Monogatari Series - Volume 10 - Chapter 1.24

024

“I’m probably the last person you want to hear this from, but you’re into some pretty weird shit─at the same time, though, I get why you want to know everything.

“This is the first time I’ve actually told the whole story to someone, so I don’t know if I can do it justice. That is─I have actually told the part about how I started collecting unhappiness before.

“And it’s not that I haven’t wanted to tell someone the rest of it, the part about the devil I mean, it’s just that no one has wanted to hear it.

“So anyway, thanks to that girl who came to me in the hospital for advice, I began to ‘collect unhappiness.’ And my system has been more or less the same since the beginning─though it wasn’t as polished at first, of course.

“That’s right, at first I started with the people close to me. Right before I left school, I started out by using my classmates and my juniors as guinea pigs─‘guinea pigs’ leaves a bad impression, doesn’t it? Am I making myself sound too evil? I really was ‘dispensing advice,’ after all, so I shouldn’t make it sound so much like I was running a con.

“Fortuitously, I guess you could say, that first girl laid the groundwork for me. She’d already spread the word about how multitalented I was. Ah, multitalented indeed. She may well have been the one behind that overblown sales pitch about me solving any problem without fail or whatever.

“In that case I am definitely an ingrate, forgetting her name and everything.

“How utterly shameful.

“Then again, at the time I didn’t have the leeway to feel grateful towards her. And by leeway I mean emotional leeway. I can just talk about it now, but back then I was pretty down in the dumps.

“…No, it was a little bit later on that I bleached my hair like this. But, Kanbaru, how did you manage to compete in the nationals with a value system that equates dyed-brown hair with being a miscreant? There must be all kinds of weirdoes at the nationals.

“Anyway, that’s how I was feeling. Since I’d already decided to change schools, I thought of my collecting during that period as a sort of severance package, the icing on the cake, and I may have been a little rough in the way I went about it─that’s my self-diagnosis.

“I’m kind of embarrassed about it─I wish I’d been more careful about how I gathered up their unhappiness. Fate had brought us to the same school, all in all.

“Though I guess the ‘overfishing’ I did at that time helped me perfect my technique, in the end.

“They all very kindly consulted with me─of course. I say ‘of course’ because it seems that anyone and everyone will speak freely to someone who’s clearly unhappier than they are.

“They hemorrhaged pretty intense secrets to me.

“I didn’t quite have the hang of it yet, so I took on a few burdens that were a little too heavy for me, but we’ll just let that go.

“I don’t really know how things went for those girls afterwards, but when I wound up our conversation with ‘I’m on it. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of all your problems,’ they looked so relieved. Like everything had already been taken care of. That first girl must have put around some really convincing rumors about me. It was like those words were a magic spell.

“Makes you laugh, doesn’t it? For me, they were about as meaningful as saying good morning to a stranger on the street.

“I thought at the time that maybe I just had it all wrong. That other people’s misery was only like sweet nectar to me because my mind had gotten so weak during my time in the hospital. Maybe after I was discharged and was counseling people in a slightly calmer state, I’d feel a little chastened.

“I had the faint desire to believe that I wasn’t the kind of scumbag who’d rejoice in the unhappiness of others─I was so naïve back then.

“But in the blink of an eye that naïveté went up in a puff of smoke.

“The notion that someone who’s been wounded becomes kinder or that someone in pain understands others’ pain is outrageously false. The girls who came to me for advice probably came to the conclusion that I, aloof as I had been at school, had turned over a new leaf because of my injury and decided to help people as a result. But oops, I’d done more than turn over a new leaf; I’d gone over to the dark side.

“Because I had come to know pain, I wanted to know their pain─though of course I was the only one who was aware of that. From an outside perspective, everything was as it appeared to be, I was just offering those girls advice and nothing more.

“But nothing is as it appears to be in this world. Like, just because someone is wearing a bandage doesn’t mean they’re injured, right? If I were to try and find a lesson in that─but now I’m starting to sound like that swindler.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about my dealings with Kaiki. I have no intention of pulling one over on you, of pulling the wool over your eyes. At this point, I intend to tell you everything. Think of it as payment for the devil’s arm. But if at some point you decide that you’ve heard enough, do say so, I insist.

“It wasn’t until a little later on that I met Kaiki, so for now let’s stay with the part before I changed schools, when I had just begun my collection. The thing I realized back then was that I had to be careful about giving out advice. I’m human, after all, so when someone tells me their problems I think, You could just solve them by doing x, y, or z. But it was when I voiced those thoughts that the girls would look skeptical.

“Offended, even.

“I mean, they’d come to me for help, but when they actually got advice from this injured, miserable person they looked down on, it rubbed them the wrong way─they’d suddenly clam up, and I had a hell of a time getting them talking again.

“It’s even simpler than ‘talking about your problems will make you feel better.’ They just wanted to talk, period. By the way, I did a little experimenting and discovered another way of dealing with your problems: write them down on paper, like you’re keeping a diary.

“Turning your intractable, insoluble problems over and over in your head just drags you down, but getting them out in a form where you can see them objectively seems to do a surprisingly good job of relieving the burden.

“Because ‘thinking’ about something is really just ‘remembering’ it. It’s an illusion that if you keep thinking about a hopeless problem, eventually you’ll arrive at a solution. Our brains are electrical impulses, so what we call ideas or thoughts are nothing but momentary sparks.

“Worrying, and thinking, are really just like taking a timeout. There’s the saying that ‘poor thinking is like sleeping,’ but the fact is that any thinking is like sleeping.

“Quit thinking. Don’t think. Suspend thought. That’s the way to resolve your worries; that’s what my experiment convinced me of.

“I said it before, but I don’t know how things went for those girls afterwards. I have no clue. I realized that giving out the wrong advice or scheduling a follow-up visit would be counterproductive and in fact strip me of my magical powers, so I never confirmed how effective it had been for them.

“But at the very least I can state with confidence that no one’s situation got worse because of me. It was my policy even back then that when someone came to me with a problem that I thought was genuinely serious, I would send them to someone who could help them.

“In any event, the experiment was a success.

“A great success.

“So I left the middle school where I’d spent nearly three years of my life with a self-satisfied look on my face─but I would have to wait a little bit longer before I could become a full-fledged collector.

“I realize that sounds kind of over the top, but the simple fact is that first I had to turn my mind to rehabilitating my leg.

“Rehabilitation for an injury is a lifelong process. There’s no moment where you say, ‘My God, it’s healed!’ like in a manga─oh, but I guess there was for Senjogahara, wasn’t there? Glad to hear it.

“I didn’t have it so easy, though. I was constantly visiting the rehabilitation center near our new house. And rehab was grueling, lemme tell you. I thought it would kill me. At the time I wished it would.

“I wanted to exploit other people’s unhappiness to make it easier on myself, but we’re talking about a hospital here. Even I’m not crazy enough to go after the misfortunes of people who’re stuck in such a place. I told you before, didn’t I? I’m not into anything too miserable.

“Yeah, I guess the criterion is more or less that I wash my hands of any story that’s clearly unhappier than my own. I don’t always get my wish, though, which is to say, it’s kind of a wishy-washy standard.

“It’s sad though, I guess it’s the fate of an athlete, even a retired one, to be unable to act unless the rules are clear.

“I barely attended the public middle school I had transferred into because I was spending all my time going to rehab, but I did graduate eventually.

“I didn’t bother with high school entrance exams.

“I mean, ever since elementary school I’d put all my energy into sports, and I hadn’t studied at all. I was never going to get into high school, but I’d also lost sight of the point of going in the first place. So I think it’s fair to say that I chose not to go to high school of my own volition.

“Which doesn’t mean I found a job.

“My left leg hadn’t recovered to the point that I could work─in fact, it would never be the same again. The doctor told me I’d have to keep this cast and crutch for the rest of my life, so─yeah, that really brought me down.

“I guess it was when I got that news that I decided to dye my hair. Since I wasn’t an athlete anymore. I always thought it was a stylish look, but I suppose to other people it just seemed like I was going down the wrong path.

“Fair enough, I did go down the wrong path. Straight down into the dumps.

“But that doctor also told me to get myself out of the house as much as possible, and his words of encouragement were priceless. In terms of working on my collection, it became a great excuse to give my parents.

“And so at last we come to the founding of Lord Devil, Inc.─the name I used at first wasn’t Lord Devil, of course, but I think at this point it would just confuse you if I started throwing around other names. Anyway, it was definitely the precursor to Lord Devil, so we’ll just leave it at that.

“I stayed away from my own town. And by my own town, I mean the place we had moved to─whatever, the point is that I decided to engage in my activities as a collector outside of my own territory.

“This was a lesson I’d learned at the experimental stage. It was better for my identity to remain hidden. The more they could feel like the advice was coming from a neutral third party, the more relaxed and comfortable the clients would be─because no matter how much they looked down on me, there was no guarantee that I would keep my mouth shut. The old adage that a close neighbor is better than a distant relative is true in its own way, but when push comes to shove, it’s best to ask a distant stranger for advice.

“What’s that? You thought the town I moved to was around here? Not a chance, that would be ridiculous. If I established myself in nowheresville, people would eventually figure out who I was no matter how many times I changed my name.

“Lord Devil’s identity needs to remain secret─it increases my divine powers. Or my diabolical powers, really, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it.

“Your reaction said it all: there was nothing I could do to keep from standing out in a town like this with my hair dyed brown.

“Which is why I constantly change my base of operations─you want to know where I moved to? I’d rather not say, if it’s all the same to you. If you were thinking of sending me a Christmas card or something, you can just hold off.

“And I’ve already changed my cell number, in case you were wondering. I’ll tell you right now, Kanbaru, this will be the last time we see each other, and the last time we speak. So if there’s anything you want to say to me, this is your big chance, let it all out.

“When I tell you that I stay away from my home town to do this─I’m curious, how big of an area do you picture, Kanbaru? At most, what, one prefecture? You’re way off. I operate throughout the country.

“From Hokkaido in the north to Okinawa in the south.

“I’ve planted my flag in every prefecture over the course of the past three years. My, my, everyone must think I’m on a little journey of self-discovery before I pull myself together and move on with my life.

“They say that travel heals a broken heart, don’t they?

“Though my broken heart and my journey are embarrassingly inconsequential compared to your senpai’s since middle school, Hanekawa. Then again, I win insofar as I have a clearly defined goal and she doesn’t.

“Haha, yeah, I’ve heard about what Hanekawa’s been up to. Just like I heard about your left arm─you guys are famous. When I established myself in this town, I heard a bunch of names that were a real blast from the past. I’ve forgotten the names of my old teammates and teachers and everyone, but you and Hanekawa and Senjogahara, I remembered.

“And.

“Koyomi Araragi, of course.

“To tell the truth, I knew all along. I’ve just been playing dumb.

“But it wasn’t when I came to this town that I first heard the name Koyomi Araragi, it was after I changed schools. It was a name I hadn’t heard back when I was absorbed in playing sports─I guess he’s that kind of guy, in other words.

“But I digress. Don’t look so suspicious.

“Let’s get back to the topic at hand. This goes without saying, but my clearly defined goal is collecting unhappiness. Since I’m a collector, I want to get my hands on as many kinds as possible, so it’s only natural that I should target the entire country. The truth is that I’d like to target the whole world if possible, like Hanekawa, but unfortunately I don’t speak any languages other than Japanese. I can’t match up to a brainiac like her on that score.

“Huh? You don’t think a high school girl can travel around the country gathering unhappiness?

“I told you, didn’t I? I’m not a high school girl.

“Sure, there have been plenty of times where it seemed like I was going to get nabbed by DSS─but listen, with time and money, there’s not much a person can’t accomplish.

“When you don’t go to high school, suddenly you’ve got all this time on your hands. The only reason people don’t leave their locale is because they’ve got school, or work, or a loving family by their side─without all that, people are free to go wherever they want. It’s the ones who say they can’t be tied down who turn out to be looking for a place to call home.

“Money? Right. No, it’s not like I worked for it or anything. The pain isn’t so bad now, but when I first started traveling it was chronic, and severe. I kept a stiff upper lip, though.

“Why has the pain abated? I think you can guess, but I’ll get to that later. Simply put, with my left leg being a devil’s and all, my injury has in a certain sense healed.

“More changed than healed, you might say.

“Are my parents rich? Well, much as I appreciate that they left me to my own devices, unfortunately they’re resolutely middle class. I’m not you, Kanbaru.

“…Hm? Everybody knows how rich you are. You live in a mansion, don’t you? For all the stupid spending you’ve done, no one seems to be particularly envious of you.

“The world goes easy on idiots and clowns. It’s accounted a much graver sin for an eminent person to commit a crime than for a reckless fool to do the same, yes? Though demanding that eminent people also have excellent character clearly goes well beyond the bounds of noblesse oblige.

“‘A sound mind in a sound body’ doesn’t hold true, and neither does ‘a great soul with a great mind,’ it seems.

“To let the cat out of the bag: insurance.

“My legs had been insured, against injuries.

“I don’t know about your middle school, but mine offered such a plan.

“At a hell of a premium. My tuition was waived, but that we had to pay. When my mother said I ruined everything, that investment was probably part of what she meant, but it did yield a huge return.

“It was my parents who’d shelled out that money in the first place, so that return was theirs by right, but they didn’t stop me from taking it and throwing it around by the fistful, like a bandit queen. Maybe they just couldn’t?

“That money’ll run out someday, of course, and at that point I’ll have to find some other way of raising funds─but the point is, the source of the start-up capital for Lord Devil was none other than my broken leg.

“It didn’t go all that well at first, but bit by bit I figured out how to get the word out in unfamiliar towns, and how to go about my consultations.

“I wonder if I’m talented in that regard. I’m of the opinion that talent is everything, so the answer would have to be yes, but maybe this is a special case. The desperation of the wounded animal to survive must have contributed to some degree.

“It’s the theory of evolution.

“Fail, run away, get sloppy, get caught, get exposed, apologize, deceive, talk my way out of it─through endless repetition, I figured out my system.

“The system you’re familiar with.

“By this point, I’m sure oh-so-clever Kanbaru has figured out how I came to meet Deishu Kaiki. Right, eventually I horned in on his territory.

“There are similarities between his cons and my hobby, after all─my activities aren’t commercial, but in terms of methodology, you could say we’re essentially in the same business.

“I want to make it clear that I don’t approve of his cons─abusing his knowledge of charms to take money from innocent people, I mean, come on. There sure are some bad apples in the world.

“But we can’t ignore the fact that some people have also been saved by his actions.

“I agree that the inevitable victimization that results from his work, unlike mine, is unacceptable, but then charms are just ineffective for most people.

“Oh, were any of your friends affected? I get why you would be pissed in that case, but at the same time, you should try and understand.

“There’s no such thing as universal evil.

“Every evil also brings some salvation.

“Every evil, and every devil.

“On the flipside, all justice hurts someone─they say there are no absolutes in this world, and that includes absolute right and absolute wrong.

“War engenders great inventions, and disasters bring about economic benefits. It’s always been that way. The words ‘good and evil’ can easily be replaced by ‘profit and loss.’

“But all of that being said, it’s not like I found a kindred spirit in Kaiki. We had a little disagreement, so we decided to share information so as not to step on each other’s toes, that’s all.

“Because, while we might be in the same business, his way of doing things was inconvenient for me, and vice versa.

“He’s a reasonable guy, in his own way.

“He just wants to make a buck, so he knows how to make a deal.

“Now, in addition to learning that there was this guy named Kaiki, there were a few other things I learned at that point. Got a guess? Right, charms─and aberrations.

“As an expert in the field, Deishu Kaiki told me about the existence of these aberrations. No, he doesn’t believe in ghosts himself, so more precisely he told me about the theory that they exist─but.

“That’s a little bit of foreshadowing.

“It foreshadows how I turned my hand more broadly to assembling a ‘devil.’

“How long was it since I started my collection? As someone who still goes to school you might not understand, Kanbaru, but when you’re not tied to any such organization, the calendar starts to lose its meaning. Monday runs into Sunday runs into Friday, and January, February, December, they’re all the same. It’s like you start to tell the season by the rotation of the menu at McDonald’s. Very cultured, I know. In a contemporary way. The point is, I don’t know precisely how much time had passed, I can’t remember. But it had been at least a year, I think.

“I don’t actually number my collection, so I have no idea what number this particular girl was. I was well over a hundred, but not yet up to two hundred, somewhere in there.

“Sorry to be so vague, I know I promised to tell you the whole truth.

“But one thing is for sure. That girl─Roka Hanadori was her name─was #01 in my Devil Collection. She was a high school student in my town, so she was probably older than me, though I never asked.

“Yeah, I remember her name.

“It made such an intense impression on me that I blurted it out just now despite my usual dedication to privacy─and yes, it’s partially because our first names are read the same way, but that’s not the only reason.

“Her name means a blossom on a high tower, while mine means a wax flower─quite a difference, eh? Plus her family name uses the characters for ‘flowers’ and ‘birds’ as opposed to my ‘swamp’? Enough to make you jealous, for sure.

“But the issues she was dealing with completely dispelled any such envy or petty jealousy.

“…I’m telling you this because it’s an integral part of the story, but keep it to yourself. And stop prying into Hanadori’s life. It goes against my professional ethics. Given that it’s not technically my profession, I could turn a blind eye to any indiscretions if I had to, of course, but I have my pride.

“Let’s say it was in a certain town. This story takes place in a town where I’d set up shop and was doing my Lord Devil thing─when Hanadori showed up.

“By then I had started using my Easy, Normal, Hard filter─and she chose Hard. She came to see me, face to face. You know what I thought then?

“Yup… Damn, it might be time to close up shop in this town. The fewer Hard-mode clients, the better. When their issues are grave, the root of the problem remains whether or not I succeed. Sometimes I can’t say, ‘leave it to me,’ even as a lie. Not to mention the fact that when Hanadori came to me, she looked like she’d been to hell and back five times already.

“Even my leg didn’t faze her one bit. I was wearing the cast and using the crutch to flaunt my ‘weakness’ and make myself seem easier to talk to.

“She came to me and pleaded, ‘Help me…’ Of course, I immediately started trying to decide who to pass her off to. Was this a matter for the police? Or child-protective services?

“But that calculation went out the window in the blink of an eye.

“She was wearing track pants under the skirt of her school uniform. Baggy ones─exactly like the ones I’m wearing now.

That winter you saw a lot of girls sporting that fashion, so at the time I just assumed she was being trendy. But now that I think about it, was it even winter? Maybe the very tail end? Either way, she wasn’t wearing those track pants under her skirt to protect against the cold. She took them off in front of me.

“You know what’s coming, right?

“Her leg─was a devil’s.

“Yup, this leg. Hairy, tough, too unbalanced to be attached to a girl─this leg.

“But it wasn’t the state of her leg that Hanadori was upset about.

“‘This leg,’ she said. ‘This leg is trying to kill my mother, all on its own.’

“I’ll give you the gist of her story, but don’t pay attention to the details and just forget it all afterwards, okay? Please. There was a college student she was planning her future with, and if that was all then no big deal, it happens all the time, but she said she was pregnant with his child. Maybe that happens all the time too. And I guess it happens all the time like it did with her, that her parents, dead set against it, told her to have an abortion.

“Happens so often that it might as well be the plot of a cellphone novel─but just because it happens all the time doesn’t mean it isn’t tragic.

“Me? I wanted nothing to do with it, obviously. I mean, holy cow! People had come to me with some pretty serious problems before that, but hers took the cake. No contest.

“The hospital is probably where you should be, I thought, but she was probably seeing a doctor already… And her case wasn’t covered by my ‘time heals all wounds’ warranty.

“Pregnancy wasn’t something that just went away over time.

“In fact, it would only get worse.

“The truth is that I was at a loss. Why is she opening up to me about this heavyweight shit? It’s not the kind of thing you go to some urban legend of a consultation service for… But like I said. The stuff that ‘happens all the time’ that she shared with me was just a preamble.

“She’d never swallowed the rumor, of course─but it seemed like her back was definitely against the wall. She didn’t want to snuff out a new life, but she also wasn’t old enough to be a mother, her own mother was all over her about it, the man she was building her life around wasn’t being helpful─so.

“So she turned to a devil instead.

“She wished on a mummified left leg─just like you wished on that mummified left hand.

“I never got to ask how she came to be in possession of such a thing. It was my first exposure to any of it, so what can you do? Such a waste, though. Which is exactly why I hope to get it out of you this time─I think maybe she said it was a keepsake from her father or something? She mentioned living alone with her mom…heheh. I guess she was doing that much better than you, having one parent, at least. Not that I explicitly heard her say her dad was dead or anything. Still, it must have been because of that family situation that her mother was so concerned about her daughter and so harsh with her.

“What’s good, what’s bad?

“The world is a complete mystery to me.

“Maybe her father was somebody, like your mother. It’s a possibility, anyway. Either way─she must have had some grounding in that stuff to wish upon a devil.

“And to become a devil.

“You probably know better than anyone, but this devil is really a monstrous creature that grants its owner’s wishes in a negative form. And for sure, on the surface Hanadori’s problem would be solved by her mother’s death. It could also be solved by the death of the boyfriend, or of the child in her belly─what’s it called again, an Elektra Complex? All sons curse their fathers, and all daughters despise their mothers─maybe mom was just the one within kicking range.

“There are plenty of possible interpretations, and I don’t know which one is correct. In any event, she made a wish, and the devil decided to grant it by possessing Hanadori’s leg─and bumping off her mother.

“It failed. Late at night, in a trance, Hanadori kicked the shit out of her mother as she lay sleeping, but in the end it wasn’t enough to kill her.

“Because in her case, Kanbaru, it was her leg that had been imbued with power, not her arm. Even though she kicked her mother with the leg, she couldn’t keep her balance while she was doing it, so her mother wasn’t hurt that badly.

“In which case, Araragi’s lucky to be alive, isn’t he? What is he, immortal or something?

“Hanadori quickly realized that she herself was the culprit who’d put her mother in the hospital. I mean, it was basically what she had wished for, plus her leg had turned into a beast’s leg, so it didn’t take a rocket scientist to reach that conclusion─and so she was stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.

“If her wish couldn’t be granted, her leg would stay like that forever. But granting the wish meant killing her mother. She could commit suicide instead, but that would also mean killing the baby inside her. And of course she couldn’t ask her boyfriend for advice─she didn’t want him to see her with that leg.

“So she came to me.

“Grasping at straws. Then again, she’d brought it on herself, so maybe she was grasping at a voodoo doll.

“But I felt like I understood why she’d seek out an urban legend for help─an urban legend like Lord Devil. A realistic problem like pregnancy is one thing, but in terms of dealing with an aberration-related problem like a devil, I was the perfect counselor.

“I wasn’t called Lord Devil at the time, but that kind of eeriness had been a necessary part of the staging. It was that darkness that must have drawn her to me. Like a moth to a flame.

“I’ll ask you the same question I asked earlier. Do you know what I thought then? What I, a collector of unhappiness, thought after she told me all this?

“…Wrong. You’re completely off base. How did you manage to hold your team together when you don’t understand people at all?

“I thought, I want to help this girl.

“I’m not lying, I really did. For the first time in my life─I genuinely wanted to help someone.

“I get why you don’t believe me. I am without question the lowest of the low. I’m the kind of person who listens to people’s problems, and then does nothing; I just leave them in the lurch. The kind of person who eases her pain with others’ misfortunes. Still, where do you get off calling my desire to help someone a lie?

“Like I said earlier, the masses love a celebrity scandal. But anyone with a lick of sense understands that one shameless little blot marring an otherwise sterling career doesn’t render the rest of the career null and void. The indiscretion of one’s twilight years doesn’t cancel out the glories of youth.

“In the same way, you can’t dismiss the sentiment of a delinquent who shares an umbrella with a stray dog. When a typically bad person does some tiny bit of good, it looks better than it would otherwise─sure, that may be true, but it doesn’t mean that you can completely dismiss how the delinquent boy couldn’t bear to leave a soaking-wet dog to its fate.

“No one is all good.

“No one is all bad.

“Just because a cool hero collects dirty books, or an otherwise ideal woman is bad at the multiplication tables, nobody would say that negates all of their positive attributes.

“People want to whittle others down to a single aspect of their character, but things aren’t that simple. It’s only parents who see children as children, and it’s only children who see parents as parents. When your title changes, who you are changes too, and who you are also changes depending on who you’re interacting with.

“Who you are changes with the passage of time.

“A devil can be angelic too─even if only for a moment.

“I’m the lowest of the low, but not always. I wanted to do something to help Hanadori.

“I wanted to take her place, if I could.

“Did I sympathize with her because we shared a first name?

“Did I want her to pull her life together where I’d failed?

“Not really. That wouldn’t add up. What I felt was a purely chivalrous desire to help her out.

“Pure chivalry. I won’t deny that I was more surprised than anyone to find such an urge inside me.

“But, all that being said, what could I do?

“I was a self-proclaimed treasure hunter on a long journey of self-discovery. I’d become well versed in other people’s unhappiness in the course of my activities, but I was an expert on its myriad variations, not on what to do about it. Never mind the fact that her problems, be it the pregnancy or the devil’s leg, surpassed anything else in my collection.

“Even if I mobilized all the knowledge at my command, it would do no good. I was just some person who’d been brought up in a laissez-faire spiral of indulgence, growing up in a world of athletics totally divorced from anything having to do with men─our names were the same, but the lives we’d led were nothing alike.

“There was nothing I could say that would get through to her, mean anything to her. So I didn’t say anything at all.

“Not a word.

“I just hugged her.

“Roka Numachi, embracing Roka Hanadori.

“I hugged her without a word.

“Gently? Nope, firmly, forcefully, vigorously.

“I’m pretty sure I was the one who was crying. Maybe I shouldn’t have hugged a pregnant girl so forcefully, even if it was still her first trimester, but I wasn’t thinking.

“And then I spoke.

“What I said─I, who had nothing to say─was something I’d said over and over again, so many times before.

“It’s okay.

“I’ll take care of everything.

“I’ll solve your problems, without fail.

“So you don’t need to worry anymore─those were the irresponsible words I whispered into her ear.

“Not just once, but over and over again, so many times─I must’ve been crying. It’s lame, I know, but I’m pretty sure I was crying the whole time.

“To be honest, I have no idea what she thought of that, of me. I wonder if it just made her uncomfortable? Maybe she thought I was pitying her and hated it. Either way, after a little while she left and went home.

“I think she said something about staying up all night again so she wouldn’t attack her mother in her sleep─yeah, she definitely said ‘again.’

“Can humans really go that many nights without sleep? The devil would probably come out during the day, too, if she fell asleep─anyway, what could I do, but silently watch her go?

“Even after she was gone and I was alone, I felt agitated. I kept thinking, I want to do something for her, I want to help her. It was burning me up.

“Not that there was anything I could do, of course.

“But I figured I might as well meet up with Deishu Kaiki and see what he had to say. He called himself a ghostbuster, so he might be able to do something even if he was a swindler─soon I was calling his cell phone.

“He said: ‘It’s going to cost you.’

“To which I responded: ‘Money isn’t an issue.’

“Cool, huh?

“But I ended up not having to pay him a red cent. I got up early the next morning to catch the train to meet him─and that’s when I realized.

“That inside my plaster cast─my own left leg had transformed into a devil’s.”