Monogatari Series - Volume 22 - Chapter 4.02

002

So, if we were in a police drama, then it could almost be considered an established pattern for some huge incident to occur, just as my four-month-long training period was about to come to a close. But it seemed that I would be finishing my work at the Naoetsu Police Department without anything in particular happening—of course, the duties of the Rumors Squad fundamentally meant that most of our concerns were “nothing happening”.

In exchange, a huge incident had occurred in my private life. You could even call it a serious accident. It helped that it had been a disaster I’d experienced twice before, but there did exist a rather unpleasant maxim in the world that went “third time’s the charm”. Even though it included such a nice-sounding word like “charm”, how did this maxim have such an unpleasant ring to it?

I broke up with Senjougahara Hitagi. For the third time.

Why? Well, it was true that my feelings of ingratitude had come through during my stay at my hometown, because, in a way, I’d spent my days in a far more misanthropic way than I’d done as a student—I hadn’t even ended up visiting the Kitashirahebi Shrine for my first shrine visit of the year. Because I was a coward—but even so, I’d at least made sure not to neglect communicating regularly with Hitagi.

I’d followed Suou-san’s advice.

I’d sent text messages and even called her. International phone calls. I’d even signed up for a plan that made overseas calls cheaper, and we regularly updated each other on recent events. With the two of us being separated by just a smidgen of an ocean, these four months had yielded the most intimate communication from our relationship—almost like a honeymoon.

But perhaps that was actually a bad thing.

We’d inadvertently ended up broaching the subject of our future plans.

It was the height of foolishness.

But the end of my training period had been in sight, and I’d finished my final one-on-one meeting with Chief Kouga, so I’d needed to start preparing for what I’d do after I left the Naoetsu Police Department behind. And, in Hitagi’s case, because she’d been an junior financial trader to a huge company, the time had come for her to decide whether or not to aim for an official manager position—as an overseas enterprise that went by the merit system, promotions came surprisingly fast, so for someone who grew up watching her father, this was something she needed to discuss.

Compared to Hanekawa, whose activities were on a global level, the scope of our problems was a little different. But if Hitagi planned on putting her base of operations overseas, then it would get extremely difficult for her to spend time with me, a government official.

Some sort of decision needed to be made.

A severe decision, without much room to negotiate.

To be frank, it was actually rather thrilling to watch Hitagi progress in her work… She’d never clearly boasted about it herself, but it seemed she was valued rather highly by her superiors, so I couldn’t exactly bring up to her, “Why don’t you come back?” in a lighthearted manner.

Though I’d be happy if she did come back to me, it was Hitagi’s life. Not mine. It wasn’t the life of Araragi Koyomi, who could not even get his way even in his own life.

It was something for Hitagi to decide.

But that indecisive attitude was what actually incurred her wrath, as we had a huge fight for the first time in a while—it had been so long that we’d forgotten how to even have a fight, so both of us had failed to control ourselves.

It was a mess. It was absolutely crazy.

Had it been the past, I probably would have meekly compromised on the matter, but the reason I didn’t do that this time was, most likely, because I’d had pent-up feelings on my end as well.

Although I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a grudge.

I’d even considered a path in which I’d give up on the path of becoming a police officer. Because I’d taken the civil service exam with such a light reason as “because my parents were police officers”, I’d considered wildly flying the flag of rebellion against the country I’d sworn loyalty to and going off on a trip overseas where Hitagi lived—although, even Hitagi had gotten into the same trade (but a different company) as her father because of his influence.

Though she was on the complete opposite vector from me due to her working at a rival company to her father, our roots were still pretty similar.

But I couldn’t lie to myself that I hadn’t realized that the work of the Rumors Squad was something worth doing—that’s right, being able to work with colleagues that had also decided to live their lives together with oddities within them was something that was completely fresh to me, an experience I’d never had before.

Having an open workplace had become comfortable for me.

And I even felt that my hopeless personality was suited to the duties that mainly involved dealing with rumors spread by kids before they ended up turning serious—I even felt like I was getting to redo the various things I’d failed at in middle school and high school.

It felt like I’d gotten a little bit of the compensation I thought I’d never get.

“Assistant Inspector Araragi. You’re the one who decides your future, not me or Gaen-senpai. All Gaen-senpai can do is give you the experience of being in the Rumors Squad—the rest is left for you to decide.”

You’re the one who decides.

Chief Kouga had spoken to me in that manner in our last meeting.

She’d used a calm tone of voice, as if trying to calm my nerves.

“If you truly desire to tackle white-collar crime in the future, then I’m not unwilling to write you a letter of recommendation—to put it plainly, you’re more than capable. No matter where you’re assigned, I’m sure you’ll be able to carry out your duties properly. Personally, I’d want you to one day take over my seat, and, no kidding, it would be ideal if you could even become the chief of the department. But I don’t necessarily think life is about pursuing ideals. Though Gaen-senpai thinks differently from me, it doesn’t matter to me whether you have the abilities or special characteristics.”

Chief Kouga pointed at my shadow as she said that—it was rather fearless to point a finger at a shadow in which a legendary vampire resided, but she truly had no fear—that’s why such a feat was possible.

And that’s why she was able to give me those instructions.

“You don’t necessarily have to become anything like that. It’s fine to just live while taking it easy.”

…If she had instead tried to preach to me about the principles or the lofty goals of the Rumors Squad’s founders here, it might have ironically made me want to stay less, but the words she said actually made me feel like I wanted to continue in this line of work for a little bit longer—although I was well aware that that was my boss’s skill.

It’s fine to just live while taking it easy.

If I was ten years older, I wonder if I could’ve said that to Hanekawa.

Like that, I was not making plans for my future after the end of my training period, but asking myself whether or not I should escape from this country. Although the one that had been more urgently asking was Hitagi. Or maybe she had just wanted me to tell her, “Come back to me”.

But if I did say that, it would have turned into another fight.

And so we decided to break up. For the third time. Well, it was the third time that we actually broke up, but as for similar destructive fights, we had had too many to count in college—but if I said it like that, then, to those older than me, it would probably sound like some kind of push-pull relationship, and they’d probably say that everyone has had periods like that in their lives.

On the other hand, anyone younger would probably want to say to just go and end such a messy relationship already, but for future reference, I’d like you all to know that this will likely happen to you, too.

It’s already a miracle if, with your girlfriend that you started dating in high school, you can stay as lovers all the way to your college graduation (even if there were some breaks along the way).

So I felt that I didn’t want to lose that miracle. But those kinds of “it would be such a waste” feelings shouldn’t control Hitagi’s future—and they shouldn’t control mine, either.

I didn’t want to end things in regret. And I didn’t want to continue things in regret, either.