Chapter 8: Andou Jurai’s Chuuni Spring—The Quickening of a Hero
My second year in middle school came to a close, I went up a grade level, and spring break came and went. On the very first day of the new academic year, before I went to school, I got in touch with Sagami and asked him to meet with me. I’d been avoiding him ever since that rainy day the winter before, but now, I called him out to the same park where we’d first met.
“Let me punch you, Sagami.”
“What? No. Absolutely not. Really, please don’t, I’m begging you! I’ll apologize for whatever you want me to, so spare me!”
I ignored him and socked him right in his pretty little face. It was the first time in my life I’d ever punched someone, and I really sent him flying, earning myself a stinging pain in my fist that lasted long after the impact. They say that hitting someone hurts you as well, and I now had a personal appreciation for that fact.
“Ow, jeez... I could sue you for assault, you know?” Sagami spat. He was sprawled out on the ground and looked profoundly upset.
I walked over to him. “All right—now you hit me,” I said.
“Huh? No way. Why would I?” asked Sagami.
“Whatever, just do it.”
“I said no. I’ve never hit anyone before, and it’d probably really hurt my hand if I punched you.”
I sighed.
“So I’ll kick you instead,” Sagami continued, doing just that the instant he made it back to his feet.
He nailed me right in the chest and laid me out flat on the ground, though I flew a fair distance before I got there. I’d heard that kicks are several times more powerful than punches, and I’d just developed a personal appreciation for that fact as well. Plus, the fact that he was wearing shoes meant that he had taken basically no damage from the recoil. It was the most Sagami-like attack I could imagine, in a sense.
“Ugh,” I grunted. “Y-You jerk, come on... You’re supposed to hit me back! Isn’t that how it always works in those high school dramas?!”
“Absolutely not,” said Sagami. “No way would I dirty my own hands like that. My right hand and I have a passionate physical relationship, and I’d never hurt it intentionally.”
“Would you please give the dirty jokes a rest for once in your life?!”
“Agh, ow! This still really hurts,” Sagami said with a scowl as he gently prodded his rapidly reddening cheek. “What was the point of all this, anyway? First you mind your own business for months on end, then you call me here out of nowhere, and then you decide you want to play impassioned teenagers and trade punches? For the record, if you’re still upset about the Tamaki thing and are trying to get even, you’re lashing out at the wrong guy. The reader’s never the one in the wrong!”
“Yeah, I know. I’m the only one who wronged myself here,” I said as I picked myself up off the ground and brushed the dirt off my uniform. “You were just being yourself to the bitter end, and Tamaki was just being herself too. I’m the one who imposed a bunch of ideals on you, and it’s my own fault that I got disappointed when you didn’t live up to them.”
What did I ever do for them, really? I’d hung out with them when they’d invited me to, messed around with them when I had nothing better to do, and that’s about it. I’d never made any real effort to understand them, and I’d never done anything to help them understand me either. I’d called them my friends because it’d seemed convenient at the time, and the moment things went sour, I did a one-eighty and decided that they’d betrayed me, and that I’d been driven into despair, of all the over-dramatic nonsense. I’d played myself up as the victim for all I was worth.
“I only looked at the parts of you two that I wanted to see, and I never tried to face you as you really were. I only saw the things I liked about you, and the moment I saw something I didn’t like, I threw a crazed fit about it. So, yeah—I did the exact same thing that you did, Sagami.”
I’d just been another narrow-minded reader who’d only accepted the things he’d wanted to be true. The big difference between the two of us was that I hadn’t been self-aware about it, which made my behavior all the worse in my mind.
“Let’s be acquaintances, Sagami,” I said. “I can’t stand people like you, so I won’t be your friend anymore. Still, though, I know that if I run away from you now, I’ll have to keep running my whole life. You’ll keep weighing on my mind, no matter what I do, and I am not interested in letting that happen.”
“So...you’re saying we’ll settle on a happy middle ground and just be acquaintances instead?”
“That’s right.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Yeah, I bet it doesn’t. I don’t really get it either.”
What I did get was the fact that if I totally broke off contact with Sagami here and now, he and Tamaki would both be lost to me forever. Their relationship with each other had been purely superficial, and my relationship with them had been one of convenience as well. It was all a sham from start to finish—all fiction. There was one thing about our relationship that’d been real, though: the sense of friendship that I’d felt for them, deep down. I’d really loved them.
“Hey, Sagami. You’re only interested in things that can entertain you, right?” I asked, then dauntlessly flashed him a sneering grin. “Well then, you’d better keep your eyes on me. I have a feeling I’m gonna be really fun to watch from here on out.”
Sagami’s eyes widened. This was the first time I’d ever seen him look that surprised.
“I’m done with running away from people,” I said. “If I decide that somebody’s my friend, I’ll face them head-on. I’ll never betray my friends, and I’ll never force my ideals onto them. I’ll never be the sort of pathetic loser who builds up expectations for people and feels let down without ever even involving them in the conversation again.” I won’t run away anymore. Not from my friends, and not from the things I love.
“If you’re gonna keep shouting on and on about the things you hate, then I’ll shout about the things I love.” I won’t be the sort of guy who comes to hate the things he used to love at the slightest provocation. No, I’ll be someone who keeps loving the things he loves through thick and thin. I won’t give up on people because they have one little defect—I’ll try to find one thing that I like about them, and learn to like them on the whole by that virtue. And, finally, I’ll learn to like myself. I’ll live a life free of lies. I’ll prove how cool I can really be.
“Mwa ha ha,” I laughed, finishing it all off with the coolest cackle I could muster.
“Heh. Heh heh, ha ha ha ha ha!” Sagami laughed as well. It wasn’t one of his usual flippant laughs, though. This was a full-on, mouth-wide-open laugh of genuine amusement. “Ha ha ha! Oh, that’s rich! I love it! Seriously, you’re something else! You’re the most interesting person out there...Andou.”
Andou, he’d called me. My family name. Just like I’d stopped calling him Sagamin, he’d drawn a line in the sand as well.
“I thought I’d seen all there was to see from you,” he continued. “But surprise surprise—looks like you’ve been renewed for a second season.”
“Mwa ha ha! You’d do well to not underestimate my true worth! The likes of you could never understand me in totality! Mwa ha ha!”
“Oof... Is it just me, or have you taken a pretty cringey turn since the last time I saw you? Did your chuunibyou relapse? Or maybe...is this the real you?” Sagami asked as he gave me an appraising glance.
I looked right back at him, staring at him with the same intensity I’d stare at someone who I was trying to curse with an evil eye. His gaze was as disturbing as ever, but I felt no need to run away from it anymore. After all...I’d reclaimed my true self. I was no longer Andou Jurai. No, my name was—
Sagami and I went our separate ways, and I met up with Hatoko to walk to school, just like always.
“You were a little late today, Juu,” Hatoko casually commented as we walked. “Did something happen?”
Juu. A nickname that only Hatoko had ever used. “You really need to stop calling me that, Hatoko,” I said with detached indifference. “We’re in our last year of middle school, you know? Isn’t it about time to give that tired old nickname a rest?”
A slight gloom came across Hatoko’s expression. “Yeah...okay,” she said. “What should I call you, then?”
Then I grinned. I grinned perhaps the biggest grin I’d ever grinned before. I’d spent all spring break thinking it through, and I’d finally settled upon my answer: the completed form of my true name. Hatoko, I’d decided, would be the first to hear it. I’d carve it into my soul, bearing it with me until someday, I could reunite with the girl I’d met that snowy evening.
“From now on, call me Guiltia Sin Jurai!”
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