Monogatari Series - Volume 18 - Chapter 1.07

007

Fighting fires with dynamite reminded me that the Nobel Prize, established based on the will of the inventor of none other than the explosive material, seems to be awarded in the six fields of physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, literature, peace, and economics, but not in math for some reason. It would seem like a natural fit among that lineup, but one story says that Nobel once had a rival in love who was a mathematician, which is why no prize in math was established─just an urban legend, of course, whose authenticity can’t be verified, but the idea that love affairs can influence even something with global recognition like the Nobel Prize does make you think a bit. I don’t know if I’m qualified to say this, as someone who’s only ever experienced teenage love, but are those the kinds of feelings you end up carrying around with you beyond the grave? Do feelings of love for another─really never disappear, no matter how many years pass? Instead of turning them into memories or funny stories, or forgetting or idealizing them─do we let them linger on forever and ever in our hearts and minds, across world history?

When you think about it, anecdotes about great historical figures do tend to involve romance at one point or another. Heroes are known for their conquests, including in love─perhaps not a single tale could be told apart from that kind of thing, in reality.

Putting that aside, after having my way for a while with Ononoki, playing with her cheeks as I saw fit, she at last put on a serious (expressionless) face. “Lehh ahh lehh maah (Lay off, layman),” she said, angrily swatting me away like a pest, and stormed off─to get back to work.

To go after the armored warrior, probably.

You couldn’t get the first idea which way it headed or where it was going based on my intel, but perhaps having the tools needed to make that judgment was what made her a pro.

I wasn’t certain what she meant by “lay off, layman” (was my handling of her cheeks inexpert, or was I an amateur when it came to aberrations?), but either way, I had to heed her warning. Even if I wasn’t to blame for the fire at the abandoned cram school, I’d be tied up all night if I ended up getting interrogated as an involved party. They’d probably call my family too.

Please, I didn’t want them knowing. My parents or my sisters.

I’d be burned alive. Sentenced to immolation.

In addition to this self-serving reason, to interpret Ononoki’s warning broadly, I myself could spell trouble if I did get taken in (to the fire station? the police station?)─Kanbaru wasn’t the only one who’d encountered the mysterious armored warrior, I had too.

Without any solid plan in mind, I piggybacked Kanbaru and started in the opposite direction from Ononoki─a course of action based on the shallow assumption that if she was following after him, we could avoid another encounter by traveling in the opposite direction.

Lacking my vampiric powers, I couldn’t move at a fast pace with Kanbaru on my back. She was a girl but also a muscular athlete. I wanted to travel along the safest possible route until we reached our meeting spot with Miss Gaen.

I’d originally planned to meet Kanbaru at the abandoned cram school, explain the situation to her, and head on to this meeting spot together. In a circuitous or even convoluted way, my plan was back on track─but piggybacking someone your age is different from carrying a little sister or a tween girl.

It makes you strangely tense.

I’d have started to worry if she was out for too long, but once I walked for a good bit and the ruins were fully out of sight, my junior, Suruga Kanbaru, seemed to regain consciousness.

“Mmmmgh…”

“Oh. Up now?”

“Mmmmgh, no, senpai, I can’t… That’s too freaky for me…”

“Wake up! What’s that supposed to mean? How extreme of a personality do I have in your dreams?!”

What kind of act could possibly make Suruga Kanbaru hesitate?

Her head jerked up with an “Ah!” at my quip, and she glanced all around her─she was having trouble taking in the situation.

Since it was the backdraft that had knocked her out, it made no sense for her now to be on my back as we escaped through town─in fact, they say you forget what happened to you right before you went unconscious, so maybe she was surprised she wasn’t in the middle of her fight with the armored warrior. That made our close contact even worse… She might take me out with a rear naked choke.

Rear naked choke.

What a fitting technique name for Kanbaru.

“Oh─my dear senior! You’re okay!”

But there was no need for me to worry. The first words to come out of Kanbaru’s mouth (aside from the inappropriate things she said in her sleep) expressed concern for my wellbeing─what a shining example of a junior.

“Wh-What about that thing?! What happened to it?! That guy with the helmet with the character for ‘love’ on it?!”

“Um, it’s not like we were fighting Kanetsugu Naoe.”

Her memories were cloudy after all.

Still, they’d surely come back to her if that was as bad as it got─I stopped for a moment to let the now-conscious Kanbaru off my back.

She didn’t get off.

In fact, she started clinging to me.

I’d let go of her legs, but she wrapped them around me and stuck to me like she really was going to give me a rear naked choke, refusing to get off of me. I was a eucalyptus tree, and she was a koala.

“What’re you trying to do?”

“I don’t know what’s going on, but my instincts are telling me that I shouldn’t let this opportunity get away.”

“Some kind of instinct…”

Precisely what was it saying?

It needed to learn when to shut up.

“I don’t think I can walk yet. You’re gonna carry me on your back for now, we’ve decided,” she informed me of their consensus.

Now her instincts were telling me things too?

Someone who couldn’t walk had my torso in a leg scissors and wouldn’t let go? Her legs had enough strength to split my body in two.

Plus, one of her arms was an aberration.

Don’t act so spoiled, get down, walk on your own─rather than any of these things, what I said was, “Oh, fine. Just a little more, though. Don’t expect me to baby you like this next time,” doing my best to put on senior-like airs. Even I could tell how nervous and hollow I sounded… The airs I had put on were pretty hot ones.

“Whoa, I’m so close to the back of your head… I never knew life could get this good.”

“Could you please not get excited over the back of my head?”

“Your hair whorl is so cool.”

“Don’t get worked up over parts of me that I don’t even know about, please.”

“You know, compared to when we first met, both you and I have grown our hair out.”

“Hm? Well, yeah.”

We were as friendly as could be now, to the point that I was carrying her on my back through the street at night, but come to think of it, we’d only started interacting a few months ago─Kanbaru still kept her hair short then, and mine wasn’t as long around the back then either.

“I’d really like to get my hair all in yours. Once we both have hair that’s a little longer, I’d like our locks to get joined together. Then maybe we could find a good bridge?”

“That’s something you do with padlocks, not locks of hair.”

Her level of perversion had gotten so extreme that it wasn’t even smut anymore.

Joining our locks together would just be painful.

“You think?” she asked. “But pain is a very important factor.”

“If it’s pain you want, you know I could just fall on my back right now.”

“No! Not right now. I might be okay physically, but mentally, I feel so fatigued─I kind of don’t feel good.”

“You don’t feel good…”

I couldn’t stop a shiver from going down my spine if she was this peppy even when she wasn’t feeling good─but since she said she was unwell, I had to respect that. I asked her for details.

“It kind of reminds me of Kita-Shirahebi Shrine,” she said.

Kita-Shirahebi Shrine─a forgotten shrine in our town located at the peak of a small mountain. It was in such rundown shape that you could describe it as a ruin. Kanbaru and I had visited it together, in June, I think.

Right.

Her condition was poor then─the strength had been sapped out of her, as if she’d been poisoned by the air surrounding the shrine. The same as then…

Hm.

What was the exact situation and reason that she felt unwell back then? My mind was a bit cloudy too if I couldn’t recall why on the spot.

More than anything, though, I wanted to get as far away as possible from the abandoned cram school, and meet with Miss Gaen as soon as possible. This desire bordered on mild panic, so normally I’d be trying to temper it.

“It really takes me back… You and I kissed for the very first time under that shrine’s trees, senpai.”

“Okay, you’re the one who’s forgetting things.”

“Huh? Oh, was it the second time? Or the third time?”

“You’re assuming there was a first time. Also, when we went there together, we found hacked-up snakes pinned to those trees, all right?”

I remembered now.

That’s right, I went there with Kanbaru on a job for the expert Mèmè Oshino, regarding an aberrational phenomenon that had yet to turn into a full-blown aberration. We’d visited the shrine to cleanse the grounds of a place where “bad things” gathered.

Kanbaru felt ill then because of the effect these bad things had on her─but thanks to Shinobu’s protection, I was able to complete the job Oshino had given me without any serious problems.

…I’d been carrying out a request from him then, and now I was carrying out a request from his senior, Miss Izuko Gaen. Though the circumstances themselves only looked similar on a surface level, maybe Kanbaru and I were destined as a pair to do these kinds of things.

But if that was true, I couldn’t turn a blind eye to Kanbaru comparing her poor condition to how she felt back then. She wouldn’t tell such a lie just to have me piggyback her a little longer, would she?

“That’s right, that’s right. That was when I first met Sengoku─yes, it was Sengoku whom I first kissed under those trees, with tons of hacked-up snakes pinned to them.”

“Your memories aren’t just clouded if you’re gonna go that far. The word would be altered.”

“Which is why some people call me…the conductor of memories.”

“What conductor of memories? You’re saying you can make your memories play out however you like with the wave of a baton?” The probability that she was just lying to have me piggyback her for a little longer was spiking.

“But if I said it, they might add a kiss scene between me and Sengoku as an illustration once this part finally gets an anime adaptation.”

“They’re not making one of the final season. Or actually, of you. Of any stories involving you. Just for reference, Kanbaru. I don’t really get it, but do you like them? Piggyback rides, I mean?”

“Well, I had an image to uphold as the star of the basketball team. It makes me happy to have a senior openly spoil me like this. I don’t think I’ve ridden on anyone’s back since my senior Senjogahara’s in middle school.”

“…”

I could only imagine how much work Senjogahara must have once put in.

What kind of side stories existed between the Valhalla Duo during their middle school years? In any case, as cool and stately as she could be, Kanbaru was surprisingly good at being spoiled.

On the other hand, I was pretty awful at it.

“Hm,” Kanbaru said, “I’ve started to remember quite a bit as the conductor of memories─did you say we were on the way to meet someone you wanted to introduce me to?”

“Oh… Yeah, that’s what we’re doing. I need to apologize to you about that, though.”

Right.

I’d forgotten to apologize because of how idiotic Kanbaru was being.

Whether it was the armored warrior or the fire, it was clear that my thoughtless invitation had put her life in serious danger.

“Heh. No need to apologize. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t. It’d be a blot on my name if I ever allowed you to bow your head to me, dear senior.”

“I feel like it’s a way bigger blot on your name to have me carrying you on my back… So big that it’d look like a puddle. But no, listen, you might want to go home already, but it might be dangerous if you did. I want you to tag alongside me until we know what’s going on at least.”

“If you also want me to sleep alongside you, I wouldn’t turn you down.”

“Tag, not sleep.”

“Well, that’s not to say that some tag-team action couldn’t be arranged for.”

“No, let’s say exactly that. What are you, one of those heroines-in-heat all over the place in YA novels about twenty years ago?”

“Heroine-in-heat… Talk about a new turn of phrase that gets the heart pounding.”

“Please, let’s not.”

“Actually, it’s literary fiction that’s full of heroines-in-heat.”

“Now isn’t the time for satire.”

I thought─having heard her lampoonery, I thought I should at least present her with the info I had at the moment─and tell her everything I could just as I’d done with Ononoki.

But I wanted to meet with Miss Gaen as soon as possible─not to mention an even more basic problem, namely that I didn’t understand our current situation. I had as close to zero confidence as imaginable when it came to explaining the situation to Kanbaru.

I might as well have known nothing.

I should’ve seen this coming and asked Miss Gaen about the specifics of the job─the circumstances may not have permitted it, but now it felt like I was walking through a maze blindfolded.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you, so please,” I begged, “put up with it for this one night.”

“This one night? Don’t say such depressing things. I’m waiting for you to invite me over each and every night.”

“In that case, you could also wait for me during the day…”

“You know there’s only one thing I’ll ever say to your orders.” Kanbaru’s voice dropped and she whispered, “Bon appétit ♪”

“Shut up! But that was kinda cute?!”

What the hell did I order?!

If she was taking any, my order was for her to stop saying all these things that made me want to just leave her there and walk off. I wasn’t supposed to be climbing a mountain to ditch a granny like in feudal times.

“I do at least want to ask you where we’re heading, though. Haven’t we gone a little far if we’re just trying to escape the fire? Don’t we need to call the authorities?”

A rather mature suggestion, coming from someone who needed to have the authorities called on her. “It’s fine. The fire is already out, and there weren’t any victims, either… We’re heading toward that meeting spot I mentioned. Um…maybe you know the place?” Back at the old cram school, there must be a commotion by now─actually, no, it was away from any homes, in an obscure area, and had burned down in the blink of an eye. Maybe nobody had contacted the authorities… “It’s called Rohaku Park.”

“Rohaku Park?”

“Or maybe it’s Namishiro Park.”

I still didn’t know the correct reading─but in any case, it was one of the larger parks in town. I’d met Mayoi Hachikuji for the first time there, and come to think of it, it was also where Hitagi Senjogahara had told me that she had feelings for me.

In that sense, I didn’t really want to make it a place to meet and talk about work, but I had no choice. Miss Gaen had chosen the spot. Speaking of her, since she knew everything, did she also know the correct reading?

“Rohaku Park… Namishiro Park… Hm. Does it have a basketball court?”

“No, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.”

“Then I don’t know it.”

“Is that really your standard for parks? Oh, but maybe you’ve just forgotten? This neighborhood should have been Senjogahara’s turf back in middle school.”

Turf might not be the right term, but that’s how she’d described it─in any case, it seemed like there might be a side story from the Valhalla Duo days when the two played in the park.

I’m ignorant on the subject of whether middle school girls play in parks, but Karen Araragi, my little sister, does at least. She gets on the swings and builds up enough speed to send her shoes flying far, far away.

…I’m concerned about my little sister’s future.

“Hmm, then maybe I’ll remember once I see it. Senjogahara-senpai’s old home─heheh.”

Kanbaru let out a soft chuckle behind me.

Depending on how you interpreted this, she was feeling warm and fuzzy, having recalled a time when she was closer to Senjogahara than she was now. I didn’t know much about Senjogahara’s old home, and wanted to learn more.

“She must have invited you over,” I said.

“Yeah. She did. To a cozy li’l mansion.”

“…”

God, what a rude junior.

Then again, the Japanese estate Kanbaru lived in went beyond being a mansion. Maybe her upbringing solidified her personality into what it was now.

“No, my senior. I lived a pretty impoverished life as a young child. My parents eloped, after all. We were in real-deal poverty.”

“That doesn’t land as hard when you sound so cheerful about it…”

What a life of peaks and valleys.

I assumed this also lay at the root of Suruga Kanbaru’s personality─her parents’ elopement.

The Kanbarus’ only son married the Gaens’ eldest daughter without their families’ blessing─was that how the story went? And this daughter was Miss Gaen’s older sister…

Suruga Kanbaru’s parents then died in a traffic accident, leaving her all on her own, which is where the Kanbarus took her in.

“Whatever the case, Araragi-senpai, I’m all set. We’re heading to that park now, right? And this person you want me to meet is there?”

“Well, yeah.”

To be honest, at this point, I didn’t really want Kanbaru to meet her─considering the rift between the Kanbaru and Gaen families, and given our current situation.

I, personally, did want to meet up with Miss Gaen─and even more with Shinobu. We’d constantly been together for a while, so I felt uneasy being cut off from her. Take even the abandoned cram school just now, if Shinobu had been there─no, it was probably better that she wasn’t… Either way, I had to see Miss Gaen to restore my link with Shinobu.

“But in that case,” Kanbaru said. “Aren’t we going in the total opposite direction?”