Monogatari Series - Volume 21 - Chapter 0.24

024

When I die, I want to be crushed by a shelf of books.

What a great sentence.

I am but a manga-reading middle schooler, but even so, I still get happy out of nowhere whenever I see a tall bookshelf, filled to the brim with books.

So I can relate to that.

At least, I thought I could relate to that.

But when it actually happens, as an entire wall, an entire bookshelf falls with a snap, the books flying out not like raindrops, but like an avalanche; witnessing this scene, relatability has flown out the window and off to outer space.

I do not want to die crushed by a bookshelf.

But I will.

‘Ahh, so this is death’, I thought to myself.

Of all the ways to die, this…

Coiled by snakes, becoming a deity, constantly self-deprecating — somewhere within me, I had the notion that my life was maybe even unique, curious, and special — therefore this cause of death came as a surprise.

But it made sense.

Be it an overly dramatic life, be it laden with fortune or suffering, be it heroes or villains, nobody knows how they will die.

‘When I die, I’d like to die like this’; that is an impossible dream — even if one can choose the way they go out, the most one can do is eliminating other options.

Therefore, people should choose the way they live life — ahh, if only I knew this; I should have had a big ruckus with everybody.

I should have made peace with everybody.

Indeed.

With Shinobu-chan, even Senjougahara-san, maybe then —

‘…………………………………………………………’

I say all this, I still wanted to put up a bit of a fight, and think about better ways to die; however, no matter how long I waited, that final blow never appeared.

What’s going on; could it be, when one was at their limit, everything moves in slow motion?

So it’s not manga expressionism, it’s real?

I thought as I slowly opened my eyes — when the bookshelf fell, not only did I not run away reflexively, I fell on my knees, in a place where I can only stare at the bookshelf about to crush me; however, that bookshelf is static, tilted at forty-five degrees.

The towering bookshelf blocked my view, so everything was properly dark, yet even so, I was still alive — not totally unscathed, since although the bookshelf stopped falling, the great number of books in it did not.

Those deluxe hardcovers were not soft at all; they mercilessly battered my body, so I probably did rack up some damage. I wouldn’t be surprised if I was bleeding or if I broke a bone somewhere.

But, even so. Despite this.

Compared to being flattened by a bookshelf, this was some light damage — it was not the adjacent bookshelf that saved me by propping up this bookshelf at forty-five degrees.

The bookshelf on the other end had completely gone down. On its side.

More to the point, from the gap I can see through, all the bookshelves on this floor fell down like dominoes.

There was no earthquake; what caused this, I don’t know — no, I knew full well, but I did not want to comprehend it.

I did not want to realise how shallow I was.

Amidst the chaos, the only bookshelf that had not fell flat was this bookshelf, perched at forty-five degrees — as to why, it’s obvious; it had a support.

Somebody was supporting it.

Unlike bookshelves at home, for something this heavy to fall seemed unimaginable; the person who stopped it from falling completely flat was none other than Sengoku Nadeko — however, this Sengoku Nadeko was obviously not myself, sat on the floor embarrassingly.

Wearing a uniform and a pair of court shoes, the Sengoku Nadeko who spread her arms and legs in supporting the bookshelf was —

‘F-Fawning Nadeko!’

‘…If it wan’t for an uncool name like that, Ah might’ve stood by your side from the start —’

Promise.

She said it, against her will.

She smiled sweetly, against her will — even there and then.

However, with her fringes pulled back by her headband, her smile, her face, her thoughts, her pain, I can see them all.

‘— but, you got a real cute set of clothes. Ah want it too. Where didya buy it, Present Nadeko-chan?’

‘Ah, th-this, I borrowed from my friend, Tsukihi-chan —’

What is with this chatting; now was not the time.

The cruel name was not my idea, but Ononoki-chan’s, but I could not bring myself to say it.

Of course, I knew why she was here — up until now, I was going to open the sheet that sealed Fawning Nadeko to get Gentle Nadeko on my side.

It seemed the mess caused by the falling bookshelf made my hand slip — releasing Fawning Nadeko from her seal, and conjuring her once again.

Conjured in the eleventh hour.

And whilst I should have been buried alive by a pile of books, crushed dead by a bookshelf, Fawning Nadeko came to my rescue — propping the bookshelf up herself.

‘Aah geez, Ah’m, really lame — giving it mah everythin’. The heck am Ah doing…’

‘……!’

For her to say that, whilst maintaining that posture, that support, I had nothing to say to Fawning Nadeko — she was an aberration.

She was indeed a shikigami, an aberration.

But unlike Ononoki-chan, Shinobu-chan, or Divine Nadeko, she had no superpower, no super strength.

I did not draw her like that.

Her true specialty is sociability; her hands were weaker than even an average middle school girl’s — only slightly stronger than the long-time hikikomori, the almost sickly Present Nadeko; she now supported an entire bookstore bookshelf.

The bookshelf was heavy on its own, but even with all the books falling on this side, the other side was still stuffed with books — it would easily weigh over a tonne.

This was not easy, no?

‘Hehe… Present Nadeko-chan. If y’ could, get out from that gap, that’d be, much appreciated. Not a lie, all true thoughts. Ah’ve never done anything like me life depended on it, so please; Ah can’t take this much longer…’

‘Aa, ah, aah —’

At least if it was Anti-Nadeko.

If it was Anti-Nadeko, whose muscles were entirely delimited, she could probably take it even if this bookshelf collapsed entirely.

But the one I summoned was Fawning Nadeko — since I could not control two shikigami at once, I could not do a swap.

The moment Fawning Nadeko was sealed, before even being able to summon Anti-Nadeko, I, the magician, was about to be crushed by a bookshelf — there was nothing I could do. There was nothing I could do for her.

Crack. Snap.

The source of that crushing noise was no longer the bookshelf.

‘W-why save me?’

‘Who knows. Prolly ’cos I’m not content?’

I asked an incomprehensible question, and this was the response I got — aah, but it is true.

Not because I could use my shikigami well — to be conjured in this situation, Fawning Nadeko had little choice but to prop up the falling bookshelf.

‘S-sorry, I’m really sorry, it’s all my fault —’

It was all my immaturity.

My inadequacies made my drawings nothing like the characters I had in mind; as I was wracked by this self-tormenting guilt, Fawning Nadeko raised her voice: ‘It’s alright! No need to apologise!’

She sounded bright now.

‘What you could do next time is draw me cuter. Gimme those clothes you’re wearing for a start. Oh ye, these pair a’ pumps are a great example; Present Nadeko-chan, y’ lack detail when it comes to shoes. Y’ve fell into the habit of drawing ’em last, haven’t you? You’re always wearing sandals, which means y’ never care about the feet. Gimme some shoes that match next time. Promise?’

‘…Mm. I promise.’

Those were all the words I could squeeze.

I fumbled and swam through the sea of books, and crawled out under the giant bookshelf — only just.

The moment I was out, no, before my left foot was even out, the bookshelf perched at forty-five degrees collapsed as if there was never a support.

It warped under its own weight.

Presumably the many books underneath were no longer readable — let alone the girls underneath.

They must have been like a sheet of paper.

Completely crushed.

‘It’s a promise… I will redraw you properly next time.’

The next time, you will no longer be an empty shell.

You will be an honest reflection of my aspirations.

I made up my mind whilst pulling my foot out from the pile. With hardcovers as a buffer, I set my foot free surprisingly easily — I had more damage from the book avalanche earlier, relatively speaking.

I stood up, prayers racing in my head.

Thanks to Fawning Nadeko, I narrowly escaped death, but I could have sustained injuries that prevent me from going to the front lines.

But if I don’t stand up here and now, I have lost.

I hope I can stand up.

Even with, for instance, a fractured bone, I will not be deterred — I stood up.

Perhaps shakily, but I stood up.

Then again, there was no reason for hope — the sight that greeted me after making it out under the bookshelf was pure despair.

Every single bookshelf on the ground floor had toppled, that was the despairing image in front of me.

A nightmarish flood of books, underneath waves of stacked, warped bookshelves — I cannot imagine how this hellish landscape can be restored.

How many thousands of books have been sacrificed?

Is this what Divine Nadeko was willing to do in order to eliminate me — having made up my mind to enter the world of publishing, this was a sorry sight.

A different kind of pain, unlike when Ononoki-chan was in pieces — oh right, where’s Ononoki-chan!?

‘Ononoki-chan!’

‘Over here’

The voice came from the opposite corner, now unobscured by bookshelves — right at the corner of the stairs leading to the upper floor.

It seemed that by being there, Ononoki-chan avoided the crashing wave of bookshelves — rather than say she was lucky, it might be fairer to say that Ononoki-chan was not in Divine Nadeko’s sights, but me and me alone. Naturally, however, anybody who stands in her way would have been met with an equally swift end.

Ononoki-chan tapped her way over here, her steps light, as if trying not to damage any books.

‘I was having trouble finding you. By the looks of it, Naddie, you’ve activated your shikigami.’

‘Mm… I’ve used Fawning Nadeko.’

I’ve broken her.

With a heavy, torn heart, I told Ononoki-chan everything that transpired.

‘I see. Well, I’ve made the same mistake as you, so I’m not in a position to blame you — besides, even if I told you don’t mind, it’d be meaningless consolation to your ears, but I can tell you this: a shikigami’s one true desire is to protect their master.

‘Take it from me, a shikigami.’

Ononoki-chan said — indeed, it does only sound like consolation, but because of that, it was comforting.

‘Also, Fawning Nadeko didn’t perish alone… from what you’ve said, Gentle Nadeko, used as bait, was also crushed alongside.’

‘Ah —’

Now that she mentioned it.

I thoughtlessly lost track of the Sengoku Nadeko over there, but given that the bookshelves of the entire floor collapsed in that one moment, Gentle Nadeko would not be unscathed if she was stood there reading.

Speedo Nadeko.

Standing there, holding a book with both her hands; there was probably nothing she could have done — right there.

She drowned in that sea of books.

Crushed by many, many occult books, flattened like a sheet of paper.

I cannot believe it. I don’t want to believe it.

Even though it’s a god, I don’t want to believe it.

In order to flatten me, she used Gentle Nadeko — more than just a decoy.

If I treated Fawning Nadeko as breakable, Divine Nadeko treated Gentle Nadeko as disposable.

‘……’

Not that both of them were that different.

Perhaps it was me putting aside what I have done, and more to that, trying to shift the guilt of using Fawning Nadeko like that into blaming somebody else.

In the end, Divine Nadeko, Fawning Nadeko, and Gentle Nadeko are my shikigami, so I really was just wrestling against myself.

However, even with everything —

I was still mad over it.

Even if I had Fawning Nadeko’s social skills, I still do not think I should end this peacefully.

‘That means in terms of Sengoku Nadekos, we’ve got two and they’ve got one; it’s a two-versus-one match — if anything, it’s all still going to plan. Divine Nadeko is still on the upper floor. We should do this quick, before she realises this trap didn’t kill us and makes her escape.’

Ononoki-chan’s calm, professional voice did nothing to keep my cool.