Monogatari Series - Volume 29 - Chapter 1.04

004

If you could only bring one thing with you to an uninhabited island, what would you bring? It was a pretty common psychology test, and as common as it was, one’s personality could often be seen from what they answered.

A survival knife. You can feel their determination to survive. Their favorite book. Perhaps they’re a bibliophile, but at the same time, you might say they want to avert their eyes from the reality of the disaster they’re in. A smartphone. A very modern answer, but can a 5G signal even reach an uninhabited island? It sounds like a disaster in more ways than one. A change of clothes. They might be treating it like a vacation, but that would be pretty concerning. A family photo. It might be premature to conclude that such a person would easily get lonely, and you could say that their attitude of prioritizing their mental health makes them suited to being stranded on an uninhabited island. Cup noodles. In an instant, you can see they believe that to eat is to live. A lighter. Perhaps they want to enjoy the leisure of building a fire? A tent. They place a strong importance on the idea of having their own territory. A radio. The type of person that likes to have BGM for their actions? Just water. It’s such a sound argument that it leaves me at a loss for words. A power generator. Do they want to become the god of the island? Sunscreen. Even in the midst of the beautiful natural world, they attach importance to their own beauty. Cardboard. They value its practical usage for organizing and packing. Their pet. Hopefully not as emergency rations. A strong rope. Not for the sake of hanging themselves, right? A harpoon. Gives off a safer impression than hunting. A net. Don’t tell me, for insect collecting? A rucksack. I hear it has surprisingly many parts and is fairly versatile and practical. A futon. Are they the type to sleep it off whenever they’re in trouble? Et cetera, et cetera—and for those people that go with a broad definition of “one thing” and pick their house or heavy machinery or a camping car or a boat, or even Doraemon, then let’s just say that that’s the kind of personality they have.

So.

My intention wasn’t to ostentatiously boast about my human observation skills by only asking the question, so I will prepare my own answer. But before that, we must recognize that this psychology test, which may at first seem rather crude, is actually given under very kind conditions.

Indeed, this psychology test did not have any sort of trick question.

Because, for the sake of surviving in the environment of an uninhabited island, you are quite generously allowed to bring “one thing”, one item, with you—but before I realized it, I’d arrived without even the clothes I’d been wearing.

On a sandy beach.

To the sound of the crashing waves, I opened my eyes.

Under the dazzling rays of the sun, I was stark naked—I’d made myself sound like quite the romanticist when I’d said that I’d opened my eyes to the sound of the crashing waves, but in reality, I’d opened my eyes to the pain of the ultraviolet rays damaging my skin.

I could really use some sunscreen right now!

That was the first thing I thought.

In terms of the season, we should have been right in the middle of winter, but the unforgiving rays of the sun made it feel like the middle of summer—it wasn’t just dazzling, but blazing, and perhaps even fiery. Rather than being a fish on a cutting board, I was experiencing the feeling of being a fish in a frying pan. Or maybe in fish stew? My skin felt like it was boiling. Or being corroded by lye.

“Eh—huh? Ononoki-chan? Kaiki-san?”

When I immediately surveyed my surroundings, I was the only one on the beach, as far as I could see—since I was stark naked, it would’ve been a problem had someone been nearby, but of course, in this scenario, it was more of a problem that no one was nearby.

It would’ve been far more conventional for someone to be nearby.46

But neither on the beach, nor in the deep blue sea that extended out before me, nor in the thickly wooded mountains behind me, was there a trace of anybody. A scene of desolation as far as the eye could see—that described this perfectly.47 I could only feel the sheer magnificence of Mother Nature—or perhaps, the only thing I felt was an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

“A—an uninhabited island?”

Strictly speaking, it was premature to conclude at this point that I was on an island at all—I’d only taken stock of the beach area, so what if I’d simply washed up at the Tottori Sand Dunes? As for what the difference was between sand dunes and a desert, I could think about that at another time—however, in actuality, whether or not this was an island was of little importance.

Well, this being an island would be the worst-case scenario, but regardless of whether I’d landed on the largest continent on Earth or even the mythical lost continent of Mu, islands or continents didn’t make much difference compared to the fact that it was “uninhabited”.

Even the fact that I was stark naked was extremely trivial—as someone who’d already overcome numerous hardships, such as wearing a school swimsuit or wearing nothing but bloomers.

But hold on, I thought we’d decided that these sorts of things weren’t going to happen anymore, with times being what they were…? Even though I’d heard that getting laughs from undressing a middle school girl was now a relic of the past.

How did things come to this?

It was different from what I’d been promised.

Had I actually washed up on a nudist beach…? Wasn’t there one in France? Was I really in Europe? Or perhaps, for the crime of prattling on with limited knowledge about the remote islands of Okinawa to Ononoki-chan in the plane, this was my punishment? If the punishment was exile, it was much too strict for a remote island punishment.

—The plane.

That’s right, I should’ve been aboard a plane—now I remembered. I should have been sitting in a first class seat that was far beyond my station, and partaking in a first class meal that I was completely unworthy of.

Who would’ve thought that such a proper meal, perfectly plated, could be served inside a moving airplane? I’d been left with such a deep sense of admiration that the serious conversation that we were having up until that moment had been completely blown away.

At the same time, I couldn’t help but feel guilty, wondering if it was really okay for a middle schooler like me (though I was a dropout) to indulge in such extravagance—all the more so when considering that the money was sourced from one of Kaiki-san’s scams.

“Don’t fret. You should enjoy as much as you can, Nadekou. While you still can. The airline companies will end up in a particularly tough spot, so the economy will need to be spurred one way or another.”

With a beaming face directed at the cup of Häagen-Dazs ice cream that had been served for dessert (just kidding—she was expressionless), Ononoki-chan once again said something that sounded like she was looking into the future, and I could remember up to the point that I decided to follow her suggestion—well, even with my shoddy memory, I could remember a little further than that, but it was that I simply did not want to remember.

All of a sudden, the plane shook tremendously.

As though the shock of Gaen-san’s secret parent-child relationship had caused the plane itself to shake.

I’d been averse to the idea of mentioning that I was scared of riding a plane for the first time in front of Kaiki-san and Ononoki-chan, and I’d say I’d done a pretty good job of acting like I was fine, but of course, I had not devoted myself to understanding how the aerodynamics of a jet plane allowed it to somehow fly in the sky.

Funnily enough, I’d even been under the impression that things would be fine since I was in first class—naturally, whether I was in first class or economy class or even the cargo hold, it would all end up the same if the airplane were to crash.

“We have received instructions from the pilot to temporarily suspend service. Please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts. Please be assured that the shaking will not affect the flight in any way.”

The shaking was so violent that there was no way I’d feel reassured, so was it really not affecting the flight? But oxygen masks or something had fallen from overhead—was it really just turbulence?

Perhaps it wasn’t accurate to say that they’d fallen from overhead—the plane had gone into a tailspin, with up and down and left and right being dizzyingly flipped. It was a real challenge to my spatial awareness abilities, like looking from outer space at the country of Chile in South America. It seemed like the oxygen masks had come up from below, or from the right, or from the left—and the hose seemed to twist like a snake.

Like a snake.

No, what actually twisted—what actually moaned was the entirety of the plane itself.48

Outside the window, I could see the creaking wings of the plane warp like a sugar sculpture—considering the angle, it was already bizarre that I was able to see the wings of the plane from my first class seat, which should be at the foremost of the plane, but it felt like there was enough force to distort spacetime itself and allow me to catch a glimpse of the plane’s tail.

If I had not fastened my seat belt as the in-flight announcement had instructed, or if I had still been in the middle of my meal regardless of my seat belt, I would have suffered a terrible tragedy. However, when Ononoki-chan released me from her sticky hold in order to return to her own seat and fasten her seat belt, that probably wasn’t the correct move to make, considering what would occur soon after.

Either way, I would suffer a terrible tragedy.

Like a whirling dance.49

To think I’d be separated from the greatest bodyguard in this situation… Her carelessness had gone too far. Incidentally, after finishing his first class meal, Kaiki-san had put on an eye mask and fallen into a deep slumber… How in the world was he able to sleep so soundly in the midst of this turbulence!? On top of having the most vampire-like face, were you even living properly!?

In addition to the tailspin and the rolling, it felt like some vertical rotation had started to get mixed in, and it was then that my consciousness came to a halt… Rather than fainting out of fear, it was more likely to be blacking out from being shaken so roughly, something close to a concussion. It was unlikely that I would have been able to do anything had I managed to stay conscious, and probably all I would have done is throw up the food I’d gotten to enjoy, but the last thing I spotted outside the window was a tail.

Not the tail of the airplane.

It was the tail of a huge serpent that had coiled itself around the aircraft—that was my final memory, and the next thing I remembered was being washed up on an unfamiliar beach, in the nude, with nothing to block the rays of the sun beaming down on me.

According to what I’d been told by Kaiki-san before boarding (basically, it could very well have been false information), even economy class seats of domestic airlines, not just international airlines, allowed you to watch movies. And supposedly, if there were any scenes of airplanes crashing in those in-flight movies, it was fairly common for those scenes to be cleverly edited out—a show of thoughtfulness for the passengers, perhaps, but in much the same way, it was as though the scene of “what happened afterwards” had been cut from my memory.

If you could only bring one thing with you to an uninhabited island, what would you bring?

I’d ended up coming empty-handed.

It really showed off my human nature, didn’t it?