you couldn’t be saved by other humans, why would you end up being saved by an Iriomote cat? Are you sure you didn’t mistakenly see an Iriomote greater horseshoe bat?”

“I didn’t mistakenly see an Iriomote greater horseshoe bat!”

And once again, the preceding clause was cruel.

Don’t say that I couldn’t be saved by other humans.

For one thing, it was the first time I’d ever heard of an Iriomote greater horseshoe bat. Though I did hear that there were bats on this island… But no matter how close to death I was, I wouldn’t mistake a bat for a cat—even if it wasn’t a cat, but a mountain cat.

No matter what anyone said, it was an Iriomote cat.

“Well, the reason you managed to escape death is partly due to the fact that the habu snake that bit you was actually a Sakishima habu. This type of habu snake, which is found on the Yaeyama Islands, has a weaker venom… And they’re on the smaller side.”

“The second habu snake was bigger. I think that one was a normal habu. I almost thought it was a hub airport!”129

“Don’t pile on even more lies. You’re like the Yaeyama Islands of lies.”130

“Who’re you callin’ the Yaeyama Islands of lies!?”

I’d retorted in the Kansai dialect.

No, there’s no such thing as Kansai Nadeko, though.

“That sort of nickname is something you should use for Kaiki-san…… ………… ………… Um, Ononoki-chan.”

What about Kaiki-san?