Monogatari Series - Volume 26 - Chapter 1.30

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“First, they threw me into a handmade cage. They carefully transferred me from a crib to a cage.

“You know how they say you shouldn’t keep a goldfish in a large tank? Because they’ll grow to the size of the tank.

“If you want to keep the goldfish small, you shouldn’t keep it in a tank that’s any bigger… Well, I figure it’s more like an urban legend, but that’s what they did.

“As specialists. As parents.

“To their own child.

“They imprisoned me in a meticulously calculated cage—not because the baby would move around and mess up the house, not because it was troublesome if the baby followed them around—but because they didn’t want me to grow taller or gain more weight than the length, width, and height of the iron fence.

“It was an act filled with love.

“It was an act filled with hope.

“‘I hope that Hagoromo-chan stays small forever.’

“‘Please stay cute forever, Hagoromo-chan.’

“I don’t really remember what it was like as a baby, but I surely had to have cried out because of such discomfort.

“It would have been a high-pitched scream.

“But it’s a baby’s job to cry.

“So as they watched me cry, they considered me the most lovely little thing—the abuse against me did not even involve discipline.

“They were trying to spoil me.

“It really makes you think, doesn’t it?

“What kind of upbringing did they have to have to become parents like that… Would it be comical to say that I wanted to see their parents’ faces?

“There should be four of my grandparents here in this country, but I don’t think I want to meet them… They’re probably not even alive.

“Well, if you’ve been trapped in a place for as long as you can remember, you’ll end up thinking it’s completely normal.

“At some point, I stopped crying.

“Because crying was a waste of water.

“Water was important. For the sake of staying alive. The only effort I could make of my own volition to stay alive was to ‘not cry’.

“So, after being trapped like a foie gras goose, unable to move, I was constantly stuffed with food, just like a foie gras goose—but of course you don’t think that, right?

“In fact, it was the opposite. I’m sure you can imagine.

“Daddy and Mommy didn’t even try to nourish me. Because, if I did, I might grow.

“Breast milk was a no-no.

“I know I said I didn’t remember anything from when I was a baby, but I can vaguely remember my mom in the kitchen, milking her own breasts and throwing away all the nutrients I needed to grow.

“I get that feeling. It could just be a false memory. Maybe, because it was a waste, she gave it to Daddy to drink. Sorry, that was an adult joke.

“All I drank was just water.

“But I wasn’t badmouthing it by calling it ‘just water’… After all, it was how I maintained my transient life.

“Just a transient life.

“But, since water was all I had to drink, you can pretty much guess what my food was like, right? Do you think you can answer correctly if I gave it as a quiz? It’s a question that ninety-seven percent of babies can get right.

“At the very least, there was no need to wean me off of milk onto baby food. I didn’t need to be weaned, because I wasn’t even drinking milk in the first place.

“Basically, I was given nothing to eat.

“If you don’t eat, you don’t gain weight. Maybe I should put out a book called ‘The No-Eating Diet’.

“How should I put it? I felt like I was almost dried out. Like a flimsy mummy that was nothing but skin and bones—like tanned leather. So it was like water brought me back to life.

“But it wasn’t like that water was unlimited. So it was normal for me to not eat or drink… But, maybe once every three days, once every five days, once every week, once every month, I was given some fruit to eat.

“An apple, a pear, a banana, a tangerine, a melon, an avocado, or a durian.

“Daddy used a fruit knife to peel it and cut it to the size of my mouth. My mouth was small, after all. Like a puckered-up mouth, I guess? My teeth weren’t coming in at all.

“Were you thinking that I was being fed something surprisingly nutritious?

“Indeed.

“Although, all I was fed was the peel. The apple, the pear, the banana, the tangerine, the melon, the avocado—the peel of those fruits.

“Being in a state where I was like tanned leather, all I did was lick the peel that I’d been given.38

“Doesn’t it sound like a tongue-twister?

“They say that the flavor of the fruit is concentrated near the skin, but I wonder if that’s really true? At the very least, with that being all I ate, my limbs didn’t grow very quickly.

“Mommy and Daddy’s wish had been completely fulfilled.

“They made their dreams come true.

“I had become a baby that didn’t grow.

“I kept the weight I had when I was a newborn.

“Of course, I was chronically undernourished, which made me prone to illness, and I suppose I was more of a handful than most babies. Daddy was basically constantly at home, giving me treatment…

“Mommy turned me into her dress-up doll.

“She made tons of clothes for me. Clothes filled with love. I was like a mannequin… I was immobile, after all. I could move even less than a mannequin. I was capable of wriggling around in the cage, but I didn’t want to waste my energy on something so pointless.

“You’d be on the right track if you said I was playing at being a statue.

“Have you ever felt like you might die just because you turned over in your sleep? It’s thrilling and addictive.

“And since I was such a frail person, putting on Mommy’s clothes was draining… The clothes must have weighed more than I did.

“Well, my name is Hagoromo, after all.

“It wouldn’t be strange if I was light enough to fly… By the way, what kind of story is the legend of the hagoromo, again?

“A man found a heavenly maiden bathing in a lake in the forest, stole her robe of feathers hanging on a tree branch, and forced her to marry him if she wanted it back?

“Amazing. There’s nothing but crimes there.

“I can’t help but wonder if there was a baby born between the heavenly maiden and the voyeuristic, larcenous, and blackmailing man. I don’t know how it ends, but I sincerely hope it’s not, ‘And so the family lived happily ever after.’

“Anyway, I grew up just like the name my parents gave me… A life like cloth, flimsy and light.

“To sum it all up.

“In a cage in the corner of the room, I survived as the doll of a baby, never growing up—for over twenty years.”