WE DECIDED WHEN MY BIRTHDAY WAS
“Hey! Mommy, Mommy!”
One day, Falfa ran up to me as I was hanging some laundry out to dry. Shalsha was following along a little ways behind her, and Sandra was farther away still, half buried in the ground and watching us from a distance. That wasn’t where she usually photosynthesized, so I had a feeling she was preparing to listen in to our conversation.
“What is it, Falfa?” I asked.
“When’s your birthday, Mommy?”
Well, that’s a simple question.
“My birthday? Right, my birthday! My…uh…birthday?”
I paused, the laundry momentarily forgotten.
Come to think of it, what would count as my birthday…? I’ve barely even considered it…
The reason behind my confusion was simple: In terms of appearance at least, I’d been a seventeen-year-old girl since the moment I came into being in this world. That meant that, by most common definitions of the word, I didn’t actually have a birthday. You had to be born to have a birthday, after all, and I’d skipped the whole coming-into-the-world-as-a-baby thing.
I was never a crying newborn, or a toddler, or a child. I’d eaten a weird mushroom and turned into a kid once, sure, but was still mentally a three-hundred-year-old, so you couldn’t really say I was a child. While it wasn’t the same as being born, if I had to pick a day that would count as my birthday, I figured it would probably be the day Godly Godness reincarnated me in my current form.
But wait. What day was that? And for that matter, what month?
I wasn’t exactly thinking Oh, this must be my new birthday on the day I was reincarnated…
“Well, um, I actually don’t remember,” I explained. “I can probably come up with a reasonable guess, but, well…”
Around then, I noticed that Shalsha—who was still standing behind Falfa—was holding what looked like a notepad at the ready.
“Oh, you don’t?” said Falfa. “Well, Falfa was really hoping you’d be able to give us a day! Falfa’s so curious, after all!”
Behind her, Shalsha’s writing hand froze above her notebook. She looked perturbed. “Without records, historians will never have access to real facts… They’ll pile assumption upon assumption, and in time, the truth will be shrouded under a veil of speculation…”
Don’t you think you’re escalating things a bit, Shalsha…?
“Come on, Azusa, try harder to remember!” said Sandra. “How can you not know when you sprouted?”
“Humans don’t sprout, Sandra.” Wait, do plants have sprouting days instead of birthdays? I guess seeds are basically like plant eggs, so that sort of makes sense. Actually, this is only confusing me more, so I think I’ll just move along.
In any case, the one thing I knew for sure was that my daughters wanted to know when my birthday was.
“All right, then—once I’m done with the laundry, we can go decide when my birthday is together, okay? I’m pretty sure it was around this time of year, so that should narrow it down a bit.”
“We can’t do that, Mom,” said Shalsha with a shake of her head. “When studying history, an inaccuracy of even just a few days can completely recontextualize a historical record, often vastly altering its meaning. Assigning a date to a past event arbitrarily would be a horrible thing to do. It would turn the historical record into nothing more than a fabrication.”
“Are you refusing to let me pick a date for my birthday?!”
To be fair, I could see Shalsha’s point. Strictly speaking, a birthday chosen after the fact wasn’t really a birthday. It would only be a substitute, at best.
Incidentally, I was pretty sure I’d figured out why my daughters were so interested in knowing when my birthday was.
They must be planning on doing something to celebrate it.
Thinking about it, I couldn’t come up with any other reason to ask someone when their birthday was. At least, not unless you were writing their biography or something.
“Shalsha wants to find a more accurate basis to determine the date of your birthday, Mom. A primary source would be nice.”
“A primary source, huh…?”
My birthday would’ve been recorded in my family register in my old life, so I could’ve just gone down to city hall to figure it out. In this world, however, things weren’t so easy…
Actually, what about the town hall?
“Maybe we could figure something out in Flatta,” I suggested.
I’d been living near the village for three hundred years, and its people had come to respect me long before anyone knew about my level being maxed out. I’d been making medicine for them for generations, after all.
“Isn’t that spirit named Yufufu supposed to be coming by this afternoon?” asked Sandra. “If so, that works out perfectly. You should go into town to handle this and do some shopping before she shows up.”
Indeed—Momma Yufufu had gotten in touch to tell us she’d be stopping by. Specifically, she’d sent a message courtesy of the pine spirit Misjantie. In her words, “So hey, Yufufu says she wants to come over soon. That okay with you, man?”
Apparently, spirits had ways of keeping in touch. It reminded me of how communication had worked back in the era where only about one house in each neighborhood had a telephone… Of course, that was before my time, so I hadn’t experienced it myself.
“Okay, then! I’d better pick up the pace and get all this laundry hung up nice and quick!” I said.
“Falfa will help!”
“Shalsha too.”
With my daughters’ assistance, I wrapped up the laundry in no time, then we set out for the village of Flatta.
We made our way to what was effectively Flatta’s community center. Strictly speaking, it was more like Flatta’s town hall, but the atmosphere of the place was much closer to that of a community center.
The mayor was present when we arrived. “Oh, Miss Azusa! I see you’ve brought your daughters with you today,” she said as I walked over to her.
“Yes, and on that subject, I have a kind of silly question to ask you: Do you know when my birthday is? My daughters are curious, but I don’t actually remember much about it myself.” It was such a strange question to ask, I felt the need to explain the circumstances right away. I figured if I simply asked when my birthday was, I’d come off as some kind of narcissist.
“Oh, your birthday?” said the mayor. “I’d recommend checking the Record of the Village of Flatta, which we compile as a communal effort.”
Oh, so this place really does keep a communal historical record? I guess Flatta has a better handle on these things than I gave it credit for.
The mayor told me she’d go fetch the record in question, and she returned a moment later with a rather thick tome in her hands. I took a moment to flip through its pages…
…and almost immediately came across an image I could only describe as a heavily idealized drawing of myself. I looked almost divine.
The page was titled Record of the Great Witch of the Highlands, Azusa.
“Wh-what the heck is this?!” I exclaimed. “Nobody told me I had a chapter in the record books!”
“Well, this record was established before I took over the office of mayor. If I had to hazard a guess, though, I’d say the officials at the time felt that running each and every little detail past the great Witch of the Highlands herself would be rude, and they decided not to trouble you.”
Are you sure? Because I think keeping a record like this without permission is even worse… Does this world have no conception of the right to control one’s likeness…?
Shalsha stepped up to the tome. She seemed eager to check its contents for herself.
“Here it is,” said Shalsha. “It says This account is based upon the guild’s records. On the day the great Witch of the Highlands was born, the clouds that had long shadowed our village parted, and a single beam of light shone down upon us.”
“Well, that’s obviously a total lie!” My birth in this world was definitely not that dramatic! There’s no way I would’ve forgotten something like that!
“It says that The people of the village knew that soon, a great fortune would be granted to them.”
“Yep, that’s another massive exaggeration!” And it also makes no sense, unless someone in the village had some precognitive powers!
“Does it say anything about what day all this happened on…?” I asked. Even if the account of how things went down was a little off, all we really needed was a date.
“It says that Some believe the great Witch of the Highlands was born on May seventh, while others believe she was born on May eighth, May ninth, May tenth, May eleventh, May twelfth, May thirteenth, May fourteenth, May fifteenth, May sixteenth, May seventeenth, May eighteenth, May nineteenth, or May twentieth. For many years, those fourteen theories have vied for legitimacy.”
“That’s a two-week span of possible dates!”
In other words, this has gotten us nowhere…
“Shalsha thinks this is progress, though. We now know that your birthday is almost certainly in May.”
“Sure, but I could’ve told you that already.”
At the very least, I remembered my birth in this world well enough to know it happened at some point in May. I distinctly remembered visiting Flatta a few times following my arrival and noticing a May calendar hung up on someone’s wall.
“Wait a minute. Didn’t you say this information was based on the guild’s records? In that case, maybe the guild has something more concrete recorded about my birthday.”
“It also says In truth, the guild’s records regarding this matter were lost in a filing accident some time ago and could not be directly referenced. As such, this account is based on the memories of a guild employee who had read the records some time prior.”
“This is getting less and less credible by the second!”
“What a conundrum,” said Shalsha. “We don’t have any primary sources. The guild employee might have misremembered. It’s even possible there was never a guild record at all.” She was quite the historian herself and broke the issues down in her usual academic manner.
“Yeah, good point… We can’t take this account at face value. I mean, it’s obviously full of lies, just based on the way it makes my birth out to be some kind of holy revelation.”
“The births of great individuals are often embellished with time. Shalsha thinks you should be proud to be someone of such significance, Mom.”
“I don’t think you really want that, Shalsha! You and Falfa wouldn’t like it if I got all smug about people thinking I’m great, would you?”
“Falfa doesn’t want you to change at all, Mommy!”
Right? No kid would want their parents’ personalities to change out of nowhere.
And so our attempt to use the Record of the Village of Flatta as a reference ended up being a waste of time.
“Okay, how about we just say my birthday’s sometime in May?” I suggested. “We know that part’s true, at least.”
Shalsha shook her head. “That range is too broad, and we haven’t checked everywhere yet. We might still find someone who remembers when you were born.”
Shalsha’s really particular about the details, isn’t she?
“Ooh, Falfa has a great idea! ” Falfa exclaimed, waving her hand in the air and hopping excitedly.
“Hmm? What’s that?” asked Shalsha.
“Falfa thinks Goodly Godly Godness might know! She’s a god, after all, and she and Mommy are friends!”
That’s it! We can just ask the person who reincarnated me into this world! She’ll know for sure!
We left the community center and headed straight for Godly Godness’s shrine. The grounds where the shrine was located had technically belonged to Misjantie’s temple originally, but by now, the pine spirit’s followers had been reduced to doing business off in a quiet corner of the lot. At the end of the day, gods and spirits alike had to bow to the whims of public opinion.
When we arrived at the shrine, Godly Godness herself stepped right out to greet us.
“Hello, hello!” she said. “We’ve sure been seeing a lot of each other lately, haven’t we?”
Falfa quickly explained that we were here to learn about my birthday.
“Ooh, I see! Well then, wait here for just a sec,” Godly Godness said before heading back into the shrine and pulling something out from a nearby shelf.
“Oh wooow! It’s so pretty!” Falfa cooed as Godly Godness presented us with the object: a roughly palm-size stone carved into a rather intricate shape.
“Isn’t it?” said Godly Godness. “It has twenty sides in total, and each side has a number from one to twenty carved into it!”
By that point, I already had a bad feeling about where this was going…
Godly Godness rolled her die. “Ah! It stopped on a ten. That means Azusa’s birthday is on May tenth!”
“Don’t generate my birthday like you’re making a character in an RPG!”
Seriously, talk about phoning it in! That’s so arbitrary, it hurts!
“Aww, come on!” said Godly Godness. “How am I supposed to remember the birthday of each and every person I deal with? I had a lot on my plate back then, I’ll have you know!”
I wasn’t sure if she was just being sloppy or if gods in general didn’t consider the exact dates they reincarnated people on important enough to remember.
“Plus, I was in charge of supervising a few different worlds at the time. Every world has a different calendar, and there’s no way I can keep track of all of them at once! Not to mention demons and humans use different calendars! Some other races have unique systems, too.”
“When you put it that way…”
I think I remember hearing that back in the Middle Ages, pretty much every region on Earth had its own totally different calendar system. I don’t know any of the details, but there were lunar and solar calendars, and I think the Mayans had a special calendar, too. Dealing with multiple worlds’ worth of that would make it hard to keep track of dates…
“Hey, Miss Goddess? Do you have any records about the day Mommy was born?” asked Falfa. She wasn’t ready to give up just yet.
Oh, that’s a good point. If she kept records, we could just look at those.
“No, I don’t keep records. That could lead to personal information being leaked!”
What a weird place to be unexpectedly diligent.
“So yeah, not my fault! If you wanna blame someone, blame the humans who didn’t bother keeping records.”
That’s some pretty blatant shifting of the blame. Not very godlike, if you ask me.
“Hmm. This is a real conundrum,” groaned Shalsha.
I’d never had any particular interest in my own birthday, so this wasn’t much of a problem for me, but Shalsha seemed to be taking it pretty hard. She was hanging her head so deeply, I almost started to wonder if she was nodding off.
“We took the extreme measure of asking a god for help, and not even she knew your birthday… Shalsha keenly feels the inevitable limitations of a historian…”
“There, there. At least we know for sure it’s in May now, and we’ve narrowed down the possible range of dates. It’s not like we didn’t learn anything,” I said as I patted Shalsha on the shoulder.
We’d done the best we could, and personally, that was good enough for me.
“She’s right, Shalsha,” said Sandra. “Everyone has their limits, whether they’re a plant or an animal. Cheer up, would you? If your plans can’t bloom in this soil, you just have to find somewhere more suitable.” She jumped in to console Shalsha without wasting a moment. Maybe it was an easy role for her, since she was so long-lived herself.
“That, and most things start sprouting when the weather gets warmer. May sounds just about right to me.”
“Please stop talking about me sprouting, Sandra.”
While we were talking, Godly Goddess pulled out another, differently shaped die.
“This time, we’ll roll a d12 to pick a month!”
“Put that back! I’m not going backward, okay?!”
In the end, I settled on a date over the course of our walk home.
“May seventeenth is the most likely date… So let’s go with that!”
I’m pretty sure that the day I made my first trip to Flatta was somewhere around the middle of the month. They weren’t calling me the Witch of the Highlands back then, and nobody looked up to me the way they do now. My level wasn’t maxed out yet, either, so I bet nobody even bothered noting down my visit. With our current information, this is my best guess.
“All right. We’ll say it’s May seventeenth,” Shalsha agreed.
“Yeah! Mommy’s birthday is May seventeenth!” Falfa cheered. “The seventeenth, the seventeenth!”
“That means it’s about a month away. I think we can work with that,” said Sandra.
That seemed like a definite sign that I could look forward to something happening on my birthday. Sorry, you three! My hearing’s pretty good, and I can’t help but pick up on things like that.
I was now positive that this whole line of questioning had been part of a plan to celebrate my birthday. The fact that they’d chosen now to ask made me think Shalsha had previously narrowed it down to “sometime in May.” Maybe there was a legend in Flatta about the Witch of the Highlands appearing in May or something.
As I learned later, my daughters actually had another reason to ask about my birthday on that particular day.
When we arrived home, we were greeted by a tantalizing aroma wafting out from the kitchen.
“Oh, you’re back!” said Momma Yufufu as she stepped out of the kitchen wearing an apron. “Welcome home, everyone. I was just making lunch—I’ll have it right out for you.”
“Momma!” I exclaimed. “You really are the momest mom to ever be a mom, Yufufu!”
“Hee-hee-hee! Today, I’ve made a simmered chicken-and-vegetable dish and a vegetable potage. I also got my hands on some rice recently, so I tried making rice balls as well!”
Now, that’s a mother’s home cooking!
Before long, Momma Yufufu had filled the table with food. I found my eyes instantly drawn to the rice balls, which she’d formed into a very distinctive triangular shape. Sure, it was pretty normal for them to end up that way if you shaped them with your hands, but it was an exceptionally rare sight in this world. I picked one out and gave it a try right away.
“Oh! There’s no mistaking this—it’s a plain, salted rice ball, all right! I don’t think there’s any flavor more nostalgic for me,” I said. Visions of home, and of Momma Yufufu’s face, drifted through my mind… She was also sitting right in front of me, of course.
“I’m glad to see you like them,” she said. “I was speaking with Goodly Godly Godness the other day, and she told me you were incredibly fond of this dish and hadn’t had it in a very long time.”
“Ahhh, that explains it. I should’ve guessed she had a hand in this.” It would be pretty hard to believe that Momma Yufufu decided to make these by pure coincidence.
It was hard to imagine anyone who didn’t know about my past life deciding to make rice balls. Momma Yufufu was a spirit, and it was possible they ate very differently from humans, but broadly speaking, we lived in a cultural sphere where bread was the dominant staple food. Flatta was no exception, and while people did eat rice every once in a while, rice balls weren’t an established concept.
“It’s such a simple flavor, but that’s what’s so great about it! Something about that little hint of salt just puts me at ease,” I said as I savored every bite of my rice ball.
I hadn’t felt so relaxed in a long time. Godly Godness was usually an irresponsible troublemaker, but sometimes, she could be pretty thoughtful. It might have been wrong to use this phrase to describe a god, but I believed she was a genuinely good person deep down.
But…not everyone was as happy as I was. It was true I was the only one who felt nostalgic for the rice balls, but the issue at hand was much bigger than that. My family wasn’t used to eating rice, but that wasn’t the problem either. Something was the matter with Falfa and Shalsha. I could tell from the looks on their faces that they’d made some sort of terrible miscalculation.
The dragon duo, on the other hand, were wolfing down the rice balls so quickly you’d never think they weren’t used to eating them.
“There really is something to be said for gobbling down rice! I feel so energized,” said Laika.
“It’s sticking to my mouth like crazy, but I don’t even care! I could eat another fifteen of these, no problem!” added Flatorte.
Those two had always sort of reminded me of a couple of high schoolers in a sports club, and watching them eat rice balls only strengthened that image.
After lunch, I took some time to wash the dishes. Momma Yufufu had cooked for us, and I couldn’t let her do the washing, too. She’d come to visit us at the house in the highlands this time, and that meant she was our guest.
Of course, it would be a different story if we were talking about someone who stopped by as often as Beelzebub…
While I was busy, Momma Yufufu chatted with Laika and Rosalie at the dining table. Until, that is…
“I’ll be right back—I’m just going to go peek into Azusa’s daughters’ room for a moment.”
…she stood up and strolled down the hallway.
I had a pretty strong suspicion that something was going on. Conveniently, I’d just finished the last of the dishes and happened to have a sudden urge to walk down that very same hallway.
And if I just happen to pass by my daughters’ room, well, that’s just how the house is laid out! Nothing strange about that! I’m acting totally normally!
“…So we were hoping you could help us, Miss Yufufu.”
That’s definitely Falfa’s voice.
“We’ve settled on when Mom’s birthday is, and we want to treat her to the best meal ever.”
And that was Shalsha. That settles it. They must be throwing me a birthday party! And since they asked about my birthday on the same day Momma Yufufu came for a visit…they must have been planning on asking her for cooking advice.
They could have asked another member of our family who could cook, but that would make it more likely someone would spill the beans. Plus, I’d already eaten tons of Laika’s and Halkara’s cooking, so none of their dishes would come as much of a surprise. That had to be why they’d turned to Momma Yufufu for advice.
“Well, of course I’ll help! If you’re trying to make Azusa happy, then I’ll pull out all the stops!” Momma Yufufu sounded very enthusiastic. She wasn’t exactly whispering, and her voice really carried.
“Things have gotten complicated, though. When she was eating those grains, it was obvious how much they reminded her of home. It’s going to be hard for us to beat that.”
That was Sandra just now…
“Tell me about it!” said Falfa. “They say that when you’re all grown up, nothing beats your mommy’s home cooking!”
Considering Falfa was already about fifty when she met her mommy—that is, me—it felt a little weird to hear her say that.
“That’s why we decided to find some sort of special ingredient to solve our dilemma,” said Shalsha.
Hmm? That’s not the direction I expected this conversation to take…
“So teach us where to find a super-special, rare ingredient, Yufufu,” said Sandra. “Then we’ll go get it.”
This is escalating quickly!
“Hmm. You know, they say there’s a mystical fruit known as the Sage’s Apple that grows somewhere near where I live.”
And now some sort of legendary item has entered the picture!
“They say that anyone who eats the Sage’s Apple will gain the ability to unravel the deepest mysteries of this world.”
What does that mean?! I thought we were talking about ingredients!
“But I think it would be too dangerous for you children to search for it on your—”
“Falfa understands! We’ll go find one of those apples!”
“We’re not like your ordinary townspeople. A little exploration is no problem for Shalsha.”
“It’s just an apple. If I ask the local plants where it is, we’ll find it in no time.”
Oh no… My daughters are ready to march right into danger…
Still, I couldn’t very well barge into their room and tell them they’re not allowed to do anything risky. I was at a loss.
What’s a mom supposed to do at a time like this?
In the end, I decided to head back to the dining room and pretend I hadn’t heard anything. Laika immediately asked me if something was wrong, though, so I clearly wasn’t doing a great job.
“Well, sort of,” I replied. “I’m just having a hard time deciding on something, that’s all…”
“Deciding what?” asked Flatorte. “Whether you want mutton or beef for dinner, or something like that?”
Lesson learned: The only decisions Flatorte frets over are really silly ones.
“At times like those, the best choice is always to have both!”
Now, that’s a glutton’s way to problem-solve!
“No, that can’t be it,” said Rosalie. “If my big sis is worrying about it, then it has to be a matter of life and death.”
“Sorry, but it’s nothing that heavy. It’s really no big deal,” I said.
My daughters were thinking about doing something risky, sure, but if protecting them was my only concern, I could accomplish that easily. All I had to do was tell them they weren’t allowed to go. The problem was that I knew how disappointed that would make them…and speaking as their parent, I didn’t want to do that.
I sat at the dining room table, sipping a cup of tea and feeling a bit depressed. Even I felt down sometimes…though not very often, of course.
What would the right decision be in a situation like this…? This is tough—and I mean really tough…
Before long, Momma Yufufu returned to the dining room.
“Oh, Azusa? There’s something I’d like to speak with you about,” she said, her head slightly tilted to one side.
I had a pretty good idea what she wanted to discuss, and sure enough, she went on to tell me about how my daughters were planning to go on a journey to find the Sage’s Apple.
“The three of them seemed so motivated, I just couldn’t tell them no,” said Momma Yufufu. “And so I thought I should at least let their mother know, for safety’s sake.”
“Thanks, Momma Yufufu. I understand. I’m sure it would’ve been really hard for you to stop them.”
Since my daughters would be putting themselves in danger, Momma Yufufu was forced to reveal their plans to me. Now that they knew about the apple, even if she tried to tell them not to go search for it, it seemed likely they’d go behind her back to do it anyway. She had no choice but to tell me.
“All right—leave it to me! I’m their mom, so I’ll handle the rest,” I said. “I just have to make sure my daughters’ adventure goes off without a hitch! That way nobody will be disappointed!”
“But how will you do that, Azusa?”
“I’ll just turn myself invisible with magic, follow them, and back them up when they need a hand!”
Also, I’m kind of excited to watch my daughters go on an adventure to find me a present!
“The only problem is that this mission is a little too hard for them to complete on their own, right? That means that as long as I help them succeed, they’ll get the ingredient they want, and everyone will be happy! It’s a win-win!”
“That’s a good point. I think it’s a wonderful idea! ” Momma Yufufu agreed, clasping her hands before her chest.
I should have known she would understand a mother’s feelings at a time like this.
On the other hand, Rosalie—who’d been listening in to our exchange—looked a little exasperated. “You’re too doting for your own good sometimes, Big Sis…,” she muttered.
“I’ll take that as a compliment!”
“In any case, I’m sure that with your help, nothing will go wrong,” said Momma Yufufu. “It won’t be easy, but they certainly won’t find themselves in mortal danger.”
That made sense. If it was going to be truly risky, then I was certain Momma Yufufu would never have considered sending them to begin with.
And so it was decided that I would watch over my daughters in secret as they set out to find an ingredient for my birthday meal.
Now that I put it into words, this whole thing is starting to sound kind of overcomplicated…
Sometime later, on a certain day in May, my daughters climbed aboard Laika and set off for Momma Yufufu’s house.
When Falfa proposed the trip to me, she’d said, “We’re going over to Miss Yufufu’s house to play! ” That excuse was somewhat undermined by how heavily equipped they were. They even had knives, presumably to use as weapons in a pinch.
If this were Japan and my daughters had told me they were going out to play while carrying knives, I probably would’ve feared they were on their way to becoming criminals. But here, there was no need to worry about them fighting in turf wars with local delinquents or anything like that.
Anyway, after my daughters’ group made their exit, I climbed aboard Flatorte and followed after them.
“I still don’t get why I can’t race Laika while we’re at it,” Flatorte grumbled.
“No way. They’d figure out we’re following them!” I replied. This probably goes without saying, but we’d let Laika get quite the head start for precisely that reason.
“Uuugh, but I really wanna pick up some speed and blaze past her!”
“Don’t! If you overtake her, it’ll blow our cover in an instant!”
Thankfully, Flatorte restrained herself, and we touched down near Momma Yufufu’s house without passing Laika. I walked the rest of the way on foot, pausing to make myself invisible with magic before I got too close. Flatorte followed along, and the spell made her invisible as well. This particular spell’s effect included any allies who happened to be with me.
We arrived at the house just in time to watch my daughters put on their adventuring gear. This was a rare sight, particularly when it came to Sandra, who was wearing what looked like a set of leather armor.
“Okay, everyone! Are you all ready?” Momma Yufufu asked in a singsong voice.
“Yeaaah! ”
“Shalsha’s preparations are complete.”
“Yes, and there are way too many ferns around here, so we should hurry up and get moving.”
“All right, then! I’ll show you to the forest where the ingredient you want is said to grow.”
Momma Yufufu took the lead, and my daughters followed along behind her. Flatorte and I, meanwhile, hung even farther back, magically invisible and undetected.
If anything went wrong and my daughters found themselves in danger, I would leap in to save them. If monsters were about to show up, for instance, I would circle around and deal with them before they became a threat. I figured that was about all that was needed.
Around an hour into the trip, we spotted a dense forest at the bottom of a deep valley.
“This forest is called the Waterfall Basin Woods,” explained Momma Yufufu. “It’s said that the Sage’s Apple can be found here. Some people call it the phantom apple, since reaching this place is so difficult.”
I guess getting to Momma Yufufu’s house was pretty tough the first time.
“There aren’t any particularly vicious monsters in the woods, but the ground can get very muddy in some places, so be sure to watch your step!”
“Okaaay! We’ll take regular breaks and travel at a safe pace without pushing ourselves!” said Falfa.
“Safety first is our expedition’s slogan,” added Shalsha. Looking a little closer, I realized that those words were actually written on the helmet she was wearing—which, incidentally, looked weirdly similar to the helmets construction workers wore back in Japan…
“All the ferns around here are of lower rank than me, so they won’t be a problem,” said Sandra. “I’m way out of their league.”
I don’t know how pecking orders work for plants, but you be careful, too, okay, Sandra?
“Well then, I’ll be heading home now. Be sure to make it back before the sun sets, okay?” Momma Yufufu cautioned. “If you don’t, I’ll have to contact Azusa and have everyone come over to help search for you,”
Of course, the truth is that I’m here already.
“’Kay, guess I’ll head back to Yufufu’s place, too,” said Flatorte, as Momma Yufufu waved subtly in our direction. We were invisible, but she knew we’d been following her and could guess where we were. “I’ll have tea with Laika or something while we wait for you to get back.”
“Oh, sure. Say hi to Laika for me,” I replied.
With that, my daughters set out on their journey. Time for me to follow along after them!
The forest was pretty dark and gloomy, but since there weren’t many animals around to cause problems, the atmosphere only served to make the journey feel like a real expedition. It seemed like a pretty good spot for a group of kids to have a blast.
“This place is so different from the woods we used to live in!” said Falfa.
“It’s very humid here,” added Shalsha. “And remember that we were warned about muddy patches,”
“The moss says the apples we want are deeper inside, in a part of the forest with better drainage,” said Sandra.
Oh—does bringing Sandra along mean they’ll know exactly where to find the apples…? I guess I there’s no need to worry about them getting lost, then. This mission’s difficulty level just went way down.
But wait, it’s not that simple! Just because they won’t get lost on the way there doesn’t mean there’s no danger in these woods, and the local plants might not know the way back to Momma Yufufu’s house! I can’t let my guard down yet!
Just then, Falfa suddenly turned around. I jumped in shock—I knew she couldn’t see me, but it was still startling.
“What is it, Falfa?” asked Shalsha.
“Falfa thought she heard footsteps behind us just now…but I was probably just imagining them.”
You’ve got pretty good instincts, huh, Falfa…?
The girls carried on, and before long, they reached a rope bridge that spanned a river running through the woods. The ropes themselves were clearly decayed, though, maybe thanks to the high humidity.
“This looks dangerous. We should tie a lifeline, just in case,” said Sandra.
“Good idea. Falfa’s good at tying knots!” Falfa chimed in.
My daughters seemed to know their stuff, and they quickly put together a plan to keep themselves safe. Once they were all finished, Falfa carefully crossed the bridge first, followed by Shalsha and finally Sandra.
Ooh, that was great! Good job, girls! I thought, just barely stopping myself from giving them a round of applause. They were being much more responsible on this trip than I’d ever imagined they would. I had a feeling if Wynona were here, she would have given them a passing grade as adventurers…though of course, she was so soft on her big sisters that she probably would’ve given them a passing grade no matter what.
I, on the other hand, ran into a bit of trouble when I tried to cross the bridge. Right before I stepped onto it, I noticed a warning sign posted nearby.
What sort of warning is that…?
Now, I could’ve levitated across the river, or crossed it on foot and climbed up the cliff on the other side…but that sign felt like a challenge to me, and so I decided to use the bridge no matter what it told me.
I’m still a young, sprightly seventeen-year-old girl on the outside! I’m against excessive dieting on principle, but I’m also nowhere near overweight, so I should be able to cross a bridge like this no problem!
I took one step onto the bridge.
Creeeak…
An ominous noise rang out, and not a moment later, the bridge collapsed!
Agh! Without missing a beat, I jumped with all my might and sailed over to the other side. Thank goodness my level makes me so athletic… A normal seventeen-year-old would’ve fallen for sure.
That’s when I noticed that my daughters had all turned to look back toward the bridge.
Oh, crap! Did they notice me…?
“It looks like the bridge finally reached its limit,” said Shalsha. “If we’d been a little slower, we might have fallen.”
Oh good. They think it just collapsed on its own.
“That’s weird—it didn’t feel like it was about to break. Maybe a boar tried walking across and was too heavy for it to support?”
Excuse me, Sandra! Rude! I’m not that heavy! For your information, that bridge broke because it was rickety! I wanted to complain out loud, but I was forced to restrain myself.
“We won’t be able to use the bridge on the way back, then. It’s okay, though! Falfa brought ropes and chains, so we can climb down and cross the river safely!”
So in the end, all I did was make this trip harder for them…
Am I being one of those helicopter parents who makes everything worse? No, no, that’s not it—that bridge was on the brink of collapse already, so by breaking it myself, I made sure they didn’t take that risk on the way back! That’s definitely the story I’m telling myself anyway.
About fifteen minutes later, I saw a huge cluster of boulders looming up ahead of us. It looked like a bunch of them had fallen into the valley, filling up a whole portion of it.
You know, if this rock formation were somewhere less remote, I bet people would come here just to see it. It’s going to make getting any farther into the valley tough, though.
“According to the moss, we can keep going if we squeeze through that gap,” said Sandra.
“Good idea,” said Falfa. “Climbing over all these rocks would be really hard, after all.”
“Look—there’s a warning posted,” added Shalsha. “Adventurers who came here in the past must have left it. This proves we’re going the right way.”
Squeezing through that gap seems a little dangerous, but on the other hand, it’s clearly been stable for a very long time. Surely it won’t collapse now.
Sandra was the last to proceed into the gap, and once she was out of sight, I approached it myself. I had to stick fairly close to them if I wanted to make sure they were safe. Unfortunately, I found yet another irritating sign that complicated my plans.
…I’m sure I count as “extremely thin,” so this’ll be fine. I don’t diet or anything, but I’ve still got a really slender figure, so what could go wrong?
I started making my way into the pile of boulders. Partway through, I reached a point where I really had to stoop down to squeeze through the gap. The exit was fairly close, and I could even see the light from the other side of the passageway, but it struck me that this still probably counted as a cave.
That was when I had a little accident—by which I mean I got stuck.
Wha—?! What’s going on here?! Objectively speaking, I’m definitely as thin as they could expect anyone to be! If I’m not thin enough, then they should’ve written “anyone who isn’t a child” and left it at that!
I started squirming, trying to free myself.
Maybe the hem of my clothes got caught on something. That would explain the problem, since I’m definitely thin enough!
Just then, Sandra turned back to look in my direction. I stopped squirming and froze in place, not moving a muscle.
“I thought something was flailing around—maybe a monkey got stuck?—but I guess it was nothing after all.”
Talk about a rude misunderstanding! Again!
“Do monkeys even live in this forest?” asked Falfa.
“If apples grow here, then it’s certainly possible,” said Shalsha.
Better just stay still for a minute… I’ll be in deep trouble if they come back to investigate.
I waited until Sandra was out of sight, then started squirming again…
…and in the end, I got out by punching the rock to chisel part of it away.
“O-of course I got caught! Nothing weird about that… There’s no way anyone bigger than a kid could get through there without getting stuck. And it’s the boulders’ fault anyway! Or maybe the sign’s fault. It’s part of the problem, too!”
That, or it could be that this whole forest is just too hard to traverse in general. Sure, slipping through the boulders is easy enough if you’re small, but if you had to make your way over this whole pile, it’d be ridiculously tough! Any adventurer who can’t use levitation magic would end up having to do some serious rock climbing!
On the other hand, my daughters were having quite an easy time on their trip so far. They hadn’t struggled with any of the obstacles in their path, and they hadn’t encountered a single monster. If anything, I was the only one finding things difficult…
Once again, I hurried ahead until I caught sight of my daughters.
“Falfa doesn’t see any apples at all…”
“An objective like ours won’t be so easy to accomplish, but we have no choice,” said Shalsha. “Something that takes a fair deal of time and effort to obtain is just what we need to celebrate Mom’s birthday properly.”
Ah! They’re talking about me! I decided to focus harder than ever on making sure they didn’t notice me as I perked up my ears.
“That’s right,” said Sandra with a nod. “Azusa knows plenty of spirits, gods, and ghosts, after all. No normal gift would ever surprise her—we need something rare.”
Okay, but you don’t have to surprise me. I’d be more than happy just to have my daughters throw me a birthday party. I was fairly certain they knew that, too.
“Mommy would be happy no matter what we gave her, but that just makes Falfa really want to give her something amazing that she’s never seen before!”
Falfa, who had taken the lead, pumped her fists in the air as she explained her motivation.
Oh, I get it. I’m pretty unique, as far as moms go, and that uniqueness has made it hard for my daughters to figure out how to celebrate my birthday.
Most people would never even have seen the unique ingredients from the demon lands that Beelzebub brought over when she visited, and I always tried the local cuisine when I traveled far away. I was probably much harder to surprise than your average parent would be, and it was natural to want to surprise a person on their birthday. I was the same way—when I gave my daughters presents, I always searched for something that would surprise them.
In that sense, it was understandable that the three of them had volunteered to travel all the way out to this forest. There were risks involved, sure, but that just meant I had to do my job as their guardian and watch over them like a hawk.
My daughters continued into the woods slowly but surely, occasionally stopping to rest—and finally, they arrived in an area where some apple trees were growing. The trees appeared quite sturdy, and their apples looked delicious, even at a distance!
There was, however, one final obstacle waiting for my daughters there: A large monster stood between them and the apples.
“Is that monster a behemoth, Shalsha?” asked Falfa.
Shalsha nodded. “There’s no mistaking it. It’s a variety known as a wetland behemoth. As their name implies, they like to inhabit wet, humid regions.”
The behemoth was probably about as big as an elephant. Even a seasoned adventurer would have a hard time fighting that thing on their own. It noticed my daughters right away, too, and let out an earsplitting, intimidating roar as it turned to face them.
I braced myself, ready to jump in at a moment’s notice if my daughters needed me to protect them. If possible, I would’ve liked to settle things covertly, but that would be a lot harder this time around. I could easily dispatch monsters that tried to sneak up on them without my daughters noticing, but this one was right in front of them. If it passed out at random, they would definitely realize something was up.
If they were fighting a number of monsters, I could have slipped in through the chaos and started throwing punches, but since there was only one behemoth to deal with, I wound up with the same problem: It would look incredibly unnatural for it to react to an attack that seemed to come out of nowhere.
The decision would have been easier if they started shouting Help us, Mommy! or something, but at this point, I didn’t really have a choice. My daughters’ safety was my first priority, and my desire to stay hidden was nothing compared to it.
A moment later, however, my daughters did something I wasn’t expecting.
“Shalsha, Sandra! Let’s do this!”
At Falfa’s command, Shalsha and Sandra quickly took up positions around her, arranging themselves into what was clearly a battle formation. A moment later, Sandra dug herself into the ground.
“The ground’s soft here—nice and easy to dig through!”
Sandra burrowed straight under the behemoth, emerging again on its other side. At the same time, vine-like growths burst out of the ground and wound around the monster’s legs!
Still, I knew Sandra didn’t have the strength to pull a monster like that to the ground. I wondered for a moment what she’d do next…but it turned out I had nothing to worry about. The behemoth was distracted by the vines and turned its gaze toward Sandra, leaving Shalsha free to line up a shot with a bow and arrow.
“Bull’s-eye!”
Shalsha’s arrow pierced right into the behemoth’s hide. The monster definitely felt that—it let out a bellowing “Groooaaahhh!” as it writhed in agony.
“Hiyah!” Falfa shouted as she followed up Shalsha’s arrow by stabbing the beast with a knife, before dashing away again without wasting a moment. Hit-and-run tactics were the default method for adventurers when combating monsters, a fact Falfa knew well.
“Another bull’s-eye, coming up!” Shalsha declared as she loosed a second arrow, once again scoring a direct hit.
The behemoth tried to attack, but Sandra’s vines were still binding its legs, restricting its movement.
“You’re lucky—you get to test out these thorny vines I’ve been developing!” said Sandra. “The thorns make them even harder to shake off, don’t they?”
“Now’s our chance!” shouted Falfa.
“Stick to the plan and bring it down,” said Shalsha.
The two of them circled around to flank the behemoth, then resumed their attack.
Incredible…, I thought. The sheer coordination of their teamwork was breathtaking.
I was captivated by my daughters’ display. They certainly weren’t in any serious danger. If anything, the behemoth was the one being overwhelmed. There was no need at all for me to jump in and back them up.
I see now, I thought, still keeping a close eye on the behemoth just in case something went wrong and I needed to intervene. My daughters have really grown up—or maybe they were already grown up before I met them.
Logically speaking, that should have been obvious. Falfa and Shalsha hadn’t spent their lives lazing about and doing nothing. They were both extremely capable in their chosen fields—way more capable than I was, in fact. Sandra was no slouch, either, and could now study on her own pretty effectively.
They’d never been physically weak, either. They were small, which probably didn’t help their stamina, but they always took regular breaks, which more than made up for the deficiency. In the end, all their plans and preparation had clearly paid off.
I hadn’t expected this trip to show me how much my daughters had grown. Maybe I should’ve known how capable they were, but I’d only ever seen them as my cute little kids. Just because I was their mom didn’t mean I automatically knew everything about them, and this was one of the sides of them I’d missed.
At long last, the behemoth let out one final scream-like roar, then fled off into the woods.
“We won! Hooray!”
“A glorious success. Shalsha almost wants to let out a cry of victory.”
“That’ll teach it to underestimate a plant!”
That really was amazing, you three! Great work! I thought as I gave them a round of applause—then I realized what I was doing and stopped immediately.
“Shalsha just heard a dry slapping sound.”
“Falfa doesn’t think anything in the woods would make a sound like that! Maybe it was some sort of weird bird?”
Phew… I think I’m in the clear… Way to nearly give myself away, sheesh…
And so my daughters successfully obtained the rather exaggerated-sounding fruit known as the Sage’s Apple! Their trip home took a little longer than the trip out, since I’d destroyed the bridge and they had to cross the river on foot, but they reached Momma Yufufu’s house safe and sound anyway. I made sure to get there first and have Flatorte hide, though I felt a little bad about it.
“Welcome back, everyone! You did wonderfully!” Momma Yufufu said as she gave each of my daughters a hug. I stood by, still invisible and simmering with jealousy.
Me too! I wanna give my daughters a hug, too!
In no time at all, May seventeenth—my substitute birthday—arrived. That morning, I heard a knock on my door and opened it to find my beloved daughters, Falfa, Shalsha, and Sandra, standing right outside my room.
“Good morning, Mommy! Follow us to the dining room, okay?” said Falfa. She took me by the hand and pulled me to the dining room, where I found an apple pie laid out on the table.
“Happy birthday, Mom,” said Shalsha.
“Now go on and live for another thousand years or so, like a cedar! You’re still only three hundred, which means your life’s barely even started,” added Sandra, congratulating me in her own sort of way.
I certainly hadn’t imagined they’d have an apple pie ready for me first thing in the morning. I’d seen them harvest the apples myself, but this was completely beyond my expectations.
I guess my imagination still has a lot of growing to do.
“Thank you so much, you three!” I said as I gave my daughters a big hug. I hadn’t cared about my birthday in the slightest for many years, but if it meant getting to have a celebration like this, I’d have to start keeping track of it from now on. “I’m so happy! You three have to tell me your birthdays now, too—I’ll have to do something for you as well!”
Surprisingly, all three of them looked a little awkward when faced with my request.
“Falfa’s not sure, actually…”
“They didn’t have calendars where we were born.”
“Plants don’t really care about exact dates.”
I suppose that did make this a rather difficult question…
We talked it through, and in the end, we decided to make May seventeenth my daughters’ birthdays as well. Oh, and the Sage’s Apples ended up being delicious, with just the right balance of sweetness and tartness. Of course, an apple pie made by my daughters with love and care was guaranteed to be scrumptious no matter what!
That afternoon, Momma Yufufu paid me a visit. The two of us decided to take a stroll through the highlands together.
“I take it you’ve been having a lovely day, Azusa?” she asked.
“I really have! The best day ever, maybe. My daughters gave me an incredible present!” I replied.
Momma Yufufu took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m overjoyed to see you so happy, Azusa. This might be one of the best days I’ve had in my whole life as a spirit as well.”
That was a little embarrassing to hear, but I could understand how she felt. After all, I had just finished celebrating my own daughters’ birthdays.
“I hope you’ll stay as my daughter forever, Azusa. Can you do that for me?”
“Sure. I’ll be your cute little kid for as long as I can, Momma.”
Maybe it’d be nice for the two of us to take a trip together sometime? I thought as we watched my daughters play around outside a little later.
“I’d like to do all sorts of things for my cute little granddaughters as well,” said Momma Yufufu.
“Your granddaughters…? I guess that makes sense, since they’re my kids and all…”
Momma Yufufu didn’t look anywhere close to old enough to have grandchildren, and I hoped she’d stay that youthful and healthy for a long time to come.
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