Majo no Tabitabi - Volume 13 - Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Ashen Witch Counseling Agency

[A Certain Traveler’s Testimony]

Every human being alive on this earth goes through life beset by problems.

Problems are basically a built-in part of the human body.

You there. When you open up to someone about your problems, are you mocked with thoughtless comments like these?

“Is that all? I’m having an even harder time.”

“Imagine being bothered by something so minor.”

“Everyone else is doing their best, you know.”

And so on?

Yes, even though you just want someone to listen to your troubles, they just don’t get it, do they?

They’re always working harder, they’re suffering more, and the people who have such contemptible, rotten dispositions want to feel like they’re superior to everyone at all times, so even when they do lend an ear to another’s problems, they hardly offer the smallest scrap of sympathy before launching into useless sermons.

Regardless of how the other party might be suffering, or how hard they might be working, or whatever else, you’re the one asking for advice, and yet they turn a deaf ear.

Ah, how stupid is that?

But it’s all right.

Even if no one else will listen to your problems, God will lend an ear to what you have to say, confront your problems earnestly, and come up with possible solutions with you.

…Hm? What’s that?

There’s no way God could be so close at hand, you say?

No, no, that’s not true at all. God is always by your side. But she’s a little bit shy, so she doesn’t often make an appearance.

By the way, this may be off-topic, but I have met God before, you know. I’ve gone through a little bit of special training, and to make a long story short, I can converse with God.

So, I am able to speak on God’s behalf, and offer you some welcome advice.

The person traveling the world doing just that, in order to bring peace to all the land, is me, the Ashen Witch Elaina.

May every human being alive find happiness.

Now, reveal your problems to me.

…Hm? The fee, you ask?

Ten minutes of counseling for one silver coin.

Oh? Expensive, you say?

I see.

Then, perhaps you need someone to counsel you for your problem of the counseling fee being too high?

…Just kidding. Go ahead and have a seat. I’ll listen to what you have to say.

[A Slave That I’m Selling Doesn’t Listen to a Thing I Say, and I Don’t Know What to Do]

“I’ve made a fair amount of money as a slave trader, but recently, I’ve been faced with a somewhat bothersome situation. One of the girls that I have for sale doesn’t listen to anything I say.”

Ten minutes after I set up my questionable business by the roadside—

The shady-looking young man who appeared as my first customer of the day suddenly laid out his preposterous problem. A slave trader, he said.

“That’s certainly a…questionable job you’re doing, isn’t it? Is everything all right?”

I wonder if it’s actually a good idea to openly run a consultation booth right off the main avenue?

“There’s nothing wrong with the job itself. Slave trading is a legitimate occupation, after all. Well, I did end up breaking up with my girlfriend after I started trading slaves, I guess. I couldn’t sell girls while I had a girlfriend of my own, after all.”

…Well, if the slave trade is treated as a legitimate occupation in this land, I guess it is what it is. I won’t delve into it any deeper.

And so I asked him, “When you say that your slave won’t listen to you, in what way do you mean?”

“To put it simply, she doesn’t act like a slave at all.”

“Meaning?”

“It’s a long story, but— Oh, before that, I guess I’d better explain exactly what a slave is.”

In a torrent of speech, the young man told me about recent developments in the slave trade.

It wasn’t something I particularly wanted to know anything about, but since I had made a big deal of asking about his problem, it was too late to back out. I settled on letting his words flow into my right ear and straight out the left.

According to the man, when people heard the word slave it usually made them think of pitiful young girls being passed from one unsavory adult to the next, forced to cook, clean, and do laundry, and take care of other everyday necessities. But recently, there had been a considerable decline in that type of customer. Instead, more and more young men were buying slaves.

“Men who have no luck with girls despite having the interest and the money to burn have all been buying slaves. Recently, the slave industry has been really popular among single men.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I mean, think about it. Just by paying some money, these fellows can rescue a poor slave girl from the grasp of some dirty old man, right? Since the slave girls are usually so impressed with the lonely men who come to their rescue, they’re less defiant, and won’t turn on their new masters. And the guys never have to worry about the pesky problem of being appealing in any way. It’s the best solution, you see? There’s no need for them to find true love or whatever. Buying a slave solves all their problems.”

“Uh-huh.”

I would have thought that at some point he would have noticed how hard I was cringing, but his mouth just did not stop running.

“Now, because of this, all the slave traders like me have been training their girls to fawn over their new masters and praise them no matter what sort of stupid crap they’re into. But there’s one girl who just won’t listen at all.”

“And you say this girl is being defiant?”

“She sure is! No matter what I say, she just answers me like, ‘Tch… Just kill me! I’ll never yield to a lowly man like you!’”

“She doesn’t sound like much of a slave to me.”

“Well, what should I do?”

“I’m not sure how to answer that.”

However, since I was the one who (had set things up as if I) could act as an intermediary for God’s words, I also couldn’t flatly turn the young slaver away. I felt like the best thing to do in this situation was to at least give him one fitting piece of advice and send him away happy.

So, I cleared my throat once.

“Uh… God has this to say. ‘Everything’s sure to work out if you can put yourself in the slaves’ shoes and think about things from their perspective,’ she says.”

Of course, if he had asked me what on earth those words were supposed to mean, I wouldn’t have had any clue. It was all according to the will of God, after all.

…Or rather, I actually just gave him the first answer that occurred to me, without really thinking about it.

“Put myself in their shoes…? Oh! I see! I get it! Thank you so much!”

I would have liked to hear exactly what he thought he’d gotten from any of that.

[I Have a Feeling My Undercover Investigation Has Been Found Out]

“I work at one of the public institutions in this country, but, well, the fact of the matter is that—and this is strictly confidential information—there seem to have been some unsettling developments in the slave trade recently.”

I continued to ply my questionable business the following day, and as I might have expected, my suspicious establishment only attracted suspicious customers. Sitting across from me was a young woman speaking in a confident tone of voice, despite her shabby appearance.

“Unsettling developments, you say…? Just what sort of thing do you mean?”

At my words, the young woman nodded.

“That’s right. Apparently, more and more young women are looking to become slaves these days. In fact, it seems like most of the slaves on the market put themselves there. This fact is rather hard to explain, you see, so I’ve been investigating.”

“I see.”

“You see, at the moment, the profession ranked most desirable among teenage girls is…being a slave.”

“This country is messed up, huh…?”

“By the way, the profession ranked most desirable among teenage boys is…being a slave trader.”

“Really, really messed up…”

“You’re absolutely right.” The woman nodded with a sigh. “What I’ve discovered through my undercover investigation is that all the girls who aspire to become slaves have been saying, ‘Once I become a slave, a rich man will buy me right away, and furthermore he’ll hardly ever lay a hand on me, seriously nothing could be easier.’ Apparently, today’s slave market is being used by these girls as a kind of matchmaking service.”

“Oh wow, this is deeply messed up…”

“Well, so that’s the reason that I’ve been conducting an undercover operation myself, and investigating all sorts of things, but…the trouble is that I seem to have been exposed as an agent of the state.”

“…How on earth did that happen?”

She hemmed and hawed as she answered me.

“Yesterday, I was just sitting there absentmindedly in my cage, playing the part of a slave as usual, when the slave trader suddenly pulled me out of the cage and said, ‘I’m getting in there now. You oppress me,’ or something.”

“…………”

“The man said something else that was strange, too. ‘I have to become a slave in order to understand you,’ or something like that. I had absolutely no idea what he’s hoping to achieve, but…as of yesterday, that man has become the slave, and now I’m the master.”

“…………”

That’s got to be the slave trader from yesterday.

But this woman didn’t know one bit about the situation, so his actions and words must have been a complete mystery to her. I mean, they didn’t even make sense to me, and I knew what was going on.

In any case, she cocked her head and wondered out loud, “How on earth did he find out I am a state asset…? Was there something wrong with my behavior…?” she grumbled.

Well, I think that your behavior is definitely the reason why you fell into this sort of situation, but…

“But don’t you think it’s possible that you haven’t been exposed as an agent of the state? Maybe the man simply wanted to become a slave, you know?”

For the time being, I gave her a careless answer.

“No. That can’t be it. After getting in the cage, the man made me torture him every which way. He said things like, ‘Now, tie me up. Lash me with a whip. Break me,’ and so on.”

“…………”

Gross.

“Tch… I didn’t go undercover as a slave so I could torture people! Why should I have to hold a whip?! Especially for some weirdo who wants me to hit him.”

“Are you sure you’re in this for the right reasons…?”

How far did your undercover investigation, or whatever you call it, go?

“Actually, I was suspicious from the start. Whenever he handled his slaves, this slave dealer always treated them courteously. The only training he gave them that really seemed like training was forcing them to say, ‘That’s my master!’—that’s all. By resisting that, I just barely managed to establish myself in a position fitting for a slave, but… But it was no use. The slaver just made a sad face every time I resisted…and no, that’s not the kind of face that I want to see… I only want to see the dirty expressions of a more vulgar man, and yet…”

“You’re not in this for the right reasons, are you…?”

What were you trying to accomplish by going undercover?

“Anyway, apparently the man has discovered my true identity, and must have decided to give me that kind of treatment… I’m really in trouble here… It seems like that man is going to keep harassing me.”

“No, I think you’re imagining that…”

“What should I do? Please, let God give me some guidance!”

Are you sure it isn’t the devil that ought to be guiding you through this?

I couldn’t say that, so I acted like I was puzzling over the situation for a moment. “Let me see…” Then I announced, “…God has this to say. ‘Thou art to enjoy the present,’ she says.”

“Enjoy… That’s it? What does that mean?”

I had come up with it on the spot, so I had no idea how to answer her question.

“Well, it’s…just one of those things. You don’t know for sure that the man has realized your true identity, so you can’t be sure that he’s making you train him in order to harass you. His interests just run that way.”

“What…did you say…?”

“The slave trader is a natural-born masochist. I’m sure he would be delighted if you were to abuse him further.”

“That’s… In other words, I can think of it like, if I become a more sadistic woman, as my reward, he’ll abuse me?”

“Uh, sure. Why shouldn’t it work that way?”

I’ve got no clue.

So then, this lady doesn’t care what happens with her undercover investigation at all, does she?

“Understood. Well then, there’s no avoiding it. This is part of my job, too. I’ll do the best that I can! Thank you!”

With an expression full of hope, she stood up and left.

…Why is it, I wonder? Why is it that, despite her expression of relief, I’m not particularly reassured?

[I Suspect My Ex-Boyfriend Has Been Hanging Out with a Shady Lady]

“I wanted to get back together with my boyfriend who I split up with a long time ago, so I headed down to the slave market. But you know, my old boyfriend wasn’t anywhere to be found there… That made me really sad, and frustrated…”

I was already starting to feel like closing up shop and leaving my gig as a counselor behind. And that day, as before, a strange customer took a seat in front of me.

“Uh-huh…”

I nodded vaguely. But the woman didn’t seem to be paying any attention to my behavior.

“So, listen, my boyfriend, he used to be a really good person. But now he’s working this terrible job as a slave trader, if you can believe it… He’s changed since he started that job… He’s not his old self anymore…”

“In what way has he changed?”

Ah, I bet this is the ex-girlfriend of the slave trader who came to see me two days ago, I thought.

“…He’s become a masochist. Yesterday, when I went to see him, he was getting whipped by this weird woman…”

See, I knew it.

It really is a small world.

“But all you did was observe him, right? Did he look unhappy about it? Maybe some evil person somewhere lured him into it or was forcing him to do it, maybe that’s all it was?”

Well, that evil someone was me, but…

However, if the man was behaving that way in order to experience things from the slaves’ perspective, then maybe he ought to have been unhappy about it.

That was what I thought, but—

“Not at all! He looked really happy!”

Ah, so he was enjoying himself—?

“W-well…that’s, um, look. It’s one of those things. He just looked that way on the surface, but I’m sure his mind was actually suffering. I don’t doubt that he’s feeling hurt.”

“He didn’t look that way, though…”

“All right then, he’s a lost cause, so please give up on him.”

“No way! I want to get back what I had with him, no matter what! Help me, God!”

“God is dead. She’s not here anymore.”

“Please, do something!” She refused to back down. I wondered why on earth that was. “Right now, the slave industry is really popular! I just know that that man is selling tons of slaves right now and making money hand over fist! This is my chance to marry into wealth! Please! Help me!”

I see, so you’re a slave to money.

“…………”

I was already way past fed up. I wanted nothing more than to tell her God was dead, then close up shop and run far away.

But even so, this was my job, so I calmly made my best effort.

The God inside me whispered something.

“God has this to say. ‘The slave boom is likely to end soon. There is nothing to worry about. You are fine just the way you are now.’”

“Just the way I am…now…?”

“Yes. Your heart which is full of concern for that man will prove to be the sole ray of light that saves him from the darkness. Motherly love that gently envelops wounded men is what we need in these depraved times. Thou art to love that man like a mother—says God.”

“…Put it simply, what do you mean?”

I take it that means you didn’t understand?

“I don’t understand either.”

Actually, I would have liked to ask the question myself, but unfortunately the god inside me died a long time ago, so I didn’t really know the answer.

[I Came Up with an Idea for a New Trade]

My consulting isn’t worth a thing anymore, let’s not kid ourselves.

That was what I wished I could say. I wanted to hurry up and get going already, but since the next customer was someone I recognized, I ended up letting him have a seat in front of me.

“Hey, long time no see, Miss God.”

“I am not God. I am nothing more than a mouthpiece through which you can hear the voice of God.”

“Hah… That’s right…”

The slave trader seemed less burdened than he had the last time he’d appeared before me.

“Oh, did something happen?”

I’ve heard all sorts of things through the grapevine, but…

“Yes…our conversation yesterday. While the defiant slave girl was abusing me, my ex-girlfriend barged in on us… ‘Stop it right now! Don’t bully him!’ she said, and the slave stopped.”

Well, actually, she’s not a slave girl, she’s a state employee playing the role of a slave, but…

“Oh? And then?” I asked.

“The slave ran away at that point, but my ex was kind enough to console me in my misery… While she was holding me, she said, ‘Now, now. You tried your very best. You did so well.’”

“Uh, okay.”

“My heart started pounding, quite unexpectedly.”

“You’re rather simpleminded, aren’t you?”

“Anyway, it was in that moment that I struck upon an idea for a new business.”

“I have a feeling that a business you came up with while you were being cradled in a girl’s arms isn’t going to be much of an idea, though.”

But he ignored me and moved forward with his story.

“Here’s the new business idea that I came up with! And the name for it, too! The ‘Get Incredibly Pampered by Cute Girls Shop’! What do you think? Seems like it’s going to be popular, right?”

“…I’m sorry, but I’m not seeing how that’s a business, at all.”

“Well, to give you a rough idea, it’s a shop where tired adult men can come to get pampered. We’ll use my remaining unsold slaves. After all, I believe that the gentle care and attention of a young girl is a vital remedy for adults fighting their way through this brutal world.”

“In other words, this will be an indecent establishment, is that right?”

“Not at all. It’s a purely charitable organization.”

“…………”

Well, if he says it’s going to be a charitable organization, I’ll assume that’s true… I’ll just leave it at that, shall I…? I’m already so tired…

Actually, I wonder if there’s anyone who would be kind enough to pamper me?

“So, with all that said, I came to swear an oath before God that I will conquer the world with my new business venture! Thank you so much for listening!”

“Sigh… My pleasure…”

Then he walked away from my booth on lively feet.

All I could do was offer up earnest prayers to God that I would never see the man again.

After several months had passed, I heard secondhand a story about that place.

I heard that all the adults there had started patronizing a business where they could be pampered by young girls.

According to the rumors, the profession ranked most desirable among girls was ‘mother.’ Meanwhile, the profession ranked most desirable among the boys was apparently now ‘office worker’ (but that was wearing down their spirits and the soles of their shoes).

Compared to before, the situation seemed much healthier, but behind it all I could glimpse the painfully unwholesome truth of the situation. The boys wanted nothing but to be pampered by young girls. They were past being peaceful herbivores; they were fully fasting.

It was so funny I couldn’t laugh.

In fact, it was really, really messed up.

But as messed up as it all was, there was a demand for it, so the state seemed to have decided to look the other way—well, they probably just kept a lid on it to hide the stink. But anyway, on top of that shady situation, apparently new jobs were cropping up which consisted of just sitting around getting pampered by girls.

Well, even if something is rotten, you can still eat it if you let it ferment, right?

I suppose that was how they survived and kept going. I wasn’t fully satisfied with a lot of things about what I’d heard, but if the parties concerned had found their solution, then it would be insensitive for an outsider like me to criticize them.

“Sighhh… I’m exhausted…”

And so.

Along those lines.

Even though it stank, I continued my journey.