Monogatari Series - Volume 29 - Chapter 1.02

002

“Whoa, I had no idea. So Iriomote Island was actually Taketomi Island!”

“That’s right, I had no idea. I had no idea that you were such an idiot.”

“Exactly. I guess it’s no surprise that people who don’t at least graduate from middle school will end up like this. I’ll have to keep that in mind when I raise children of my own.”

In order, those were spoken by me, Ononoki-chan, and Kaiki-san—from Kaiki-san’s words, I could sense a bit of contempt directed towards me, who had dropped out of school, but considering that Kaiki-san had been the one to cover the costs of the plane seats we were sitting in, it would be somewhat lacking in discretion on my part to mention it here.

I had to show that even dropouts could show good discretion.

As the representative of dropouts everywhere.

“No matter what circumstances a dropout may be in, I doubt they’d ever want you to represent them. Sengoku Nadeko, the well-off little lady who’d been such a fool for love that she even became a god.”

Kaiki-san was not showing any signs of remorse.

Well, even if you called me a well-off little lady.

From what I’d heard, this man had withdrawn from university himself—perhaps he considered withdrawing from university to be superior to withdrawing from middle school. Though I hadn’t actually withdrawn yet… In the first place, I couldn’t actually withdraw from middle school, right? As long as I wasn’t working on committing some terrible crime… Though I couldn’t say that I wasn’t working at all.

“So, rather than a middle school trio, we’re a dropout trio, huh. I’ve truly become a member of an interesting team, haven’t I.”

“Ononoki-chan, it’s not like you’ve withdrawn from school.”

“I’m a zombie that withdrew from life.”

Well, well.

She was a member of the elite that skipped grades.

Incidentally, that zombie was currently not sitting in her designated seat but in my lap—in terms of dolls, she was like a gigantic Dakko-chan4, having wrapped her arms and legs around my torso.

Why was she sticking to me like a koala…?

I’d already gotten used to the fact that Ononoki-chan was awfully attached to me, but a hug this passionate was unusual even for her.

I could feel the affection from this expressionless tween girl.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just tired from pulling a doubleheader.”

“‘Doubleheader’?”

That was a baseball term, right?

I didn’t really know much about baseball…

“Uuum, the catcher is sometimes called the pitcher’s ‘dear wife’, right?”5

“Not so much these days. Other than by Kanbaru Suruga.”

So Kanbaru-san would say it…

Well, she seemed like a person that would.

“Basically, it means fighting consecutive battles. This is the second consecutive battle. A chain of command from the first volume to the second. Since I was used as a means of transport in a time of emergency, you see. Seriously, onee-chan and oni onii-chan must have mistaken me for a private jet or something. I’m really grateful that I can ride on a public plane like this.”

My thanks to Kaiki onii-chan, said Ononoki-chan—if you thanked a con man, he would just take advantage of you, but it had been quite a shock to learn that Kaiki-san had not treated Ononoki-chan the doll as carry-on baggage, but that he had provided a proper seat for her.

Like a musician booking a seat for his instrument.

Considering she was sitting in my lap instead of her seat, it seemed that thoughtfulness hadn’t gotten through to the doll herself… The relationship between these two seemed a bit concerning.

“It wasn’t thoughtfulness. It was just a coward’s way of protecting himself. Unlike Kagenui or Araragi-kun, I treasure my own life, after all. I don’t have the courage to attempt free-falling from several thousand meters high without even a parachute or a life-jacket.”

Well, that wasn’t even important right now.

It should’ve been made apparent by my remark in the beginning that our destination was Iriomote Island (though it was probably not so apparent what part of “Iriomote Island was actually Taketomi Island” was silly and what part of it was actually true, so I’ll explain that later), but at present, there was no airport in the world that provided a direct flight to Iriomote Island.

It wasn’t exaggerating to say “in the world”, either, as Iriomote Island was located closer to Taiwan than to Okinawa’s main island—though I hadn’t even been aware of those geographical conditions.

Those geopolitics.

However, there was no direct flight from Taiwan, either.

In the first place, there were no airports at Iriomote Island. The only ports were not ports for the air, but ports for the sea. Therefore, the only way to get there was to fly to the nearest island, and continue by ferry afterwards… But, what would be considered the nearest island?

Normally, you’d think of Ishigaki Island.

Because Ishigaki Island was (primarily) where all the ferries came from… So, our itinerary would have looked something like: take the train to Tokyo’s Haneda Airport, then fly to Ishigaki Island, and then reach Iriomote Island by ferry. A standard multimodal trip.

An ordinary travel agency would’ve likely planned it that way… Any navigation app would have done the same.

However, as expected, Kaiki-san’s planned movements were completely and totally different.

It was no such forthright method. Or even a fifth-right method.6

When Kaiki-san went and booked the tickets on his own, mine and Ononoki-chan’s included, he had included a mysterious layover where we would go from Haneda Airport to the city of Naha before continuing onto Ishigaki Island.

A layover, in spite of the fact that there was a direct flight to Ishigaki Island?

If it were a low-cost carrier for overseas flights, I’d heard that the fees were cheaper if you stopped in South Korea or China before heading to Europe… But was it cheaper to stop in Naha first on our way to Iriomote Island?

I didn’t know if there were child fares for this flight, but I had been feeling impressed at his sense for economizing on these small details to balance out paying for me and Ononoki-chan, but the truth turned out to be the complete opposite.

It was not a coward’s way of protecting himself, but an upstart’s way of indulging in luxury.

“On direct flights to Ishigaki Island, they have not yet established a first class, you see,”

explained Kaiki-san.

With a melancholy and sinister tone as always.

“That’s why we’ll fly to Naha, first. In first class. It’s first class, first.”

On top of that, Kaiki-san had ended up booking the entire first class on the flight to Naha… He had paid for every seat, not just mine and Ononoki-chan’s.

What a big spender!

“I thought you’d be a cheapskate because you were a con man, but you really like to live it up, don’t you… That reminds me, when I was a god, you always brought really expensive alcohol, too.”

The fact that we could so openly discuss Kaiki-san’s criminal history like this was because he had booked the entire first class.

He was like royalty.

“All you’ve done is openly discuss your history of drinking, you fifteen-year-old girl. Don’t go around drinking awamori just because we’ll be in Okinawa.”7

“Hasn’t the age of majority been lowered yet?”

“There’s still some time until that happens, and it won’t be lowered to fifteen, and even if it was lowered, the age for drinking and smoking will remain at twenty.”

That corpse doll was pretty knowledgeable about the law.

Was it because she was surrounded by specialists operating illegally…? Perhaps she’d naturally picked up skills as a lawyer.

She was very capable.

“But even domestic airlines come with first class, huh… There are so many things I just don’t know anything about.”

“If anything, it’s international airlines in which first class is starting to disappear… Thanks to the spread of lie-flat seats in business class—incidentally, how about you go ahead and explain your statement of, ‘Iriomote Island was actually Taketomi Island,’ without holding back? You’ve already been exposed as an idiot, but if you can at least demonstrate that Sengoku Nadeko is a learned idiot, there may yet be hope.”

“That’s not it. I read the guidebook, you see. I figured I’d do some of my own preparations. As I’m sure you know, it’s my first time riding in a plane and my first time going to Okinawa.”

While I was at it, I could say it was my first time riding in a monorail to Haneda Airport, too. Monorails sure were cool. To be honest, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I’d already had my fill of the enjoyment I could gain from this trip.

Ideally, I would’ve preferred to go sightseeing in Tokyo. Though I did get to see Tokyo Tower from out the window.

“What an admirable attitude. When I see oni onii-chan next time, I’ll have to teach him that it’s the journey that matters, not the destination. Since he’s one of those time-saving guys that only ever thinks about taking shortcuts.”

“Surely that’s not the only thing you’ll need to talk to him about when you meet him next time?”

“Anyway, Sengoku. Why did you think that Iriomote Island was Taketomi Island? Personally, I would say that’s almost on the same level as claiming that Sado Island is actually Shōdo Island.”

The two of them were really making me out to be an idiot…

It wasn’t good to treat people like idiots, even if they were idiots, according to the standard of the 21st century. Of course I knew the difference between Sado Island and Shōdo Island… Shōdo Island was the one in the Seto Inland Sea. Sado Island… Where was Sado, again? Sado… Was it in Kyushu Prefecture?

“According to the guidebook, addresses in Iriomote Island are listed as in the town of Taketomi. Then, doesn’t it make sense that it should officially be considered Taketomi Island? Like how the official name of Iwo Jima is actually Iōtō, you know?”

“What a smart-alecky display of worthless knowledge. It’s probably something you just learned from manga.”

Don’t correctly guess the source of my knowledge while sitting on my lap… Even though every seat, with each and every one of them being first class, was empty, why was this girl so insistent on staying on my lap…

She wasn’t exactly light, you see. Because she was a corpse.

It was like carrying a body of flesh in my arms.

“If you’re going to show off such knowledge, you should at least properly talk about Iwo Jima’s history.”

“Aren’t you being too strict on a middle school student by telling them to talk about Iwo Jima’s history?”

And the subject matter was pretty heavy.

Plus, on top of being a middle school student, I was also a dropout, as had been mentioned previously.

Originally, even when I’d still attended, my grades hadn’t exactly been on the good side… I wasn’t exactly the studious sort. Back in those days, “Gloomy girls have good grades” was a prejudice I was always fighting.

“Iriomote Island’s official name is Iriomote Island,”

said Kaiki-san, without an ounce of joy. He possessed a darkness that I hadn’t even come close to back in the day—not to mention, he was far more of an intellectual than me.

Rather than an intellectual, he was a white-collar criminal.8

“The town of Taketomi comprises many different islands, including Iriomote Island. Of course, Taketomi Island itself is one of those islands. The nine inhabited islands of Taketomi, Iriomote, Hateruma, Hatoma, Yubu, Kuroshima, Kamiji, Shimoji, Kohama make up the town of Taketomi.”

“Huh? Ishigaki Island isn’t included?”

“Ishigaki Island is in the city of Ishigaki.”

So it was a city.

As expected of an island with an airport.

“Even Yonaguni Island at the westernmost point of Japan has an airport. If you’re going to assume that any place with an airport is going to be a metropolis, you’re going to have trouble participating in society in the future.”

He was taking a rather global view of my future prospects, this companion of mine—at that point, it felt like more of a burden than expectations.

But, was Yonaguni Island really the westernmost point of Japan?

As you may have guessed, I had never paid that much attention in geography class (neither recently nor in the past), so I couldn’t say for sure, but I felt like that was wrong—

“Are you thinking of Okinotorishima? That’s the southernmost uninhabited island… But is it even an island? It would probably sink if I landed on it. Since they reinforced it with concrete to preserve territorial rights.”

“Is, is that even allowed?”

“Well, in that case, among the islands that are a part of the town of Taketomi, there’s an island that’s been reinforced with coral. Which one is it?”

It became a quiz.

Before that, it seemed quite heartless to treat an island of concrete and an island of coral the same… Were they even similar in substance? Er, maybe it was Yubu Island? Just randomly guessing.

“Wrong. To reveal the answer, it’s Barasu Island.9 Yubu Island is an island you can reach by riding water buffalo. It’s not the same as Yufuin.10 Like how Sado isn’t the same as Saga.11 To think you don’t even know that… You’re really heading off to Okinawa without knowing a thing about Okinawa, aren’t you?”

Well, I had nothing to say in response, but if you would allow me to provide an excuse, I had practically been taken along on this trip as though I’d been abducted. As far as this matter goes, I was completely a victim.

Please, let me play the victim.

After an undesirable visit to my hometown, I’d returned to my apartment that Gaen-san had referred me to, only to find a con man and a corpse doll lying in ambush… That situation was basically horror. And we’d left without a moment’s delay.

I hadn’t expected that the trunk that Ougi-san gifted me would come in handy so soon… However, when replacing its contents, the best I could do was messily cram some changes of clothes inside. If I’d been given at least a night to prepare, I could’ve put some more in—clothes into my trunk, and knowledge about the southern lands into my head.

…But, riding water buffaloes?

“It’s a form of amusement made to help revitalize Yubu Island, which had once become uninhabited. It was thought up by an old couple that remained on the island. How magnificent. I’ll take my hat off to them. Incidentally, the family name of that old couple was Iriomote.”

“That just makes me panic! My surname is Sengoku, but compared to them, I’ll go from a thousand to a hundred, and become Hyakkoku!12 At that rate, wouldn’t it be better to refer to the nine islands as the town of Iriomote?”

“Don’t say something so heartless. That’s what actually makes you Hyakkoku. What would the town of Taketomi think if they heard that? Well, it’s true that Iriomote Island is the second largest representative island in Okinawa.”

Even bigger than Ishigaki Island and Miyako Island?

It made me panic even more.

Like Gator Panic!13

“There won’t be any gators there. Just saying.”

“Isn’t it up to me to decide whether or not they’ll be there?”

“As if. How influential do you think you are?”

“You don’t even have human rights.”14

The attack from Kaiki-san was pretty strong.

I do have human rights, at least… Though I did quit being a human at one point.

“Then…. About Yakushima.”

"............”

“No, wait, that’s not in Okinawa Prefecture, right?”

“You’re so suspicious. Nadekou, didn’t you say you went to see the Remote Islands Koshien before?”15

Don’t start bringing in context from the commentary tracks.

If you start mixing that in, we’ll have DJ Nadeko, too.

“You seem like someone who’d say they’re envious that Okinawan middle schoolers get one more day off.”

“I wouldn’t say that! So that’s the kind of person you think I am… If anything, I’m usually on the receiving end of such inconsiderate words. Like, ‘Not going to school for so long must be fun for you.’”

Though they should make the fifteenth of August into a public holiday, too. Rather than something like Marine Day. Especially since I was an inhabitant of a region that wasn’t close to the ocean at all.

“Then, to test your knowledge, I’ll keep giving you more quizzes about the remote islands of Okinawa. Question 2. From the following, choose an island belonging to Okinawa Prefecture. (1) Amami Ōshima. (2) Oki Islands. (3) Okinoerabu Island.”

“Aren’t you looking down on dropouts too much? I’m not Okinawa’s specialty ice cream, ‘Blue Seal’.”16

“If you picked (1), because it’s Amami Ōshima, I figured I’d get a taste of your sweet naivete.”17

I was pretty curious to hear the variations in responses if I answered with (2) or (3)—likely, Okinoerabu Island was the real trap.

“I see. Because it’s Okinoerabu Island, you were going to choose that island.”18

“I don’t want to have a pun showdown with you, using the names of islands.”

“Question 3. Kerama Shotō National Park is actually in the Kyushu region. True or false?”

“Like I said, you’re looking down on me too much! I already know that Kerama Shotō National Park is in Okinawa… It’s on Tokashiki Island, right?”

“Wrong. Reason being, Okinawa Prefecture is a part of the Kyushu region in the first place.”

“Is it fun to lay traps for middle school students?”

“In terms of fun, they say trips are enjoyable without any prior knowledge,”

said Kaiki-san, intervening.

Perhaps, as an adult, he simply couldn’t stand to watch the chatter between two kids. Well, it really was an unsightly back-and-forth.

“And when you’re on a trip, you should be seeking not knowledge, but experience. Otherwise, it’d be fine to just use your smartphone.”

It may have seemed as though he was being nice and backing me up, but this man would cozy up to people and make them think he was “surprisingly a good person” before tricking them as soon as he saw an opportunity, so I couldn’t let my guard down.

Rather than trick questions, it was those methods of his that I was trapped by, which led me to be pulled down from the status of godhood.

“If anything, we’re lucky to be able to travel on the spur of the moment like this, without any preparation. In the past, you used to need a passport in order to go to Okinawa.”

“See, you’re trying to trick me again… There’s no way there was a time where you needed a passport to be able to go to Okinawa.”

“Nadekou. It’s true that knowledge, or prior knowledge, may be unnecessary for enjoying a trip, but you should at least have common sense and etiquette.”

Ononoki-chan admonished me with a blank expression and in her monotone, shaking her head lightly—did I say something wrong?

“Until Okinawa was returned to Japan in 1972, you really did need a passport.”

“Really?”

Well, now that she’d mentioned the year 1972, I more or less had the idea… But really, during that time? It didn’t feel like that at all… But if true, what I’d said certainly shouldn’t have been said by someone on her way to Okinawa. I’d seriously turned into someone that might say that she was envious about having more days off.

I needed to do some serious soul-searching.

“But, isn’t this partially your fault, too, Kaiki-san? You were clearly trying to get me to say something wrong. You set a trap in order to make me look like a fool. It’s almost as evil as telling me to write out ‘Peace Memorial Park’ in kanji.”19

“It’s a lesson in the art of conversation. If you’re aiming to be a specialist in the future, you’d do well to learn from this—to reveal one of my secrets.”

If I learned that technique, it seemed like my destination would not be a specialist, but a con man… Don’t make me into the successor of a con man.

That wasn’t the art of conversation, but the art of swindling.

“While we’re at it, you should follow the channel for my online salon.”

“Kaiki-san, you’re holding an online salon? Are people really following it?”

“Yeah. I get a lot of promising young folks who want to become con men, and then I perform the good deed of ripping them off for money.”

The ethics were a bit of a mess.

It was basically an Internet scam.

Thinking about how these first class seats were being paid for with such dirty money, I couldn’t carelessly sink deep into my seat. I was lucky it wasn’t a lie-flat seat. I suddenly felt the desire to do some squat exercises.

Like in Slam Dunk.

“It’s not just limited to con men, but lots of criminals. Even if they were able to make a ton of money, it’s often the case that they’ll pass on without ever being able to spend it. Because even if they committed the perfect crime without leaving a shred of evidence, they’d arouse suspicion if they were to suddenly start spending money lavishly. So they’d live in run-down apartments in order to avoid being suspected, but it just makes me think, what was the point of making all that profit, then?”

So that thought process of his was expressed in the form of reserving the entire first class of this domestic flight… He’d said it wasn’t just limited to con men, but it wasn’t even limited to criminals—it was fairly common for those who earned money through respectable occupations (what was on my mind were mangaka) to let it all go to waste without being able to spend it well.

What exactly was the right way to spend money? You often hear that money management should be taught in education from an early age…

“But, going back to the topic of Okinotorishima and concrete, I’m surprised Japan was able to get it back.”

“What a truly artless remark, said by someone truly worth educating,”

said the owner of the online salon in a depressing tone of voice—with a depressing and deceptive con man20, a corpse doll that spoke in monotone, and a gloomy girl that muttered everything she said to round out the trio, it really was a lineup lacking in any excitement.

Like we were going to a funeral or something.

In that sense, perhaps Kaiki-san’s eccentric move in reserving the entire first class was the right move after all, so as to not get any victims involved in this funeral.

“From now on, after everything you say, add an asterisk noting, ‘These are the words of a middle-school dropout,’ Nadekou.”

“That in itself sounds like something that should have a ‘This is her own personal opinion’... The disclaimer needs a disclaimer of its own.”

The asterisk was absolutely required and necessary.21

Well, I wouldn’t have been able to tell that the asterisk was similar to the kanji for “necessary” without writing it out by hand…22 I was bad at the liberal arts.

Though there was no subject I was good at.

Nor did I have an eye for subjects I was bad at.23

“That’s for sure. In geography, you probably don’t even know where Chile is.”24

“I do at least know where Chile is… It’s that country in South America that’s really long horizontally, right?”

“You can’t even tell horizontal from vertical, Nadekou? You must come from space.”

“Of course I do. Because I live on Earth.”

“It’s the birthplace of chili sauce,”

Kaiki-san muttered. But rather than a con man’s lie, it sounded more like an old man’s bad pun… However, because of what happened earlier, I needed to hold myself back from retorting by reflex.

I couldn’t know where he’d laid his traps.

The air was thick with tension.

“You probably don’t even know how to write ‘Sapporo’.”

“I’d like to say that I can at least write that much, but I might not actually know.”

Also, I was extremely doubtful of the right way to write “Hakodate”.

If possible, I might only know how to correctly write “Tokachi”.

“Nadekou, even though you haven’t had a single victory from all these exchanges, it’s pretty ironic that you know how to write ‘Tokachi’, for ‘ten victories’.”25

“It’s not ironic or anything. You’re just badmouthing me, there.”

“Oh, I guess you’ve taken a point from me there. Well, Nadekou, considering the probability of you winning, it might actually be possible. If you spend your entire life, you might actually get ten victories.”

The probability of me winning was way too low.

Regardless of my future, perhaps that really was the probability of me winning over the past fifteen years…

“Do you know how to write ‘probability’?”

“If you’re going to test me on kanji so thoroughly, my words will end up all hiragana… Though there was actually a time like that. But really, why do Hokkaido and Okinawa have such difficult-to-read place names?”

“Don’t show your true colors so stupendously and dumbfoundingly with every step, as if peeling back the layers of an onion.26 I’m more and more glad that I reserved the entire first class. Are you some kind of tourist that would only go to visit Hawaii and Waikiki?”

There had to be plenty of tourists that were like that.

Like how, in this world, there hadn’t been only one of me.

There had been as many as five of me, you know?

“It’s not as though Hokkaido and Okinawa solely consist of difficult-to-read place names… But I could even say, Sengoku, that your more-innocent-than-ignorant statements are really touching a nerve.”

“What do you mean? Kaiki-san.”

“If this were some sort of school trip, then as an adult, I should’ve taken you to somewhere like Shuri or Upopoy. When it comes to lands being returned or territorial waters, the scale is neither uniform nor absolute. That’s the lesson you should learn here.”

Upopoy, huh… If I had attended middle school normally and kept going onto high school (if possible), that definitely sounded like a symbolic site for ethnic harmony that I could have visited on a school trip.

“Asterisk. If you coordinate the timeline with Volume 1, Upopoy hasn’t actually opened yet.”

Ononoki-chan added a puzzling annotation.

Was that asterisk really required and necessary?

In that case, it seemed like now would be the time to head for Shuri Castle… On the Yui Rail. I wanted to ride on a monorail, you see. And yet, as an outlaw who’d largely strayed from the right path, the destination to which I was being linearly taken was none other than Iriomote Island.

But, it was neither for sightseeing nor a school trip.

It was for work.

I was continuously being scolded for going to Okinawa without any background knowledge, but if I were to refuse to go on this business trip, I would be left unable to pay my rent, living on my own at fifteen years of age.

It was really harsh. Both my life, and my working conditions.

There was nothing easy about being a dropout.

However, it was really upsetting to be treated as a bundle of ignorance. I, too, wanted to give them a glimpse of pedantic knowledge, like the movement which must have certainly existed before the age of the Internet—not about Okinawa as a whole, but about Iriomote Island.

“On Iriomote Island, there are going to be a lot of Iriomote cats, probably!”

“So that was the knowledge that you managed to squeeze out? You’re like a genius that appears once every hundred years, Sengoku.”

Such was Kaiki-san’s listless response.

Come to think of it, considering he’d been made to look after a dropout by his direct senior, Gaen-san, it was pretty likely that Kaiki-san was far above me or Ononoki-chan in regards to being unwilling to go on this trip.

At an altitude even higher than this plane. An extremely high altitude.

In the first place, Kaiki-san had originally been cut off by Gaen-san because of me, so it must be a complicated feeling for him to be forced to do this to mend their relationship… Was it really because of me?

How complicated and mysterious.

The difficult thing was, an adult man like Kaiki-san probably wouldn’t be pleased to hear that a kid like me was ruminating over those complicated and mysterious circumstances—it felt to me that the proper attitude of a child towards an adult was to be considerate by not being considerate.

Please be soothed by my natural innocence.

That may well be possible for the former Nadeko, but it was probably impossible for the current Nadeko. But still, there had to be some vestiges of a soothing nature left in me.

“Iriomote cats being discovered there is what made Iriomote Island into Iriomote Island, right! And not Taketomi Island!”

“As a result of squeezing out whatever knowledge she could, she was squeezed into an idiot.”

Not a cat, but an idiot.

It wasn’t necessarily because she spoke in a monotone, but Ononoki-chan’s reply was also listless—perhaps I should’ve mentioned this earlier, but for Ononoki-chan, too, this was a trip for the sake of atonement.

Take a look at the eyepatch that covered the right eye of her cute corpse face—as a scandalous form of punishment, Gaen-san had confiscated one of her eyes.

It was an unthinkable penalty for the Reiwa era.

“Reiwa… Well, that’s still fine. Considering the chronology with Volume 1,”

muttered Ononoki-chan.

Had this wrongdoer been tasked with the role of being time police?

Was she making up for the crime of changing history?

It seemed there was more drama with her than with me.

“If you fulfill your duty here, Ononoki-chan, will your eye be returned?”

“That’s right. My field of vision is in your hands, Nadekou.”

She was putting something pretty heavy in my hands…

To someone like me.

Forgetful as I was, I couldn’t possibly forget the fact that I myself was making up for my wrongdoings, in a similar vein… I was in the middle of my atonement. Atonement for the wrongdoing of cursing and being cursed, reigning as the god of the town, and, after doing whatever I pleased, attempting to annihilate the person I liked…

“Don’t worry too much about that. When you boil down everything that I and Yotsugi and you did wrong, it’s all Araragi’s fault, after all.”

“I-isn’t that boiling it down a little too much?”

That would result in green tea too bitter to drink.

“What, are you covering for him? A guy like that.”

Weeell… I wasn’t trying to cover for him, but it wouldn’t exactly be a sign of growth to pin the blame on someone else. That was likely why Gaen-san was sending us to Okinawa. Instead of going herself, even though she was someone who was light on her feet.

“Hmph. You’re probably right that Gaen-san’s team composition was made with something along those lines in mind, but the core reason is probably something else.”

“? What do you mean? Well, I figure this also serves as my training, but…”

“That’s secondary, maybe even tertiary. This mission is clearly way too high-level to serve as training… For anyone, really. The extermination of Araundo should be a job for first-rate specialists—it’s not really a job for a pariah like me or a heretical oddity like Yotsugi. And especially not a job for a rookie that’s still learning.”

Well, that was what I thought, too… That had been

what I’d thought, but honestly, when depending on Kaiki-san not for his character but for his status as a professional specialist, it was an unnerving statement.

A professional shouldn’t be saying the same things I was.

Even if you make such depressing complaints after coming this far… We’re already aboard the plane, you know! And in first class, at that.

This is practically a scam!

At this rate, instead of focusing on my anxiety for the future, I would have to return the conversation to the topic of Iriomote cats… After all, people’s minds will quickly calm down when talking about cute cats.

“It’s amazing you can say something like that despite knowing about Hanekawa Tsubasa. I’m impressed.”

Rather than reaching all the way to being impressed, Kaiki-san sounded appalled.

Before the end of this trip, I wanted to receive a true smile or true words of praise from Kaiki-san—I wanted to see a heartwarming conclusion.

That said, there hadn’t actually been very many points of contact between me and Hanekawa-san.

It was partly because I was so shy and ran away using takkyudo…27 Wasn’t there actually not a single time we’d spoken properly? Even so, I’d heard rumors that she’d been possessed by a cat oddity… That wasn’t the reason I’d run away using takkyudo, but apparently, she was a class representative with cat ears, or something.

“Is she as great of a person as how everyone talks about her? Couldn’t it be that the rumors are preceding her, and if I tried hard enough, I might be able to beat her?”

“Sometimes, there’s strength in not knowing.”

The con man came out with an aphorism.

When spoken by a con man, it sounded even more like a lie—though it would basically be the same when spoken by a bundle of ignorance like me.

“I also think that’s an overreaching statement for his position, but right now, it might be a reassuring statement. It’s true that Hanekawa Tsubasa is a great person, and Black Hanekawa was a great oddity, but she isn’t as capable as people think she is. Like her huge breasts, her power was too much for her to handle. If you look carefully, you’ll see that she makes plenty of mistakes, too. And she was firmly rejected by oni onii-chan.”

Really… Even though she was firmly rejected, she probably didn’t end up with an incoherent broken heart like me… Perhaps the “firmly” part was what was important.

“No, no, she put up a decent fight, seriously. In regards to the situation of her heartbreak. In that respect, the slapdash reasoning of saying everything is oni onii-chan’s responsibility isn’t all that foolish.”

If you look deeper, you could even say everything is the fault of the former Heartunderblade—said Ononoki-chan, referencing the young girl that was her rival. Hmm, was that meant to be some sort of callback to Volume 1 or something…? Even though it would be out of line to call back to Volume 1, from a chronological perspective.

It could be the special privilege of the time police.

“Besides, Sengoku. Iriomote cats are in a completely separate category from the domesticated cats like the one that settled in Hanekawa Tsubasa. They’re even different from feral cats.”

“Feral cats? As opposed to stray cats?”28

“To put it simply, stray cats need to be protected, but once you call them feral cats, you can exterminate them.”

I would rather you didn’t put it so simply…

There was a difference in meaning from the distinction between stray dogs and wild dogs, huh.29

It was a reality I would’ve liked to gloss over.

“But, Iriomote cats aren’t feral cats? Surely they aren’t kept in the Iriomote Zoo, right?”

“There’s no such thing as the Iriomote Zoo—after all, Iriomote Island is a natural animal kingdom. Ninety percent of the island is jungle, you see.”

So there were jungles even in Japan—I’d been thinking there were only jungle gyms.

“Once you experience an actual jungle, you’ll find yourself thinking that that playground equipment doesn’t live up to its name of ‘jungle gym’, Sengoku.”

“What’s with that pretense… Please don’t threaten me, Kaiki-san. There’s no way I’ll be experiencing an actual jungle, right? From what I can tell from your earlier retorts, it’s not that it’s called Iriomote Island because there are Iriomote cats there, but that because they’re cats found on Iriomote Island’s Iriomote Mountain, they’re called Iriomote mountain cats, right?”30

“You’re on the right track, but there’s no such thing as Iriomote Mountain, either.”

The mountain there is called Yaeyama, said Kaiki-san.

Was he unexpectedly the type of person to praise others so that they could grow, this guy…? Or was he actually the type of person to flatter others to deceive them later?

Yaeyama…

Speaking of which, there was also a group of islands called the Yaeyama Islands, according to the guidebook I perused. Or rather, skimmed through.

“In the first place, you should be dividing the words in a completely different way. Because they’re mountain cats in Iriomote, they’re Iriomote mountain cats—the ultimate endemic species found solely on Iriomote Island. They’re neither domesticated cats nor feral cats nor stray cats, but mountain cats.”

“? But, mountain cats are just stray cats that live on mountains, right? What’s the difference between them and Hanekawa-san’s cat?”31

“You really are a student worth teaching. What an incredible open-air classroom to hold, in an airplane, at that. Despite how I might come across, I did once strive to be a teacher, after all.”

It was a lie that I did not even need to bother exposing.

A con man striving to be a teacher? Perhaps they were both experts in their fields, but the difference was just too big.32

“Kaiki onii-chan had once been taught by a brilliant private tutor, you see. Maybe he’s not suited to being a teacher, but he might be suited to being a private tutor. And it’s not that stray cats that live on mountains are mountain cats, but that mountain cats live on mountains because they’re mountain cats, Nadekou. In this case, it’s a naming battle, kind of like the chicken-or-egg question… But you can think of it as cats and mountain cats being completely different species. Without even using Black Hanekawa as an example, unlike stray cats or feral cats which basically coexist with humans, mountain cats are completely wild animals.”

In terms of appearance, they’re closer to tigers or leopards.

That was what Ononoki-chan said.

In a ruthless tone of voice, in spite of being in a monotone.

“Speaking of mountain cats… Is the Ball-as cat a mountain cat?”

“You mean Pallas’s cat. Though its form certainly does look ball-like.”33

That’s also an endangered species, said Ononoki-chan before continuing.

“Hanekawa Tsubasa later gave birth to a tiger as well, but that was basically a tiger in a zoo. Bred in captivity by Hanekawa Tsubasa… Compared to that, Iriomote cats are the apex predators of Iriomote Island’s ecosystem. They are not domesticated by anyone, and are not frightened of anything. They do not have any natural enemies.”

It was different from what I imagined.

Because of the word “cat”, I’d assumed they’d be cute… But they were wild, huh? Well, if ninety percent of the island was jungle, it made sense… So it was like the king of beasts within that particular area.

It was literally the king of the hill, in a good way.

“Because they’re an endangered species, I’d had a strong impression that they needed to be protected, but they’re apex predators?”

“Strictly speaking, the real apex is automobiles.”

The natural enemies of mountain cats are humans.

So said Kaiki-san.

He did not seem like an animal-lover by any means, and his language was unforgiving.

“In other words, roadkill. That’s why Iriomote Island has built tunnels for the mountain cats to use.”

“Are, aren’t they being treated a little too well?”

Did they have something like entrances exclusive to cats, like cat doors? Though that only worked for domesticated cats… It wasn’t really my concern, but wouldn’t they be unable to return to the wild after that?

“It’s not really the same as feeding pigeons in the park. And it’s different from the protection afforded to stray cats. Because, if they aren’t protected, they’ll go extinct… There are only about a hundred of them left, you know? Well, like you said, there’s no denying that they’re under protection because they’re cats. On Iriomote Island, which is sometimes called the Galapagos of the East, there are a lot more protected and rare species, but the Iriomote cat is by far the most well-known.”

You just couldn’t help but feel a bit of cynicism that, because they were the most famous, they were offered the most protection—though, of course, it was also true that they were most in the position to be over-hunted in the event of an emergency.

“Then, if I ever meet an Iriomote cat, I’ll be sure to pet it gently.”

“Absolutely do not do that, Sengoku. I’m not lying here, and I’m not trying to make light of you. This is a completely serious warning.”

“Protection or not, the Iriomote cat could even eat a human if it were to encounter one.”

“R-really? I thought humans were their natural enemies?”

“Well, if they’re riding in cars… The inferior species known as humans would probably lose to even domesticated cats in a one-on-one fistfight.”

I’d unexpectedly ended up being condescended upon by the corpse doll on a species level, but, well, of course she’d say that. Even if it was a one-on-one fistfight, wild animals still had their claws, after all.

Sure, humans also had fingernails, but those were nails that were meant to be clipped.

However, winning and losing was on a completely different level from eating or being eaten…

“We’ve spoken a lot on that subject in Volume 1, so let’s not repeat all that again.”

Ononoki-chan was showing some consideration. Though it wasn’t consideration shown towards me, who didn’t know anything about the circumstances of Volume 1… I was completely at the mercy of this time-paradox-like asymmetry of information.

“Someone like you probably wouldn’t even win against a coconut crab. You’d end up with a finger cut off. Not to mention, it’s outrageous to think about fighting against a protected species. If it seems like you’re about to be eaten, you should just quietly allow yourself to be eaten.”

Kaiki-san spoke like someone obsessed with cats to an unhealthy extent—was he actually a cat person, just pretending to hate pets?

It wasn’t as though I disliked cats, though I wouldn’t keep one myself. But even so, I didn’t think that it was fine to let myself be eaten by one.

“Even if it was a cat that was cute enough to eat up?”

“It’d be scary the moment they bared their fangs.”

I’d heard that it wasn’t just their fangs, and that cats even had pointed tongues to cut away at the flesh of their prey.

When I responded like that to Ononoki-chan’s interjection…

“Well said, for a snake like you with fangs and a forked tongue—but there’s no need to worry. Since they’re an endangered species, it’s extremely rare to actually run into one. They’re like fantasy creatures that even an Iriomote Island native is unlikely to come across—in that sense, they’re even rarer than oddities.”

That was what Kaiki-san said.

Aha—though they also referred to vampires as endangered species.

“That topic was also already discussed in Volume 1.”

“Aren’t there too many NG words? It’s too harsh for Volume 2, which is coming second. It feels like a test of my skill to make a lunch box with leftovers. …Speaking of vampires, isn’t there also a type of bat that’s endemic to Iriomote Island?”

“There is, and while we’re on the topic, a snake like you would be delighted to hear that there are also habu snakes.”

Well, of course there would be those. Depending on the region, you could earn three thousand yen for catching one of those venomous snakes. I’d been stoked about the chance for a side job.

“Is it because it’s an island like that, that Araundo Uroko… -san made it her base? Is she like a specialist that worships the habu?”

“You’ve finally managed to ask a constructive question, Sengoku,”

said Kaiki-san.

Though it was only a question I’d asked because of Kaiki-san’s pretenses… Ononoki-chan talked me up as some sort of master of snake-catching, but none of the snakes I’d caught on the mountain in my hometown had been venomous.

“But, that’s a bit troublesome. Araundo may be a snake charmer, but it’s not necessarily the case that she’ll only use habu snakes. Even snakes like the mamushi or the cobra might be used, even if they aren’t venomous—but to get to the point, investigating the question of, ‘Why did Araundo make Iriomote Island her stronghold?’ is our primary objective.”

“Eh, is that so?”

Was it okay to not defeat her? The evil boss.

I’d been totally gunning for that outcome, though.

Had I just been spinning my wheels, here?

“Of course, Gaen-senpai did order us to do that, but that was really just to mentally prepare us, so to speak. It’s unlikely she’s actually hoping for outlaws like us to come back with such extraordinary results. If anything, we’re more like a reconnaissance squad, or a commando unit—it might be too much to say we’re sacrificial pieces, but I don’t think even that absurd senpai would think it would be so easy to settle things with her fated enemy, whom she’s been up against for fifteen years.”

An absurd senpai.

It was a description that suited her perfectly.

In the first place, you could say that me presumptuously taking up the position of a god for a short time was a result brought forth by Gaen-san’s absurdity.

But, while hearing that was a bit of a let-down, it also made me feel as though a burden had been lifted—a sense of relief coming from, “of course it would be that way”. It seemed there were limits even for the absurdity of that absurd senpai.

Though I’d been forced to gain a lot of experience recently, I was still an amateur, so it was like I would be going to stop the aforementioned Araundo with what was essentially a side job—but, fifteen years is pretty crazy.

“That means Gaen-san has been constantly up in arms with that snake pot since I was born. After finally tracking down her hideout, I guess Gaen-san is actually being careful by sending us to scout the place out first… Why did she make Iriomote Island her stronghold, huh? I really can’t imagine why.”

“In Okinawa, they have sacred places that they call utaki, you see. Kind of like the heiau you’d find in Hawaii… Maybe there’s some correlation.”

Since earlier, Ononoki-chan’s been holding opinions on not just Okinawan culture, but also Hawaiian culture… Meanwhile, I couldn’t tell the difference between a Hawaiian shirt and a kariyushi shirt.34

“I can’t tell the difference, either. But I’d bet that Oshino can tell you a thing or two, as someone who wears brand-name Hawaiian shirts.”

So it was brand-name, that dirty-looking… I mean, that lightly-dressed Hawaiian shirt?35

“Never thought you could correct ‘dirty-looking’ to ‘lightly-dressed’. I’ve heard that kariyushi shirts can be formal wear in Okinawa just as Hawaiian shirts can be formal wear in Hawaii, so let’s change into those at the airport when we arrive. And then the three of us can dance the hula.”

“Isn’t that just distinctive to Hawaii, and maybe also the city of Iwaki?”36

“Based on what I’ve read off the Internet, Hawaiian shirts may have originated from the Japanese kimono, or maybe not.”

By ending her sentence ambiguously, Ononoki-chan was trying to gloss over the vagueness of her knowledge.

Hmm.

Since the only clothes I had were what I was wearing, I figured I’d buy some Uminchu T-shirts once we arrived,37 but a kariyushi shirt wasn’t a bad idea, either.

“You’re like the epitome of an out-of-towner, thinking about changing into the local clothing as soon as you arrive. I would never do something so utterly embarrassing. There’s also the sensitive issue of whether it’s acceptable for an outsider tourist to wear traditional clothing with such impunity.”

It seemed Kaiki-san did not easily get in the mood.

Well, it might be odd to even expect someone who wore what was basically mourning attire to first class… He was such a gloomy fellow that he might even be able to look directly at the sun, even without wearing sunglasses.

“Kaiki-san, if you withdrew from the battlefront as a result of cutting ties with Gaen-san midway… Has the Hawaiian-shirt Oshino-san been pursuing Araundo-san together with Gaen-san? Was he wearing that Hawaiian shirt as a clue or a stepping stone?”

“There won’t be any forced foreshadowing like that… Oshino has had barely anything to do with Araundo. If that guy provides support to only Gaen-senpai, it’ll go against his neutrality. This is practically the first time I’ve been involved, too. The only one who’s been actively involved from a while back would be Kagenui, I guess… Right, Yotsugi?”

“That’s right. Though in her case, onee-chan stuck her nose into those affairs without even being asked… So I do know a little about Araundo—after all, as long as an immortal oddity is the enemy, onee-chan will stick her nose into anything. She’ll stick a hand down yer throat and make yer back teeth rattle, y’hear.”

Wasn’t that a super scary threat in the Kansai dialect?

My back teeth were rattling in fear, even without her needing to stick her hand down my throat.

“But, is Araundo-san actually an immortal oddity? Wasn’t she a snake charmer—”

“Snake oddities are generally symbols of immortality, after all. The image of them shedding their skin gives off a strong impression. Even so, onee-chan was never able to get close to Araundo’s true form—slithering snakes are really the worst matchup for onee-chan’s straightforward fighting style.”

“Mm… But, if she hasn’t proactively mobilized the leading class of specialists, Gaen-san hasn’t actually seriously squared off against Araundo-san, right? As the boss of the specialists, she didn’t consider this an important job, and put it off for fifteen years—”

“It may not be an important job, but she attached a lot of importance to it. And she wasn’t putting it off, but circumventing it. For personal reasons—it’s not clear if we can be considered the leading class for Gaen-senpai, but Araundo has been like a lesion to Gaen-senpai.”38

They’ve been fighting since you were born.

That was for certain, and it was a very pertinent way to say it.

So spoke Kaiki-san, quoting my words—though I didn’t think my words were that significant to be worth quoting?

Since all that meant was that I was fifteen years old.

“Well, the timing of this being the fifteenth anniversary of their battle really might just be happenstance, but for Gaen-senpai, the fact that you’re fifteen years old might have served as a form of inspiration. Otherwise, that chessmaster would not have played a trainee like you with the board in this state—because you’re the same age as Araundo, she did a bit of projection.”

“Projection?”

No, that wasn’t it.

I was the same age as Araundo-san?

“Then… Araundo-san is fifteen years old?”

“I never said she wasn’t.”

Well, it may not be something that needed to be expressly noted… Perhaps that asterisk wasn’t necessary or required, but it was surprising to learn nonetheless. After all, from what I’d heard and personally experienced of all the evil acts Araundo Uroko-san committed, it was extremely difficult to picture her as the age of a child.

She was from Gaen-san’s generation… Was probably not what I would say, but I figured she was from around Oshino-san, Kaiki-san, and Kagenui-san’s generation… I wouldn’t have been particularly surprised if she was an older person from the eighties, but a fifteen-year-old?

“Isn’t fifteen the age where a child is most pure and innocent?”

“Wow, that’s the funniest line you’ve said all day, Nadekou. You joker.”

I hadn’t intended it to be a joke, but, dear me, looking back on my life, just being a child wasn’t a reason to not commit any misdeeds.

Without even needing to think about Tsukihi-chan or Nakuna-chan…

“The former advisor of the allies of justice known as the Fire Sisters, Araragi Tsukihi, has somehow naturally fallen into the category of an atrocious villain, eh… What a terrible descent into evil. Taking into account the dog, rather, the case of Tooboe Nakuna,39 you may as well be birds of a feather. Well, for Gaen-san, perhaps she could have just as easily made use of Araragi Tsukihi, but that girl isn’t someone that can be considered a mere fifteen-year-old. Besides, as someone who’s temporarily been a snake god, though you may not necessarily meet the same conditions as Araundo the snake charmer, she definitely thinks you’ll put up a good fight. In terms of conditions, you’re better off than onee-chan, who can only go with simple violence.”

Though I figured Kagenui-san had no conditions.

For her, there was no such thing as conditions or treaties.40

However, when I heard that I was mobilized against a fifteen-year-old because I myself was fifteen years old, it gave me mixed feelings… There were many reasons for why I’d become a dropout, but the primary factor of “because I couldn’t get along with the others from my class” was a very, very big one.

Nevertheless, the reason I’d shut myself in my own apartment for over a year was, frankly speaking, because I was afraid of my classmates… And for each day I didn’t attend school, that fear would double.

Everyone who was fourteen last year and had turned fifteen this year was so very, very frightening to me.

“So that’s why, Nadekou, you’re only capable of hanging around tween girls like me and adults like Kaiki onii-chan. You’ve got a phobia of your own generation.”

“Putting aside your phrasing, that might not be wrong.”

“Well, it’s not like Gaen-senpai is telling you to make friends and get along with Araundo… Since Gaen-senpai herself is someone who can make friends with anyone, she probably doesn’t know how to show that form of parental love.”

“Aw… Stop it, Kaiki-san. It’s true that Gaen-san treats me well, but surely she doesn’t think of me as her daughter.”

And she probably wasn’t at that age, Gaen-san… After all, she was the “onee-san that knew everything”.

“Though she could consider me a younger sister with a big age gap…”

“Wouldn’t that still be pretty unpleasant for you? You don’t want to go back, right? To when you called oni onii-chan, ‘Koyomi-onii-chan’.”

I definitely didn’t want to go back.

Thinking about it, he could be considered a witness to the fact that I’d been a kid that didn’t enjoy playing with my peers as early as elementary school—however, showing no interest in my origins or psychological trauma, Kaiki-san continued.

“Don’t misunderstand,”

he said, saying a line that sounded like it would come from a tsundere.

It weirdly suited him.

“When I said parental love, it wouldn’t be directed at you. It would be parental love directed towards Araundo—after all, no matter how much hostility is between them, they’re still mother and daughter. It’s a different matter from dealing with a junior she’s cut ties with.”

“...Eh?”

Hostility—mother and daughter?

“Ah! You actually said ‘hammock’, didn’t you?”41

“Why would I say ‘hammock’ here—this isn’t some southern resort. Rather than ‘SUP’, I’d like to tell you, ‘shut up’.42 What, you haven’t heard? Then I’ll tell you for five hundred yen, but Araundo Uroko’s real name is Gaen Uroko. The real daughter of Gaen Izuko.”