Monogatari Series - Volume 25 - Chapter 5.05

005 

I won’t deny that one of the reasons behind my lack of motivation in deciphering the code lied in the fact I got in halfway through it—I cannot help but find requests like “can you help me out with this? I only have this part left to do” to be half-assed. I’m the type of person who, when involved in some matter, wants to deal with it from the ground up. 

Of course I’m not just doing it for the fun of it, and I’m sure KuroneKo-san intended to make the burden lighter on my side for when she would seek my cooperation—despite the length of her starting speech I still think she was trying to keep it brief. That thought made chills run down my spine, but the reason as to why she visited Naoetsu High School in the first place was probably in the omitted part of her speech. 

Apparently the reply from the boy suspected by KuroneKo-san was a code in the form of a painting. 

“No, the word painting would be an exaggeration. It was only some scribbles written messily on straw paper—that was the main part of the cipher. And it led me to the numbers I presented to you earlier.” 

I was curious as to how she obtained such a list of numbers from a single painting, but, at any rate, the important part here was the painting in itself. 

It depicted a demon. 

It had an erratic shape, with horns, tusks, and gigantic muscles. 

“That student was certainly smart, but it doesn’t seem he had much of an inclination towards arts, you see. Therefore I unfortunately cannot bring myself to call that illustration good. However, it being good or not doesn’t matter for the deciphering—neither does the represented subject.” 

That’s why KuroneKo-san was able to smoothly progress on the solving—with a nice tempo, until halfway. 

Until she reached this list of numbers. 

But she hit a wall there—she couldn’t obtain the yes/no reply she expected from these incomprehensible, seemingly-random numbers. 

“But you see, ciphers exist to be solved. So hitting a dead end must mean that I glossed over something important. So, there, I decided to go back to square one. I had hastily deemed the contents drawn on the straw paper, in other words, the demon, to not hold any particular meaning, but could it possibly be the last piece of the puzzle I was missing? I inferred that—this led me to sneak out of my infirmary and sneak into this infirmary, all in order to meet you, Koyomi-kun.” “………” 

I was—convinced. In a way. 

Deciding to go meet a demon because she deemed the key to be the demon is an overly simplistic way of thinking, but simplistic also means straightforward. Not taking the roundabout way but using the most direct method without hesitation is certainly what I would expect from KuroneKo-san. 

Still, my puzzlement increased. 

It reached its limit—not about the code, but something far more important. 

“… How—” 

How does KuroneKo-san know that, during that spring break, I got my blood sucked by Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade and as a result was turned into a vampire——!? 

“Rather, let me ask you. How could I possibly not know about it? How can you all withstand not knowing? How can you not die, being this ignorant?” 

Living without knowing anything. 

That’s no different than being dead—KuroneKo-san claimed along with a smile on her face. 

… I was mistaken. 

I didn’t mean to underestimate the girl who introduced herself as an information dealer, but, even then, I tried to somehow make her fit into my common sense. I tried to reason it out by putting it in the same basket as the networks that the Fire Sisters, being the leaders of the middle schools in their area, or even the community that admires Kanbaru possess. 

But—I was completely off the mark. 

I cannot deny that it took me too long. I should’ve realized it from other factors, like the fact that she was wearing bloomers in this day and age like an heretic, her bizarre long tirade, or her unfathomable decisions leading her to sneak into another school in cold blood. 

This girl—would do whatever it takes. 

She even treats that hellish spring break mixed with blood and death where demons fought and clashed with each other I experienced as a mere piece of information and puts it to use. 

I had lived for a time in a life-and-death situation. 

But I could never have imagined that there could be people living in a life-and-knowledge situation—  

“……” 

Well… 

Strictly speaking, it seemed like the demon KuroneKo-san was talking about wasn’t a vampire… 

Still, though surprising, I once heard that the more educated someone is, the more they lean towards admitting occult stuff, like ghosts and such—rather than a matter of faith, it’s probably because they know how important it is to not deny everything flat-out and leave all possibilities a chance. 

However, I couldn’t admit it in any way. 

Being part of that occultism myself, I had to deny that accusation of me being a vampire—my response to this arraignment had to be a complete no. 

“Ha… haha. What are you talking about, KuroneKo-san? Vampires? There’s no way those exist. Do I look like I’m wearing a manteau? Aah, I see, now that you mention it I once had a nickname close to that, didn’t you get the wrong idea from that? That was back when my diet was mainly composed of ketchup…” 

“No, I couldn’t care less about the truth of the matter. Whether you admit to or deny being a vampire, or whether you were a living vampire mainly ingesting ketchup or not, none of that matters—I already know everything there is to know regarding it, be it for the lies or the truth.” She paid no heed to my justification. 

Her eyes were shining a fiery blaze. 

“Were the specialist Oshino Meme still in this town I would have headed his way, you see. But, for the time being, when it comes to demons you are first on the list. So please tell me your opinion on the matter, Koyomi-kun. How would you, the demon at helping people, decipher this code?” 

“… E-err—” 

Despite seemingly having seen through me and all of my secrets, she showed no sign whatsoever of concern towards them—her attitude of wanting to know everything, yet having no interest in what she knows, was yet again out of the norm and abnormal. 

If I, for instance, were to ask KuroneKo-san “you really know everything, don’t you?” she would surely give an answer like that: 

I don’t know everything. That’s why I want to know. 

… I see now. Her friend’s appraisal was indeed correct. 

Byouinzaka Kuroneko isn’t an information dealer. 

She is a great detective—and one who understands everything from atop her bed at that, a bed detective. 

“H-hold on a second—I’ll think about it now.” 

I once again faced the loose-leaf where the cipher was inscribed— leaving it aside for a moment didn’t change how it looked, the list was exactly like when I had seen it a moment ago, however, the situation took a great turn. 

This crazy girl knows about what happened in this town during the spring break—and not just that, she wants to use my situation for her puzzle-solving. 

Therefore, if her plan fails she would judge that her estimation of me was a miscalculation and move on to another bed. 

Even though meeting Oshino was effectively impossible—she might visit the bed of another person who got involved with aberrations in the past, or visit the bed of another demon. 

So at this point claiming to not be a demon would work against me— I had completely lost track of who I should protect and how, but whatever; if I solved the code by myself right here, I would be immediately met with an impeccable happy end. 

… Would I really? 

Anyway, up to then I was thinking along the lines of “if I solve this, KuroneKo-san will go home,” but I needed to change my stance to “if I don’t solve this, KuroneKo-san won’t go home.” This deciphering had morphed into an insanely pressing matter for me. 

“How are you doing, Koyomi-kun? Any inspiration coming soon? Or should I have waited for it to be night to visit a vampire?” 

“… Um, is it possible to see the original drawing of the demon? If that’s a hint too I want to try combining it with these numbers.” “Fumu. Unfortunately I couldn’t avoid destroying it during the deciphering so I cannot show you the real thing. I will try replicating it from memory. Should I draw it on the reverse of this loose-leaf? Please lend me something to write with.” 

As ordered, I stood up from the bed, pulled a ballpoint pen from the pen holder on the infirmary’s desk, and handed it to KuroneKo-san. 

“Fufuuun. Whew phew. Here, done. I wouldn’t call it a perfect copy but it is pretty accurate.” 

She had finished in no time and handed it to me, however, I regrettably didn’t gain any inspiration from it—well, I didn’t expect anything from it to begin with, it was mostly a way to gain some time to think. 

She said she would replicate it, but looking at the drawing I couldn’t tell who wasn’t suited for art between her and the suspect. 

I can certainly distinguish horn-looking things and tusk-looking things in it, but the quality of the drawing was such that even with that I wouldn’t feel confident enough in calling the subject a demon. 

If one was told beforehand it was a demon then that person might see that, but if they were instead told it was a troll they might say it was a troll—even so, at the very least, it didn’t look like a vampire. 

Well, it’s at least the illustration of a monster… But how could this drawing, copied on the backside of the loose-leaf, lead to the list of numbers on the frontside—no, I guess that’s besides the point for this case. 

“Umm, maybe we could get it from sounding it out, or possibly through anagrams… or forcibly reading the numbers as Japanese…” 

I simply said what was going through my head, but KuroneKo-san readily squinted her big eyes—she must’ve glared at me because of the mundanity of what I was saying. 

Crap. She might be thinking I was a bad choice. 

I was a little worried, but then KuroneKo-san said, “Right, I forgot to tell you something.” And raised a finger. 

Is there still something else she omitted? 

“You mentioned ‘reading it in Japanese’ just now, Koyomi-kun, but the cipher I sent to the suspect was, when deciphered, in English. I asked him “Are you the culprit?” in English. So perhaps he tried to go along with me for his answer.” 

“I see…” 

That was a more valuable piece of information than the monster’s illustration, however, I can only feel like that increased the difficulty once again—English, really? 

I know I snuck out on my own, but why do I have to think so hard about Japanese, math, and English during gym classes? 

Ah, and art too. 

Shit, go ahead and send whatever love letter you want, but because of the monster you drew in your poetic reply, I, someone completely unrelated, was forced to go along with this meaningless charade… 

“… But, even if it’s meaningless to me, it might not be to the creator of this code. I don’t know if it can be of any use for solving this, but maybe he didn’t only draw this monster simply because that’s wh—” “‘Monster’!?” Suddenly. 

KuroneKo-san stood up from her crawling position—naturally, because the bed was pretty springy, she couldn’t stop her inertia and ended up falling backwards. 

Adding to that, her bountiful chest bounced quite heavily. At the same time, her gym uniform got pulled up by about five centimeters, which made clear that KuroneKo-san didn’t only have a great bust size but also had incredibly slender hips. Going only with numbers Hanekawa’s breasts would probably dominate, but if we take into account her unbelievably narrow waist it looked like she could put up a good fight, relatively speaking. 

“A-are you okay?” 

“Yeah. It hyper-doesn’t hurt.” 

She answered so, still sprawling on the bed. 

Then, 

“Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!” 

She clamored with a laugh—so scary! 

Aren’t you the one looking like a vampire with a laugh like that, KuroneKo-san? 

“I was mistaken!” 

I didn’t know what she was talking about. 

That said, I readied my generous heart to accept and forgive any apology coming my way. 

“There was no need to come see you at all, Koyomi-kun!” 

She added. I agreed with her overall, but saying that after making me go along with her for so long rendered me speechless. 

You are by no means a welcome étranger around these parts, how should I put it so she can understand—should I say it in English? 

“Wh… what happened, KuroneKo-san? Did you perhaps suddenly come up with the answer to the code?” 

“‘Suddenly’ is so misplaced, it feels to me like I took way too long! I should’ve realized something this simple much faster! Then, maybe coming all this way wasn’t an error after all. Koyomi-kun, without your fantastic advice I might never have solved this cipher! Because if that were to happen, I would have thrown away my life on my own!” 

Saying you would kill yourself just because you couldn’t solve a code is such an exaggeration… I didn’t think that. This high school girl might pull that off for real—still, I also feel like if she clamors this lunatically when she solves it, then there’s not much of a difference between solving it or not. 

However—my advice? 

Did I give any advice? 

“You’re constantly doubting yourself, Koyomi-kun, aren’t you? You rightfully informed this unenlightened fellow before you, didn’t you? 

That this drawing wasn’t that of a demon but that of a monster.” 

“……?” 

“Hahahahaha!” 

“S-sorry, could you stop suddenly laughing every time you see an occasion? It’s scary. I’m immortal but I feel like I might die from the surprise.” 

Still, I didn’t concretely deny that the drawing was picturing a demon—but what changes by redefining this picture to the broader meaning of monster? It’s kind of like the difference between calling an unknown phenomenon ‘an aberration’ or ‘a monster’— 

“Japanese. Math. English. And to finish, art. Koyomi-kun, you tastefully expressed the curriculum of the case I presented you with as such, but I will have to include one last subject in that timetable as supplementary lessons.” 

“… One more subject? What could that—” “Chemistry.” KuroneKo-san said. 

“A branch of science: chemistry. The study of metamorphoses.”6

6 This whole scene/pun is a mess and has been slightly edited to try to somewhat work in English. 

Kuroneko reacts to the word 化物 (bakemono, “monster”). She brings up the field of 化学 (kagaku, “chemistry”, lit. “the study of change”) which shares its first kanji with bakemono, and compares it to 科学 (kagaku, “science”). Since this is pronounced the same way, the last line was “to make it different from science/kagaku, let’s call it bakegaku instead”, reading the first kanji of 化学 with the alternative reading, like in bakemono. 

Except… For some reason, the furigana Nisio used to indicate the pronunciation of 化学 and 科学 do not read kagaku, but rather the English loan words ケミストリー (kemisutorii) and サイエンス (saiensu), meaning the pun doesn’t really work unless you ignore these given pronunciations. 

I included all of this explanation to share the pain of the translator who had to deal with this. Please send your prayers to him. 

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5  Araragi changes the idiom 生きるか死ぬか (ikiru ka shinu ka, “live or die”) to 生きるか知るか (ikiru ka shiru ka, “live or know”).