Monogatari Series - Volume 26 - Chapter 1.33

033

“I’m sure you’ve had the chance to look around the room, but no need to worry about that whole playing house. Although, I guess it’s useless to say that now.

“But I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now. That was like a reenactment of my upbringing.

“Don’t worry.

“I never once thought of ‘that’ as my real daughter, or even as a human being.

“I’m sure you’re thinking of it as creepy, scary, or unsettling, but it was more or less the result of trial and error.

“Or a failure of trial and error…

“It was inevitable because of the paperwork, but I had to act like a married person, after all—I rented a family apartment and tried to simulate a typical Japanese family.

“At least, I tried… But the results weren’t very good. All I ended up simulating was my past.

“I was just playing house, but it didn’t go very well.

“I can even say that my parents did much better than I did. I didn’t even last three years, let alone twenty.

“I created that ‘daughter’ with the intention of loving it properly, but in just two years, I couldn’t love it at all.

“I stopped thinking of it as cute.

“As the size of the doll became less and less like a baby… I could no longer watch over its ‘growth’. After a while, all I could think was, ‘She used to be so cute’.

“Were Daddy and Mommy right?

“Were children cuter when they didn’t grow up?

“And… Araragi-kun, did you look in the next room properly? Did you find ‘my estranged husband’?

“It’s no good if you overlooked it. In the future, you have to do more than what you are told.

“I’ll confess that that was also, of course, my handiwork. As well as the recreation of the murder scene. Although the setting was not as elaborate as my daughter’s room. I have to say, I’m not too happy with the way it turned out.

“On top of my ‘daughter’, I couldn’t bring myself to love my ‘husband’… Well, of course. Daddy almost killed me, and Mommy killing Daddy was basically my fault, so perhaps, towards the living thing called a ‘father’, I had… What was it called again? Something-or-other.

“Right, that. Trauma. PTSD.

“Well, in my case, it wasn’t psychological trauma, but the usual, physical, trauma.

“With that in mind, perhaps what I was doing was not playing house or recreating the crime scene, but something like sandplay therapy?

“Though I wish I hadn’t done it.

“I ended up starting to hate going home—that said, Araragi-kun, I didn’t send you to my place because I wanted you to clean up my broken home.

“A teacher that forces a student to clean their house would get in big trouble.

“That wasn’t it. I was trying to get you to report it. I wanted you to be an eyewitness. In other words, it was evidence.

“The kind of information only the real culprit could know.

“Combined with this letter, there should be enough evidence… I’m sorry for being so mean in the beginning. Even though I provoked you so much, the truth is that I don’t think you won’t be able to decipher this letter, Araragi-kun.

“There are plenty of good translation apps out there.

“I just wanted to buy some time. Until I could get away to a safe place—after that, I wouldn’t mind having you publicize the letter.

“I’m not running away because I was caught abusing my daughter, and I’m not running away because I was caught abusing a handmade doll. It’s not something so dramatic.

“Shamefully, it seemed that it would end up being found out—the series of frauds I committed, starting with the false marriage. While doing my usual self-check as a routine part of my lifestyle, I found some mistakes I couldn’t recover from. Laws and management systems had changed before my very eyes.

“The trend of allowing foreign workers to live in Japan permanently is something that I truly appreciate, but for me, it’s a few decades too late… Rather, it’s that change in the wind that led to my crimes being exposed.

“I won’t complain, though. It’s a good thing, after all.

“I thought I had successfully exploited a loophole in the rules, but in the end, committing wrongdoings was bad. If I were to be found out, I’d get arrested. That’s why I ran away.

“I hate to say this because it sounds like a joke, but I don’t want to be confined in a cage anymore.

“I don’t want to be deported back to my birthplace, where Mommy is probably still hiding, and most of all, I don’t want to go back to being me.

“I don’t want to give up the persona of Iesumi Hagoromo that I raised… Though I’m sure I made a mistake in raising that persona at some point.

“I’m attached to this name, like it’s my own child.

“And so, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

“The child is father to the man.

“Like Mommy fled after the crime she committed, I will also flee—and, Araragi-kun, I want you to deliver this letter to the police and tell them about my apartment.

“I know I said I’d give you the answer at the end, but I think you’ve figured it out by now. The reason I requested this of you.

“It was true that Oikura-san told me you were the greatest professional of child abuse among the students of Manase University, but that wasn’t the deciding factor.

“It’s because you’re the son of the Araragi couple, the prefectural police’s greatest human rights caseworkers—I’m sure you hate being told that, but you really should be proud of your fine parents.

“She never said so explicitly, but Oikura-san once got in contact with you for that very reason, didn’t she? Through you, she wanted to skip all the complicated procedures and appeal to the top brass of the police.

“I thought I’d try to copy her.

“That’s it! Was what I thought.

“I didn’t have the guts to turn myself in, so I figured I’d ask Araragi-kun, who had the strongest connections, to help me. I wanted you to assist me, a liar, into becoming an honest person.

“For once, I wanted to walk down the path of sincerity—and I may have wanted to avoid Switzerland’s image being tarnished as a result of my crimes being exposed. I wanted to make sure this was disclosed not as an international issue, but as a family matter.

“I may be a criminal, but I’m not a bad person.

“I’m just a bit pathetic.

“It’s become a rather long letter, but now that I’ve foisted these fuzzy feelings like the stuffing of a doll onto you, I feel better now. I guess I should have done that from the beginning.

“I’ll leave the rest to you.

“I’ll run away where no one can reach me—because I’m Hagoromo, a robe of feathers. I may not be a heavenly maiden myself, but I’m sure I can fly. Like a piece of cloth, fluttering in the wind.

“Aah, it feels like I’m going to heaven.”