STARING UP AT ME WAS AN ELDERLY VERSION OF MYSELF!
“Gaaaaaaaaah! What the heck happened to me?!”
My hair’s gone gray! I’m not quite wrinkly enough that I can’t tell it’s me anymore, but I definitely look old enough to be a proper witch now! I can still see traces of my seventeen-year-old base form through it, though—which makes me look like a sixty-year-old using rejuvenating makeup in a really uncanny sort of way!
Apparently, the box in the museum had been like a treasure chest straight out of old Japanese legends: It aged whoever opened it in an instant.
That’s sure to astonish, all right… What am I supposed to do about this?
I had to do something to fix myself, that was for sure, but as I inspected my reflection in the water’s surface, a wave of lethargy washed over me. I really didn’t feel like moving around anymore if I could help it. It was like I’d come to the subconscious conclusion that if that’s what I looked like now, of course I didn’t have much energy.
“Not to mention the shock factor…,” I muttered to myself.
While I gaped at my aged reflection, Shalsha joined back up with us.
“Shalsha spoke with the museum’s curator, who said the chest Mom opened makes smoke that temporarily turns anyone it touches into an old person.”
“Why would you put something like that in a hands-on section?! Well…at least it’s temporary, I guess.”
Thinking things through again, I realized that even if there was a spell that could permanently age someone that dramatically, it wouldn’t be a simple enough incantation to be activated by just opening a box. A spell like that would be incredibly advanced magic, after all. Plus, it would make the box in question into the sort of incredibly valuable artifact you’d never even consider letting people touch freely. I figured its effects would wear off within a half hour to an hour at most.
“Did they say anything about how long this would last, Shalsha?” I asked.
“Approximately one week.”
“That’s kind of a long time, isn’t it?!”
I guess a week’s just a drop in the bucket from a demon’s perspective. Still, though, you’d think having to take a week off from work because you checked out the wrong exhibit at a museum would be a huge pain, even for a demon. It’s a massive pain for me, that’s for sure! If I’m stuck like this for the next several days, then I’ve got no choice but to go back to the house in the highlands! I don’t even want to think about all the ways everyone will end up teasing me!
“The curator said nobody had expected anyone who’d be affected this dramatically would ever come visit the museum,” Shalsha added.
“Oh, so it wouldn’t do this to most demons? I guess it’d just be harmless smoke to them, then.”
I figured it was probably put on display to show off the smoke, with the aging effect being considered a non-factor. It sure was a big factor for humans, though! Apparently, I’d had the misfortune of deciding to visit after they put up the new signs, but before they’d thought to rework the exhibits for the safety of human visitors.
“In the curator’s words, ‘I understand now that simply providing translations is not always enough on its own. This was a very valuable learning experience, and I intend to make this a museum that human guests will be able to safely enjoy and appreciate in the future. Thank you for teaching me this lesson.’”
“I’d prefer a solution for this mess over a thank-you, personally!” I don’t wanna be stuck like this for a whole week!
“‘The box’s effects are temporary and cannot be dispelled through magical means. Furthermore, those subjected to the box’s effects will find themselves unable to magically transform until the spell runs its course. There’s no choice but to wait it out for a week,’ according to the curator.”
“So much for solving this quickly…”
“Shalsha did receive something helpful, though.”
Now that she mentioned it, I realized Shalsha was indeed holding something.
Oh, good. Maybe this will be the solution I need!
“They gave us free tickets as an apology. The next time we come here, we won’t have to pay for entry.”
“That’s not even a little bit helpful!”
I think I’ll let the museum fans in the family use those tickets.
For lack of any other option, I decided to fill Laika in on what had happened. Seeing my old-lady transformation would probably shock her, so I sent Falfa ahead to explain the situation, then met up with her after she’d been adequately forewarned.
Laika took a moment to study my new appearance, then paused, seemingly not quite sure how to express herself. “Lady Azusa, you look…dignified,” she finally said.
Well, that sure was a tactful way of saying I look old now…
“No need to worry, though. You may look elderly, but you look like an elderly person who appears quite young for her age!”
“I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but it’s not working!”
I really am young! I’m three hundred years old, sure, but my body’s still just seventeen!
We ended up making our way to Beelzebub’s house after that. I really didn’t want to see her like this, honestly, but it would have looked unnatural for us to suddenly head back home without warning, and there was always a slight chance Beelzebub would have some relevant information about how to fix this. My hand was forced.
“Haaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I see the Witch of the Highlands has become the Witch of the Nursing Home!”
And then she laughed her head off about it.
“Well, that’s just plain rude!” Laika’s tactfulness was pretty conflicting in its own sort of way, but there’s nothing quite as irritating as just getting laughed at!
“T’would seem you have shrunk since I last saw you! A walking stick would suit this new look of yours,” said Beelzebub.
“Look, I just want to know if you can do anything to fix this, okay?” I asked. I was planning on asking everyone I met if they knew how to put me back to normal, actually. I had no interest in giving up and resigning myself to a week of old age!
“Nay, I do not. It’s only due to last a week, isn’t it? Just grin and bear it. Perhaps spending some time in that form shall lead you to sympathize more keenly with the plight of the elderly in the future. Consider it a learning experience.”
“It feels kinda weird to hear that from someone who’s technically way more elderly than I am.” All the ‘t’woulds’ and ‘shalls’ certainly aren’t helping with that, either.
“Well, I guess if I’m stuck like this, I should just go home. I feel pretty stiff, but it’s not like I can’t move at all,” I said. If I were to compare my body to a bicycle, then it felt like my gears were in desperate need of a good oiling without being broken in any particular way.
“Very well, then… Ah, no, wait. Wait just a moment!” Beelzebub exclaimed.
Oh, did she think of some way to fix me after all? Now that I think about it, I climbed up the World Tree to buy medicine that one time I got turned into a kid. Maybe they’d have something that could take care of this as well?
“Seeing as we have this opportunity, shall we spar? I have a feeling I’ll be able to defeat you soundly in your current state.”
“Well, I guess I know where your priorities are now!”
I feel like an idiot for hoping she’d help for even a second.
“Look—you realize if we did fight and I managed to win, people would start talking about how you’re so weak you got beat up by an old lady? Do you really think trying to take me on when I look like I’m old and sickly’s a great idea?”
“You didn’t let me finish,” said Beelzebub. “What I meant was, it would be better—and safer—for you to know how capable you are of defending yourself in your current state. Are you able to muster eighty percent of your usual might? Or perhaps only fifty percent? Better to learn now than in the midst of a crisis.”
“Oh. Okay, you might have a point there, actually.” Being way weaker than usual and not realizing it sounds like a recipe for disaster.
And so, Beelzebub and I ended up going out into her house’s garden to have a match. We squared off against each other.
“Okay, then—come at me any time,” I said.
“…”
“I’m ready whenever you are!”
“…”
Beelzebub, for some reason, just wasn’t attacking.
“’Tis incredibly hard to attack you right now!” she finally exclaimed. “It feels like an act of senseless brutality!”
“Well, what do you want me to do about it?!” It’s not like I wanted to end up an old lady!
“My apologies, but you’ll have to be the one to take the offensive,” Beelzebub said. “At least then I can claim I’m just defending myself.”
“Well, I don’t want to move that much right now! Feels like I might throw out my back.”
If at all possible, I was really hoping to win the match without moving much at all.
“Hell’s bells, this is a nuisance! Fine—here I come!”
In the end, Beelzebub came charging straight at me. That’s exactly what I wanted, and I prepared to receive her charge without taking so much as a single step…because, honestly, I just really didn’t want to! I was more motivated than I’d ever been to end this fight while expending as little energy as possible. Not to be melodramatic or anything, but my spirit really felt like it was taking a back seat to my body this time!
Beelzebub closed in on me, and the moment she was close enough, I threw a punch at her forehead.
“Fumnaaah!”
I’m sure I could’ve thrown a much stronger punch if I’d stepped into the blow, really putting my weight behind it…but at that particular moment, not moving was a higher priority to me. Still, my punch landed exactly as I was hoping it would.
Oh, hey! Guess that’s all it takes to hit her after all!
And, the next thing I knew…
“Agh, that really hurt!”
…the force of my attack had sent Beelzebub flying.
“That was amazing, Mommy!”
“It appears your raw strength hasn’t been reduced in the least.”
Always nice to hear my daughters cheering me on… Though somehow, it feels more like my granddaughters are cheering for me this time.
I looked over at Laika. “So what did you think?” I asked her.
“Frankly speaking, Lady Azusa, I’m currently feeling an impulse to call you my venerable master rather than my teacher.”
Now that’s a weird perspective to take!
“It’s clear to me that even as your body has withered, your spirit remains as hearty and focused as ever! You are truly worthy of the title of master, Lady Azusa!”
“No thanks! You can keep it!” I never asked for it in the first place!
Around that time, Beelzebub made her way back to us from wherever I’d punched her to. She looked less than happy.
“What was that?! ‘Fumnaaah’?! At least have the decency to shout ‘hiyah,’ or something to that effect! That nonsensical war cry made me put my guard down! And you’re just as powerful as you’ve ever been!”
“Now that you mention it, my voice did sound kinda feeble there, huh…?”
Shouting when you exert yourself was just a natural human instinct, and apparently, even those shouts had been affected by the current state of my body.
“Well, I’m just glad to know I’m not any weaker than I used to be. Guess the spell wasn’t powerful enough to do quite that much damage,” I said.
If I was still capable enough to beat Beelzebub, then it seemed safe to assume I wouldn’t be in any danger just living out my day-to-day life.
“So it would seem,” said Beelzebub. “However…losing to you in that state has dealt a terrible, humiliating blow to my self-esteem…”
“You’re the one who decided to ask for a fight, so that’s all on you.”
That’s the downside to picking on people who seem weak at a glance: You end up looking really pathetic if you somehow lose to them!
I really, really didn’t want to go home like this, to be honest, but in the end, I found myself making my way back to the house in the highlands anyway.
“Hmm? You look like an elderly cedar,” Sandra observed, kicking things off by judging me by plant standards. Cedars did live for quite a long time, so it was a fair enough comparison.
“Oh, are you…my teacher’s grandmother? You look just like her,” said Halkara, who’d misunderstood what was going on at a basic level.
“Nah, you’ve got it all wrong. That’s my Big Sis herself! Look at her soul, see? It’s the same as ever,” said Rosalie. In her eyes, apparently, I’d barely changed at all.
Wait, does that mean she looks at my soul instead of my body sometimes? I’m not sure I’m totally comfortable with that!
“You’ve sort of aged, huh, Mistress? I wanna see how I measure up to an old version of you now!” said Flatorte.
“I know you didn’t mean it in a bad way, Flatorte, but calling me ‘old’ is banned,” I replied. It’s not that I’m actually old! My age has nothing to do with this!
Three days had passed since my sudden transformation. Over the course of that time, a few other changes had occurred (or technically speaking, I noticed a few other consequences of the one big change, I guess).
“I have less of an appetite now. I still get hungry, but it takes less food to make me full, and I don’t have a taste for meat or fried foods anymore,” I muttered as I sat in the dining room one morning after breakfast. My body, apparently, was telling me I didn’t need all that many calories these days.
“Are you all right, Lady Azusa? You’ll wither away if you don’t eat more meat, you know?” said Laika, who was sitting across from me. The two of us had been chatting, and she looked rather concerned about my well-being.
“I think we can chalk that up to the spell for sure,” I said. “Seems like my metabolism’s slower now, and it just doesn’t feel like my body wants me eating very much.”
“The fact that you simply haven’t been exercising recently may also play a factor,” Laika noted. “You spent the bulk of yesterday sitting in the dining room.”
“Yeah, you might have a point…”
I just couldn’t work up the willpower to do anything physical. It wasn’t that I actively wanted to shut myself up inside—I just found myself wanting to be as economical with my movements as possible.
“Well, if anything feels unusual, please let me know right away.”
“I don’t think we need to worry that much, honestly. We know I’ve got just as strong of an offense as ever, thanks to Beelzebub, and I’m not in pain or anything. I’m not even sick! I’m as healthy as ever, basically, so I’ll be just fine.”
I did, however, agree that just sitting still all the time was bad for me, so I decided to stand up…
“Hruumph!”
…and, the moment I did so, I was hit with a shocking revelation. I’d just let out a sort of strained grunt as I stood up from a chair!
That’s something a young person would never, ever do!
“Are you truly certain your body isn’t failing you, Lady Azusa…?”
“It’s fine! Don’t worry about it! Actually, just forget you heard that, please!”
I didn’t exactly think of myself as a teenager anymore, considering I had daughters and all, but I certainly didn’t think of myself as elderly, either. As such, this transformation had me pretty on edge.
I’ll have to make sure I don’t start making even louder, more conspicuously elderly grunts in the future.
“All right, I think it’s my turn to make lunch today! Wonder what I should make?” I said.
“Are you certain it’s a good idea for you to be using a kitchen knife right now, Lady Azusa?” asked Laika.
“Yeah, it should be fine. My reflexes are as good as ever, so I don’t think I’ll have any nasty accidents.”
I wouldn’t have been able to take Beelzebub on if that weren’t the case, presumably. If I’d been too slow to react in time and actually hit her, then all the power in the world wouldn’t have helped me in that battle. If I could land a hit on a demon like her, then I figured it was safe to assume my limbs were just as dexterous as ever. And, in the end, I was right—I managed to make a meal, no problem.
Well, one slight problem: how that meal was received.
“Our lunch is really brown today, isn’t it, Mommy?”
Falfa pointed the issue out first.
“Huh? I know I didn’t serve a salad this time, but it’s not that bad, is it…?”
“This stewed daikon, the stewed mushrooms, and the stewed mountain vegetables are all brown. Also, the ratio of stewed foods is disproportionate,” said Shalsha.
I hadn’t realized until it was pointed out to me, but she was right. I really had put together a meal full of plain, simple dishes!
“Your cooking doesn’t have any impact today, Mistress. This is the sort of food a priest would make! It’s barely even worth eating…,” said Flatorte, joining in on the complaints.
I guess I didn’t make any crowd-pleasing dishes at all, yeah. I probably should’ve fried some chicken or something.
“Well, um… If anyone’s still hungry, I’ll give you some pocket money and you can go get yourself something to eat in Flatta,” I said, only to be hit by another revelation mere moments after the words left my mouth: Giving kids pocket money was a super old lady thing to do, too!
Oh, rats! I’m turning more and more elderly by the minute! I just have to hold out for a few more days, though. Just a few more days! If only they’d hurry up and pass by, already!
“Oh, right! Hey, Halkara?”
“Yes, Madame Teacher? Did you need something?”
“Does Halkara Pharmaceuticals make any hard candies? I’ve been feeling the weirdest craving for them.”
The fact that old ladies stereotypically carried bags of candy around with them only struck me after I’d already asked the question. My current body really was impacting my state of mind…
“O-on second thought, never mind! I don’t need any after all!” I sputtered.
“Oh, really? We do make cough drops, for what it’s worth,” said Halkara.
I do kinda want some, but I refuse to succumb to temptation! “No, I’m fine! I’m going to go out for a quick stroll!”
I stepped outside…and Sandra followed along with me.
“Do you need something?” I asked. “If you’re planning on joining me, you should know I’m not going all the way to Flatta today.”
“That’s fine,” said Sandra. “I just know sometimes humans leave the house and never come home again. I’m worried that might happen to you if you go out alone, so I’ll be keeping watch.”
My whole family’s worried about me now!
The one silver lining to the situation was that I now knew for a fact as long as I kept living here with everyone, I’d be well taken care of in old age.
Six days had passed since I was turned into an old lady. In other words, I thought to myself as I sat around in the dining room once more, I would theoretically be going back to normal before much longer.
I didn’t want rumors to start spreading about my condition, so my plan was to avoid Flatta until I’d recovered. Even if I hadn’t been avoiding the town, though, I didn’t end up feeling any desire to walk around. I figured I’d spend the remaining one, three, or however many days it took taking it easy, just like I’d done up to that point.
That said, there wasn’t anything I could do about people who came to visit the house in the highlands—which was exactly what happened. A knock rang out on the door, Rosalie happened to be nearby and went to see who it was, and Eno, the Witch of the Grotto, walked inside.
“Hello! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Is Miss Azusa— Gaaaaaaaaah!” Eno shrieked, to no one’s surprise.
Yeah, that makes sense. This really does raise a ton of questions, huh?
“What in the world happened to you?” asked Eno. “Does this mean when I pretended to be the Witch of the Highlands back in the day, I actually looked closer to your true form than I realized…?”
Quite some time ago, Eno had traveled around the countryside pretending to be me. That was before we’d met, and she hadn’t known what I looked like, so she’d disguised herself as the old, wizened crone you’d expect a veteran witch to be.
“No, that’s totally wrong! I just got hit by a spell that made me look this way! It’s temporary!” I said, then launched into a detailed explanation of what had happened.
“Oh, I see… There really are all sorts of spells just waiting to be discovered, aren’t there…?” Eno said after I’d finished my explanation. She’d listened to the whole thing with such seriousness, you’d almost think she was the one who’d been artificially aged.
That’s when Eno said something that caught me completely by surprise.
“But you know, that isn’t a bad look for you at all! It’s dignified, somehow. It makes you look like a really respectable, influential sort of figure!”
“Huh? Wait—are you jealous of how I look right now?” I asked. She was the first person to react that way, and I was a little taken aback.
“Well, I don’t want to look like an old woman right away, but I’m aiming to be a veteran witch in the future, and that’s exactly the right look for the job!” said Eno. “You could totally be a leading figure in the witching world! Looking old doesn’t mean you can’t look impressive, in my book—in fact, sometimes the two are connected! That’s exactly why I went with the appearance I did back when I was impersonating you.”
“I guess that makes sense, when you put it that way.”
Eno really had gone with a pretty elderly disguise back when she went around pretending to be the Witch of the Highlands. There hadn’t been any rumors about me looking like an old woman floating around at the time, either. Eno had pulled her image of me out of thin air, presumably because to her, appearing old and wizened was natural and desirable for witches.
“Y-yeah, okay, maybe I can take the compliment at face value after all,” I said. The funny thing about people is that all it takes is a single compliment to make us change our minds on a dime sometimes, even when that compliment is half-baked.
“Anyway, I brought a few samples with me that I thought I’d share with you,” Eno said as she lined up a series of small bottles on my table. She made her living selling medicine and tended to bring some of her products along whenever she stopped by for a visit. “But,” she continued, “before that, there’s something I’d like to suggest to you!”
“What’s that?” I asked.
Does she want me to collaborate with her to develop a new product, maybe? I’d be fine with that, though I think Halkara would throw a fit about it, considering those two are business rivals.
Eno’s proposal, however, turned out to be something completely different from what I’d been expecting.
“You don’t look anything like your usual self right now, so there’s no danger of anyone realizing who you are. Why not come along with me to a witches’ get-together?”
“‘A witches’ get-together’?” I repeated skeptically. That sounded like a pain, as far as I was concerned.
“Ah! I can tell by the look on your face that you’re thinking it’s going to be a bother, aren’t you?” said Eno, calling me out without wasting a beat. Honestly, that made this easier than if she had been completely oblivious. “That’s exactly why I’ve never invited you to one of these up until now. Plenty of witches are like you and have no interest in getting involved in the social scene of your trade.”
Maybe I shouldn’t say this, considering it’s my own profession and all, but I had the impression that being a witch meant there was an above-average chance you were a bit of a weirdo. That, or the sort of person who quietly lives in your own little corner of the world, perfecting your craft all by your lonesome—there were quite a few witches who fell into that category as well, I was pretty sure.
“I only made a name for myself and my medicines a little a while ago, so I’ve just started attending the gatherings recently,” Eno continued. “It’s kind of intimidating for a complete no-name to stroll on in to one of those, after all.”
“I can really tell you’re speaking from experience there… Though I can understand where you’re coming from, too.”
I didn’t much care for the idea of strolling into a social gathering all alone, either. That sort of thing was always hard, unless you had a friend there to go with you—otherwise, there was a serious risk you’d end up standing around awkwardly with no one to talk to and stick out like a sore thumb. Unless you were the sort of person who could strike up a conversation with anyone, I guess. Those people would probably be just fine.
When you could count on people knowing who you were at events like that, the odds of someone talking to you proactively shot up. By the same logic, however, when you were a total unknown mystery person, the odds were good nobody would come near you. You probably wouldn’t know what sort of topics people would be interested in discussing, either… That’s why I could understand why Eno had waited until she’d gained a degree of fame as the Witch of the Grotto before she set forth into the witchy social scene.
Come to think of it, I didn’t even realize there were official witch get-togethers… I’m so far out of the social scene I didn’t even know those were a thing, period.
Around that time, Sandra made her way inside from the garden. The moment she laid eyes on Eno, she let out a little “Ugh!” of distaste. She was on guard and not afraid to show it.
“Oh. You’re still afraid of me, huh?” said Eno. “Don’t worry, though! I’d never lay a finger on one of Miss Azusa’s housemates.”
“Sandra’s pretty shy around people she doesn’t know well, too. I think that’s half of your problem,” I added.
Sandra raised a hand in what more or less functioned as a greeting, then went off down the hallway. I had a feeling she was on her way to Falfa and Shalsha’s room. Seeing her pass by, however, had brought an old incident to mind for me.
“You worked with a bunch of different witches back when you were trying to catch Sandra, didn’t you? Did you end up keeping in touch with any of them?” I asked.
“I have, yes! They’re the ones I’m planning on meeting at the gathering,” Eno confirmed. “So what do you think? There’s no chance any of them will realize who you are, considering how you look right now, so why not take the chance to come see what it’s like? Think of it as a scouting run!”
I had no idea what she thought I’d be “scouting” at a social gathering, but I could more or less understand what Eno was going for. She was trying to give me an excuse to agree to come along, essentially. Most likely, she was hoping I’d decide there was no harm in going just once, so I might as well at least give it a shot.
I was very proactive about getting out and about when my daughters had somewhere they wanted to go, but I hadn’t attended a gathering of witches for my own purposes even once so far. Once a witch like me had an understanding of the fundamentals of our work, we could do our jobs alone, no problem. There weren’t any aspects of the job that required us to make connections to get work leads or anything like that.
In that sense, a social event like this didn’t offer any real benefits that would convince me to go. It did, however, offer plenty of advantages to make me stay away. For one thing, I’d never associated with other witches in any real capacity, and I was afraid my long years of running solo would make me come across as a depressing loner.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, being the Witch of the Highlands meant I also had to worry about becoming the center of attention. My reputation had gotten way too overinflated for my own good lately, after all, and I didn’t like the idea of a bunch of witches using my presence at a social gathering as an excuse to invite themselves over to the house in the highlands…
Eno certainly understood me well, in that respect. She knew I’d be concerned about my reputation, and so she’d waited until I looked like someone completely different before inviting me to go give the event a look.
“It’s a gathering of witches, so you don’t have to worry about anyone being an overly cheery extrovert that’s impossible to deal with. People in our line of work tend to prefer to keep things a bit gloomy, after all. How about it? Just one quick scouting run!” Eno said, laying on the peer pressure.
I mean, I guess I might as well give it a try.
I hadn’t left my house at all since I’d been accidentally aged up, and this seemed like a good chance to get out a little. Seeing as I could pretend to be someone totally different, I didn’t see any harm in just going with the flow for now.
“I guess, sure. I’ll try it at least once,” I said.
“All right!” exclaimed Eno. “In that case, you’d better get ready! We’re meeting up this afternoon!”
“Not wasting any time, are you?!”
“I was actually stopping by your place on the way to the gathering, really. The venue’s relatively close to here.”
I guess when you go somewhere for a meetup, it only makes sense to get any tasks you’ve been meaning to do in the area done while you’re there.
I stood up.
“Hrmmmph!”
Gah! I made one of those noises again…
Eno and I set off on the wyvern she’d taken to my place, and it wasn’t long before we arrived at the venue for the witches’ gathering. By the time we showed up, it was already packed with witches. I could tell in part because, as expected, the ratio of people wearing robes was weirdly high compared to a more typical social event. That isn’t to say, however, that there being a bunch of witches around made the place feel creepy or uncanny.
“Oh, I get it now. Witches are immortal sometimes, so of course a bunch of us would look perpetually young,” I said to myself. At a glance, the average age of the gathering’s participants seemed to be somewhere in the mid-twenties.
“You’re not wrong about that,” said Eno. “It doesn’t feel like a big old folks’ meeting at all, does it?”
That said, the attendees weren’t universally young. Some of them looked like they were in their nineties, and I had to wonder if they’d made themselves appear that way deliberately as a sales tactic.
“The veterans take on forms like that since it makes them seem tougher. They make themselves look old on purpose,” Eno explained, partially confirming my suspicion.
“That makes sense. I get where they’re coming from,” I replied.
Sometimes, you have no choice but to put on a strong front.
There was, however, just one thing I felt the need to complain to Eno about. I tugged on her sleeve. “Hey, Eno. Could you look over there for a second?”
I gestured toward a group of four seemingly young witches.
“So how’d the harvest moon the other day turn out for you girls?” “It was exhausting! I mean, this is already the busiest time of the year for me, even without that overlap!” “These things always seem to line up with each other somehow, don’t they?” “Sounds to me like you could use a drink or three!” “Oh, I’m down for that. I know a cheap joint nearby that serves some pretty nice herbal liquor!”
They’re so lively!
That wasn’t even the only group of witches engaged in that spirited chatter. I picked out a couple of witches off to the side saying something along the lines of “I was thinking of burning a tortoise shell on the beach to fortune-tell with sometime soon. And throwing a whole barbecue while I’m at it. You in?” “Oh, you know it!”
“I thought this was going to be a gloomy event, not this! This is like a totally normal industry meetup! Everyone’s so happy and cheerful!”
I mean, come on, a barbecue on the beach? That’s just a straight-up beach party you’re describing, not witch business!
“Ugh,” Eno grunted. “N-no, I don’t think it’s as unbalanced as you’re making it sound… Th-this is a totally ordinary number of cheerful businesspeople, trust me… Anyway, there’s a guest book over there, so we should go write our names down…”
I’d only come along because she’d specifically told me there wouldn’t be that many overly cheery extroverts, and what did I get? The uncomfortable, extroverted atmosphere of my worst nightmares made a reality.
Why do social events always seem to turn out this way?!
Events like this were really rough for people who were less than sociable. We were all witches, but that shared profession wasn’t making me feel any connection with the people around me at all…
“Don’t worry, though. You’ll barely have to talk at all to get through this gathering. That, I can guarantee!” said Eno.
“I won’t have to talk? Huh?”
I didn’t understand what she meant by that, but in any case, I signed in at the guest book, writing my name as “Azu Liliri.” I figured a name I came up with on the spot would work as well as any, and I’d used “Liliri” as a fake name in the past, as well.
Come to think of it, that was back when I first met Eno, wasn’t it? I couldn’t go around claiming to be Azusa when an imposter was using my name, so I just made something up. Then there was the time I claimed to be a dragon named Azuzard, too. I’ve used fake names weirdly often, haven’t I?
“Have you finished signing in? Here you are, then!” the witch on receptionist duty said as she handed me a wooden hammer. Eno received one as well just a moment later.
“Huh? Eno, what’s this about…?” I asked.
Why a hammer? Are they doing that thing they do at ceremonies in Japan where you break open a barrel of sake? I didn’t think that was a very widespread custom, and even if I’m wrong about that, it seems weird to have some random first-timer be one of the ones with a hammer! I thought that was exclusively for bigwigs in the business world, or something.
“There’s going to be a croc-whacking event this time! This gather’s more about moving around than talking!”
“I’m sorry, ‘croc-whacking’? Whatever that is, I’ve never heard of it,” I said. I’d resolved some trouble involving a crocodile that had taken up residence in a shrine’s pond before—maybe this was something similar?
“Oh, this is perfect! It looks like someone’s about to explain the rules,” said Eno. She was right—a witch wearing a formal coat that made her look like the event’s host had just floated up into the air to address everyone.
“Hello, witches all and sundry! Thank you very much for taking the time to attend today’s social gathering. This will mark gathering number seven thousand eight hundred and sixty, which makes it particularly auspicious!”
When you’re counting in the thousands, you can’t say that an event’s auspicious just because it falls on an even ten! Though I guess people did that back in my past life, too—like how people would say stuff like “This year marks the two hundred and sixtieth anniversary of this painter’s birth,” or whatever. I always ended up wondering if two hundred and sixty was really all that significant of a number.
“This time, we’ll be holding a croc-whacking event,” the host-like witch continued.
A stir passed through the crowd, and I heard a few witches mutter comments along the lines of “I’ve been waiting for this!” Apparently, it was a pretty well-known activity.
“The rules are simple. You’ll all split up into teams of two and use your hammers to whack as many crocodiles as you possibly can within a time limit.”
Okay, but there can’t possibly be that many crocodiles around here in the first place, right? I thought, just moments before a reptilian cluster appeared out of nowhere, right by our feet.
“Okay, I stand corrected! That’s a lot of them, all right!”
I was a little surprised for a moment, but at a second glance, they were obviously just illusions. They didn’t have a real sense of physical presence at all, and they looked more like cartoony crocodile characters than the actual, real-life animals. That meant they weren’t scary in the way real crocodiles were, either.
“These illusory crocodiles will disappear when you hit them with your hammer, and you’ll earn points for every crocodile you hit. Finally, the highest-scoring group will win a fabulous prize! Now then—it’s time to divide up into groups! Give it your best shot!”
Okay, I get it now.
This is basically just a large-scale version of whack-a-mole!
Something about this still seems weird, though. Like, why do we have to be in teams of two? It’d be easy enough to whack crocs on your own, and whack-a-mole works just fine as a single-player game.
“If you’re not acquainted with any of the witches around you, please go ahead and introduce yourself to someone nearby! This is the perfect chance to meet someone new and strike up a friendship!”
Oh, so they’re just trying to be helpful in the most obnoxious way possible!
I understood what the organizers were going for now. This was a social event, so they’d felt the need to make the game work in a way that encouraged socializing. To be fair, it really would feel pointless to bring a bunch of people who work in the field together only to not socialize at all, but on the other hand, this felt like a pretty tall order for those of us who were used to being on our own…
I glanced over at Eno and found she seemed weirdly pallid all of a sudden.
“Wh-why do they always have to pull stunts like this at these events…? Just because I know a few people here and there doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to suddenly find a partner… Spare me, please…”
Oh, okay. It all makes sense now.
“You brought me along because you were worried they’d make this into a group activity, didn’t you?” I asked.
“I’d like to say no, but yes,” Eno said with a nod.
Well, at least she’s honest.
“Just to reiterate, it’s not like I don’t know anyone here! I have acquaintances! It’s just a little more ambiguous whether I have anyone here who I could say I’m definitely-for-sure friends with. Also, it’s easy enough to talk with people in a four- or five-person group, but when you’re socializing one-on-one with someone, it’s totally possible for it to turn out that you have nothing to talk about, right? I really can’t stand it when that happens,” Eno said at a very rapid clip.
“I get that. I really get it,” I replied.
All the cheery extroverts in the crowd always seemed to have such an easy time making groups at times like these. Even just a moment ago, the four-person group of witches who’d been chatting before had split into two groups of two and were now hyping each other up over how they were definitely going to win. A group of five not-so-outgoing witches, on the other hand, had realized one person would be getting left over no matter what they did and were acting really awkwardly as a result.
“I think Carmilla’s probably going to be left over in that group over there. I’ll go ask!” “Oh, good idea! A friend of mine named Luitalua might need a partner, too! I’ll look for her!” “No, wait, one person was plenty!”
Yep. Breaking up into groups of two always ends up really hard in situations like that… And of course, I’m sure that’s a problem Eno’s worried about at this very moment.
“So seeing as we have to make groups, would you like to join up with me, Great Witch of the Highlands…?” Eno asked hopefully, her voice unusually feeble. I didn’t have the heart to refuse her.
“All right,” I said. “Actually, I would’ve been pretty upset if you’d decided to leave me on my own.”
I’m her senior in the witching world, so I feel like I have a responsibility to support her. Also, joining in on this game sounds way more fun than introducing myself to a bunch of random witches I’ve never met (considering I already have someone to team up with, anyway).
Apparently, the crocodiles would be dispersed throughout a nearby woodland. It wouldn’t be fun if they were all just wandering around an open space, after all.
“All right, Miss Azusa! Let’s whack as many crocodiles as we can!” said Eno.
“Sounds good. Leave it to me!”
A few minutes later, the other witches had finished forming their teams and nobody seemed to be searching for a partner anymore. Of course, when the person running an event like this asks, Is everyone ready? Nobody still needs a group? it’s really hard to speak up and admit you’re still on your own!
“It looks like everyone’s all prepared. Okay—ready, set, go!” the witch running the event called out.
Just like that, all the assembled witches charged into the forest en masse. Some of them took to the skies, but the majority proceeded on foot. Some witches were very specialized in pharmaceuticals and could barely use any magic at all, and plenty of others were quite fit thanks to long hours spent foraging in depths of forests and on mountains, so the whole event felt more like an athletic festival than anything else.
I, however, was strolling along slowly and deliberately. We’d only just begun, and it already felt like I was lagging behind. Eno, who had charged along ahead, quickly realized something was wrong and came running back to me.
“Hey! What’re you dragging your feet for?! We have to hurry into the forest!” she shouted. “Don’t tell me you can’t deal with getting a little exercise right now?”
“No, that’s not it. My legs work just as well as ever,” I said.
My body hadn’t been turned to stone, or anything like that. I could move around as much as I wanted to with no issues.
“I can move…but the thing is, I don’t want to move!”
Not only did I not want to be running around right now, but I also would’ve stayed stock-still if I’d had my way. I’d explained that to my family again and again over the past few days, but Eno had yet to get the picture.
“Well please, just get into the forest, at the absolute least! We won’t stand a chance otherwise!” Eno begged.
“…Yeah, okay,” I sighed. “I’ll go, I’ll go. Just give me a minute, and I’ll be there before you know it.”
“It sounds an awful lot like you’re not planning on going at all, to me!”
Whoops—busted. I just really, really don’t want to run around right now!
“It’s fine. I’m pretty sure I’ll reach the forest before the time limit ends,” I said.
“And how’s that supposed to help?! You need to get in there as quickly as possible and whack some crocs! I’ll take you there myself if I have to!”
Eno made good on her threat, dragging me by the arm as she set off at a run. “This is more than I bargained for… I didn’t think it would turn out like this,” she muttered.
“Ugh, too fast! Too faaast…”
“You’re still young at heart, aren’t you?! Stop talking like some old fogey!”
In the end, Eno pulled me all the way into the woods, where I soon spotted a number of crocodiles.
So I’m just supposed to give them a whack, right?
“Hup! Hup! Hup! Hyup! Hiyup!”
I nailed one croc after another with my hammer. It felt like muscle memory—or something like it, anyway—took over before I knew it, and my reactions were quick enough to rack up some decent numbers in short order. I’d played a game that was awfully close to this in my previous life, after all. The fact that the rules were so simple—the more you hit, the better—made the game fun, even when I was just a kid.
“You’re doing incredibly, Miss Azusa! Your hammer’s moving so quickly, I can’t even keep up with it! They don’t call you the Great Witch of the Highlands for nothing!”
“Ha-ha-ha! I hope you weren’t starting to underestimate me—these old bones have some life in them yet!”
I was starting to use more and more old lady phrases as time went by. I’d always acted like a relatively young woman, since that matched up with my seventeen-year-old appearance, but it seemed when I looked like an elderly lady, my behavior naturally started to shift to match that appearance as well.
I am three hundred years old inside, after all… If anything, the way I look right now is probably more appropriate than my usual appearance. Or maybe that doesn’t really apply so much, considering an ordinary person would never live to three hundred in the first place…
“Hup! Hiyup! Hyup! Hup! Hup!”
I battered away at one forest croc after the next. It was sort of a chore, but the more I got into it, the more fun it started to feel.
“Um, Miss Azusa? I appreciate that you’ve gotten a lot faster about this, but, well…” Eno awkwardly muttered.
“Yeah? But what?” I asked. I didn’t see anything wrong with me doing a good job, but the way she’d trailed off made me think she did.
“You’ve only been hitting the crocodiles on the ground. Please go for the ones sitting up in the trees, too! You’re acting like some sort of dedicated ground combat specialist!”
“Ah! When did I stop looking up? I didn’t even notice!”
Now that she mentions it, I started hunching over! That must be why I was so focused on my feet. There were no smartphones in this world, so I usually never had any reason to look down or hunch. I generally had quite good posture, but somehow, I’d started hunching over anyway.
“I don’t really feel like standing up straight, though, so I’ll just keep doing it like this, if you don’t mind,” I continued.
“What?! But these crocodiles are illusions, which means they can turn up anywhere—even in the air! If you keep focusing on the ground, you’ll let tons of them get away!”
“Well, that’s the crocodiles’ fault for appearing in places that don’t make sense.”
“It’s a game! They’re flying crocodiles! There, see?! There’s one flying right now!”
“Those are all yours. I’ll hit the ones on the ground. Isn’t that convenient, since there’s two of us? We’re splitting our efforts. It’s teamwork.”
“I have a feeling you’re not really doing it that way for efficiency’s sake…”
Eno still didn’t seem convinced, but I wasn’t budging, and she seemed to give up on convincing me otherwise. It was no surprise I’d won, in a sense—the older you get, the more stubborn you become. Or, well, maybe less stubborn, and more unwilling to go to the trouble of changing your lifestyle and giving up deep-seated habits. That’s something I’d come to understand very well since I ended up in this body.
Your body has a lot more of an influence on your personality than I would’ve imagined.
I kept focusing exclusively on the crocodiles on the ground, smacking them one after another with my hammer. Before long, however, a new problem arose.
“I think I’ll take a quick break. Harrumph!” I grunted as I sat down on a nearby stump. “Ah! What a convenient seat—this stump’s the perfect height.”
“Miss Azusa, please keep hitting them until our time’s up! This isn’t the sort of exercise that tires you out quickly, and we both know it! Plus, we’ve only just started!” Eno wailed.
Apparently, she was really in this to win it. I wasn’t too surprised by that, considering how some people got really heated over this sort of game. I had one in my family, even—Halkara was the same way. Flatorte was a pretty sore loser as well, but that was a little different.
“I know I shouldn’t be tired yet, but my body just really wants a rest,” I replied.
“Did the spell that got cast on you impact your endurance, too? It didn’t sound like it from what you said before!”
“Like I said, it’s not that I’m actually worn out! I just feel like I need to rest. If I see a nice place to sit down, my first instinct’s to use it. Oh, a croc!”
A crocodile happened to appear right in front of me, so I whacked it with my hammer without even standing up.
“Oh, there’s another one!”
Another croc manifested at point-blank range, and I whacked it as well. My hammering speed, at least, was as fast as could be.
“Now that you’re sitting down, the area you can cover’s even smaller than before!” Eno groused.
Well, yeah, seeing as I won’t be hitting anything that’s out of reach. Any crocodiles that do come within arm’s reach are getting pulverized, though!
“I’m enjoying myself doing it this way, so what’s the problem? It’s just a game for a social event,” I said. I didn’t have a problem with her enthusiasm for the game, but it didn’t seem like something worth going really all-in on to me.
“Argh! I thought teaming up with you would mean an easy win for sure… I didn’t think this through…”
“Hey! This is the first I’m hearing of that little scheme!”
“Well, I had to try! They’ve done raffles and stuff at these events in the past, and the prizes tend to actually be really nice! I’ve won a few of them in the past! I figure the top prize for this croc-whacking game’s probably going to be a good one, too!”
Social gatherings with weirdly lavish prizes were something I’d experienced as well. When you were throwing a gathering for a large enough group, giving out something lackluster had a way of putting a damper on the whole event, so it was understandable, in a sense. I’d seen game consoles, home appliances, and vacation packages worth tens of thousands of yen get given out in my past life.
“Okay, but still—you invited me along just to get at the prizes? That really gets my goat, frankly! Hup, hup, hup!” I grumbled as I exterminated all the crocodiles that happened to be close at hand. Oh, and slipped into old-timey speak on accident again as well.
“It’s true I didn’t have anyone else to pair up with, though! I just thought it’d be a nice stroke of luck if I happened to get a prize out of it!” protested Eno.
I didn’t think she was lying about that. She hadn’t been attending these gatherings for long herself, and I could understand why she’d hesitate to join in on a team event unless she had someone to be on a team with.
“Okay, but I’m still not moving,” I said. “Standing up feels like more trouble than it’s worth… And right now, that means it’s an insurmountable obstacle…”
“Miss Azusa, you’re really starting to think like an old lady now.”
Yeah, that’d be because I’ve been living in an old lady’s body for almost a week!
For some reason, I was feeling an irresistible urge to munch on some vinegar-flavored seaweed snacks. Unfortunately, I couldn’t imagine anyone carrying any of those around for me to help myself to.
Even if I can’t get my hands on seaweed, though…
“Hey, Eno, do you have any candy on hand? I have the weirdest craving right now. My instincts are telling me I could really use some.”
“Huh? Is candy really something you crave that intensely? I’ve always thought of it as the sort of thing you snack on because it’s there.”
“I’m usually the same way, but I just have this really strong urge right now. There’s something nice about candy—it’s not heavy or oily, and you don’t even have to chew to eat it!”
Eno sighed heavily. “I guess this is another effect of your current body, isn’t it?” she asked.
Judging by her reaction, I figured she did not, in fact, have any candy on hand. No surprise there—not very many people made a point of carrying it around with them. But much to my surprise, she pulled out a little bag a moment later.
“I do have some herbal cough drops I brought along as samples. You can have one of them, if you’d like.”
“That’s perfect!”
What a lucky break—Eno really is the sort of witch who carries candy around!
I accepted one of her cough drops and popped it into my mouth. It didn’t exactly fill me with brimming reserves of energy or anything like that, but it did certainly give my motivation a significant boost.
“Harrrump!” I grunted as I slowly stood up from the stump.
“I’m happy you’re standing up and all, but don’t you think your hunch is getting a little too extreme?” said Eno.
Yeah, I know. Trust me, I’m well aware. It’s not that my back hurts if I stand up straight, though!
“Actually, Eno, I’m more efficient when I work this way,” I said as I brought my hammer down in front of me, pummeling a crocodile the instant it appeared. Then I took out a second one that showed up to the left without wasting a moment!
“Whoa, that was fast! It’s like you’re already swinging for them the instant they appear! You’d think croc-whacking was deeply ingrained in your muscle memory, the way you’re moving!”
“You get it now, right? Beating every single crocodile that shows up on the ground like this is my most efficient option. All right, let’s get moving!”
“Moving? Where to?”
“If we go somewhere that’s a little easier to walk around, we’ll be able to rack up points quicker. Take care of the ones that come out of the trees, okay? We’re going all-out starting now!”
“A-all right, I will!”
At long last, I was starting to get motivated. Before we could set off, however…
“Ah! Actually, wait just a moment,” I said.
“What is it? Did you realize hunching over like that is bad for your back after all?”
“Could you pass me the candy bag? I have a feeling I’m going to lose my motivation to keep moving otherwise.”
Better to head that risk off at the pass, I figured. In the end, Eno gave me three whole bags of her candies to keep me going.
From that point onward, the two of us silently applied ourselves to our hunt. My posture was terrible, sure, but that terrible posture happened to be the most efficient pose for whacking crocodiles on the ground! Plus, though I had a feeling I looked pretty bored, that couldn’t have been further from the truth!
“Hup, hup, hup! Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!”
My hammer was a blur, smacking crocs at a breakneck pace. They fell victim to blunt force trauma one after the next.
Now these are the movements of an old lady who’s been working the same job for sixty years plus! I remember seeing old ladies who were astonishingly good at opening up shellfish in no time flat, and now I’m one of them, in a sense! I may look like I’m scowling, but deep down inside, I’m actually enjoying myself!
Eno was hammering away at the crocodiles in silence as well, by the way, and it wasn’t long before the other witches had started talking about us behind our backs.
“That old lady’s incredible!” “It’s like she’s been hitting crocodiles her whole life!” “You go, granny!”
“Whoever just called me a granny, you’re gonna regret it!”
“Crap! She heard us!” “Run! Run!”
I saw you, and I remember your face! Just you wait until I look like a seventeen-year-old again a couple days from now! You’d better not complain when a young and chipper teenage witch shows up at your doorstep looking for revenge!
Right now, though, I’ve gotta focus on beating these crocodiles! I’ll keep pounding them into the ground until there aren’t any left!
Something about this situation felt weirdly nostalgic to me, though I couldn’t understand why. I’d been through a lot, sure, but I definitely would’ve remembered if I’d ever pounded hordes of crocodiles with a hammer before.
Oh! I get it now.
This is a little like my slime-killing lifestyle, in a sense.
It wasn’t a perfect equivalent, though. For one thing, the crocodiles appeared way quicker than the slimes did back home.
Just then, a shining, rainbow-colored crocodile materialized just nearby.
“Miss Azusa, that crocodile’s worth as many points as fifty of the normal ones! It’s way faster than the normal ones, too, though! We have to catch—” Eno shouted, but I’d already smacked it into the ground before she could finish.
“No need to worry. By the time I see something vaguely crocodile-shaped, I’m already moving to whack it.”
About three minutes after I beat the bonus crocodile, a rather creepy cry that sounded like it came from some sort of bird echoed through the forest, signifying that our time was up.
“I guess that’s it! I can’t wait to hear the results,” Eno said as she brandished her hammer. She seemed pretty satisfied with herself.
I, on the other hand, just muttered, “Phew! Finally over. Hrrmph,” as I sat down on a nearby stump.
“What? No, no, this is no time to rest! We have to go back to hear who won, or we’ll be disqualified! That means we won’t win any prizes!”
“Well, now that I’m sitting down, I’d like to take about ten minutes or so to stay still.”
“I’ll give you candy if you can just get through this one last push!”
“This isn’t a problem you can solve with candy. I’m feeling sleepy, so wake me up in twenty minutes or so.”
“That’s even longer than your last estimate! Okay, fine—I’ll carry you if I have to!”
Eno did just that, picking me up and carrying me piggyback to where the event had started.
I’d had a feeling I’d done a pretty good job, and when our scores were announced, I learned I’d been right.
“In first place: Eno and Azu Liliri, with 7,524 points! That’s more than five hundred points above our second-place finishers, making for a decisive victory!”
At the announcer’s urging, Eno and I stepped forward to the front of the group. The other witches applauded us, and I heard one of them say, “Oh, that’s the old lady from before” as well. Thankfully, the one who’d called me a granny was nowhere to be seen.
Eno received a rather valuable assortment of medicinal herbs as her prize for taking first place. It would’ve looked like a pile of weeds to anyone not in the know, but to witches like us, it was a substantial gift. I could really understand why Eno looked so ecstatic when they handed it over to her.
I guess playing to win was the right idea, after all. Just leaving with a participation prize would’ve been a waste.
After that, the social gathering began in earnest, and a number of different witches tracked me down for a chat. Winning the contest had earned me quite a lot of attention, though, and since I looked like an old lady at the moment, I couldn’t go around introducing myself as the Witch of the Highlands. As such, whenever someone asked me a probing question…
“Oh, I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to recall! Hmm, hmm, hmm!”
…I would feign forgetfulness until they gave up and dropped the subject. I didn’t want to risk accidentally letting my guard down and answering a question in a way that exposed my identity, so instead, I dodged them altogether.
“What’s your secret to staying healthy in your old age, ma’am?” asked a witch who looked like an actual child.
I mean, considering most of the witches here are pretty long-lived themselves, you could easily be a couple hundred years old, too, for all I know! But anyway, as far as an actual answer goes…
“My secret is not dying,” I replied. I knew it wasn’t a great answer, but it got me through that conversation, at least.
In the end, I got to meet all sorts of witches at the event, and I decided it might be worth attending more of them every once in a while in the future. I wasn’t interested in participating as the Witch of the Highlands, though, so if I did, I’d have to find a way to change my appearance again…
The event wrapped up without a hitch, and I returned to the house in the highlands aboard Eno’s wyvern. She thanked me repeatedly for coming along, possibly on account of the prize she’d won.
“Thank you so much! I owe you for this, ma’am!”
“You’d better not get used to calling me that! Anyway, I’m just glad this curse didn’t end up fading away partway through the event. I was a little worried that might happen.”
This sort of problem always seemed to resolve itself the moment you got used to coping with it. Not that I wanted to stay like this my whole life, of course!
“When you put it that way, magical effects that can’t be removed by magical means do tend to have time limits! I’m sure it’ll go away before much longer,” said Eno.
“Yeah, I thought so. I think it’ll be about three more days, at most,” I replied.
I mulled over the possibilities as we headed home. In the end, I arrived back at the house in the highlands around nine in the evening.
I said my goodbyes with Eno after I got home, then headed for the house, wondering if the girls would already be asleep. That question was partially answered when I nearly ran into Sandra, who was buried right in front of the front door.
“Whoa!” I yelped. “You scared me! Why’d you plant yourself there, of all places?!”
“I was waiting for you. Now hurry up and come inside,” said Sandra.
I didn’t understand what was going on, but I let her herd me into the house anyway, where I found Falfa and Shalsha waiting in the dining room.
“Welcome home, Mommy!”
“Shalsha is glad to see you don’t look overly exhausted.”
What’s going on here? Did those two really go out of their way to wait for me to get home? I don’t think that was really necessary, was it…?
“Come on, Azusa, sit down,” Sandra said as she pulled me over to a chair. I went along with it and sat down, wondering just what the three of them were up to. That’s when Falfa started gently tapping my shoulders with her fists.
“Huh…? Is this a shoulder massage?”
“That’s right! Tap tap tap, tap tap tap!” Falfa replied, hitting my shoulders in time with her chant.
“Shalsha will do it next,” Shalsha said. Her massage was slightly off-rhythm compared to Falfa’s, but that didn’t make me appreciate it any less.
“Okay, but where’s this coming from?” I asked.
“Well, since you look like an old lady now, Falfa ended up realizing something: We’ve never had a good chance to help take care of you like this before,” Falfa explained. She made it sound like a much more serious problem than I’d been expecting. “You usually look so young that even though you’re our mommy, we end up acting more like you’re our older sister sometimes. That’s probably why it never occurs to us to help you out the way good kids should!”
“There’s a relevant saying,” said Shalsha. “‘Show your parents you appreciate them now, because you might never get another chance.’ Tap tap, tap, tap tap, tap, tap tap tap tap!”
“I don’t like the implications of that saying, so let’s not apply it to me, thanks!” Also, your rhythm’s definitely a little off, Shalsha!
Next, Sandra took over shoulder-massaging duty. “Anyway, that’s why we decided we could at least massage your shoulders. You look a lot weaker now than you usually do, so we thought you’d appreciate it.”
“That’s nice of you, though I’m not so sure about the part about me looking weak!”
Sandra’s shoulder-taps weren’t very strong at all, but that just made them feel nice in a different sort of way.
“Plus, you’ll be turning back to your usual form, right?” Sandra added. “Doing this for you won’t feel very worthwhile if you’re young, so we needed to take care of it now while we still could. This body looks like it tires out way easier.”
My daughters really have been thinking hard about me, haven’t they? I guess they’re right—I’m usually tough enough that something like this would feel pointless. Who would bother cleaning a room when it’s already sparkling? If you want to help someone, you need to find something they need help with first, and I don’t usually make that very easy.
“All right, then,” I said. “If I ever need help with anything in the future, I’ll try to make it a little more obvious.”
“Please do,” said Sandra. “What’s the fun in acting tough all the time, anyway? It gets boring fast when one side of a relationship’s always the one helping out the other!”
I guess this has turned into a great opportunity to reflect on my relationship with my daughters, hasn’t it?
“By the way, what do you think my weak points are?” I asked. This seemed as good a chance as any to get an outside perspective on the question.
“Well, you went to the witches’ gathering looking like that, right, Mommy? What did you call yourself?” Falfa asked in lieu of an answer.
“Oh, I used a fake name—Azu Liliri,” I replied.
Falfa hesitated for just a moment.
“Coming up with names is definitely one of your weak points, Mommy…”
The next day, with no warning whatsoever, I turned back to normal right around lunchtime. I wouldn’t have even realized it happened if Laika hadn’t been with me at the time to exclaim, “You turned back!”
Yep, there’s nothing like a seventeen-year-old body! I feel so much lighter now! I’m full of vim and vigor again!
That evening, I took my rejuvenation as an excuse to celebrate and put together way more dishes for dinner than I’d usually bother making. Their reception, however… Well, it left something to be desired.
“Mommy, Falfa doesn’t really like this stewed radish and poultry dish… They would’ve been better if you’d served them separately.”
“The stew with carrots and onions in it is bland, too. Speaking of which, Shalsha wonders why there are so many stewed dishes.”
“Ugh… It looks like my cooking repertoire’s still stuck in old lady mode,” I groaned. I just didn’t feel the urge to eat any rich, meat-heavy dishes yet, and everything I cooked had ended up modest and bland as a result. “Ugh! If I at least had some kombu, I could make a good stewed seaweed dish…”
“What is kombu, Lady Azusa?” asked Laika.
Rats! I forgot they don’t eat that sort of seaweed here! “It’s, um… What was it again? I forgot,” I said.
Ever since I turned into an old lady, I’d started using forgetfulness as an excuse to brush off more and more problems, and that clearly hadn’t quite changed yet. In the end, it took several more days for me to shake off all those old lady habits and go completely back to normal.
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