Monogatari Series - Volume 17 - Chapter 1.15

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“So, were you able to figure it out? Sorry, not the culprit, but─the stuff about the overlapping questions.”

“No. It’d been a week. It was easy to say, but pinning anything down was impossible because everyone’s memories had gotten fuzzy.”

A particularly unproductive segment of our already unproductive meeting, it was especially vexing for those of us who skipped the session.

“I bet,” Ogi nodded. “That said, the session had an impact on the participants’ grades, right? Out of all the stuff they studied…some of it hit the mark, so to speak?”

“Well, yeah. Specifically, when it came to the bigger questions─there were around three that were particularly difficult. We established that most of the participants got them right, while the non-participants tended to get them wrong. I want to say the problems involved limits, indefinite integrals, and probability distributions.”

“Is that the kind of stuff you cover during your first year? I thought those don’t show up until Math III or Math C.”

“It might not make sense to you since you just transferred, but that’s what’s so ridiculous about Naoetsu High’s curriculum. The tests are meant to prepare you for entrance exams from your first year, that’s their policy─in fact, college-level higher-math problems crop up on our midterms. We do cover the subjects in class, so some people can solve them.”

“You, for instance?”

“Well.”

Now it sounded like I was bragging. I didn’t mean to boast that I could do math…but given how little effort I put into it, I couldn’t be modest either. I almost felt guilty, like I wasn’t playing by the rules, when she mentioned me.

“As far as those three,” I said, “it turned out they did work on similar problems during the study session… We couldn’t pin down who brought them up, though.”

To be precise, there were a number of suspects, but no evidence. If the person in question denied it, that was that. Denial. Or silence. Naturally, no one wanted to say anything that would cast doubt on themselves─that’s where the meeting really started to break down, and there was nothing its incompetent chair could do to stop it.

“At the study session, the nineteen participants taught each other things they didn’t understand, working on the kinds of problems that might appear on the test. It wasn’t like there were specific ‘teachers’ and ‘students’─but if you had to pick out the leaders, they said there were six.”

“Six of them?”

“Right. Oikura, who had the idea for the session. Shui, the class vice president who supported her. The assertive Gekizaka. Shuzawa, who was always eager to teach. Hishigata, the big-sis character. And Higuma, the former student council president. Those six were on the teaching side for the most part. They were the ones who’d have done well on the test anyway─which some people thought made them suspicious.”

The thing about those six was that they weren’t just smart but helpful─Oikura may have been domineering, but someone who felt only disdain for others would never organize a study session. Sure, some part of her wanted to show off, and the other five’s generosity may have come with its own strings attached, but goodwill fomenting suspicion sounded like a raw deal.

“We also started getting testimony that were clearly lies meant to cover for one another─and it was the chair’s job to shut this down and keep the meeting going. I can’t say it felt great since their intent wasn’t malicious.”

“Well-meant lies are trickier than ill-meant truths, huh?”

“More or less. But a lot of problems they tackled in the study session never showed up on the final… If anything, some simpler ones never came up during the session─which does make it seem like it was all just a coincidence.”

“A coincidence… Well, yes. That’s one possible solution─but not the one you picked.”

Ogi was still whispering in my ear and grinning. It was hard to tell whether I was telling the story to her or the other way around given her posture. Did I only think I was narrating to her when in reality, I was listening? How confusing.

But no, this was my tale─and classroom. Wherein I was confined after school that day, wherein various thoughts and feelings were sealed away, and trapped.

“I see, I see. That’s what it was─forced to stand in the middle of ugly exchanges, incoherent arguments, and barren squabbles, you developed a real distaste for the creatures called human beings. The well-meant covering-up, buck-passing, and finger-pointing made you despair─and lose sight of justice and generosity and all that. You reached a conclusion: I don’t need friends. So many classmates lowering their intensity as humans through friendship was traumatizing─right?”

“Wrong.”

“Oh?” Ogi sounded surprised by my denial. Puzzled, even. But then, I wasn’t sure how certain she’d been about her reasoning. She was, after all, the niece of that man who spoke like he saw through everything.

“If anything, that’s how it should have been. That whole discussion should have made me despair─but some part of me still believed in things like justice and truth. Probably because I was young then.”

Young then. Not words an eighteen-year-old ought to utter about his sixteen-year-old self─would childish have been better?

“In fact, I was vaguely happy.”

“Happy?”

“Covering for each other, trying to end the ridiculous meeting asap, eventually even suggesting you might’ve been to blame─or holding a meeting in the first place to wipe away any doubts, as Oikura had done, wasn’t evil to say the least. Maybe you won’t understand, it might sound like I’m trying to put on a brave face…”

I paused─hesitated somewhat to say the words. Still, I had to. It was deceitful not to.

“I felt like it was the right sort of discussion. We all did, I believe. Even Marizumi, and Yuba, and Kijikiri.”

Senjogahara might’ve been the only exception. I haven’t spoken to her about that time─how did she feel about it? No idea.

“That’s why, Ogi. It wasn’t the discussion that made me despair, but the conclusion. No one saw it coming─we were pursuing what was right, but then made a fatal mistake. That’s when I lost sight of my idea of justice.”

Lost sight of it─I should have refused from the start, and never let Oikura force the role of chair onto me─shaken Arikure off and gone home, who cares what people might think.

“The conclusion,” said Ogi. “But the conclusion was that you couldn’t figure out who the culprit was─sure, a disappointing way for your discussion to end, but falling into despair?”

“Yeah. That’s the thing. We couldn’t figure out who the culprit was─but that’s not to say we didn’t decide on one.”

“Huh?”

“That was the reason for my despair. The reality that people will make decisions about everything, even about things they don’t know─that’s what made me lose hope.”

I lost hope.

To the point where I’d say─I don’t need friends.

I cut ties.

“I see─I see, I see… In that case,” Ogi murmured like she was caressing─or choking me gently, “how about you tell me what happened next? Isn’t it about time to leave school? You’ve been arguing in a locked room for over two hours, everyone must be near their breaking point. And there at that point…what kind of conclusion did you reach? Where did you end up?”

“…”

“Ahhh, I wanna knowww. What could’ve happened? I hope after all the twists and turns you managed to blunder your way past your plentiful troubles and paltry turmoil and every last one of you were left as happy as could beeeee…”