Bonus Short Stories
Bathtub Concerto
The bathtub is a Japanese citizen’s paradise. Of course, I’m an imperial citizen now, but still.
“All right, that should do it.”
I wiped the sweat from my brow as I gazed at the fruit of several days’ hard labor near a small stream in the woods by my canton. Having paid the toll of sweat and agony all great feats of creation call for, I’d given physical form to my hardships, frustration, and ingenuity. Seeing the large wooden tub enshrined before me almost brought a tear to my eye.
The size was just about right to whip up some miso or soy sauce inside, but I didn’t plan on recreating the flavors of my motherland—all I wanted was a bath.
Our canton was too rural for anything more than a cost-efficient Turkish bath. Saunas had their own merits, but my soul forged in the land of the rising sun longed for shoulder-deep hot springs. Every trip to the steam bath only fanned the flames of my desire, and I finally lost my patience and built my own.
Boy, I was full of myself.
I’d thought that constructing a big bucket would have been easy with my whittling skill, but the process had been a nightmare. Lining up all of the planks to create a watertight fit truly was the work of an artisan. I don’t think I would have finished the project without the advice of the local blacksmith.
After thrice failing to piece together defective planks that I salvaged from the sawmill, I had finally managed to make something that held water on my fourth attempt. I had also patched up the holes in an old firewood stove from the canton’s junk heap and tossed a rusty pot on top to boil up some hot water. I couldn’t create something as complex as a water heater, but I figured diluting boiling water with fresh stuff from the river would be enough for the small, single-person tub.
“The nearby stream makes this so easy,” I said to myself, tossing firewood into the stove. I worked up a sweat while scooping water into the tub, but I was more than happy to for the sake of my bath—after all, there’s nothing like soaking in hot water when you’re sweaty and tired.
“It’s almooost ready...”
Raising the temperature of the water had been more painstaking than I’d anticipated, but at long last, my preparations were complete. Steeping myself in water that was the slightest bit too hot was my Truth, and I felt quite pleased with myself when I dunked my hand in to check the heat—until a cold shiver ran up my spine.
“You’ve been so distant lately, but I would have never guessed you were hiding away building something like this.” A sultry voice that seeped into my ears was accompanied by a new sensation of weight on my back. My neck turned like an unoiled hinge to see my grinning childhood friend. “Everyone would want a turn if word got out about this. Wouldn’t that be a shame?”
“...How did it turn out like this?” I asked.
“Ahh, how pleasant,” Margit said, ignoring me.
Although the details were far from my original plan, I found myself bathing only a few minutes later. The girl who had threatened me with a cheery smile just moments ago now sat in my lap.
I’d made the tub on the smaller end to make it easier to fill it with hot water; an adult would have to squeeze in, and two mensch children would barely fit. However, Margit’s build meant that there was room to spare, so long as she folded up her legs and rested on top of me. Still, I had one issue: my nice, soothing bath had become a horribly literal stew of tension.
“Mmm, I’ve heard of hot water baths before, but I never realized they were this wonderful, Erich,” she said, peering over her shoulder with a mischievous smile. Her usual pigtails had been undone, and her mysterious charm left no trace of any innocence appropriate for her age.
“I’m happy you’ve taken a liking to it...”
“Very much so,” she said. “Shall we do this again sometime?” As she spoke, her arms made their way around my neck and she leaned her whole body against mine.
“Wha—hey!”
“But you know, the fact that the water cools so quickly really is a shame. Oh, so that’s why you’re still boiling water despite already being in the tub. Let me see, how much should I add to warm us up?”
Margit certainly would have had an easier time reaching the hot water if she leaned forward a bit. She’s doing this on purpose... How terrifying! Any other boy our age would have lost it in more ways than one!
“Still, I would have appreciated it if you’d given me some forewarning.” She ladled up some more boiling water to adjust the temperature and shot me an accusatory glare. “I didn’t know to bring soap, so I can’t wash myself.”
“Hold on a second,” I said, “you can’t do that anyway.”
“What? But baths are meant to clean the body.”
“No, you’re supposed to keep the tub clean.”
“Huh? But I can’t help but feel strange without washing up...”
“You absolutely aren’t allowed to dirty the tub!”
For better or for worse, my passionate lecture about the proper way to bathe made me completely forget certain other details of my current situation. Still, Margit had only ever experienced saunas before, and continued looking wholly unconvinced no matter how enthusiastically I tried to explain my position.
[Tips] Imperial citizens also wash themselves before entering the bath, but it is acceptable to use a scrubber in the water.
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