WE OPENED THE WITCH’S HOUSE CAFÉ AGAIN
And so in the end, we held the Witch’s House Café again that year.
We weren’t using the house in the highlands, however, but Misjantie’s café. It was already in operation and had all the fixtures we needed, so we didn’t have to do too much in terms of preparation.
And we had the maid uniforms from last year.
“I just tried on mine. I haven’t worn it since last year, but the moths didn’t get it or anything. I think it’ll do its job on the day.”
“Madam Teacher, for some reason, it’s much too tight around my chest, and I can’t close the buttons…”
“Are you bragging?!”
Halkara seemed to be attempting that kind of humblebrag where you pretended to be having trouble for some enviable reason, and it was not a good look. Not a good look at all.
“No I’m not… I haven’t eaten all that much meat, but have I gotten fat?”
“You might not eat meat, but you drink like a fish.”
“Oh, I suppose it all went to my chest, then.”
“You are bragging!”
Normally, someone’s chest wasn’t the only thing that got bigger.
“If it’s really that tight, Halkara, then just rip it a little.”
Flatorte was giving awful advice. Irreversible solutions were not recommended for things like this. And besides, walking around with a shirt ripped at the chest would be even more disgraceful.
I was finished getting dressed, so I helped Sandra put her outfit on next.
“Oh… This is so uncomfortable… I wish to hide in the earth…”
“Don’t hide with these clothes on, okay? You just need to drop by on the day. We’re more like set dressing this time, after all.”
I had a feeling that Sandra was starting to show more interest in her appearance now, but the maid outfit had nothing to do with fashion. It was technically just a work uniform, so she must not see any reason to put up with the discomfort.
“Okay. I’ll take little breaks now and then to photosynthesize.”
Her comment made her sound like a smoker, but plants probably weren’t suited to indoor work.
“And the pines in this area are very well-behaved.”
“…Right. Well, I don’t know anything about that, so just be sure to get along with the other plants, okay?”
Next, Rosalie popped out from the floor. She was already wearing her uniform thanks to my changing spell.
“You’re a lot more businesslike this year, Big Sis.”
“If anything, we were trying way too hard during the last two festivals. I think our concept this time should be ‘natural.’”
We weren’t going to push ourselves or try too hard. We’d take care of things as they arose. No one person could be doing their best all the time anyway. If this was going to require constant effort, then it would’ve failed at the planning stage.
I wasn’t trying to open a dozen more branches this year or anything like that, so there was no need to overthink it. We’d just take it easy and run the café.
“…But that’s just a goal,” I concluded.
“Your smile isn’t reaching your eyes, Big Sis…”
“Even if we manage to stay natural, our friends and acquaintances might show up and cause problems… And there’s not much we can do about that. We’ll just have to deal with whatever happens.”
The demons dropping by wouldn’t be too big a deal. It was the gods I was worried about. Thankfully, I didn’t think anyone held any grudges against me…
“Oh, when Beelzebub stops by, I’ll have to remind her not to come on a leviathan.”
The people around Flatta had gotten used to it, but it might give out-of-towners a heart attack. And if she had leviathans hauling cargo, we’d be right back to the previous year’s scale.
Beelzebub, incidentally, did come by two days later.
“Of course. I plan on using a wyvern this year. ’Tis fine.”
“Good. A wyvern should be all right.”
I had a feeling my idea of what was acceptable had shifted dramatically over the years.
“Oh, and, Azusa. Are you fine without me working this year?”
Beelzebub was a minister, and here she was, asking me if I needed help like we were students preparing for a school festival.
“I appreciate the offer, but we’re staying modest this year, so don’t worry about it. The café’s location makes it seem like a little hideaway, too.”
“I see, I see. ’Twas originally a small festival for a small village, no? I suppose that is most suitable.”
Exactly. The Dance Festival wasn’t that big, and it wasn’t originally a big draw for tourists. The villagers hadn’t even considered the possibility until two years ago.
But though the event was small, that didn’t mean the happiness it brought was insignificant. It was the perfect size for a village like Flatta. I was glad to hear that Beelzebub understood.
“Then we shall do as we please.”
“Yeah, sure. —Wait. What do you mean, ‘as you please’…? What are you going to do…?”
But Beelzebub had gone to Falfa and Shalsha’s room, so I couldn’t ask her anything else.
“It’ll be fine. Probably. I hope…”
At last, the eve of the Dance Festival arrived.
Typically, a phrase like at last would be used for the Dance Festival itself, but we were running the café the day before, so that was the date we’d been awaiting.
The family and I all visited a few places in Flatta on our way to the café.
Nothing was out of the ordinary so far. The village felt like it always did during the Dance Festival.
Next to the guild was a temporary booth with a sign that said WITCH’S HOUSE CAFÉ TICKETS HERE, and there was a line trailing away from it, but…I decided to consider that a minor variation.
In addition, there was another line where the food stalls always were. That was different, too…
“Another weird stall, I see.”
There was a familiar-looking dark elf selling pots and platters.
It was the Phantom Thief Canhein. She had infiltrated Halkara Pharmaceuticals Museum to steal an artifact once before. Though perhaps steal was the wrong word…
“Ah-ha-ha! I am Canhein, the Phantom Thief! I obtain my items cheaply, and I sell them at a competitive price! I am engaging in trade that allows me to face both the sun and the elven forests!”
“In that case, you don’t need to call yourself a thief anymore,” I said.
“Oh, hey there! What do you think? Interested in buying anything? This platter here was the work of a once-great potter…or so it appears, but it’s only a very accurate fake, so I’m selling it for almost nothing!”
“You’re still so honest. I don’t want to carry it around, so I’ll drop by on my way back.”
From there, we traveled along the main road.
The House of the Pine Spirit (which was the Witch’s House Café for the day) was just a little farther. The road was just a normal countryside path, but we took our time traveling.
“Lady Azusa, there are no lines. Perhaps the numbered ticket system is working.”
Laika was right; I didn’t see any ridiculous lines along the side of the road.
“We’ve only just left the village. If people were lined up all the way out here, it’d be bad news for us. There aren’t any other shops between here and the—”
“Lady Azusa, it seems there are some stalls ahead of us…”
What? Not a lot of people went this way; setting up a stall here wouldn’t bring in any profits. If human vendors had shown up due to the crowds the previous year, I’d feel a little guilty.
But in fact, there weren’t any human shopkeepers at all. The rows and rows of stalls were all being run by demons!
“I had a feeling they might be up to something, but I never imagined they’d pull something like this!”
As I spoke, Beelzebub flew over to us from some distance away.
“We’re not making any trouble,” she said. “We have permission to set up shop here.”
There was a bundle of permits in Beelzebub’s hands. I saw the Flatta mayor’s signature, so it appeared they were obeying the rules.
“Okay. Do what you like. But you know Flatta’s jurisdiction ends along this road, right?”
“We have permission from the province and the city at the other end of the road, too.”
“Well, all right. If it’s all legal, then I have nothing more to say.”
As we walked along, I spotted Pondeli’s and Nosonia’s stalls. They were selling games and clothes, respectively. They were actually doing business related to their real jobs.
“It’s so good to see you, Miss Azusa! You saved my life, so I’ll offer you something on the house!”
“Thanks, Nosonia. But I’d have to carry anything you gave me for the rest of the day, so I’ll come back later.”
Nosonia was apparently selling clothes with minor faults in them at a lower price, like an outlet store. But games and clothes made up only a small portion of the stalls. Most of them were selling food.
“Lady Azusa, most of these places are selling very spicy food. I can see five of them in a row over there,” Laika said, a bright red lamb skewer in her hands.
“Demons like spicy food.”
I wanted us to simply go with the flow this year, but somehow the festival kept getting bigger.
Rosalie was looking around, too, but not at the stalls.
“Big Sis, there are so many ghosts here! It’s a whole crowd!”
“Eep! That’s not something I really wanted to hear…”
I suppose people did say the dead came out to play during festivals… But the ghosts weren’t the most exciting thing here. The elder god Dekyari’tosde (nickname: Dekie) was walking around like it was no big deal.
What a diverse range of attendees!
Dekie looked like a normal woman with light green hair, but she could cause real danger if not treated respectfully. Actual, world-ending danger…
“OH! Look at THIS candy! It’s so SPICY!”
But she seemed pleased with the festival, so we were probably safe for now… When Dekie noticed us, she waved. It didn’t seem like there were any problems yet.
The stalls went on and on, even continuing past the café. It seemed they stretched all the way to Nascúte. I wondered how many there were in all.
Obviously, not all the stalls were being run by demons, but they had the clear majority.
It was impossible at this point to move around unseen…
When we entered the changing room at the back of the café, Misjantie was waiting for us.
“Thank you so much for your help today, man! Today’s the only day we get to see your skills with our own eyes!”
“I mean, my skills only really amount to three days of part-time work. This is my third.”
But I guess that didn’t hold much weight coming from me.
Laika quickly changed into her maid outfit.
“I am never comfortable in this outfit, no matter how much I wear it… Even now, it feels as though I’m being forced to wear my academy uniform…”
“Goodness… You’re like a brilliant star, Laika… So dazzling that I can barely see…”
“Please, Lady Azusa, do not exaggerate so! Th-that’s not true at all!”
I was shielding my eyes for dramatic effect, but it was completely true that she looked beautiful in her uniform. The rest of the family was more or less starstruck.
“Miss Laika is so graceful and ladylike. Having her handle the customers is a real winning move, man. If only I could use her as a poster girl for my wedding campaigns.”
“I totally get it. I’d love to put her in a wedding dress. But I doubt she’d agree to it…”
“I am not getting married, so I have no reason to wear one! That is where I draw the line!”
Of course, we would lose that natural effect if she was too embarrassed, so I’d just have to settle for the maid uniform.
“I knew it. Food isn’t about heart. It isn’t even about flavor. It’s about how cute you are with the customers, man.”
“That has nothing to do with food. And it’s something the House of the Pine Spirit doesn’t even have…”
Before opening, we all gathered together.
“Okay. The crowd is being controlled by a numbered ticket system today, so I don’t think it’ll be super congested like last time. If we keep our feet planted on the ground and do our jobs, it should turn out all right.”
I wasn’t a manager or anything, but I took on roles like this sometimes as the family’s representative. I was gradually getting used to it.
“Since this is a different building than we’ve used in the past, it might be a little awkward at first. But don’t panic. Just take it all in stride, okay?”
Afterward, I heard the family say, “Okay,” and, “Understood.” Their voices were all out of sync, but in a way, that was very us.
Either way, everyone looked ready to start. We were going to be okay.
It was finally time to begin.
I slowly opened the door.
“At long last, the Witch’s House Café is finally op—gwegh.”
I made a weird noise.
“Elder Sister! We’ve been so excited!”
“I shall have my fill of your customer service.”
There stood Pecora, Beelzebub, Vania, and Fatla.
“We received the first numbered tickets as collateral for helping to expand the festival,” Fatla said casually.
“That doesn’t seem fair,” I replied.
But I supposed this was how things always went. No matter how much I strove to keep things normal, those around me were always doing their best to prevent that from happening.
“How much do I have to pay to get you to write ‘I love Pecora’ in sauce on my food?”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, this is not that sort of establishment.”
I still wanted to maintain the vibe of an out-of-the-way café if I could help it. The location was pretty close to that ideal, so I didn’t want to deviate too far.
“Miss Azusa, we haven’t made any prior reservations, but do you have any lunch courses?”
“This is not some famous, high-class restaurant, Vania!”
This bunch was nothing but trouble, so I brought them straight to their seats.
Okay. Time to switch gears and welcome the second group of customers.
I opened the door again.
“Sorry to keep you waiting! Welcome to the Witch’s House—oof.”
“Oi, Azusa! Stinkin’ rich yet? Wait, ya just opened! Guess ya wouldn’t know, ey?”
“Your Majesty, this is not a comedy club.”
Now I stood face-to-face with Muu and Nahna Nahna.
“We got the second set of numbered tickets from the demons.”
“I’ve been duped!”
“Right, time for a cuppa.”
“You could stand to speak more politely, Your Majesty.”
I could feel my energy draining as I brought them to an open seat.
“Are you all right, Madam Teacher? Would you like to swap places and spend some time in the kitchen?”
This café was the type that allowed people in the kitchen to see the whole restaurant. And it sounded like Halkara knew exactly what was going on.
“I guess so… This isn’t good for my heart, so let’s swap for a bit.”
It wasn’t like the café was going to be filled solely with people we knew all day; this wave was sure to end at some point.
I’d heard that it was annoying when friends came by your place of work just to give you a hard time, and now I knew just how true that was.
But as it turned out, I’d had it relatively easy.
When I stepped into the kitchen, I heard Halkara, who had taken my place as host, scream.
“Wh-why is my whole family here?!”
The clan had come to visit!
“We got a numbered ticket from the demons. It’d be a huge waste not to use it!” Halkara’s mom replied like it was obvious.
Pecora sure was abusing the numbered ticket system! There was always room for some scheme or another. You had to look into all the risks before adopting any system, or you’d end up in a bad situation…
Having friends come by to tease you was bad, but Halkara was in an even worse position: Her family was here to tease her. If she’d been a teenager, she probably would have genuinely hated them for it…
“Do you have bottomless drinks?”
“No! That wouldn’t make us any money! And I don’t want you vomiting on the tables, so you’re not allowed any alcohol!”
It seemed she had no problem being objective about her family…
“Sis, could you give us a family discount?” asked Halkara’s little sister. She seemed a lot more stylish and trendy than Halkara.
“No, of course not! No funny business—you have to pay your bill! In fact, why don’t you just give me the money now and go home?!”
I watched as the whole of Halkara’s family entered the café. They looked like any old elf family at a glance, but it seemed all of them were even more careless than she was, and I could see they were going to be tough customers.
Halkara, now slumped over, went to open the door again. She was still recovering from the psychic damage of confronting her family.
B-but…Halkara! There isn’t any more of your family to come visit, so all the shocks for today should be over. You just have to rally yourself, and—
Halkara screamed again.
“Wah! A bear! Bears don’t even live in this area!”
Why weren’t we getting any normal customers?!
“How rude. Grand Duke Polar Bear will not attack you.”
Oh, I knew this voice. That was Wynona and her pet.
“You came with your bear?!” I yelled from the kitchen.
“Oh, be quiet, Stepmother. Grand Duke Polar Bear can walk on two legs, you know. It’s fine. One hot tea for me and a cold glass of water for the grand duke, please.”
I’m not your mother-in-law…
When, sometime later, Momma Yufufu, Curalina the jellyfish spirit, and Canimeow the moon spirit came in, I was relieved.
There was nothing normal about three spirits walking into a café, but at least they looked more like regular customers than a bear.
“Gosh, I see you have your hands full, Azusa. If you need to rest, I can take over for you, okay?”
“You really don’t need to be that considerate.”
At this point, most of my nerves were gone.
Right around that point, the wave of familiar faces stopped.
To be honest, a lot more of our acquaintances had shown up than I’d predicted.
“Madam Teacher, would you mind if we swapped again? My family keeps glancing at me, and it’s irritating…,” Halkara said, pointing at them. I knew how she felt, but they were still customers, and I’d prefer that she stop pointing.
“Fine. I’ll cover the tables…”
After that, it was all normal customers, and I finally got into the swing of things.
Just as I’d thought, our modus operandi this year was much closer to my original vision of the café. Thanks to the numbered ticket system, we didn’t have anyone lining up early in the morning. I knew it was useless to dwell on the past, but the number of customers we’d had last year and the year before was simply not normal.
This year, however, certain customers seemed determined to poke fun at us…
“Excuse me, waiter, I’d like the usual, please.”
“You don’t have a usual. Stop acting like a regular.”
Listen to Beelzebub, talking nonsense. She was definitely teasing me.
“And make sure ’tis the girls who bring me my food. It will taste better that way.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t offer that sort of service—”
“Please!”
Beelzebub looked so serious that it almost scared me.
“Fine. I’ll allow it…”
Afterward, Falfa and Shalsha entered the room. They looked like they hadn’t brought anything with them, but a cart carrying the food (a trolley?) followed behind them, pushed by Sandra. I bet this was Sandra’s idea.
“Here comes the cart! Please make room~!”
“The plates and food are hot. Make sure not to spill anything when you take them.”
When the food arrived, Beelzebub began to get excited.
“They all look so good! You’re both such good cooks!”
“Miss Halkara was the one who made it~”
“Oh, those are just minor details. This is your food, since you brought it to me.”
That was some odd logic. I’d like her to be at least a little thankful to Halkara, since she’d done the cooking.
Fatla, by the way, was a little taken aback by Beelzebub’s attitude. I guess it was shocking, since Fatla mostly saw Beelzebub at work.
“I must tip you for your service. Here, five thousand gold for each of you.”
That was just a regular allowance! I came out from the kitchen to argue.
“Ma’am, I must ask that you not give my daughters allowance money, please.”
“What? I will be paying for my meal as well. What’s so wrong with this?”
“Elder Sister, can you pat my head? ”
“I told you! We don’t offer those services!”
I was already getting tired dealing with Beelzebub, and Pecora was making it even worse.
“Wow, taking on both Boss and Her Majesty at once. You’re sure having a time of it, huh, Azusa?”
Vania sure seemed proud of herself, for some reason. Fatla was the only one quietly eating her food.
“This is good. But my sister’s cooking is much better,” she said.
“Fatla, the girls and I are right here,” I said. “You couldn’t wait to insult the food?”
Scratch that—now Fatla was making unnecessary comments, too. I was well aware that Vania cooked on a professional level, so of course none of the family could compare…
When the girls left, Beelzebub and the rest of the demons finally started eating, and the café went quiet.
“What a handful…”
But while I was grabbing more orders, even weirder customers appeared.
A table had materialized where there wasn’t one before. Sitting at it were Godly Godness and Nintan.
“We would like food, too. Two nectars, please.”
“I’d love something ice-cold, please~”
“I know you don’t have a numbered ticket. You can’t be here—it’s against the rules.”
They weren’t customers, so I didn’t have to be polite to them.
“Numbered tickets are a system for mortals. Gods do not need them,” Nintan said smugly. “And We brought this table Ourselves. Humans have no right to use it.”
One piece of chop logic after another…
“There is no need to worry! The other customers cannot see our table.”
“That’s not the problem, Godly Godness. Bringing your own table to a café is grounds enough for a ban.”
The next moment, the smug smile on Nintan’s face grew even wider.
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