Monogatari Series - Volume 25 - Chapter 8.06

006 

The epilogue, or maybe, the punch line of this story. 

I’m not sure how close I came to the truth with the theory that I had painstakingly constructed by ironing out the details regarding the murder weapon, but it had been enough to safely free me from the armed fugitive. 

And I’ll admit that there is something ironic about saying “ironing out” in this situation, and even the word “ironic” is ironic, but the point is that the enemy tried to frame Mutou for this crime with iron in a flesh mold.  

During battle. 

Mutou may not be allowed to kill, but she must have had many chances to use “Mind Render” during various battles—and so, as to not break her promise, she didn’t aim for vital areas, but she had surely stabbed the blade of her scissors into enemy players’ bodies more than once or twice.  

I don’t even really have to guess about that. By smelling the blade, I was able to confirm that it had the fresh scent of blood on it. She had recently used that blade against another human being.  

Having my blood sucked by a vampire wasn’t just for looks—oh, but I’m not planning to start calling myself the vampire detective, just to be clear.  

And if the player who she stabbed knew that she would not aim for one of his vital organs, then they might just go out of their way to get stabbed by her—since the wound left behind would have value.  

It would then serve as a mold to copy the shape of her weapon. 

... Using the human body in place of clay to take a mold is not something that anyone from our world would consider normal, and pouring molten iron into a wound is basically torture. Even if you did it to your own body, that’s not something that should be allowed. There’s also the fact that it’s an underhanded tactic to try and pin blame on an innocent person—even if they are a demonic killer—but then again, when you go to such extreme measures to create your false evidence, it’s hard to really criticize it.  

Ultimately, what I came away with was the feeling that we were from entirely different worlds—and in that sense, all of my attempts to hypothesize and craft theories could’ve been entirely baseless, and even the final idea that I came up with might have paled in comparison to the real events that occurred.  

But what matters most of all is that it was enough to convince the fugitive.  

“Well, I guess I’ll go surrender to Aikawa-oneesan and explain things.” 

That’s what Mutou said after mentally preparing herself. Apparently, even if turning yourself in to the police isn’t a thing, surrendering is?  

“I can’t just keep running away forever—not that I ever intended to do so. Thank you for your help, Koyomi-oniichan. I won’t forget this debt to you.” 

“I’m fine if you forget it... Oh, but can I ask you something?” There was one mystery remaining.  

It wasn’t something important, but it would be nice to hear her answer.  

“Why do you call me ‘Koyomi-oniichan’?” 

“Because I’m a little sister character, in spite of my appearance.” 

Huh. That’s unexpected. Perhaps my thoughts showed on my face, because she giggled and continued. 

“Don’t worry. I’ve been casually testing you this whole time, but you’ve ‘passed’, Koyomi-oniichan.” 

“‘Passed’? What?” 

“The human exam.  Thanks to that it was quite fun! It felt like I was a normal girl—a normal human—again. Well, see you!” 

And so—let the Zerozaki begin.  Well, Mutou Iori will.  

The rambunctious, high-energy seventeen-year-old went back home to the battlefield where her family waits.  

“...” 

It’s been a long time since someone recognized me as a human being.  

It had been enough to save me, but, and I’m not the most honest person, I now belatedly began to feel that perhaps I had wasted a chance to have a more meaningful conversation with Mutou. She had both of her hands cut off and she casually referred to that as an “honorable wound”, so I’m sure we could have talked about much more—she must have had a hundred stories to tell me about those two hands, and I would have liked to hear them. 

Conversely, it pained me that I had no tales of heroism to share with the demonic killer. The only stories that I have would be just as miserable for her to hear as they would be for me to tell.  

The scars carved into the side of my neck, and the scars that remain deep in my heart, are terribly dishonorable wounds; terribly dishonorable kiss marks.  

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6  In the original, the word for “ironing out” is 肉薄 (nikuhaku, “coming close to”). Koyomi then comments on the irony of using this word, which contains the kanji for “meat” (肉, niku), in a situation where a mold made of meat was used. He then adds that it’s ironic to use the word “ironic” (皮肉, hiniku) as well, since it too contains this kanji. We tried to convey the puns by switching the focus from the “meat” to the “iron”. 

7  She’s emulating her brother’s habit of testing people he meets with an unsaid “human exam”, which is also the namesake of the first volume of Ningen, 零崎双識の人間試験 (Zerozaki Soushiki no Ningen Shiken, “Zerozaki Soushiki’s Human Exam”), and whose outcome usually decides whether he kills or spares someone. 

8  A catchphrase from Ningen.